


Lost & Found

by shedreams0flove



Category: American Actor RPF, Boondock Saints (Movies), Norman Reedus - Fandom, The Boondock Saints RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 11:45:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 102,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2546372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shedreams0flove/pseuds/shedreams0flove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a crippling and sudden loss, Katherine Madison is left feeling lost. With a single moment's thought, Katherine leaves her home of Chicago, her family, and the upscale life she had built and follows the interstate to whatever city it leads to. As she starts to rebuild her life, two rambunctious and protective Irish brothers find their way into her world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

If you would have asked me 5 years ago what my life would have looked like in the future, I honestly don’t know what my answer would have been. I will, however, tell you it wouldn’t have included a major move without so much as two minutes notice, but it also wouldn’t have included my fiancé putting a bullet in his head either. The night I found him in our bedroom in a pool of his own blood, gun in hand is easily one of the worst nights of my life, but all of the questions of “were there any warning signs?”, “was he seeing a therapist?” or, my personal favorite, “did he leave a note?” along with the subsequent police investigation; made the days that followed and leading up to his funeral harder than actually finding him. After so many repetitions of the same questions, I found myself becoming numb to everything. The constant dread of dealing with our families in the wake of his death made me bitter and resentful - not only of everyone dishing out their annoyingly emotional sympathy wishes, but resentful of what Kevin was putting me through. By the time the day of his service arrived, I just wanted to sleep and tell everyone to take their condolences and fuck themselves with them. But, nevertheless, the morning of his service, my mother pulled up to the condo that Kevin and I shared in downtown Chicago, and drove me to the church where I tried to hold myself together long enough to shake the hands and accept the sentiments of the 187 people that came. The moment I was out of those church doors, however, an immense flood of relief swept the overbearing pressure off of my shoulders. In it’s place, though, came a terrifying wave of panic as I stood on the steps of Kevin’s family’s church. Uncertainty rolled in giant knots in my stomach and I started to pace. Something wasn’t right. Not with the events of the last week, but something wasn’t right with me, with my life. Panic churned and my thoughts raced, but with a final, single thought, I stopped in my tracks just a few seconds later and everything became crystal clear.

I’m sure you could say that I made my decision too quickly. You could even call it stupid as I was about to completely uproot my carefully coordinated and successful life and replace it with a completely new and uncertain one. But in the moment, I didn’t care what anyone else would think. This was my decision. Not one I was making for anyone else - which helped bring everything into a stunning sense of clarity. It took me all of 10 seconds after Kevin’s funeral service was over to decide that I needed to leave Chicago. I didn’t care what direction I went, I just knew I needed to get the fuck out of there and I needed to get out quick. The fog of uncertainty had cleared from my head and I hailed a taxi without so much as a goodbye to anyone - my own mother and sister included. With a new sense of direction, I pulled out my phone and called the hospital where I had worked nearly six years as a trauma specialist to give my notice that I would not be returning to work at the end of the next week as I had told them. After a few minutes and several near-death experiences in the cab later, I pulled up to my building, payed the cab driver and walked into the lavish lobby, taking in the last few moments I would be spending in it.

Our condo was on the 48th floor, and I’m sure we payed way too much for it regardless of the stunning view of Lake Michigan. But despite having a beautiful place to live with breathtaking views of both downtown Chicago and the lake, there wasn’t much here that made anyone feel like they were in a home. After 8 years with Kevin, there should have been pictures on the walls or artifacts from traveling on the coffee table - or even a mug of half drunk coffee on the kitchen counter, but there was nothing. No signs of any actual people living there other than a glass of water on the counter in the bathroom and a blood stain on the bedspread. I walked through our place and collected my clothes, packing them in record time as I felt the walls close in around me. I was standing at our bed, staring at my suitcase and felt uneasy - not for the decision I was making, but for the realization that the man I had intended on spending the rest of my life with had taken his life so violently in the very spot I was standing in. The blood on the bed sheets had long since dried, but the chill of the room and the reality of what happened in this very spot sent a cold and relentless chill up my spine. I felt lost. Not because I suddenly didn’t have someone in my life, but because I had no idea where I actually belonged. All of the things I had accomplished to this point were things to be incredibly proud of. I was a doctor, I graduated at the top of my class, I lived in an incredible condo in Chicago, I was planning a wedding to ridiculously handsome and successful stock broker. But there were so many things that were also missing. I worked nearly 90 hours a week, I never saw my family, I barely had time for any kind of social life, and apparently, I completely overlooked the fact that the man I intended to marry, who I should have known everything about, was clinically and dangerously depressed enough to kill himself without even trying to reach out to me - or to anyone else. Where had I gone wrong? When did I replace accomplishments with actual human interaction and personal growth? Thoughts swirled through my mind with such ferocity I could barely stand without feeling completely disoriented. I didn’t just feel lost. I was lost.

I rechecked the the place for any last minute things I might need, and locked the door behind me. I put my keys in an envelope and handed it to the security guard at the entrance and told him to get them to the building manager and turned toward the door, knowing I would never see him again.  
The next few hours were nothing but driving. No music, no stopping, just driving. I stared straight ahead, thoughts racing but completely focused on getting the fuck away from everything that Chicago had turned me into. I had gotten on the first interstate I hit and followed it. I didn’t even notice where I was until I saw my gas light go on somewhere in the northeastern corner of Ohio. Standing in the harsh lights of the gas station, I checked my phone to see what time it was. 8:47pm. I also had 34 missed calls, 22 voicemails, and 51 unread text messages. “Fuck everything. I just want to be alone.” I said out loud as I turned my phone completely off and threw it into the passenger seat. With a full tank of gas, I pulled out of the gas station and got back onto the interstate, still unsure of where it was I was headed. The only thing I new for sure was that I was headed east and that I liked the idea of it.

Several more hours passed as I started to feel my eyelids grow heavy and my stomach grow hot as it had been neglected of anything other than a cup of shitty coffee and a few bites of a stale blueberry muffin from the service early that morning. I pulled off on the closest exit with a sign for food and lodging and followed the streets to where I could find both. It didn’t really register to me where I was until I was sitting alone at booth in a dingy old diner right off of the interstate. I sat with a cup of steaming hot coffee, which I quickly learned was even shittier than the cup I had had that morning and watched the outlines of headlights rush by on the interstate. From where I sat, I stared at the high way sign bolted to the overpass and memorized every aspect of where I was and what I was doing. Everything. The cup of scorched coffee sitting on the table, the faded boomerang pattern on the tables and bar that had slightly yellowed through the years, the rip in the side of the bright red barstool, and the high way sign outside of my window that read:

BOSTON  
CITY LIMITS  
POP: 637,479 ELEV 141


	2. Chapter 2

Boston, Massachusetts.   
I tossed the name of the city around my brain for a few moments, gave a weak smile as I lifted my cup of coffee to my lips, and suddenly, it was the greatest cup of coffee I had ever had in my life. I got up from my seat at the booth and moved over to the long L-shaped counter and ordered a piece of apple pie along with a refill and sat for another hour. For the first time in over a week, I finally felt okay. I wasn’t upset, I didn’t feel any pressure or hurry to be anywhere, and the constant knot in my stomach was finally beginning to loosen. But as I sat at the counter, buried neck deep in thoughts of where to go with my life from here, a sudden loud bang of the door came from directly behind me. I snapped my head back as two men in black pea coats and jeans stumbled in, laughing and carrying on. They poured themselves into a booth in the back corner of the diner as the waitress brought them coffee and menus. I watched them from the corner of my eye, catching snippets of their conversation, as incoherent as it was, as they spoke. The sound of one of their mugs hitting the table was quickly followed by a gasp and fit of laughter from one of them.

“Fuck, Murph. Give me yer napkin, will ya?” One of them yelled. His accent was Irish and thick and beautiful, but his words were slightly slurred, quickly giving away their activities of the evening. The man sitting directly across from him had burst into laughter pointing and carrying on before he heaved himself from his seat.

“Hurry up and get a fuckin’ rag. Jesus Christ.” The man said as the other slowly made his way to the counter, leaning over on his elbows and calling out the waitress by her name.

“Aye, Carol. This fuckin’ guy spilled his coffee. Ya mind gettin’ a rag for me? Maybe a bib too?” He asked in a matching Irish accent. I smiled to myself and quietly sipped my coffee.

“Hey, shut yer hole, brother. And hurry the hell up.”

The smell of stale cigarettes and beer slowly came to me as the tall, broad shouldered Irish man turned his head in my direction, giving me a once over. I pulled out my wallet and fumbled with the clasp before pulling out a few tattered five dollar bills as I felt him watch while he waited. A moment later, Carol sauntered toward us and handed him a towel. He adjusted the cigarette tucked behind his right ear and tossed a couple of bills toward Carol.

“For the lady’s midnight snack.” He said, as I looked at him, this time seeing his entire face. He gave a wink and turned to tend to his friend.

“That’s really not necessary. Thank you, though.” I said as I handed Carol the cash I had pulled out and turned to get up.

“Oh, no. I insist. Beautiful lady like yerself? Should be gettin’ free meals anywhere she goes.” He smiled gently and turned. I felt my cheeks grow warm as I thanked him again. I left Carol with the cash I pulled out for a tip, grabbed a map of Boston as I opened the door, and went outside. I stood for a moment, turning the map over in my hands and looked over toward the corner of the diner where the to two Irish men sat. Happy, laughing and drunk as two skunks, I smiled inwardly as their contagious good moods and light hearted teasing lifted my spirits.

I walked toward my car, which was parked to the left of the window next to the two mens’ booth and splayed the map out over the hood and studied for a moment. As I found where the diner was located in South Boston, I pulled my phone from my purse and turned it on. I felt the two men watching as I stood in front of my car at 2 in the morning looking and feeling like a lost tourist. A few moments later, the door to the diner opened and the two men stopped just outside. I glanced over and back to my map and tried refolding it as I noticed they were walking in my direction.

“Need help findin’ somethin’?” The first man asked as they stopped a few feet away from me. His hair was blonde and slightly messy, I noticed a tattoo on his left hand that I couldn’t read as he reached up and took the cigarette from behind his ear. Lifting the lighter to it, he lit the cigarette and took a long deep drag, and puffed a long stream of smoke a second later. The other man followed suit, giving his dark hair behind his ear a slight adjustment.

“Uh, well, yeah. I’m just looking for a place to stay for the night. Is there anything nearby?” I asked, pulling the map open for them to look at.

“There’s a place down 44th over here.” The dark haired man said as he pointed to a corner of the map, not far from where the diner was.

“Ah, that place’s a shit hole. No place for a beautiful young woman to be stayin’ alone, Murph.”

“I don’t really care where it is. Dangerous area or not. I’m just fucking tired and need a place to sleep for a few hours.” I added as I fought a yawn.

“No, he’s right. It’s disgusting. Knowin’ that place, you’d catch the clap just by lookin’ at it.” He added. I gave out a small laugh and agreed that that wouldn’t be an ideal stay.

“I’m Connor, this is my brother Murphy, by the way.” The blonde man said as they both offered their hands. I took them both and they each lifted my hands to their lips and gave a light, gentle kiss.

“Doc- Katherine. But you can call me Katy. It’s nice to meet the both of you.” I said, feeling embarrassed for catching myself in the middle of my official introduction that I had grown so accustomed to using.

“Did you say you were a doctor? What the fuck are ya doin’ in South Boston?” Murphy asked, puzzled. As he took a long drag of his cigarette, I noticed a tattoo along his right index finger, almost mirroring the one on his brother’s left, still unsure of what it said.

“Uh, yes. I tried to catch myself, it’s such a habit. But it’s a long, and probably boring story. I just drove in from Chicago.” I said, pulling my coat closed from the gust of cold wind.

“Aye. Long drive.” Connor added. “Here for business?” He asked, taking another long drag of his cigarette.

“No. I’m actually looking to find a place and move in.”

“Where’s all yer stuff? Surely a girl like you’s got a moving truck on the way.” Connor asked.

“Nope. Just me. I left everything in Chicago. I’ll just sell it.” I felt embarrassed now. I was completely unprepared here. Even if I got an apartment tomorrow, I’d still need furniture. And a job to get into any decent place. I reach up and scratch my head as a million thoughts flooded through my mind. I could feel a headache begin to slowly take hold of my temples, whether from the idea of everything I needed to do to get a new life started or from the lack of sleep over the past week or both.

“Aye, well. There’s another nicer place over here. Need directions or anything?” Murphy asked as he pointed to a spot a little further from the diner, closer to downtown Boston.

“Um, yeah, let me get some paper.” I said as I turned to open my car door.

“Well, we can take ya there if ya want. Not a problem. It’s a better area an’ all, but getting lost in Boston isn’t exactly a great experience.” Connor added.

“I certainly don’t want to be any kind of inconvenience. I’m sure you guys have someplace to be or something to do. Directions should be just fine.” I said, although I was secretly hoping they’d insist on it for reasons I didn’t quite know.

“No, no. Not at all. We both have tomorrow off, and our place is just down the road from it. We’re takin’ ya. Won’t take no for an answer.” Connor said, giving me a devious looking smile.  
I paused for a moment, smiling to myself.

“Only if you’re absolutely sure.”

“Course we are. Better than us leavin’ ya to get lost at 2 in the mornin’. I’d feel pretty shitty if I let that happen.” Murphy said, pulling his coat closed against the wind.

“Well okay. If you guys are sure, then let’s go. Get in.” I said, pressing the unlock button on my car remote.


	3. Chapter 3

The boys each got in, Connor in the front and Murphy directly behind him, and buckled themselves in.

“Well it’s no doubt you’re a doctor. Nice car, Doc.” Connor said as he ran his hand across the smooth charcoal dash of the car that I had recently gotten as a gift from Kevin for our anniversary 3 months prior. I gave a nervous laugh, embarrassed to be driving a Lexus in an area that these two men had led me to believe was dangerous.

“Thanks, it was actually a gift. I may trade it in for something more practical though. Too flashy for me.” I said as I pressed the ignition button and heard the engine come to life in a gentle hum.

“Shit, we need friends like hers, Connor.” Murphy joked from the backseat.

Over the following 15 minutes, Connor and Murphy gave me directions to the Hampton Inn in what I’d describe as a suburban-ish neighborhood with well lit streets and a Starbucks shop on what seemed to be every street corner. I pulled the car into the lot and stopped short of the car port.

“Is there a liquor store nearby?” I asked, dropping my hands from the steering wheel into my lap. I looked to the rearview mirror at Murphy who looked up and made eye contact.

“You havin’ a party tonight that you didn’t invite us to?” Murphy asked, our eyes never leaving one another’s.

“No, I just.. think I need something to help me sleep. I’m exhausted, but it’d be nice to get a buzz before hand.”

“There’s one down the block, I think. Murph, is Mac’s open 24 hours?” Connor answered.

“I think they close at 3:00. You’ll be cuttin’ it close, but I think you’ll make it.” Murphy said.

Thirty minutes and $47.00 worth of whiskey and bourbon later, I returned to the hotel and parked my car a few spaces from the entrance. The boys got out and leaned on the trunk of my car, lighting cigarettes in unison as I walked inside. I reserved a room for a week, hoping to myself that would be enough time to find an apartment and at least maybe an interview someplace. As I walked back outside and toward my car though, I saw Connor walking across the street, his voice trailing as I saw him talking on his cell phone.

“W-what?” I asked, puzzled as I held my hand up with my thumb pointing behind me in Connor’s direction.

“Friend of ours got in a bar fight. He’s goin’ to bail him out. Told him I’d stay and help you get your things inside.” Murphy said, taking one last drag from his cigarette and flicking it across the parking lot.

“That’s not necessary. I just have a few bags, I can manage it. You guys have already done so much for me at such a weird hour of the night. I couldn’t possibly keep you any later.”  
Murphy returned with an incredulous look.

“You really want to go through this again? You lost last time. Pretty sure you’ll lose again. I’m helpin’ you. Plus, you’ve got booze. You can pay me for the directions with a few shots.” He said, smiling. I paused, smiled and shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, giving in.

“If you so insist. Thank you - for everything. Really.” I said, a sincere sense of gratitude washing over me. These guys are total strangers and yet, here they are at nearly 4 in the morning helping me move my suitcases into a hotel room. I wondered to myself who the hell these men were. Before I could overanalyze, Murphy had already grabbed the car keys from my hand and opened the trunk to pull out the three large suitcases I had packed to the brim.

“There aren’t bodies in these, right? Jesus.” He said, heaving the last out of the trunk and shaking off his hands.

“What if there are?” I joked.

“Then we’re in the wrong place. The dump is 15 miles that way.” He countered, pointing his thumb behind him. He gave me a look from the side and smiled.

“Good to know you’d have my back.” I said, laughing. We both stood for a moment, both turning toward the trunk of my car away from the wind.

“Okay, well it’s fucking cold. Let’s get this done.” I said, breaking the odd yet comfortable silence between the two of us.

After we hauled my luggage up to the fifth floor suite, I breathed a sign of relief to be in from the cold and closed the door. Dropping everything where I stood, I walked over to the bed, paused for a moment, and made a free fall into the down comforter. I could hear Murphy at the small kitchenette counter opening a bottle and pouring. A moment later, he eased down next to me, nudged my arm and took a long drink. I turned and sat up next to him, taking the glass of amber whiskey and took an even longer drink myself. I could already feel the heat rise to my cheeks as I finished the glass in my second drink. I sat for another moment, savoring the smooth blanket of booze as it settled in my stomach before getting up for a refill. Standing at the counter, I took another long drink, standing silently in front of the kind stranger that I had grown to like.

Murphy watched as I poured a third and fourth glass, finishing each one in no more than three or four long swallows. As I stood at the counter pouring my fifth and taking yet another swig of whiskey directly from the bottle, I felt the earth shift underneath me and the walls start to slowly move in every which direction. Realizing that I had drank more than half of the bottle myself, I turned to offer Murphy another only to find him standing just behind me. Surprised, I stumbled back, knocking the open bottle on the edge of the counter and spilling a small amount on the carpet.

“Shit. Look at what I did. Oh my fucking god. Did I get any on you?” I said, pointing at the small wet spots on the carpet, leaning over and feeling the earth once again shift beneath me. Sensing that I was about to tip over, Murphy caught me before I could completely lose my balance and took the bottle from my hand, setting it on the counter behind us.

“It’s a waste. That was probably enough for a shot. But no, you didn’t.” He said as he gave a small laugh, still holding onto my hand. We looked at each other for another moment. His expression was soft and knowing, his eyes a beautiful clear blue. Another moment slipped by and I straightened myself up to stand, my hand still in his. He put his other hand at the small of my back and easily steered me toward the bed. My cheeks and ears grew hot and I could feel my heart race as I watched him take his place next to me again.

We sat for another few moments in silence. I watch him breath easily from the corner of my eye and slid my hand to the back of his neck, gently combing my fingers through his dark brown hair. I turned toward him as he looked at me and gave a little smile. I leaned forward slightly, our eyes locked for another moment, one that I wouldn’t have minded staying in for just a little while longer. Feeling bold, I moved in and my lips met his for a warm and welcoming kiss. I could tell that at first he was somewhat surprised at my gumption, but he quickly seized the moment and kissed me back. Our lips opened and our tongues moved together, gently massaging as we sat there in my hotel room. I took his coat lapel in my hand and pushed it off of his shoulder as he shrugged the other side off behind him and leaned back, pulling me on top of him. He pulled away only to move to my neck where he kissed and gently nipped at the sensitive skin, sending chills through my spine. I pulled off my coat and he caught the bottom of my blouse, pulling each button one by one as I sat straddled on top of him. My blouse opened, exposing my bra, and he pulled me toward him, meeting my lips with his. He slid his hand under my blouse and found the clasp, undoing it quicker than any other man I had known. I straightened up and shifted my weight as he sat up. He cradled my head in his hand as our mouths once again met, his other hand helping me push off my blouse and take off my bra. Exposed, I pulled away from him, and sat and looked at him. He breathed softly in front of me, his broad shoulders moving just so. I took the bottom of his gray t-shirt and pulled it up, his arms reaching for the ceiling as I pulled it up over his head.

Murphy wrapped his right arm around me and took my breast in his other, gently pulling my nipple while bringing me to him. I threw my head back as he took my other nipple between his lips and sucked, gently teasing it with with his tongue and teeth. I let out a moan and buried my hands in his hair as I started sucking on his earlobe. An enormous well of heat grew in my gut and took hold of the tender folds between my legs as he continued teasing me with his mouth. I pulled his face up to look at me, gave him a gentle kiss on the lips and pushed his chest back toward the bed. I settled back and grabbed for his belt buckle, kissing his chest and stomach as I pulled his jeans open and started to pull. Before I pulled them completely off, I pulled myself off of him completely and stood in front of him, stepping out of my black pumps and leaving them where I stood. He pulled himself up to sit at the edge of the bed, put his hands on my hips, and gently pulled at the thin silver belt around my waist. He put his warm hand on my thigh and ran it up under my fitted black skirt, pushing it up to gather at my waist.

“Wait.” I said, breathless. I placed my hand on his shoulder as he looked up at me, his eyes catching the warm light of the lamp just enough to blaze to an even brighter blue than before. “I won’t need this.” I added, reaching to the back of my skirt, pulling the zipper down and letting my skirt fall to the floor in a small pile on top of my shoes. Murphy sat in front me, his head level with my stomach. He leaned back and took me in as I stood in front of him in only a pair of black lace panties. I took his arm in my hand and pulled him up. A second later, I kneeled down as I pulled his jeans all the way down and he stepped out of them. Face to face with the front of his boxers, I pulled slowly at the waistband and let them fall to the floor. Before I could do anything more, Murphy took my arm and pulled me to stand and plunged his face into my neck, kissing and nipping as he moved down between my breasts. He wrapped his arms around my waist as I moved my hands through his hair. His arms tightened and my feet left the floor as he turned and laid me on the bed beside us. I lay there as he stood above me, naked, and watched as he pulled my legs up to bend and spread them at the knees. He ran in his hands along the smooth skin of my thighs, leaning in to kiss the sensitive skin just above the top of my black panties. He pulled his hands to either side of my hips and pulled them down as I moved my legs to help remove them and lowered his head to my tender, aching center.

My legs started to tremble the moment his tongue touched me. He traced every part of the sensitive folds between my legs, circling and working his way to the tender bud of nerves above my entrance, flicking his tongue and sucking, quietly moaning. The heat built as I edged closer and closer to orgasm and I let out a loud moan, shuddering as he pushed two of his fingers inside of me. He moved his fingers slowly at first but quickened his pace to match my quickening breaths. I ran my fingers through his dark hair as I quickly tipped over the edge into a white hot orgasm that gripped every muscle in my body. Murphy kissed the inside of my thighs and quickly moved upward, taking a moment to take my breast in his mouth, and then turned his face toward mine, meeting me with a hot, sweet kiss. Still kissing him, I reached down and took his throbbing erection in my hands, moving slowly at first and building gradually faster. I broke from his lips and trailed his neck before I lightly pushed him to lie on his back and turned toward his waiting member. Kneeling, I wrapped my lips around all of him, moving my tongue in pulses while working my hands with his tender sac, sucking as he held his hand at the back of my head, grabbing at a small handful of hair. I looked up toward him and watched as he shut his eyes and let out a moan. He tossed his head back and took a deep breath that caught in his lungs before another gratifying shudder erupted from his throat. He looked back down toward me and watched as I removed him from my mouth and sat up, biting his lip and never breaking eye contact.

I turned myself to face him and moved my leg to straddle him again as he sat up to meet me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he put his hand between us and positioned himself at my entrance, leaving me to feel the tip begging to push further. Just as my breath caught in anticipation for the euphoric first thrust, he paused and placed his face along my neck, kissing and nipping.

“Don’t fucking tease me.” I whispered in his ear, giving his earlobe another light tug with my teeth.

Without moving his lips from my skin, he continued for another few seconds and murmured into my neck,

“I’ll tease you all I fuckin’ want.”

I let out a laugh and an exaggerated groan as he laughed into my neck and gave my ass a playful slap. The sensitive skin inside my thighs twitched as the ache and anticipation grew unbearable. I moaned again as I waited in agony for him to push into me and ran my fingers through his hair.

“I want you to fuck me, and I want you do it right fucking now.” I said as I pulled his face to mine, kissed him and gave his lower lip a playful tug. He smiled a second later and closed his eyes as he gave my thigh a gentle squeeze and finally gave me what I wanted.

Murphy wrapped his arms around me as we moved together, keeping my breasts pressed against his broad chest. Every thrust was a whole new experience as I felt every inch of him fill me, bringing me closer and closer to the edge I so desperately wanted to fall over. He leaned back, pulling me with him, and brought his knees up to thrust further into me, gradually working up his pace to almost match our heartbeats.

Our breathing was heavy and I felt our bodies start to sweat as we both alternated our moans and breathless words. In a quick motion, Murphy took my weight in his arms and laid me on my back, never pulling himself out. He placed his knees on either side of my hips and lifted my knees to my chest and continued to thrust into me, pushing himself deeper and deeper. He quickened his speed as I felt him start to grow harder inside of me and leaned in closer to me and wrapped his hand behind my neck.

“Ah, fuck, Katy. Fuck.” He breathed into my neck.

“Shit. Don’t you fucking stop.” I returned, feeling my skin start to tingle and heat work it’s way up into my chest and flush my cheeks. I ran my hands down his back as he moaned in my ear, thrusting harder into me.

“I’m so fucking close, don’t you stop.” I said between my teeth, pulling his face to look at mine. Our breathing rhythms caught with one another’s for a few remaining thrusts and I felt him tense and twitch inside me, feeling every muscle in his body tense against mine. Just as he finished, he tucked his lips into my neck and planted slow, wet kisses while moving his hand to my clit and started moving his fingers in circles, sending blinding waves coursing through my body. A moment later, a final white hot thrush of the most intense and gratifying orgasm I could ever remember having shot through every nerve ending and washed over me. I let out an incredible moan, calling out his name and pulling his face to mine and sucking on his lip.

He paused before gently and slowly moving inside of me as we rode the tidal waves of our climaxes out to the very last bearable moment. We caught our breath and he eased his way out of me and rolled onto his side to my right, resting his hand on my stomach.

“Fuck.” I breathed, running my hands through my tousled hair.

“Same. Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” He returned, running his hand to my breast and giving it a squeeze as he leaned his mouth towards it, kissing and gently sucking for a moment before returning his head to the pillow behind him.

We lay there in a comfortable silence for a long while until I heard his breathing come to a slow, peaceful pace as he fell asleep, his arm tuck under my neck. I watched him sleep for a moment before sitting up, careful to not disturb him. I stood at the side of the bed and rubbed my eye for a moment before I stepped into the bathroom and took a long look at myself. A small smile grew as I thought about what Murphy and I had just shared. The warmth of my strong buzz emulated through every limb and I swept my hair back.

But the smile and warm buzz were short lived as I began to worry if I was moving too quickly from losing Kevin just a week prior. ‘Your fiancé died a week ago and you’ve already slept with someone else?’ I think to myself. My thoughts started to race as I chastised myself for being a shitty person and not thinking of whether or not this was right or wrong. How could I possibly be doing this to him? Am I purposefully trying to will our life together out of my mind or is this just a way to move on? What the fuck am I doing here? The deep knot in my stomach started to tighten as I fought off a wave of tears and sat naked on the toilet and put my head in my hands, feeling myself sober up by the second. A single tear fell as I sat for a moment, trying to process exactly how I was feeling about my way of dealing with Kevin’s death and came to sudden and disturbing conclusion. One that I wasn’t quite ready to come to terms with.

I stood up as I combed my fingers through my hair in the mirror and walked back to the bed where Murphy still slept. The sight of the kind, naked stranger sleeping in my hotel room gave me an instant lift in spirits and I climbed back into bed and curled next to him. I nestled my head on his shoulder and rested my hand on his chest, feeling the slow, easy rise and fall as he slept. He slowly moved his arm from under me as he pulled the sheets from under us and pulled me closer while he brought the blankets up to our chests. I felt him relax and slip into a comfortable sleep again and pushed all the racing thoughts from my mind. I was here with someone who wanted to be here, and that thought alone let me fall into the most restful sleep I’d had in what seemed like years.


	4. Chapter 4

My first thought as I woke up the following morning was ‘holy shit.’ Not in any specific reference to anything, but just as a basic feeling of not knowing how to react to my surroundings or the events of the previous twenty-four hours. The aroma of coffee wafted to my nose as I opened my eyes to see Murphy standing naked at the counter across the room, pouring two cups from a small coffee pot. I rubbed at the sleep in my eye and leaned up to rest on my elbow, the bed sheets falling slightly.

“Coffee?” He said, walking over and offering me a steaming cup as I sat up straight, letting the sheets fall to my lap.

“Yes, thank you.” I said, taking the warm mug from his hand. He set his on the table beside the bed and pulled himself under the covers. He wrapped his arm behind my shoulders and pulled me close, planting a soft kiss at my temple.

“I don’t know about you, but I needed last night.” He said, taking a slow sip of his coffee and setting it back down.

“Yes, last night was fantastic. Very much needed.” I replied, looking up at him. I watched him smile and looked down at the cup of coffee I was resting on my lap. My heart gave a slight flutter and I cleared my throat.

“I don’t suppose you know of any good places with apartments for rent or condos for sale, do you?” I asked, taking a long hot sip of coffee, savoring it for a bitter second. He gave his head a light scratch as he thought for a moment.

“S’pose there’s a few buildings downtown. Depends on the kinda money yer lookin’ to spend.” He answered, taking another drink and resting his mug in his lap. We sat for another long moment in a comfortable silence, sipping slowly at our coffee and occasionally stealing a look at the other.

“You know, when you and your brother walked into the diner last night, you really didn’t seem like the kind of guy to lay in bed with a woman sipping coffee in total silence.” I said, nudging his arm playfully as I smiled.

“What kinda guy do I seem like?” He asked, reaching over and tucking a stray bit of hair behind my ear.

“I don’t know, the kind who makes a pot of coffee, takes a cup and leaves without her knowing?” I answered, embarrassed that I had even made a comment, worried that I had offended him. I blushed for a moment as he nudged my arm back, giving me a small, playful smile.

“I’d be lyin’ if I said I never did. But I like your company and it seemed like you needed mine. And this bed is more comfortable than the one at home. Who was I to say no?” He said, patting the mattress and tugging slightly at the blankets. Nodding in agreement, I set my coffee on the bedside table and turned to sit up, my feet making contact with the flat carpet. I stood up and took a long moment to reach up, feeling every muscle in my arms and legs stretch. Slowly, I walked over to one of my suitcases and pulled out my favorite pair of worn jeans and t-shirt, tossing them onto the bed. I turned to see Murphy pulling on his clothes as he watched me standing there naked and sorting through various pieces of lingerie. A heavy blush rushed to my cheeks as I felt his eyes on all of me, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

“Are you leaving?” I asked, taking the small pile of clothes as I walked toward the bathroom, meeting him halfway.

“I got a call earlier and gotta run home for a bit before work. Ya busy tonight? I'll be working' till about eleven, but we can meet up after if ya like.” Murphy answered, shrugging into his t-shirt. I handed him his coat that had fallen to the floor and thought for a moment. He watched as I pondered his proposition, taking a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket and tucking a cigarette behind his ear. “I’m also off tomorrow. I could probably show ya where some places for rent are.”

“No, I can meet tonight. You and your brother are literally two of the three people I know here. You guys and Carol.” I said, giving a small laugh.

“Yeah, well Carol isn’t any fun.” He joked, pulling the door to the room open. “There’s a bar about 3 miles down this main road called McGinty’s. I’ll be there hopin’ you show up.”

I took a step forward, meeting him at the door. I pulled his face to mine and kissed his cheek. I smiled and turned toward the bathroom, feeling his eyes on me as I slowly closed the door behind me. Standing at the bathroom counter for a moment, I felt my heart race and a smile spread from ear to ear. How could I enjoy the company of someone I just met so much? I put my hand on my chest as I felt flushed when the bathroom door flew open. Murphy suddenly appeared and stepped toward me, took my face in his hands and kissed me. It was long, sweet and welcome as I leaned into him, tucking my hands in between his coat and his torso. His hands ran up my sides as he pulled me up and set me on the counter. He cupped my jaw in his hand and finally broke our kiss, looked me in the eye and smiled. My hands fell to the edge of the counter as I watched him turn and pull the door closed behind him, a second door click following just a second later.

“Fuck.” I said out loud, feeling my cheeks flush and my heart race faster than it ever had before.

*****

I stepped in to a steaming shower a few minutes after Murphy left my room and stood still, letting the water beat down on my shoulders. Every muscle started to relax and I let myself start making a mental check list of everything I wanted to get done that day. As I pushed my insecurities and worries from the life I had suddenly abandoned from my mind, I forced myself to add one last task to my to-do list; call my mother. No matter how much I dreaded having to speak with anyone in Chicago at the moment, I knew I would need to talk to her at some point to try and explain why I had made such a monumental decision, especially without even consulting her first.

My mother has had her moments of support in my life, but in all honesty, I have never felt completely supported. No matter what it was I had done or accomplished, there was always one more thing I could have done to go beyond that or get more out of what I had done. When I graduated from medical school at the top of my class, she expressed how proud she was but wished I had joined a sorority or done some major charity work when I had chosen to take extra classes and do extra research projects instead. When I was one of five chosen candidates out of 42 applicants as a member on the trauma team in the emergency room at the hospital where I had done my residency, she only asked why I hadn’t applied for a position at a bigger hospital where I could have made more money while doing easier work. But regardless of how she’s always pointed out how I could be doing more charity work or earning more money, I still believe she’s always had good intentions.

But now, as I stood under the hot water in a Boston hotel room, I wasn’t so sure how she would react. I finished my shower and dried off, stepping out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and took a seat on the bed. My phone sat on the desk in front of me and I stared at it for a few long minutes. I took a deep breath and reached to pick it up and hit the home button to check my notifications. In the 14 hours since I had last checked my phone, I had missed 45 more calls, had 31 new voicemail messages and an impressive 76 new text messages.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” I said, letting out a long, pained sigh. I entered my passcode and started the tedious task of reading and deleting text messages that ranged from general curiosity to worry, on to panic, hysterics and then to paranoia. The latest messages, which I had received while in the shower, were pleading my captors to let me go and even offering a generous reward for my safe return. But instead of listening to the voicemails in my inbox, I just deleted them. I didn’t have the patience or temperament to listen to her cry, yell and plead in message after message. Instead, after deleting everything in my voicemail box, I touched her name on the screen and put the phone to my ear and waited for her to answer. It barely rang once.

“KATY?!”

“Hi, Mom.”

“Oh thank god, are you okay? ARE YOU HURT? WHERE ARE YOU? DOES SOMEONE HAVE YOU? I HAVE THE POLICE HERE, YOUR FATHER PULLED A LOT OF STRINGS WITH THEM TO GET MY PHONE WIRED OR SOMETHING, THEY CAN TRACE THIS CALL IF THEY NEED TO.” She yelled into her phone so loudly I had to hold mine a foot away as my ears started to ring.

“No Mom, that’s not necessary, I’m fine. I’m safe, by myself, and in a hotel.” I answer as lightheartedly as possible, trying to calm her as quickly as possible.

“What? Why haven’t you answered your phone? Or checked your messages? Where are you? I’ve been worried sick about you and you haven’t answered your phone. I haven’t slept a wink and you know how I get when I can’t sleep, I’m just a mess. A total mess. WHERE ARE YOU?” She cried loudly into the phone. I could here her breath catch as she choked on a sob.

“Mom, please calm down. There is nothing here for you to worry about. I’m sorry that I haven’t answered my phone or returned any messages. I needed space, so I turned off my ringer and later turned my phone off completely. I’m sorry that I worried you. I’m perfectly fine.” I replied, still trying my hardest to downplay the terrible thing I had done to her with a cheery pep in my voice.

“You still haven’t answered my question. Where are you? Did you leave town? You aren’t at your condo and when I asked your security guard where you had gone he told me you had left your keys to the building manager. What is going on? And where in the world are you?!” Her voice had started to turn angered and nasty. I paused for a moment before answering.

“Mom, it doesn’t matter where I am. I’m where I need to be right now, and I’m safe. That’s what matters here.” I said, the sting of irritation pulling at every word.

“I just don’t understand!” She whined, “I’ve been beside myself with Kevin’s passing, and you just disappeared! How could you do this to me? And now you won’t even tell me where you are? Why are you doing this?!” She had started sobbing into the phone and I once again pulled mine away from ear as I waited for her to calm down.

“Mom, I’m sorry. You wouldn’t understand if I explained it anyway.” I said, growing angrier as I pushed on. “I’m sorry that I abandoned you in your time of grief, how terrible of me to have completely ignored your feelings after my fiancé killed himself in our home. That was incredibly inconsiderate of me. I’m so, so, SO terribly sorry to have been selfish enough to have left to give myself the time and space I needed.” I had become infuriated enough to the point of nearly yelling into the phone and my hands started to tremble. I tried to slow my breathing, but I was beyond the point of calming down, so I stood and paced the room instead.

“Katy, I jus-“

“No, Mom, I’m done here. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay and to apologize for not answering any messages. I need to go. I’ll call if I need anything. Goodbye.” I didn’t hesitate to hit END CALL as I sat down and took several deep breaths to calm myself. I gave myself a few minutes to relax and relish in the fact that the hardest deed from my to-do list was already done. I took one last deep breath and stood up to get dressed as my phone vibrated with a new text message.

MOM: I love you, Katy. I’m worried. I was upset. And I’m sorry. Please call soon.

My mood softened as I read and reread the message, hoping that she had realized how unreasonable she had been over the phone. I tossed my phone to the twisted sheets that Murphy and I had shared and pulled on my clothes, hoping today would be the day I found an apartment and rebooted my life, giving myself the opportunity to live the life I wanted to instead of the one everyone expected.

*****

The cold air whipped at my hair the moment I walked out the door of the hotel lobby. I tugged my coat and hunched my shoulders against the cold as I crossed the parking lot to my car and quickly got in. I pulled out my phone as I turned the key to get my heater warmed up and searched for a realtor online. As soon as the GPS pulled up directions, the heater had warmed up enough and I eased my car out of the parking lot. 

Before following the directions, I decided to drive aimlessly around the city and at least attempt to get some bearings. The city was beautiful in most parts, but just as Connor and Murphy had told me, there were areas that were obviously dangerous to be caught in alone at night. As I passed through several college campuses and drove by several parks, I started looking for apartments, condos or homes in areas that felt right and, after several hours of sightseeing, I finally turned on the directions to a realtor I had found and made my way. 

After meeting a realtor named Tricia for a couple of hours to discuss neighborhoods, price ranges and loans and all the gory details of homeownership, I found a coffee shop in what Tricia called the Theater District and settled in for a couple of hours as I looked through the stack of Home-For-Sale flyers she had given me. After I finished perusing my options, I sat back and enjoyed another cup of coffee that, thankfully, was exponentially better than the mud I gotten from the diner the previous night and started to space out as I stared out the window. Several minutes seemed to pass until I was jolted back to reality when my phone started to buzz. 

RICHARD CASLIN CALLING

“Shit.” I said to myself, overjoyed to see that Kevin and I’s attorney was calling me. 

“Hello?”

“Oh good, you answered.” He said, sounding too cheerful for a lawyer to sound. “I have some news. 

“What’s that?” I asked, my voice flat.

“Well, don’t sound so thrilled. It’s only good news.” He paused for a reaction and cleared his throat when I didn’t give him what he wanted, “Anyway, looks like Kevin had a pretty sizable insurance policy that he named you the beneficiary of. I just wanted to see how you wanted to go about handling this. There’s no one else on the policy, so if nothing is done with it, it just goes to the government… which I’m sure they’d be happy about given the amount.” 

“Richard, Kevin killed himself. I doubt that would be covered.” I countered, trying to downplay my actual cynicism. 

“Actually, I looked into that. He’s had the policy for well over the 3 year policy start date, and with his policy, it pays out the full amount of purchase.” He said, his voice picking up a few extra decibels of excitement. “So, now all that needs to be done is for you to stop by and sign a few documents and everything is done. Have you settled everything with your accounts or anything of that sort yet?” 

“No, I haven’t. I’ve been meaning to stop at a bank and get everything cleared up. But, with the police traipsing in and out of our place, I never got to it. If you could either email me the forms or courier them to Boston, that’d be great.” I answered, growing bored of the conversation. 

“Boston? What? And aren’t you interested in the amount you’ll be getting? That’s usually the first question that people ask.” He asked, sounding genuinely surprised. 

“Long story. And no, not really. I don’t really care. I wasn’t expecting it, so it’ll be nice to have, but… like I said, I don’t really care. ” I said. He asked a few other questions before I gave him the address to the hotel I was staying in and we finished our conversation and said our goodbyes. I sat for another long, silent moment before I picked up the stack of flyers and headed out to my car and back to the hotel. 

As I drove down the same road that Connor and Murphy had taken me down, I started to recognize some of the buildings we had passed the night before. Remembering the name of the bar Murphy had told me to be in tonight, I decided to pass the hotel parking lot and find it before making the drive in the dark. 

McGinty’s Irish Pub was a tucked into an industrial area of town where I’m sure the city’s blue collar workforce frequented on almost every night of the week. The old, tired building stood in the middle of the block flanked by a small parking lot on one side and what looked to be some sort of factory, or the remains of one, on the other. 

“Hm. Seems like a cool enough spot.” I said to myself as I pulled into a parking space and sat for a moment. I looked down to check my phone when a sudden knock jolted me in my seat. Connor stood at my window, laughing at my expense and pointed through the window. Lowering my window, I gave him a fake laugh. 

“Really?” I said, giving him a playful glare. 

“What the fuck are ya doin’ out here?” He asked, still giggling. 

“Murphy told me to meet you guys here tonight.”

“You’re bit early, don’ cha think?” He joked, looking at his watch. 

“Shut up. I wanted to see where it was I needed to go before trying to figure my way in the dark, genius.” I shot back, smiling. 

“Well, if we don’t have a quick wit this mornin’.” He joked. 

“Always. Only it’s afternoon. Like. 4:00 in the afternoon. Nice try, though.” I said, laughing at his attempt at humor. “What happened to you last night? Murphy said something about a bar fight?” 

“Eh, our buddy Romeo got involved in some argument with a guy and his girlfriend and didn’t want to walk away from it. Guy ended up in the hospital and Rome ended up in jail.” Connor explained, rolling his eyes as if this was a semi-regular occurrence. 

“Wow, glad your friend is okay.” 

“You don’t want to know what happened to the other guy?” He asked, looking surprised. 

“No. I figure if he was arguing enough with his girlfriend or whatever that another man had to step in, he probably fucking deserved it.” I said matter-of-factly. 

“Hm. That was curveball I wasn’t expecting from you.” He said, tilting his head slightly in surprise. 

“So what are you doing now?” I asked. 

“Ah, just got off of work. Headed home for a while to sleep. So you’re comin’ tonight?” 

“I’ll be here. Need a ride?” 

“Nah, I’m just up the block. Thanks, though.” He answered. “But you can come with if ya want.” He added, giving me a playful wink. He kept his eyes on me for another moment as I realized he was actually being serious. I let out a laugh and flashbacks of Murphy and I’s night came to me. 

“Pass. I have work to do. See you tonight.” 

“Ah, harsh.” He said, putting his hand over his heart and turning to walk away. 

“See you tonight!” I called out with overplayed excitement as he turned to wave while he walked toward his home. I pulled out of the parking lot and turned back toward the hotel, hoping that tonight would be the first of many that I could spend with these two strangers that literally stumbled into my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I spent the next several hours in my hotel room, dividing the hours between napping and researching potential hospitals and clinics to submit a resume. The prospect of rebuilding my life in a new city brought me a fantastic sense of optimism. But in all honesty, as the hours passed by, the one thing I was most excited about was the evening I’d be spending in a bar with strangers - one of whom I’d already slept with. The worry of what my mother would think or say clawed it’s way into my head but quickly dissipated at the thought of a warm buzz and Murphy’s hands on my waist that would likely happen in just a few hours time. I turned to look at the alarm clock on the table next to me and decided to get changed and ready for the evening as the clock read 9:42pm. 

I pulled on an oversized wool sweater, a pair of black skinny jeans and wrapped a thin black belt around my waist and turned toward the bathroom as my room phone rang. 

“Hello?” 

“Good evening, this is Lori from the front desk. You have a visitor, may I direct him to your room?” The cheery voice on the other end greeted. 

“Uhm, what’s his name?” 

The young woman turned away from her receiver as I heard her muffled question. Her answer was unnecessary as I heard Connor’s reply. 

“Connor, ma’am. May I send him up?” 

“Yes, that’s fine. Thank you.” 

“No problem. Have a wonderful evening!” Lori said before quickly hanging up. 

I hung up the phone and walked barefoot into the bathroom to apply my makeup. A few minutes later I heard Connor rap his hands on the door as I held my mascara wand in my hand. I finished up and opened the door, letting him step inside. 

“You’re not ready?” He asked, brushing his hand across my arm. 

“Uhh, no?” I asked, puzzled as I looked across the room at the clock, seeing it was only a few minutes past ten. “I thought Murphy said after eleven?” 

“He gets off at eleven, certainly doesn’t mean you gotta wait ’til eleven to start the party.” He answered, adjusting the cigarette behind his ear. 

“Oh, well, I should I only be a few more minutes anyway.” I said as I turned away and started rifling through another suitcase for a pair of flats. 

Connor walked over to the bed and fell back, landing on his back. 

“Long day?” I asked, still looking for my shoes. 

“Was alright. What’re ya lookin’ for?” 

“My shoes.” I answered, giving a loud sigh as I threw my hands at my hips and tapped my foot on the floor. 

Connor sat up and looked at the floor at the foot of the bed. “There’s a pair right here.” He said, pointing at the black pumps I’d worn yesterday. 

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to wear those.” I said, a slight whine to my voice. Connor laughed and shook his head at the ridiculousness of my disappointment. I stood for another moment, giving in.

“Whatever. Pumps it is.” I said as I picked up my skirt, tossed it to my suitcase and slipped on my shoes. 

Connor whistled and winked as I walked over to shrug into my coat. 

“Shut up.” I said, smirking slightly. I placed a small drop of perfume on either side of my neck and picked up my purse, finally ready for the evening. 

“Tryin’ to impress someone?” Connor asked, absentmindedly picking up the stack of flyers I’d gone through ten times. 

“No, I just like to smell nice.” I said, crossing my arms and waiting. 

“So yer really movin’ in?” He asked, flipping through the pages. 

“No, I’m holding them for a friend.” I said. He sneered at me for a second before he smiled. “Yeah, I’m serious about it. I found a few in that stack that I really like. So we’ll see where it goes.” 

“Well, then let’s get to the bar. Seems we have something to celebrate.” He said, tossing the stack of papers back on the table and turning to leave. 

We walked in silence down the hall to the elevator and stood to wait for the elevator when Connor finally spoke. 

“I think Murph likes ya.” 

“What?” I asked, my heart skipping a beat. 

“Romeo called Murph last night. We traded phones so that he could stay and help you with yer bags, I didn’t really even have a choice.” He answered, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“He stayed for a while. We had a few shots.” I said, turning the heel of my shoes on the tile floor, my arms crossed across my chest. I felt Connor look at me and felt a slight twinge of guilt for reasons I couldn’t really pinpoint. 

“Well I figured I’d tell ya. I try to embarrass him as much and as often as I can.” He joked, letting out a light laugh. 

A few minutes later as I pulled the car out of the parking lot, Connor’s head shot to attention and turned toward me. 

“Wait. You guys drank without me. You owe me.” He said, giving me the same playful glare from that afternoon. 

“Damn it. I was hoping you’d forget about that.” I laughed. Our car ride to the bar was short, but filled with laughs and lighthearted joking at each other’s expense. I pulled the car into the small parking lot at McGinty’s and Connor shot out of the door, running behind the trunk and pulling my car door open as I cut off the engine. 

“You know, if you wanted to be a gentleman you would’ve picked me up from my hotel in a limousine with a thousand red roses and a bottle of chilled Dom Perignon.” 

“Well it looks like you’ll have to settle for this then.” He said as he smiled and turned to walk toward the bar. I let out a fake laugh and got out, meeting him at the bar door. 

We entered McGinty’s and Connor yelled out to the elderly man behind the bar to start a tab and bring over a round of beer and a few shots. He pointed to a corner booth and helped me out of my coat, hanging it on a hook on the wall as I took a seat on the worn leather bench. The bar was warm and inviting with a beautiful old style mirror showcasing glasses and what looked like a large collection of different types of whiskey. Connor had met with the bartender and was leaned on his elbow joking along with a few other patrons that I’m sure he’s made a fool of himself with. He turned toward me and motioned for me to join him. I walked across the bar around the pool table and met him at the bar, sitting on one of the old stools next to him. He introduced me to the three gentlemen at the bar as Rick, Clark and Don, explaining how they worked together a few years ago at a meat packing plant. 

“Doc! Grab a tray for me, would ya? And come meet Katy!” Connor called to the bartender, who turned to grab a round drink tray and made his way to our end of the old worn wood bar. He set the tray down and extended his hand to me. 

“Doc, this is Katy, she’s just moved here. Katy, this is Murphy and I’s old friend. He doesn’t actually have a name. Jus’ call him Doc.” Connor said, his voice a loud boom of excitement of introducing a woman to a bar that probably didn’t serve them on a regular basis. 

“I-I-It’s wonderful to meet ya, lass. What brings you to B-B-Boston?” Doc asked, his hand warm and welcoming and his accent thick, beautiful and Irish.

“Just needed a change of scenery. It’s a pleasure to meet you as well.” 

“Well I hope you f-f-find it here. It’s nice to have such a b-b-beautiful young woman in the bah.” He said. “Doesn’t happen often.” He laughed. “FUCK!… ASS!”

I gave a short laugh of surprise before returning, “Thank you, I already like it here.” The men at the bar broke out in laughter, more than likely at my reaction to Doc’s loud, verbal tick. 

“You’ll have to excuse him. He’s had a few screws knocked loose over the years.” Connor joked. Doc waved him off, gave me a wink and walked to the other end of the bar to finish drying a stack of high-ball beer glasses. 

The next hour and half passed slowly as I talked and joked with the men at the bar, sipping slowly at a pint that Doc had given me as he winked and said “It’s on the house.” As Connor ordered another round of shots, a loud creaky hinge opened and a burst of cold air blew through the bar, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. But as I turned toward the door, everything in the room faded away as I watched a new patron join our group. His hand fell to the small of by back, he leaned in and whispered, “I’m glad yer here.”

All I could do was smile and think, ‘me too.’


	6. Chapter 6

McGinty’s quickly became alive as the night shift flooded into the pub, shouting for rounds of beer and shots of whatever Doc would sling out to them. Connor and Murphy pulled me into a booth with a few others that crowded around the edge of the table, laughing and shouting their various jokes and barbs at one another. I sat and laughed along with them as I lost count of how many shots I’d had, feeling the warmth of the whiskey course through my veins and warp my senses. 

“Alright, who’s gonna move? I gotta get out!” I yelled playfully. 

“What? I’m stayin’ put!” Murphy returned. 

“Same for me, girl, looks like you’re stuck!” Connor added, slurring his words and laughing. 

“Ah, guys. Come on!” I laughed. “I’ve got heels on, I’m sure I can get creative and find a way out!”

“No, no, we just mean, it looks like you gotta climb up on the table for us!” Clark called out from the front of the table, his eyes red and bloodshot. 

“Boys, I’m not so sure you could handle that.” I said, adding a slight edge of seduction to my voice. All of the men in our corner of the bar whooped and hollered for me to get on the table, each one holding up their drinks and cheering one another.

Murphy and Connor each turned toward me and smiled. Murphy’s hand slid up my thigh, throwing my senses into overdrive. He squeezed gently at the inside of my leg and my heart skipped a beat. 

“Alright, a guess if I gotta get out, I gotta get out.” I said, giving Murphy a seductive side glance. I put my hands on Connor and Murphy’s shoulders and hoisted my self up to stand on the bench, putting one foot on the table and pausing for effect. Connor gave the back of my thigh a little pinch and I swatted him away, laughing as he giggled and smiled like a 13 year old boy seeing his first boob. My hand taking Murphy’s, I stepped up onto the table and gave a slow turn, feeling the booze twist and turn my world from every direction. Murphy pushed Don and Rick from out of the booth and stood up to help me down. His hands took me by the waist and he eased me to the ground, holding me as I stumbled slightly. 

“Excuse me sir, would you mind pointing me to the lady’s room?” I said, feeling the booze hit me harder than before. Murphy pointed to a doorway just a few feet away and watched as I opened and closed the door behind me. When I emerged a few minutes later, I didn’t see Murphy at our booth, so I looked around, finally catching sight of him standing at the door, my coat and purse in hand. I checked my watch and murmured to myself “holy shit” as I saw it read 3:12am. I walked over to him as he helped me into my coat, handing me my purse. 

“How about I drive? Pretty sure you drank me under the table tonight.” He offered. 

“Bullshit.” I laughed, handing him my keys. 

“Okay, I might have drank as much as you did, but you’re smaller than me.” He joked, reaching for the door.

“Are we not saying goodbye to anyone?” I turned toward the bar. “Seems a little rude of me to pee and leave.” I said, giggling. 

“BYE EVERYONE.” Murphy yelled, looking down and smiling at me. I looked back as I heard everyone holler their goodbyes and raise their glasses.

Murphy put one hand at the small of my back and pushed the door open with the other, the cold wind slapping us as we stepped out. I staggered as I stepped over to my car, Murphy taking my hand in his, pulling me close and leaning me against the door. 

“Yer awfully pretty tonight.” He said, bringing his face to mine and planting a warm kiss to my cheek. I rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and tucked the other under his jacket around his back and kissed him. 

“Just tonight?” I said, letting out a laugh. 

“Yeah, just tonight.” He answered, his voice light and playful. He placed his lips on mine and pushed his tongue past my lips, massaging mine with slow, delicious movements. We stood for while, oblivious to the cold air the whipped around us. I pulled away slightly, giving his bottom lip a soft tug, and looked up at him. 

“You know, I’ve had a lot to drink tonight. It’d be a shame if I did something reckless like sleep with someone from the bar I just left.” 

“What a terrible mistake that’d be. You better be careful with yourself, pretty little thing like you in a neighborhood like this? Could get dangerous.”

“Maybe someone should escort me home, then?” I smiled.

“Should I go ask someone inside? One of the guys you were talking to?” He asked, jokingly pointing his thumb to the bar door behind him. 

“Yeah.” I said, pulling his coat lapel toward me, smiling as I kissed him again. 

Murphy helped me around the back of the car and opened the door as I sat down into the cold leather seat. He walked back around to the drivers side, got in and pulled the car out of the parking lot, speeding his way to the hotel. In one fast moment, he had me out of the car and into the hotel elevator where he pinned me to the wall, kissing my neck and running his hands up my sweater, making contact with my skin and sending chills up my spine. I let out a moan as he kissed under my jaw. The elevator door opened and he turned, taking my hands over his shoulders and hiking me up for a piggy back. His hands took my knees and he walked down to my door, sliding my key into the lock and walking us into my darkened room.   
He hit the switch next to the door and the lamp by the bed came on just as I was shrugging out of my coat. He pulled his coat off and walked to me, and placed his lips on mine, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me off of the floor. I hooked my ankles behind his back as he walked over to the bed, easing me down, our mouths never losing each others. My fingers combed the back of Murphy’s head as he ran one of his hands up my sweater, taking a breast in one of them and massaging. My breath caught and I tugged at his shirt hem, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it across the room to land in a pile on the floor. He quickly took off my belt and pulled my sweater off, followed by my jeans and lingerie, pausing for a moment to lean back on his knees and take in the naked woman in front of him. 

“Oh my god. Total mood-kill. I have to pee.” I laughed, covering my face with my hand. He leaned in as I sat up and kissed me before I swung my legs around to get up from the bed, stumbling slightly. I kicked off my shoes and padded to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. As I finished, Murphy opened the door and walked in, naked and ready for a repeat performance of the previous night. I stood up as he reached behind me and turned on the shower, testing the water for the right temperature. He turned his head and looked at me, still holding his hand under the water, his eyes focused and bright. 

“I don’t think a cold shower is going to kill that one. I think we’re just gonna have to do something about it.” I joked as I washed my hands, taking in his impressive erection. He straightened up, reached his other hand behind him and grabbed my ass, giving it a nice squeeze. I bit my lip, meeting his eyes through the mirror. I could feel my chest flushing as heat waves coursed from between my legs into every part of my body. 

“Oh I plan on it.” He returned as he switched on the shower head and turned to pull me toward him. Our naked bodies met, his erection pressed against my hip and growing harder by the second. Kissing, we stepped carefully into the tub and stood for several long, wet minutes. Our tongues intertwined and massaged one another as the water beat down and our arms wrapped around each other. I moved my head to his neck and my hands rubbed the back of his neck and shoulders as he reached one hand between my legs and moved his fingers with the tender bundle of nerves at the top of my entrance. 

I let out a long moan and he turned me around, spread my legs in front of him, and placed himself at my entrance, once again, leaving me to feel the tip of him just barely press inside of me. He bent forward to meet me with another kiss as my hot, aching center begged him to fill me. He finally pushed himself in and moved slowly at first, gradually becoming faster as our bodies moved together. 

“Oh my god, fuck, yes.” I said through my teeth, feeling every inch of him move deeper and deeper, pressing on the tender spot of nerves deep within. He let out a moan himself as I reached for his hand and brought it to my breast. He massaged and gently played with my nipple as he thrusted behind me, bringing his head to the back of mine, kissing the back of my neck and working his way to my ear where he breathed my name over and over. 

He paused for a second as he pulled out of me and turned me to face him, lifting my leg and pushing inside of me again. I could feel him start to grow harder with each thrust and his breaths became harder and shallower. He reached down between us and again moved his fingers in circles over my clit, pressing just enough to send me over the edge. I pulled my arm up around his neck and drew him closer, pressing our chests to one another’s as every muscle in my body tensed with the incredible waves of heat coming from between my legs. 

Murphy kept his pace moving inside me as I yelled his name over and over, the sensations growing and welling in my gut as another mind-numbing orgasm flooded through me. He met his lips with mine for a brief moment before his hips bucked faster and harder and he once again went rigid for a moment as he came inside me. He took my weight in his arms and sat on the edge of the tub, never pulling himself out from my soaking, tingling center. My ankles locked behind him and we sat there together, water still streaming down our skin, kissing and rubbing at each other’s backs and arms. I slowly started moving my hips up and down as I felt him grow harder inside of me, watching him close his eyes and rest his head on my shoulder. “Ah, fuck, oh my god.” He breathed into my neck as I rode him slowly, bringing us both to an even bigger wave of ecstasy just a another minute later. 

We sat for another minute as our bodies relaxed before I lifted myself up and stood in front of him. I pulled him up and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his chest as he bent his head to rest on top of mine. His breath was slow and easy as I heard his heart return to a normal pace while we stood under the hot water. We showered together and dried each other off before returning to my bed, tangling our naked bodies together just as we had done the night before. 

“Can I be cheesy here? Because that was seriously fucking fantastic.” I said quietly as I rested my head on his shoulder, my hand gently massaging his stomach under the sheets. He gave a little laugh and kissed my wet hair. 

“I think I have to agree with you. I haven’t a girl like you in.. maybe ever.” He returned, lacing his fingers with mine and resting them on his stomach. The comment made me smile and I let out a small laugh. 

“I like this.” I said, taking his right hand in my hands and slowly rubbing his tattoo, which read ‘aequitas’ in all caps. 

“You know what that means?” He asked, looking legitimately surprised at my knowledge of Latin. 

“Yeah, it’s justice, right?”

“Hm. Most people don’t have a clue.” He paused and ran his hand down my arm. “But you’re not ‘most people’.” 

“I like to think I’m not.” I said playfully. 

“Definitely not.” 

We laid there again on the verge of sleep when a knock suddenly broke the comfortable silence, jolting us both awake. 

“Who the hell would be here at this hour? It’s like 5 in the morning?” I asked out loud. I sat up and pulled my fingers from Murphy’s and went to get up, but was quickly out-maneuvered as he stood up, pulled his boxers on and walked toward the door. 

“You have a sister or cousin or something?” He asked after peering through the peep hole and stepping away so she wouldn’t hear him. “She looks like you, but her hair is longer… and darker.” 

“What the fuck?” I whispered as I shot out of bed and ran to the door, looking through the hole myself. My blood turned cold and my skin turned pale as I slowly backed away from the door and sat on the bed where Murphy joined me a second later. 

“What’s wrong?” He whispered. “Who is that? Should I tell her to leave?” 

“No, don’t. It’s my sister.” I said, wiping a tear from my cheek as my mind raced with a million different thoughts. How did she know where I’d gone? Had she spoken to Richard? Why was she here at such an unreasonable hour? And how do I explain why I’m in bed with someone else less than two weeks after my fiancé died? I choked down a sob and stood up, my knees weak and my hands trembling. I looked over at Murphy, my expression scared and weak. “Stay. Please. No matter what, please stay.” I said quietly. “You don’t have to hide, you can just sit. But please, don’t leave. I’d like for you to be here.”

“I’ll stay as long as you need or want me to. But what’s going on here? Are you married?” He asked, looking worried. 

“No. No nothing like that. I’ll tell you everything after I ask her to go.” I said, pulling on a shirt a pair of track shorts from my suitcase. I stepped over to the door and pulled the handle to see my sister standing there, worry covering her face and weighing on her shoulders. 

“Daphne. Hi.”


	7. Chapter 7

Daphne stood there and stared at me for a moment before saying anything. She leaned in and gave me a hug, pausing for a moment before letting me go.

“Who is that?” She asked, her face a mix of confusion, shock and possibly mildl disgust as she pointed to the half naked man sitting on my hotel room bed.

“He’s not any of your business. Why are you here? And how did you find out where I was?” A feeling of cold frustration rising from my gut and clawing at my words.

“I was worried. I needed to see that you were okay, not just take Mom’s word for it.” She answered. “I talked to Richard.”

“Damn him.” I muttered between my teeth. Daphne stared at me for a long moment, shifting her weight from one hip to another, waiting for me to give her more information.

“Look, Daph, I’m tired. It’s five in the morning. I have a long day ahead of me. Can we meet for coffee or lunch or something? I’ll talk to you about everything. But honestly, I really don’t want to right now. And I really don’t feel like listening to you ‘therapist’ me until I’ve had at least 6 solid hours of sleep.” I said, running my fingers through my damp hair. She stood up straight and heaved a long, irritated sigh.

“You better give me every last fucking detail. Text me an address and time. And don’t be fucking late. I’m serious.” She said. Her voice was stern but she her look seemed more out of love and concern than anger or disappointment. I actually had a better feeling about talking with her about why I was here than with my mother. At least Daphne might try to understand.

“I’ll text you as soon as I get up and around.” I said, holding the door in my hand.

She looked at me for a moment. “You sure you’re okay?” She said as she turned.

“I’m actually good. I’ll text you.”

Daphne turned and walked down the hall and pressed the elevator button, looking back down the hall at me before I closed the door. As soon as the door latched, I leaned my back against it and let out a long, tired sigh. Murphy still sat on my bed, his fingers picking at an imaginary spot on his wrist as he watched me with a look of worry. I pushed myself from the door and walked over to him slowly, resting my hands on his shoulders and sitting on his lap.

“I guess I have some explaining to do.” I said quietly.

“It would be nice.” He agreed.

I took a long, deep breath, trying to prepare myself to tell the story of what happened with Kevin for the first time since it had happened. I felt my throat grow tight, but pressed on, swallowing every tear back that I could.

“Do you watch the news? Or read the newspaper at all?” I asked, my question visibly taking him by surprise.

“A bit. On occasion.”

“Did you ever see a segment or see a headline about the stock broker from Chicago about a week and half ago who killed himself? Shot himself in his apartment?”

Murphy’s expression grew increasingly concerned. His brow furrowed as he racked his brain. “I saw a headline, I think. Why?” He answered.

“His name was Kevin Glover?” I offered, trying to jog a memory for him. “Well. I was supposed to marry him. We’d been together since college, we’d just celebrated our 8th anniversary - my car outside was his anniversary gift to me. We lived in a condo in downtown Chicago together. And I found him with a gun in his hand and a gunshot to his head in our bedroom two weeks ago come Friday.” I said, a fresh wave of tears burning at my eyes and falling down my cheeks. I sat on his lap and buried my face in my hands, embarrassed to be losing my composure in front of him like this. “The police came in and investigated. Asked questions about where I was and what I was doing before I found him, whether I owned or kn-” I choked on my words, took a deep breath and continued, “knew if he owned the gun he used, whether he was seeking treatment or if he had been making any remarks or complaints about feeling depressed in the recent days or weeks. They asked so man-” I had to stop as I covered my mouth and forced my eyes shut against more tears that fell like Niagara Falls. I sobbed into my hands and felt Murphy wrap his arms around me, his hand holding my head softly on his naked shoulder.

We sat there like that for what seemed like hours. Waves of fresh tears and cries came and passed as he held me there, letting me feel his warm skin and smell his natural scent. I took a look at the clock behind him; 5:26am.

“We should go to sleep, now.” I said quietly, still resting my head on his shoulder.

“I like that idea.” He agreed, pulling me tight to him, and carrying me to the side of the bed, and spooning himself behind me. He helped me pull off my clothes so our skin could touch, and kissed my shoulder.

I laid there a while before drifting to sleep, his arm draped around my waist with his fingers laced with mine and his head nestled in my neck. I slept hard and restfully, waking up at 11:00 to feel him still holding me close. I gave his hand warm, gentle squeeze as he kissed behind my ear.

“Good morning.” I whispered as I turned my head slightly.

“Hi.” He said, nuzzling closer into my neck.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

 

*****

 

We laid there for a few minutes, trying to wake ourselves enough to get up. Murphy stroked my arm and moved his hand to my breast, tugging lightly at my nipple. My whole body tingled as he ran his hand between my legs and slowly started to rub me. I lifted my leg, giving him more room to move and he ran his fingers down to my tender folds, making me hot and ready. I felt him grow hard as his erection pressed into my back and reached my hand behind my back to take it, stroking slowly. He moved his arm that my head rested on and laced his fingers with mine, planting slow, wet kisses along my neck and shoulder. I turned my head to look at him and met his lips with mine, letting out a breathy moan as a well of heat grew from between my thighs and rippled through my chest.

“I want you inside me.” I whispered. He took his hand from in between my wet thighs and lifted my leg higher, taking his erection from my hands and pressing into my entrance, filling and stretching my aching center around him. 

He gave out a long, satisfied breath. “Is that what you wanted?” He said quietly into my neck, slowly moving in and out of me. 

“God, yes.” I breathed, savoring every deliciously slow movement he made inside me.

He nestled his hand under my thigh and slowly began to pick up his speed. He kept his pace at a relaxed, easy rhythm as we moved together, softly breathing each other’s name as we edged closer to climax together. I could feel his warm breath against my ear begin to quicken as his thrusts became deeper and harder, his muscles starting to tense as his orgasm built.   
He paused for a moment and pulled out of me, putting his hands on my waist and whispered, “I want you on top of me.” 

I pulled myself up and lifted my leg over his hips, guiding him into me as I lowered myself onto him. He rested his hands at my hips as I started to move in slow circles, his eyes closing and his breath catching in his lungs. Feeling him grow harder inside of me, I started to quicken my pace and ran my hand between my legs to rub myself. One of his hands reached up to my breast, taking a nipple and gently teasing it between his thumb and index finger. I threw my head back as a wave of fiery ecstasy shot through me, closing my eyes to a blinding white flash of unrelenting euphoria. 

“Oh my fucking god! Murph. Fuck. Yes.” I called, leaning forward to kiss him, moaning in between each shallow, short breath I took. 

Murphy returned his hands to my hips and lifted his legs for leverage and thrusted even faster and harder, sending my head into an intoxicating haze. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” He said between the pumps of his hips. His breath caught and he let a deep moan as I felt his muscles tense beneath me, his hands holding tightly onto my hips.   
I laid on top of him for a few long minutes feeling him twitch inside of me as we each caught our breath. He started to move his hips slowly again, pushing himself deeper inside me and sending white hot waves up into my chest. 

“You gonna make me come again?” I asked, edging my voice with hungry seduction and tugging his ear lightly with my teeth. 

“Mm, I think so.” Murphy said as he started to move faster inside of me. He took my hands and held them in his, lacing our fingers as he bounced me on top of his lap, sending me into a deep, blinding oblivion that choked my words and trapped my breath. He lasted another couple of thrusts before he called out my name and arched his back into me, his breaths short and shallow. I felt him pull out of me and fell to him, my hand running along his chest before resting on his arm. 

“Jesus Christ.” I breathed, my thoughts intoxicated and foggy. My breath took a moment to catch up to me as I laid there, an overwhelming high flooding every nerve in my body.

Murphy sat up beside me a few minutes later, resting his hand on my thigh. He took my hand in his and kissed the top of it. 

“I’m fuckin’ starved. Let’s go eat.” He said, smiling as he watched me sit up. 

“Yes, let’s.” I paused, rubbing my eyes before looking back at him, my expression growing slightly concerned. “I really need to talk to my sister about everything. Would you mind if I called her?”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. I can meet up with you later.” He said, looking down. 

“No. No, you won’t. I want you to come with me.” 

“What? You really think that’s such a good idea?” He asked, unsure of how to continue. 

I got up from our twisted sheets and paced for a moment, stopping directly in front of him, still naked.

“I don’t give a shit what she thinks here. She’ll pull her therapist card on me and pull all sorts of ‘this is damaging, foolish and highly codependent, not to mention irresponsible’ shit, but I want you to come with me because so far, you’re the most supportive person I’ve come across since all of this happened. And I don’t just want you there. I have a feeling that I’ll need you… Even if just to reach for your hand to hold under the table.” I said, a fresh wave of tears burning at the back of my eyes. I started to pace again as Murphy watched me. He reached for my wrist and pulled me softly to him. He reached over to the table next to the bed and took my phone, putting it in my hand as he held it and looked up at me. 

“Call her. Tell her to be at 75 West Broadway in South Boston in an hour. Place is called Mul’s. We’ll be waiting.” 

It took us all of fifteen minutes to step into the shower together to wash off the sweet smell of sex from our skin, stopping only momentarily to wrap our arms around each other and just hold one another. As odd as it seemed for me, making that intimate contact with him was helping me get through each day better than anything else I could imagine. He reached over to shut off the water and we stepped out, helping each other dry off and get dressed. After we pulled on our coats, we headed downstairs to my car, I handed him my keys, and we sat for a few minutes as we waited for the heater to warm up. 

“I really don’t want to do this.” I sighed, my expression tired and weary. 

“You don’t have to. She doesn’t own you. You don’t owe her or anyone anything. Don’t let them fool ya into thinkin’ you do.” He said. 

“But I kind of do. I just left. After Kevin’s service on Saturday, I left without saying a word. Called my job and resigned, went to my place, packed my clothes, left my keys for the building manager and just left. I didn’t answer phone calls, I didn’t answer texts, I didn’t listen to voicemails. Nothing. I just disappeared. Who does that?” 

“No. I’m sorry, but I think you’re wrong. I guess you coulda handled the contact situation differently, but I still don’t think you owe anyone an explanation. Shit like that hurts. And sometimes, you gotta get away from everything associated with it. That includes people.” 

He was right. I nodded, giving in to his look of genuine concern. 

“I just… everything about being there that night - at the funeral service - was so goddamned disturbing. It was like everywhere I turned there was someone who had some stupid wishy-washy thing about how sorry they were or he was in a better place or that I could always call if I ever needed anything. I felt so isolated, I could have barfed. Having to stand around all of them and try to keep myself in one piece was mortifying and exhausting.” I was rambling now. More talking out loud for myself than trying to explain anything to him. “And when that disgustingly long service was finally over, I just walked out. No goodbyes, nothing. I was just relieved to be outside and away from everyone, and I just - left.” I paused for a moment. “And what kind of fiancée leaves her significant other’s service and feels relieved to be rid of that obligation? I was supposed to marry him for Christ’s sake. I should have wanted to stay with all of those people. They knew him, they loved him, they played golf and worked with and play with him in the sandbox when they were toddlers. And there I was, the Bitch who worked a thousand hours a week, who didn’t seem to give a shit… but I did. I fucking did.” I stopped myself, fresh hot tears pouring down my cheeks. “And then the fucking police and the press got involved because, like, you know. Every time someone kills themselves, they have to rule out the possibility of foul play and he was a pretty important broker for some giant company downtown, so everyone wanted all of the gory details. I was followed and questioned and accused of heinous shit I could never think to do to another person. And I’m sure his weasel-y fucking family pulled some strings to keep the investigation going longer than it should have. It was pretty fucking clear what had happened, but no. They wanted someone to be the bad guy, they had to have someone to blame because Kevin could do no wrong. And now, I’m sure I’ll be hearing from their lawyer or something because I get his life insurance pay out. Fuck… I just wanted to leave. I didn’t want anything from anyone. I just wanted to be left alone.” I put my face in my hands and cried, the pressure of everything building behind my eyes and becoming too much to bear on my own. Murphy sat still, watching me quietly, rubbing my shoulder softly. 

“Tell me. What do I even say? How do I come clean about Kevin and I not even really being together? How do I explain how I felt him grow distant? That I noticed him pull away and stop telling me things? The signs were there. We stopped talking regularly because he “had a huge deal going at work” and I was always at the hospital. We stopped fucking because, again, I was always at work. We stopped sleeping in the same bed because apparently I kicked and tossed and turned too much in my sleep. We argued anytime we talked about anything important and we both just gave up. We were over months ago. It was obvious to both of us. We just put up with each other because it was convenient and we were too fucking busy to mess with it. We pretended for our families, but we knew it was over… How do I tell my sister, who is a fucking therapist by the way, that I noticed the signs and didn’t do anything about it?” I was sobbing now. “And now, I haven’t even closed our accounts or had time to sell our home and here I am in a strange city, going out, drinking with and fucking someone I just met. Someone wonderful who likes me, and knows how to make me laugh and smile and feel comfortable with myself. Someone I truly enjoy being around? How do I explain moving on so quickly? Because I have no fucking clue.” I choked on the air as I attempted to catch my breath, struggling to pull myself together. 

My head pounded as a disoriented mess of guilt and shame clawed relentlessly at my temples. But the thought that sat on top of all them was the wonder why Murphy hadn’t gotten out of my car and bolted. Here I was, sitting in a parking lot losing every last semblance of composure, a total fucking mess with tears and mascara running down my cheeks and he was still here with his hand now holding mine, watching me with his eyes so blue and beautiful I wanted to vomit. He wasn’t judging, he wasn’t annoyed or overwhelmed or scared shitless to be getting involved with someone who came with so much baggage. He was sitting here and listening to me, taking my emotional weight and trying to help me lift it. He was connecting with me.   
And unlike anyone I’d come across in the past two weeks, he gave a shit.


	8. Chapter 8

The parking lot at the small diner down the road was nearly empty with the exception of mine and two other vehicles and it seemed that the diner was ours, at least for a short time. We sat for another few minutes before Murphy turned to me, looking at me with his painfully blue eyes and giving me a comforting smile.

“Look. Let’s just get through this. We’ll make it short and blunt and get the fuck outta here. And once we’re done, we’ll leave and go do something that doesn’t make you cry because I fuckin’ hate seein’ ya fall apart without bein’ able to fix it.” He took my hand in his. “I like ya too much to let you do that to yerself.” He gave a playful smile as I watched him. My eyes still red and burning.

I took a sharp inhale and let out my breath in a long, pained sigh. Murphy reached his hand over to my cheek and turned my face to look at him.

“Let’s do this. I’m fuckin’ starved.” A smile cut across my face as he wiped away a stray tear that had fallen and tucked his hand under my ear, pulling my lips to his and kissing me softly. He pulled himself out of the car and walked to my door, opening it and holding his hand out to help me up before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and holding me for a long, warm hug. He kissed the top of my head as I breathed softly into his chest, wondering how I could care about someone so deeply that I’d just met. We swayed for a few minutes as the cold air moved around us and I thought to myself that my entire time here in Boston, I’d been selfish. I hadn’t even tried to get to know him. I’d been so focused on distancing myself from Chicago, that I’d overlooked getting to know the man who had held me close to him at my lowest moments, laughed and joked with me at my drunken ones, and given me hours of the most incredible, mind-blowing sex of my life. I made a mental note to change that as we slowly pulled from each other and walked into the diner.

Daphne waited at a corner booth, watching as we walked toward her.

“Well, don’t you two look cozy.” She quipped, her smart tone cutting my nerves like a razor.

“Don’t fucking start. You don’t know anything.” I warned as I slid into the booth across from her and shrugging my coat off. Murphy sat beside me and placed his hand on my thigh under the table, more to ensure me that he was there than to stir up the familiar warm tingle in my gut.

She sat and stared at us, her expression blank, waiting for me to start. A waitress with bright red hair and cat eye glasses stopped by our table and set a mug of coffee in front of Daphne. Murphy ordered coffee and an order of pancakes for the two of us as I fidgeted with my hands in my lap.

“So what would you like for me to say here? You’ve already made your assumptions, I’m sure.” I said, my voice sharp and irritated.

“Well I’d like to at least know who this person is who’s ordering you coffee and pancakes.”

“Murphy.” He answered, holding out his tattooed hand to her. She took it reluctantly and shook it.

“And how did the two of you meet?” She asked, her voice becoming slightly relaxed.

“I was sitting at a diner down the road drinking shitty coffee. He and his brother walked in right before I left. When they saw me with a map of Boston outside, they gave me directions and helped me find a hotel.” I said as our waitress brought us our coffee. I took a sip and laced my fingers with Murphy’s under the table, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Hm. Cute.”

“Stop it, Daphne.” I shot.

“How do you expect me to react, Katy? You disappear without so much as a word, I have to track you down through your fucking lawyer and I find you in a strange city with another man less than two weeks after your fiancé dies? What the fuck?” She said, her voice irritated and confused.

“Look, Daph. I’m sorry, ok? I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m sorry I didn’t text you. I should have and it was wrong for me to just leave. But you don’t get to make any kind of assumptions or judge what’s going on between Murphy and I because you don’t fucking know anything. You don’t know what happened with Kevin and I, you don’t know what has happened here. You don’t fucking know. And even if I did tell you, you’d probably just act like my fucking shrink instead of my sister like you always do. So…”

“Would you stop making assumptions about how I would react or what I would think, here? Jesus Christ, Katy. I’m not the goddamned monster you think I am. I don’t know what happened because you haven’t said a single fucking word about it.” She said, her expression softening as her voice lowered. “Look. You and I haven’t always gotten along, I know. That happens with siblings. But shit, you can at least come to me when you’re upset - that’s what big sisters are for. Jesus. I care about you.”

I let out a long pained sigh and my hands started to tremble. Murphy gave my hand a squeeze and I took a deep breath, trying to formulate how I would tell her what had happened in Chicago.

“Please, I just want to underst- ”

“Kevin and I stopped sleeping together months ago.” I interrupted. “We didn’t sleep in the same bed, we argued, we avoided one another. We stayed in our place because it would have been too much of a pain in the ass to get rid of it. But our relationship was over long before he killed himself.”

“What?”

“We put on an act for everyone because we wanted to wait out the holiday season before we actually went our own ways. I wasn’t even wearing my engagement ring. I made him return it, which we argued about at great length. But we were over and there wasn’t anything anyone could have done to fix that.” I stopped myself, swallowing at the huge knot clawing at my throat, trying to ready myself for what I was about to say. “I noticed Kevin grow distant. I knew we were over when he stopped talking to me. We stopped fucking, he never slept and when he did, it was on the couch. He spent too much time at work or complaining about headaches or feeling like shit, that I just.. picked up extra shifts to get away from it. But the signs of him being depressed were there, I just didn’t do or say anything about them. And now I wish I had because if I’d have known he would have done this, I would have. I never would have thought it could have gotten that bad.” Tears fell down my cheeks as I my breath caught in my throat. Murphy lifted his arm to wrap around my shoulder, pulling me close. I rested my forehead on his shoulder as I quietly cried, shielding my face from Daphne.

Daphne sat there with a look of genuine shock. Tears welled in her eyes as she listened to me come clean with the devastating details of Kevin’s dissent into depression and my deliberate ignorance of it.

“Katy, I…”

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect to ever be forgiven for this. By anyone. Not even myself. I have to live with this for the rest of my life. That’s why I left. Chicago is just a reminder of how horrible I feel and how terrible of a person I am.” I said.

“No. Stop it.” Murphy said in my ear, kissing my temple.

“No, it’s true. I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I certainly didn’t do or say anything stop it.” I said, looking up at him.

“That doesn’t make you a bad person. Katy, you aren’t a bad person.” Daphne said. I shot a look in her direction, genuinely surprised to hear the words come from her.

“Did I just teleport to an alternate fucking universe? Since when is it okay to let someone be depressed and not say anything to anyone about it? Because that’s what I did.”

“You couldn’t have known how bad his depression really was. You even said you guys avoided one another. You just told me that you’d stopped talking, stopped being intimate. You didn’t share a bed, you weren’t even a couple. You occupied the same space but that was the extent, right?” Daphne asked, I nodded my answer. “Ok, so maybe you noticed that he pulled away. People do that after a breakup. They also argue, and for the most part, they stop fucking and sharing the same bed, too. And don’t even think for one moment that it was your responsibility or your fault that he wasn’t seeking treatment. He was an intelligent adult who was capable of making his own decisions. Katy, this was not-” She paused for a second, taking my hand in hers and leaning toward me. “NOT your fault. I’m not saying that from just a therapeutic standpoint, I’m also saying it as your big sister. My job here is to love, support and protect you. I didn’t come here because I wanted to yell and scream at you about leaving or for what happened to Kev. I’m sorry I was so short with you before, but I had to get you to open up with me. I hate to play therapist with you, but it’s a valuable tactic that works like a charm. I saw you in that church on Saturday. Surrounded by people you barely knew. I could see it in your face, in the way you spoke with everyone who walked up to you - you felt isolated and trapped in a room full of a bunch of assholes. I just wanted to fix it, and I was going to try, until you left. I came here because I wanted to help you, to tell you it’s alright, that you’ll be okay. Because no matter what, you’re my baby sister and I love you. You’re my only other immediate family member who still retains her sanity - because you know Mom and Dad have lost their minds - and I need to know that you are okay. That you’re safe. That’s why I’m here.” She said, her eyes glazed with a fresh sheen of tears as she smiled at me.

I sat there and cried into Murphy’s shoulder. My entire life had been spent either arguing with or tormenting Daphne for the sheer thrill of it, but we were never the kind of sisters that called each other ‘best friends’. And yet, despite being a total shit to her my whole life, here she was, sitting across from me in a city we’d never been to, telling me things she’d never told me. I choked and softly sobbed as Murphy held his arm around my shoulders, placing a soft kiss on my cheek before he pulled away and got up. Daphne took his place next to me, put her arms around me and cried.

“You’re not alone in this. I promise.” She said before kissing my forehead and pulling me in for another hug.

I was speechless. My mind raced with a thousand thoughts, but I couldn’t pin a single one down long enough to get the words out. Instead, I just held my sister around her waist and softly cried into her shoulder. She gently took her arms from around me and pulled herself from the booth, letting Murphy slide back in next me. His arm draped over my shoulder and he kissed my temple again. Looking at him, I smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Daphne looked at us and excused herself to the restroom as I leaned my head on Murphy’s shoulder, taking his hand in mine.

“You guys ready for your food? I noticed you havin’ a moment, so I thought I’d wait.” Our waitress asked as she refilled our coffee, her Bostonian accent thick and wonderful.

“Oh my god. Yes, thank you. I’m starving.” I said, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “Can you add a side of bacon, too, please?”

“Of course, baby. Gimme a couple minutes and I’ll bring it right out.” She said sweetly and walked away.

“Well? That wasn’t what you were expectin’, was it?” Murphy asked.

“No. Definitely not. I can’t even process it.”

“Well I’m glad I came. Watchin’ you two even made me a little misty.” He said as he giggled. I smiled and kissed him again.

“Have you heard from Connor at all today?” I asked, realizing that we’d both left the bar without asking if he was okay to head home by himself.

“No. And I’m sure he’s fine, but now I feel like I gotta have a moment with him, too. Gotta admit, I was feelin’ a bit left out.” Murphy said, smiling playfully.

“You’ll never be left out with me around. You’re too important.” I said, looking up and melting as his eyes met mine. “Thank you for coming. Thank you for literally every little thing you’ve done for me these past few days. You’ve done so much for me, I can’t imagine how I could ever possibly thank you enough.” He took his hand and placed it just below myear, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb. “But maybe I can start with dinner?” I said as I smiled, our eyes locked. Daphne walked up and joined us again, watching us share a small moment.

“I think that’d be perfect.” He smiled.

 

*****

 

The three of us ate our pancakes and sipped our coffee in lighthearted conversation and banter before we stepped out of the diner. Murphy had insisted on paying for the table, making Daphne and I walk out together as he stayed behind to pay our bill. As soon as we stepped outside, Daphne took her arms and embraced me in a long, warm hug that I’d never actually gotten from her before. She pulled away, her hand taking gentle hold of my arm. 

“He seems like a good one.” She said, taking a second to look at him through the window. 

“I know. I’m really starting to like him.” I said, feeling a warm well of affection spread through my chest as I, too, looked inside and watched him. His every move and mannerism lit something in me on fire, making me shudder and blush. 

“I take it you’re sleeping together?” Daphne asked, breaking my train of thought. 

I paused, turning my face to the ground and smiling. 

“Yeah. I know it’s strange to have started this… relationship I guess? So soon, but it feels right. Everything is so natural with him. I never have to hold anything I want to say back because it might piss him off. Kevin was so temperamental sometimes. I was always walking on eggshells. He’s not like that.” I said, a gentle smile spreading across my face. 

“How old is he? Where is he from?” She asked. I panicked. 

“Uh. 39 I think? Maybe 40. We were talking about it last night at the bar, but I had already had too much to drink by then, so I’m not actually sure. But obviously he’s from Ireland. He lives with his brother now, but they lived with their dad for a while, helping him with his sheep farm or something a few of years ago.” 

“Well, he seems to really like you.” 

“I think he does. Anytime we’re in the same room, it’s really cute actually, but his eyes light up and he always smiles at me. I feel like I’m the only thing he can see. I don’t know it’s hard to describe.” I was visibly glowing now, realizing I sounded like a 14 year old girl talking about boys with her sister. 

Murphy joined us outside, resting his hand at the small of my back. Daphne looked at him and gave him a smile. 

“So you’re really staying?” Daphne asked, looking back at me. 

“Yeah. I’m staying. I really like it here. Not just because of this guy, but… it feels good here.” I said. “I’m looking at some places with a realtor tomorrow afternoon, actually.”

“You seem good here. Different. Natural. I hope it’s everything you need it to be.” Daphne smiled and looked at her watch. “Shit, okay. Well, I gotta go. My flight back home leaves in an hour.” 

“Oh. Ok. Well, would you tell Mom that I’ll call her in a few days? I’m not ready to delve into all of this with her yet.” 

“Yeah, no problem. She’s a pill and a half on her good days. God only knows how she’ll react when she finds out you’re not actually going to come back to Chicago. I’ll call you tomorrow.” 

“Okay.” I said, wrapping my arms around her, a warm rush of tears spilling down my cheeks. “And thank you. For understanding. For being supportive. For everything. I never said it inside, but I love you, too.” I said as more tears fell and I smiled. 

“Okay, okay. Stop it. This is so bizarre.” She said, smiling, letting out a laugh and wiping away tears of her own. 

“Should I call you a bitch to even things out?” I joked. She laughed again and leaned in for another hug before turning to Murphy. 

“Take care of her, okay?” She said, taking a step over to him and giving him an unexpected hug. 

“I think I can manage that.” He said lovingly, nudging my arm and smiling. 

Daphne turned and opened her car door, started the engine and left, leaving Murphy and I standing in front of the diner, holding hands. 

“Well, where to?” Murphy asked. 

“I have an idea.” I said, giving him a playful look. “I don’t know how you’ll feel about it though.” 

“Hit me.”

I gave him a playful thump on his bicep with my fist and smiled. He gave me a fake glare and smiled back. 

“Ok, so, it’s come to my attention that as fantastic of a time that I’ve had with you, I don’t actually know you very well.” I started as we walked to my car. We opened our doors and sat down on the cold leather seats and he started the engine. 

“I’m listening.” He said, watching me carefully. 

“I mean, I know how to make you come, and that’s important, but I don’t really know much about you as a person, and I want to.” I paused, looking at him directly. “I REALLY like you. And I’ve loved every minute I’ve spent with you.” Murphy blushed as I continued. “But what I want is to take you on a date. A real, honest to God date. Just you and me. Dinner out. Find something fun to do other than roll around in bed with you - although I’d be open to fucking your brains out later if we like each other enough.” I said as I winked, making him blush even brighter. “Thoughts?” 

“Sounds great, but there’s just one thing I’d like to add. I’d like to show you somethin’ tonight.” He said, his expression a little more serious than it needed to be. 

“I’ve already seen your ass.” 

He laughed at that, putting my car into reverse and pulling us out of the parking lot. 

We pulled into a spot at my hotel and as he went to pull the keys out of the ignition, I reached over to stop him. 

“No, don’t. You take my car, go home and get ready. Put on a nice shirt and shoes. Pick me up at 7:00. Don’t be late.” I said, smiling as I ran my hand up his arm and leaning in to kiss him.   
I opened my car door and got out, walking over to the driver’s side window as Murphy rolled it down. “I’ll see you tonight.” I said, leaning in to kiss him one more time before he left. I took a few steps toward the lobby doors when he called my name. I turned to see him roll the window down further, resting his elbow on the ledge. 

“You oughta wear those nice black heels from the other night. If I like you enough, I’ll fuck ya sideways in those.” A rush of heat flushed my skin and my breath caught.   
I winked as I strutted away, winking over my shoulder as he watched me, biting his knuckle.


	9. Chapter 9

All throughout my teenage years and through my twenties, I’d never really had to try very hard to dress well. I always kept my wardrobe comfortable and elegant, and even at 32, with the extra money to spend on a higher caliber wardrobe, I never really paid attention to the brand or kind of clothes I bought, as long as they were simple and classy. At least not until I spent the next few hours rifling through my suitcases for the perfect outfit that Murphy could rip off of me with his teeth. Our approaching date had me nervous and rushing around my hotel room looking for my favorite little black dress that contoured to my ass perfectly - at least according to the three different men that hit on me at Daphne’s wedding three years ago. Finally finding it at the bottom of the last suitcase I tore through, I showered, shaved, and got myself ready for Murphy.

As I stepped into my favorite black pumps that Murphy had wanted me to wear so badly, I walked to the full length mirror outside the bathroom and took a long, close look at myself.

“Damn.” I said. Not normally one to check myself out, I stood and turned around slowly, confident that I’d be hard for Murphy to resist. The dress was simple with a v-neck that fell just above the middle of my chest and hugged every curve and contour of my hips and breasts. I pulled on my thin silver belt and draped a long silver chain around my neck to dangle just above the bottom of the V of my dress. I twisted and pinned up a section of my long dark hair to keep it out of my face, pulled on my coat and took my purse downstairs to wait for him to arrive.

As I waited, I looked up places to eat around town, looking for some place nice to go without it being full of a bunch of uppity assholes. I sat at a table near the main doors with my legs crossed and phone in hand when the doors opened and the world tilted on it’s axis. My heart skipped a beat as he walked toward me in a black fitted suit and skinny gray tie. His hair was combed and slightly gelled back in place without looking wet or plastic. ‘Fuck, he cleans up.’ I thought to myself biting my lip, feeling my thighs and chest grow hot as he held his hand out to me.

“Excuse me, but are you waiting for a ride? I believe he’s here.” He said, smiling as I pulled myself up.

“Finally. I was beginning to wonder if he’d ever show.” I played along. Murphy’s hand fell to the small of my back as he lead me outside to the carport and opened the passenger door for me, taking my hips in his hands and leaning in to whisper in my ear.

“You look beautiful.” He whispered. My heart melted as he kissed my cheek and offered his hand to me as I got into the car. He jogged around the front of my car and got in quickly, looking over at me expectantly.

“You know a place called Cafe Gigu? It’s in East Boston on Meridian? The place sounds perfect.” I said as Murphy took my hand in his, lacing our fingers.

“I know it, driven by a few times. Let’s eat.” He said, taking the steering wheel in his other hand and easing the car out to the road.

The drive was quick and easy as we shared small talk, our hands never letting go of the other’s. Murphy parked the car in the small parking lot and came to let me out, offering his hand for me once again.

The following couple of hours seemed to fly by as we sat in the dimly lit dining area, tucked into an intimate booth. Our conversation was natural and light as we shared our appetizer and stole bites from one another’s plate, and occasionally holding hands from across our small table. As we sat, our knees nearly touched under the table, giving me the perfect opportunity to lightly stroke my foot up and down the outside of his leg as I crossed mine under the table, garnering a few warm, seductive smiles from the gentleman sitting across from me. Our bill came shortly after our meal was over, but we stayed put, engrossed and focus on one another.

My favorite part of our dinner though, was his surprising candidness about himself. From the moment I met him a few nights before, he’d been a man of few words until now, and I smiled at all of the new things I had learned about him, falling hard for his thick, incredible accent. Happy to finally be on a real date with him, I channeled into his answers and clung to his voice as if I’d lose my hearing tomorrow. He told me about how he and his brother had grown up in Boston in an Irish neighborhood but spent extended summers with relatives in Ireland, where both of their parents had been born and raised, and that his mother insisted on he and Connor learning multiple languages so they could always communicate no matter where they went. His father had been in prison from the time he was a baby and hadn’t gotten out until he almost thirty after being set up by a close friend of his. After finally meeting their father Noah, Murphy and Connor moved to Ireland for several years to help on his sheep farm, only to move back 4 years ago. A few weeks later, Noah was killed in a gang related shooting and Connor and Murphy were on their own once again.

I watched him closely as his expression changed, my heart breaking as I watched him try to hold his heavy heart on his own. I reached across the table for his hand and gave it a light squeeze, holding his gaze with mine and I smiled, watching as he took a deep, nervous breath.

“There’s a few other things I’d like to tell you, but I want to do that someplace else.” He said, fidgeting absently with his hands, his demeanor changing as he seemed to grow worried.

“Ok,” I unfolded my legs and took my coat and purse. “We can go where ever you want.” I smiled as he offered his hand and led me to the door, holding it open. As we walked up to my car, I smiled and held his hand.

“You’ve got this chivalry thing down.” I said, winking at him as he pulled my door open. Murphy stood next to me, took his hand and placed it at the small of my back again, pulling me closer. He leaned in and placed his lips at the tender skin on my neck and gave me a warm, sensuous kiss that drove my senses wild and my mind into a tailspin. My breath caught and I pulled him closer, throwing my hands around his neck and offering more of my neck to him. He left a trail of kisses up my neck and met his lips with mine. Our lips parted and our tongues met in a slow, deep kiss. For what seemed like the hundredth time, we stood and kissed next to my car door, holding each other and losing all sense of time and place. No one else existed but Murphy, we were nowhere but with each other, and there was nothing I would rather have been doing than spending that moment with him. I pulled away from him slowly and looked at him, his expression worried and guarded.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, beginning to wonder if something in him had changed his mind about me or what this was between us.

“I’m just worried.” He said, looking down as I touched my forehead to his cheek.

“Worried? Worried about what?” My stomach started to turn.

“Worried you’ll leave.”

I jerked my head up and shot him an incredulous look.

“Why on God’s green Earth would I leave?”

He paused for a second, kicking at an imaginary rock at his feet and sliding his hand to my hip. “Because I’m not what I seem. I’m not just some guy who goes to work and goes to the bar. I’ve done bad things… although it’s been to people who've done bad things. But I did them. And I’m worried that when I show you, you’ll leave.”

He was now on the verge of tears, and I nearly fainted as my heart broke into a thousand little pieces.

“I’m not going anywhere, Murphy. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’m here and I don’t want to leave, so I wont. I promise you that.”

His expression softened, but he still had an uneasy air about him that made me want to vomit. What could he have possibly done to make him think I couldn’t live with it?

“I think I should just show you.” He said, already trying to distance himself.

I took his coat lapel in between my fingers and pulled him to me, our noses touching.

“Yes. I think you should. So I can prove to you you can’t rid of me that easy.” I said, giving him a short kiss and sitting down. He closed the door behind me and got in, taking us to the most unexpected of places.

 

*****

 

“You brought me to church? That’s weird.” I said as we stood in front of an old Catholic church on a corner in South Boston. Murphy took my hand and we crossed the street and ascended the old concrete steps, pulling the heavy wooden door open just as a cold gust of wind swept up my dress. 

The church was dark and silent before Murphy reached for a switch that instantly illuminated the worship altar ahead of us. The large room directly ahead of us was massive and adorned with beautiful wood molding, a large dark statue of Jesus Christ sat behind the altar. I took in the soaring vaulted ceilings and intricate stained glass and thought to myself that there was no doubt this place was a sight during the day. I stood for a moment and continued to take everything in when Murphy took my hand and led me to a small door to the right of the entrance to descend a cramped set of stairs into a dark storage room that smelled like old, damp cardboard boxes. 

Murphy left me at the doorway and walked up to a shelf tucked into a small alcove at the back of the room and pulled out a large brown scrapbook and sat down at one of the long tables, looked up and motioned for me to come and join him. 

I sat down in front of him and he slid the book toward me and rested his hand on it. 

“It all just happened. There was no plannin’ to it, we never meant to start anything. It just - happened. It started with a stupid bar fight at McGinty’s and went from there.” He said quietly. I looked at the book in front of me and pulled the heavy front cover open. What I read turned my stomach into stone. 

The book was full of newspaper clippings that were well over a decade old that reported in great detail of the murders of a bunch men associated with the Russian mob and the Italian mafia at the hands of two men the papers called “The Saints”. These two men, who were believed to be related, left coins in the eyes of each person they had killed and left no biological or physical evidence for investigators to point them to any arrests or persons of interest. I flipped through several more pages before I closed the book in front of me and stared. 

“This was you and Connor.” I said finally. Murphy watched me carefully, trying to gauge my reaction 

“Yeah.” He said quietly. I sat for another moment, my head foggy and disoriented. I’d seen headlines in the paper while I was in med school, but hadn’t really paid any close attention to any of the details. I’d overheard classmates debate about vigilantism and the events in Boston during some of my allnighters in the library, but now that I was sitting here facing it, I couldn’t help but find it hard to swallow. Murphy fidgeted in his chair as I sat completely still and speechless. 

Several minutes passed before I stood up and walked a few steps from the table, rubbing my hand at the back of my neck. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t scared of him. I wasn’t disappointed. I wasn’t confused. I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t change anything, and there was nothing that either of them could do or say to change what happened either. I turned to watch him, sitting patiently at the table as he, again, rubbed at an imaginary spot on his hand. I walked over to him, leaned backward against the table next to him and crossed my arms across my stomach. 

“Why did you want to show me this?” I asked quietly. 

“Because you need to know. Connor and I started it. And now it’s everywhere. I can’t hide this from you.” He said, leaning back in his chair, his hand falling to his lap. 

“Are you still involved?” 

“Yes. Not in the same way as before,” he motioned his head toward the book, “we only go out when shit gets really serious. After prison, we backed off a lot. But it’s how we make a living. A good one.”

I stayed still and watched him. 

“Tell me about what happened to your dad. I’m sure all of this is related.” I said, more out of wanting to understand than wanting him to defend himself. 

“We came back from Ireland after a priest was killed in a church. Connor and I didn’t actually know him, but he was a good man who was killed as a way to get our attention. A guy called the Roman had organized everything to get our father involved - I guess they used to go around and take care of competing mafia families together. But he was the one who set him up and got him put in prison. After he got out, he found us, we killed the leader of one of the families in an open court room. That’s why were in Ireland - we fled. But after we came back when the priest was killed, everything came down to a big shoot out at this old guy’s house, our dad was shot, we were arrested, and we got locked up.” 

The whole story was hard to wrap my head around. But regardless of what they’d done, the only lasting thought I had was how hard it must have been to have had to carry this weight on his shoulders. 

“I’m sorry about your dad.” 

Murphy looked at me, surprised. 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry about your dad.” 

“That’s it?” He asked, confused. 

“How would you like for me to react?” I asked gently. 

“I don’t know. You aren’t angry? Disgusted? Scared, even?” 

“No. No. And no. Murphy, look. Killing people is a terrible thing. And I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. I don’t like that any of this ever happened, I don’t like that it cost your father his life, and I certainly don’t like that you guys were involved in it - or that you still are. But nothing can change it.” 

Murphy looked up at me with genuine shock. 

“You said that it’s everywhere. What do you mean?” I asked, pulling out the chair next to him, turning it around and taking a seat, crossing my legs. 

“After we went to jail, there were groups of people who protested and picketed for our release. After a while without any word that we’d be getting out, they spread to other cities and continued our work. We don’t really know how many there are, but they’re out there.” He answered, rubbing at the tension at the back of his neck. 

“How do you make a living on it, though?” 

“The church got involved. That’s how we got out. There’s also some kind of big company that formed a false charity to pour funds into keeping us under the radar. Make sure we’re safe and protected - you know, legally. And they pay us well.” 

“And the people that are targeted. They’re… criminals? Right? Murderers. Drug dealers. Rapists. Right?” 

“Aye.” 

We sat in silence for a moment. I struggled with finding a reason why what Murphy and Connor started was a bad thing. Sure, murdering murderers seemed backwards, but taking dangerous, violent men out was their own way of protecting the city they loved. With a legal system that afforded far too many gaping loopholes for well-connected criminals to jump through, there’s no wonder someone decided to take the safety of the public into their own hands and remove the dangerous people from their neighborhoods. I didn’t like that it had to be them, but I was glad that they weren’t so heavily involved in it as before, for the sake of their safety. And a little bit because I was selfish and didn’t want him to be in any danger of being ripped from my life by some thug with a gun. 

I unfolded my arms and took his face in my hand, and turning him to face me. 

“Murphy, I don’t like it. But I understand it.” 

“Yeah?” He looked at me, his eyes hopeful and wanting. 

“Yes. I don’t like that you’re involved, or that you ever were. I hate that it even came to that. But I understand why you did it.” 

“I guess I was just expectin’ you to have a different reaction because you’d been so hard on yerself with what happened to Kevin. I was afraid once you learned what I did, and still do, that you’d bail. Especially given that it was a conscious choice - and one that neither of us are sorry we made. We don’t regret anything.” 

“Murphy, the situations here are different. Kevin, who had plenty of unpleasant habits and personality traits, was a good man. He did good things throughout his life for people who needed him. I didn’t do anything to stop him or reach out, and I feel shitty about it. What you and Connor did, and do, apparently, is on a whole different playing field.” I paused, looking at him. He put his hand on my thigh as he listened. “The people you target are bad people for the sheer sake of being bad people. Murderers who kill others for the joy of it or out of inexcusable anger. Drug dealers out to make money off of the plight and suffering that comes from drug addiction. And rapists who can only feel like men when they can hurt, control and traumatize their victims. Totally different situations. I feel guilty because I didn’t do anything to stop a good man from doing a terrible thing to himself. I don’t think the two things should be considered even remotely similar to one another.” 

Our eyes were locked and I saw a look of relief wash over him and his shoulders relax. I took his arm and pulled him up and we turned towards the stairs to leave. He cut the lights behind us and locked the church doors as we walked out of the heavy doors again. As we walked down the stairs, I stopped him at the sidewalk and held his hand. 

“Hey, I made you promise. I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.” 

He just stood there and smiled.


	10. Chapter 10

“What do you say we get outta here?” I asked, feeling the chilled air brush against my bare legs, squeezing Murphy’s hand as we started for my car. 

“Ya know, I’m not so sure. This has been kind of a shitty date.” He said as he smirked and opened my car door. 

“That’s not my fault, you’re the one who brought us to church.” I joked as he sat down in the seat next to me. He gave out a laugh and started the car, holding my hand as he drove. He pulled into the parking lot of an old factory and parked in a corner that tucked my car out of site, my heart starting to flutter and heat starting to build between my legs. I sat and watched him, waiting for his hand to reach over to me and surprised when he didn’t. 

“Well, come on.” He said, smiling at me and reaching for the door handle. He got out of the car and pulled my door open, waiting for me to join him.

“Uh… am I going to get murdered here?” 

“No, you won’t get murdered here.” He said and winked, shooting me a seductive side glance. “Come on, it’s fuckin’ freezing.” He added, pulling me behind him as he rustled in his pockets for a small set of keys. We came up to a large gray metal door, which he unlocked with striking speed, and we entered a long dark hallway. He cut the lights on and led me to another heavy locked door at the end of the dingy, gray hall. 

Murphy unlocked the door and led me in, and as the lights came on, I no longer felt like I was in an abandoned factory as a warm, renovated living space came alive in front of us. I took a slight step back as he turned toward me. 

“Well, this is it.” He said, extending his arms out, presenting the room to me. 

“You live here? Wow.” I said, taking in all the beautiful exposed brick walls and meticulously restored dark wood beams. I looked over at him, giving him a warm smile. “Really. This is beautiful. Does Connor live here too?” 

“Yeah, his room is down that hall. It’s all connected, but we have our own spaces. You shoulda seen the place we were livin’ in before all this shit started. Shithole. We slept on mattresses on the floor, no bathroom walls, just all out in the open. The privacy of having some rooms in between us is nice.”

My eyes went wide at the bit about the bathroom as I let out a laugh. 

“Well, seems you’ve come a long way. This is incredible.” 

The room was probably four or five times the size of my hotel room and looked like quite the bachelor pad. There was a large overstuffed black leather sectional pointed toward one corner where a large TV floated from the wall. The kitchen was nestled along one of the long walls with a long island separating it from the rest of the room, four barstools neatly tucked underneath it. Two dart boards were mounted in another corner next to a pool table along with beautiful bar that I’m sure the boys got good use out of. 

“We used to be too damned broke to fuck with buyin’ things. We pretty much just stayed at home, went to our old friend Rocco’s place or the bar. It’s nice having money to spend now.” He said as we meandered over to the kitchen and he leaned against the bar for a moment before standing back up. “Want somethin’ to drink?” He asked. 

“Beer would be great.” I said, smiling. I took a seat on the end barstool and watched him grab two bottles, his suit jacket pulling slightly around his broad shoulders. 

“So, yer lookin’ at real estate tomorrow?” He asked, popping open the bottles as he leaned back against the counter and handing me one. 

“Yeah, I’m supposed to meet with a realtor at 2:00.” I said as I let out an easy sigh. We watched each other between sips of our beer, a warm wave spreading from my stomach and up into my face as I blushed when he smiled at me. 

“Well, if you don’t want to keep payin’ for a hotel, you can always stay here until ya find a place... or until whenever. If ya want.” He finally said, taking a long sip of his beer. He rubbed at the tattoo on his hand as he looked away from me and waited for my answer. I sat for a moment and watched him, relishing in how lucky I was to be here. Not just that someone cared about me or what I’d been through, but lucky to have met someone as kind and genuine as Murphy. Lucky that he was so accepting and gentle, loving and generous. That he was not only opening up about his life to me, but opening up his home. I blushed to myself and smiled. 

“I would love that.” I said quietly. He looked over at me, took my hand and smiled back. 

“Me too.” He said, his eyes soft and glowing as we sipped our beers.

"You know, I could really go for some dessert." I said, finally breaking our comfortable silence, holding his gaze with mine. 

"I think I can find something." He answered. He started to turn for the refrigerator when I stopped him, taking his arm in my hand and pulling him close.

"Oh, I get it." He laughed, starting to lean into me.

"I was hoping you would." I smiled, looking up and pulling his lips to mine. I set my drink on the counter next to me and slowly got up to kiss him deeper, combing my fingers through the hair on the back of his head. His hands slid around my hips and each took a handful of my ass, giving me a delicious squeeze and setting the tender flesh between my thighs on fire. We kissed for a long time, our tongues each massaging the others with slow, deep movements. I ran my hands from the back of his neck down to his chest and finally resting them at the sides of his hips before tugging his shirt up.

Murphy slowly moved his hands and lifted me from the floor, setting me on the counter before burying his face between my breasts. As he licked and nipped at the tender skin, he reached to my back, slowly pulled the zipper on my dress and quickly worked the clasp of my bra. I lifted my hands to his scalp and ran my fingers through his hair, letting out a moan as my dress and bra slid off of my shoulders. Murphy stood up straight as I took hold of his belt and worked to unbuckle it, my hands in between my legs as he stepped closer and kissed me. I pulled his belt out of his pant loops and let it drop loudly to the floor, quickly moving to his jacket and pushing it off of his shoulders, our mouths never losing one another's. His jacket fell to the floor and I loosened his tie before I started to pull at his shirt buttons, shifting my weight as he hiked up the skirt of my dress, pulled at my panties and slid them down my legs. His fingers quickly found my wet, aching clit and started to move in slow, sensuous circles. I leaned into him as he moved faster between my legs, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and breathing his name in his ear.

My breath quickened and caught as he pressed his fingers inside of me and started to move them in and out with slow, satisfying movements. I arched my back into him and shuttered as the heavy need of orgasm pulled at me. He stopped all of a sudden, pulling his fingers out of me and running his hands up to my hips, pulling me from the counter. He picked me up and carried me over to the couch, setting me on top of him as he lowered himself down. I gave him a quick nip on the neck before I pulled my legs from under me and got down on my knees on the floor in front of him, kissing him as I worked my way to the waistband of his pants. I found the pull of his zipper with my teeth and pulled it down, listening as he let out a long moan while he watched. I helped him pull off his pants and let them fall to the floor next to me, and began to tug at his pair of black boxer briefs, rubbing at the growing bulge underneath. 

“Fuck.” He breathed as I gently nipped at him through the thin fabric. His erection throbbed as I pulled his briefs off and wrapped my lips around him, slowly starting to suck. My head moved slowly up and down as I listened to his heavy breathing and watched as he threw his head back, stroking the rest of him with one hand and massaging his tender sac with the other. I felt him grow harder with every stroke and finally let go of him as his breath caught in his lungs. His hand came to the back of my head as he tried to gently push me back to him, but I resisted. Savoring the taste of him, I sat and watched him suffer, his need making him twitch as I placed gentle, teasing kisses along his shaft. I pulled myself up, letting his tip graze my chest and stomach as I positioned myself on top of him again, barely letting the tender skin between my legs touch his hungry erection. He bit his lip and pressed his hands into my legs and ran them up to my waist. I moved my hips in slow circles, feeling him twitch and grow harder underneath me. 

“Fuck. Don’t fuckin’ tease me.” He said, hungry for me to bury him deep inside of me. I leaned forward and gave him a long, delicious kiss, gently tugging on his lip as I pulled away. 

“I’ll tease you all I fucking want.” I whispered before running my tongue along the tender skin under his ear and kissing his neck. I pulled away and looked at him, his lips twisting into a seductive smirk as he remembered our first night together and his own teasing. 

I gave a playful laugh as he lowered his lips to one of my nipples and sucked, letting his teeth gently tug on them, sending electricity through every nerve in my body. He pulled me close to him and reached his hand between us, guiding himself to my entrance as our breaths both caught before he pushed inside and filled me completely. We both cried out as we moved together, our movements slow and gratifying. Our speed began to quicken and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, moaning his name as I quivered into him. A deep, swell of heat pulsed from between my legs as Murphy pumped harder and faster, his face buried in my neck and arms wrapped around me as he breathed my name over and over. 

But just as I tipped over the euphoric edge into a blinding, white-hot orgasm and called Murphy’s name, the door swung open and Murphy froze inside of me. My back toward the door, I turned my head to see Connor standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and a sly smile creeping across his face. My breathing was still heavy as I held tightly onto Murphy’s shoulders, still riding the rippling waves coursing from between my thighs. 

“What the fuck’s goin’ on?” He called out with too much enthusiasm, holding his arms out toward us, an even bigger smile stretching from ear to ear. 

“What the fuck’s it look like? Would ya get the fuck outta here?” Murphy yelled, his breath still caught as I felt him twitch inside of me. 

“Hey, didn’t mean to interrupt. Unless...” Connor countered, still smiling at the site of his naked brother with a woman on his lap. 

"Unless what?" I asked, looking over at him. Murphy's hands moved down to the curve of my hips. I looked back at Murphy and bit at my lip, not quite sure if he'd be open to doing what I was thinking.

"Unless, you know..." Connor added, winking at me and stepping closer. 

"The fuck are y- oh." Murphy said as I gave him a crooked smile and kissed along his neck. "Is that somethin' you want?" He asked, his voice quiet and wanting. 

"Is it something you're okay with?"

"You ever done it before?"

"Maybe once or twice." I teased, leaning back and running my hands along his chest before waving Connor closer toward us, remembering the few wild nights I'd had in college that I wasn't necessarily proud of. "Take your clothes off." I whispered to him as Murphy slowly started to move beneath me. 

Connor wasted no time in obliging my request, quickly fumbling with his belt and stepping out of his pants to abandon them on the floor. He stepped up onto the couch and uneasily stood at my side, stroking himself and taking my breast in his hand. 

I started to roll my hips slowly on top of Murphy's and looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction to what was definitely about to happen. 

"You okay with this?" I whispered in his ear, kissing the patch of skin behind his ear. Murphy breathed into my neck and nodded slowly, settling himself deeper into the couch and leaning back, letting me turn my attention to Connor who still stood just next to me.

"It's gonna be so fuckin' hot watchin' you with a cock in yer mouth while I fuck you." Murphy husked, biting his lip when I looked down at him. 

"That ain't the only place I'm gonna put it, brother." Connor said, his tone matching Murphy's as I gave both of them a seductive smile and wrapped my lips around all of what Connor had to offer me. 

"Shit, look at that." Murphy said in a near growl as he gripped my hips tighter, moving his hips faster beneath me as a light moan escaped my throat. I ran my hands along the backs of Connor's thighs and brought him closer to me, burying all of him deep in my mouth and gagged on him, letting my reflex tickle his thick tip at the back of my throat. 

"Holy shit." He breathed, taking a handful of my hair in his hand. He held me there a moment before letting me back off of him, finally able to take a breath and look back up at him. 

"Fuck, you gotta let me breathe." I joked, stroking along all of him easily. 

"Ain't no fun in that." He groaned playfully. 

Murphy ran his hands up along my sides and took both of my breasts in his hands, pulling on my nipples as I arched my body into his. I pulled away from Connor and bit my lip as I looked up at him, his voice catching in a low groan. 

"You have any lube or anything?" I asked in nearly a whisper. 

"Think you can do with what you got here?" He asked, moving down off of the couch behind me. I gave a slight fake laugh and shook my head. 

"Preferably not. It's been a WHILE since I've done this." 

Connor gave a laugh and kissed my cheek before he turned around, heading toward his bedroom and disappearing for a moment only to return a moment later. He tossed the bottle to the couch cushion as he stoked himself behind me, leaning in close. 

"Ready for this shit, doc?"

I looked down at Murphy and leaned in close, giving him a smile as I bit my lip. 

"Mm, I have been." 

"Fuck." Murphy breathed, kissing along my jaw. 

"God you feel so good.." I whispered in his ear, savoring every inch of him moving inside of me. Connor's hands moved smoothly along my back and he leaned his body into mine, moving one of his hands down to my ass and pressing his finger at my puckered entrance. 

I hissed at the feel of him as he pushed one then two of his fingers inside of me and Murphy watched closely, clearly unable to get enough of what he was seeing. 

Connor reached for the bottle just to my right and I heard it's lid snap open, the cool gel slowly falling to where his fingers still sat pressed inside of me. I tightened myself around Murphy and he nearly came undone, his hands squeezing even tighter at my hips and biting down hard.

"You don't like that, do you?" I teased, leaning down to kiss him. 

"Nah, I don't." He joked, laughing into me while Connor moved his fingers in and out of me from behind. 

"Connor," I said, picking myself up just enough to see him. "Do it." 

Needing no further instruction, Connor's hand left me suddenly as he quickly pressed his swollen tip at my entrance, slowly pushing himself until he was nearly buried to the hilt. 

"Holy shit-" I breathed, reaching for my nipple and squeezing hard at the feel of being filled to total completion. "Jesus fucking Chri-"

"Good God, Katy." Murphy said, breathless and wanting as he watched me adjust myself between them. 

"Oh God-" I breathed again, already feeling myself edge dangerously close to coming. 

"You fuckin' ready?" Connor husked, biting my ear lobe. 

"Fuck yes, I'm ready."

With hardly a second's hesitation, the two brothers moved in rhythm with one another, stealing what felt like every molecule of air from my lungs as I desperately tried to keep up with them. Connor's voice was harsh and gritty in my ear as he fucked hard behind me, one of his hands taking my nipple between his fingers while the other moved down my side and between my legs, finding my clit. I moved in heavy, luscious circles, throwing my senses into a tailspin as I clung to anything I could grab hold of. Murphy took hold of my face and pulled my lips to his, kissing me hard as I moaned into him the heavy, blissful breathes of the kind of orgasm I hadn't had in recent memory. 

"That's fuckin' it, huh?" Murphy said, his voice low as he broke away from me. 

"Fuck yeah, it is, oh my god..." I returned, barely able to form the sentence. 

"Connor, back up." Murphy said suddenly, moving himself up. Connor pulled himself from me and Murphy pushed me to my feet in front of him, standing up and turning around. Connor sat down on the couch and pulled me on top of him, easing himself back into my tight, puckered entrance. 

"Jesus Christ, that's good." I breathed, leaning my head back onto Connor's shoulder. Connor kissed behind my ear and down my shoulder, his hands taking my waist as Murphy leaned down between my legs. 

"Hurry this up, brother, I ain't gonna last long." Connor said, his voice tight and restrained as he started to move beneath me. 

I looked down at Murphy who gave me a wicked smile and kissed along my thigh, driving every nerve ending I had wild with a renewed sense of need. He wrapped one of his arms around my leg and brought his other hand to my soaking core, moving his fingers teasingly along my slick folds. A second later, his lips made delicious contact with my clit, sucking and teasing and turning every aching part of me into a melting pile of mess. 

"Fuck, don't stop, you guys, I'm gonna fu-" I choked, desperately trying to catch my breath as Connor tugged on my ear lobe with his teeth. "Oh god damn, I'm gonna fucking come!"

Murphy worked even harder between my legs while Connor pumped beneath me, both of them breathing heavy, desperate moans into my skin and nearly lighting me on fire.

"Oh fuck, HOLY SHIT!" I cried out, hardly able to take another breath as the warm, sweet fluid of another orgasm coated my thighs. 

"Holy shit, that's fuckin' hot." Murphy said from under his breath, ripping himself away from me and pulling my lips to his to taste myself. Not even a second later he pushed himself back into my aching, convulsing core, fucking harder than I could even think to keep up with. 

"Fuck, dude, no, get up! Get up!" Connor begged, quickly pulling himself out from under me. "Fuck, move!"

Connor's breath was heavy and labored as he leaned into me, quickly stroking himself at my cheek before I opened my mouth to him, eagerly waiting to taste everything he had to give. Murphy still pumped hard into me, biting his lip as he watched Connor come hard into my mouth, his hot release coating my tongue before I wrapped my lips around him. 

"God damn, that's so fuckin' hot, Katy." Murphy breathed, kissing at my collar bone and up my throat as I swallowed everything Connor had given me. 

Connor pulled himself away from me and collapsed into the couch, running his hand through his hair as he tried to catch his breath. 

"Holy shit, brother." He said, more to himself than to Murphy as he brought his hand back down to rest on his stomach. 

"God, Murphy..." I moaned, feeling myself lose every semblance of composure that I was barely hanging onto. 

"Think we tired him out." He teased, smiling into my neck.

"Hey fuck you, it's been a while fer me." 

Murphy and I both gave out a laugh and Connor pulled himself from the couch, pulled on his jeans and let them hang loosely on his hips.

"Hey." I said, reaching for his arm before he could step out of reach. "Come here." 

I pulled his face to mine and kissed his cheek, giving it a playful pat as he winked at me and pulled away. 

"You did a good job." I joked, earning a playful roll of his eyes. He winked and turned toward his room, tossing his shirt over his shoulder and closing the heavy door behind him. 

"He may be done but I ain't." Murphy said in a near growl, wrapping his arms around me. He took my weight in his arms and stood, placing a hot, wet kiss on my collar bone before slowly turning and walking down another hall. I could feel him move inside me as we made our way to his bedroom, his face buried in my neck. He reached for the light switch and eased me down on his bed and onto my back, putting his arms just above my shoulders and leaning down to kiss me. 

He started to move with me slowly as I pushed my hips to him and raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck, never letting our eyes leave one another’s. He started to move faster and closed his eyes as I could feel him grow harder inside me, tightening myself around him. 

“Ah, fuck. Yes. Yes.” He said between breaths, his movements becoming faster and harder. 

“Come on, fuck me like you mean it. Make me come again, Murphy.” I breathed into his ear, wrapping my legs around him. He put his hands behind my knees and pushed them toward my chest, pumping harder and harder with each thrust. He pushed deeper, hitting the tender spot of nerves deep within me and sending me over the edge and crashing into a mind-numbing ocean of ecstasy. I cried out his name as he pushed into me harder, quivering and moaning with each unbearably powerful thrust, throwing me deeper into an oblivion I didn’t know I could be thrown into. His pumps grew quick and hard as I felt him twitch inside of me, his muscles going rigid before he lowered his face to mine, our lips parting and our tongues moving slowly and deliciously together. 

Murphy didn’t pull himself out of me for another minute as we laid there on his bed, our arms and legs tangled together, our breathing slowing and our skin glistening. He held himself above me as we caught our breath, holding my gaze with his and lowering his lips to mine. He pulled himself from my center and rolled onto his bed next to me, resting his hand on my bare stomach. 

After a few moments, we pulled ourselves under the covers and curled up together, savoring the peaceful glow of each other’s company. Time slipped away and I listened as Murphy’s breathing became slow and relaxed as he drifted into an easy sleep. The same warm feeling I’d had with him in the kitchen started to spread through me as I laid there listening to him breath. I was in a new city, meeting new people, doing new things, and the new sort-of-relationship with Murphy made everything in my past life seem irrelevant. I’d never felt this overwhelming sense of affection for anyone before, much less the man I was supposed to marry at one point. These feelings, the ones that got stuck in my throat and turned my thoughts into mush, were completely new to me. Watching Murphy walk into a room made time stop, everything around me dissolved into nothing and he was all I saw, all I cared about, all I wanted. I had been in Boston for a matter of days and here I was, laying in bed with a man I was pretty sure I was falling in love with. 

“This is what you've always wanted.” I whispered to myself as Murphy let out a couple of little snores. I pulled myself closer to him, his skin tender and smooth under my finger tips, his heartbeat lulling me to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The following morning, the rich smell of coffee and the absence of the man I'd slept with gently woke me and I stretched out across the still warm and tousled sheets. I sat up, holding a sheet up above my chest as Connor peeked into the room.

"You gonna sleep all day, Doc?" He said as he smirked and winked at me. He stepped into the doorway, only in his boxers a pair of gym socks.

"What time is it?" I asked, rubbing at the sleep in my eye.

"Almost 9:00. Hungry?"

"Mm, yes. Very. Where's Murphy?"

"Got a call in to work. He'll be back tonight. Looks like yer stuck with me." Connor said, laughing.

"Ugh." I teased. "Well at least let me get dressed first."

“What? I’m barely dressed. It’s only fair you be underdressed too. Looks like you'll have to dine au natural." He laughed, taking a sip of the coffee in his hand. "Besides, I've already seen your ass."

"Yeah, well, that was a one time show. Hope you enjoyed it." I said, laughing. He nodded his head and gave another small laugh into his mug as he turned and padded down the hall.

I crawled out of bed and pulled on one of Murphy’s shirts and wandered around his room, taking a close look at the three framed photographs on the wall above his dresser. The first photo was a polaroid of Murphy and Connor with another man with a heavy dark beard and long brown hair, all smiling shamelessly as they held their pints in hand and cigarettes between their fingers. I smiled at their carefree night at McGinty’s as I read the name "ROCCO" that was printed on a strip of blue label tape in bright white Courier print. The next photo, labeled "ROMEO", was of Murphy and Connor standing outside of what looked like a restaurant called The Silver Peso, smiling and wincing into the sun with a another dark haired man, who’s head was shaved on the sides and his hair falling between his shoulders. The three men stood proudly with their hands on their hips, wearing what looked like matching sunglasses and black jackets, guns visibly peaking from the hips of their jeans. But the last photograph, which was smaller and in black and white, was my favorite. The edges were worn and the white of the photo was slightly yellowed with age, but the picture was still clear and bright of two baby boys held by a beautiful young woman. The label read "MHATHAIR" just below it and I choked at a swell of affection and tears in my throat, smiling at the precious photo of the MacManus brothers and their lovely mother.

“She was beautiful, wasn’t she?”

I turned with a slight jump to see Connor leaning on Murphy’s door frame, watching me, still with his cup of coffee in hand.

“Yes, she was.”

“She died some years back. We found that picture in our father’s hat the day he died, and he had to have it.” Connor said as I choked back another wave of tears at the idea of Murphy’s heart breaking.

“I’m so sorry.” I said quietly, a single tear falling down my cheek.

“Thank you.” Connor returned, taking a few steps toward me, taking my arm gently in his hand. “But.. why are you crying?” He asked, leaning his head to look at me.

I paused for a moment, trying to pin point the real reason I was standing here, practically naked, with Murphy’s brother and crying. I hated knowing that Murphy’s heart had been broken. I hated that I couldn’t have been there with him to help take the burden of it onto my shoulders too, much like he had with me. But those reasons were nothing compared to why I was really standing here in tears. I was actually crying because I was happy.

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with your brother.” I finally said. Looking up at Connor and wiping a tear from my cheek. Connor stood and watched me, smiling as I tried to compose myself. I gave out a small laugh as he rubbed my back and pulled me in for a warm hug. I hugged him back, wondering what his thoughts were. I pulled back and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m pretty sure he’d like to hear that himself.” Connor said, giving me a warm smile.

I paused and watched him for another moment, hoping he’d catch that I was waiting for him to tell me how he felt about Murphy and I. But he said nothing.

“So… what do you think? I mean - are you okay with this?” I asked.

“More than okay with it, Doc. You’ve been good for him. In the couple ‘a days you’ve been spending with him, he’s been really good. Not that he wasn’t before, but there’s just somethin’ different. I like ya, and I’m glad yer here… And yer hot, so there’s that.” He said, giving me a playful smile.

I let out a sigh of relief and hugged him again.

“So you’re okay with me staying here?”

“Course. Murph asked me yesterday after he dropped you off. All I could think about was how cool it’d be havin’ an attractive woman runnin’ around the house.”

“He did?” I was beaming, ignoring Connor’s admiration of my appearance.

“Aye. Cleaned out half of his closet and bought another dresser while he was waitin’ to go get ya.” I smiled at him foolishly. “Now, can we eat? I’m fuckin’ starved.”

I followed Connor out to the kitchen after pulling a pair of Murphy’s boxers on and took a seat at the bar, watching as Connor fixed a plate of bacon and microwave waffles. I thanked him as he set the plate down along with a cup of steaming coffee and started to eat.

Connor and I ate together, occasionally sharing a thought or two, but for the most part, we shared the silence. Our breakfast was simple, but probably one of the best I’d had in recent memory for the mere reason that for the first time in I didn’t know how long, I was content with where I was, with what I was doing and with whom I was spending my time. These two brothers, as rambunctious and ridiculous as they could sometimes be, had changed my life. Connor had become the kind of friend I’d never had. Even in the matter of days I’d known him, we could joke and tease one another like we’d been friends for decades yet we had a way of understanding one another. I felt grateful for him in ways I’d never been with any other friends in my life. And Murphy. Murphy had become a part of who I had always wanted to be; happy. He hadn’t just given me a few fantastic nights of incredible intimacy, but he’d held me, listened to me, and given me the kind of emotional support that I had never really felt I had from anyone else in my life.

‘What on earth, Katy? You’ve lost your fuckin’ mind. Four days?’ I thought to myself as I sipped my coffee. This was ridiculous. Four days after my fiancé’s funeral and I’m sitting in another man’s underwear, eating bacon and waffles and sipping coffee with another half-naked man? What the fuck? The notion on it’s own made my stomach turn. But a moment later, it dissipated as I looked over at the pile of clothes still on the floor, reminding myself of every moment I’d spent with Murphy. Every moment, from the ones when I’d fallen apart to the ones I’d spent breathing his name as we moved together, had been perfect.

I reached a hand over to Connor’s back and gave him a gentle scratch with my fingertips. He turned toward me, holding his coffee cup up to his lips and gave me a smile and a nod. I smiled back.

“Hate to ruin the mood in here, but I owe you guys a huge thank you.” I said, still running my fingertips across his shoulder blades. He leaned into my hand as I hit a particularly good spot and groaned at the delicious satisfaction.

“And how do ya s’pose you’ll do that?” He winked.

“Don’t get your hopes up. I don’t know. I’ll think of something.” I answered, giving my head a gentle scratch.

Connor’s phone blared from his room as he got up to pour himself another cup of coffee and turned and headed down the hall. He disappeared into his room for a moment before I heard him slam a door and yell.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOIN’ ON OUT THERE? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?” He paused, my head snapping to attention and turning toward the hallway. “WELL WHERE THE FUCK IS HE, THEN?” My stomach turned and I all of a sudden felt a tight knot begin to pull at my throat. “FUCK. I’M LEAVING NOW. DON’T DO ANOTHER FUCKIN’ THING UNTIL I GET THERE.” He yelled before I heard him slam another door and rustle around his room. He emerged into the hall, pulling on a shirt and checking the pockets of the coat in his hand.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” I said, my throat tight and hands trembling.

“Apparently no one can do anything according to fuckin’ plan, so now Murph’s hold up on his own at the Pru with a bunch of wannabe Mafia Dons. I gotta get out there.”

“WHAT THE FUCK?” I yelled, horrified.

“Look, the whole thing is fucked. We’ll be done tonight. Stay here and we’ll be back.”

“No, I’m going with you. I’ll be fucking damned if anything happens to either of you.”

“NO.” He shouted. “If you set foot anywhere near that place and they have any idea of what’s goin’ on with you and Murph, they won’t hesitate to fuck us all and take you. And if Murph finds out I let you come, he’ll kill me too. You stay here.” He was furious and worried, pointing at the ground as shouted.

“Fuck you. I’m an adult, I can make my own choices. I’m also a doctor. What if either of you needs medical attention?” I yelled back, angry and terrified, tears spilling down my cheeks.

“I SAID FUCKIN’ NO, ALRIGHT? YOU FUCKIN’ STAY HERE. If we need a doctor, we’ll go to the fuckin’ hospital. You stay out of it.”

I stood and watched, horrified and infuriated. Tears still streaming down my cheeks, my entire body started to shake. I dropped my head to my hands and took several deep breaths as he unlocked a large black cabinet and pulled out holster, a couple of large black guns and magazines. He pulled on the holster and loaded his guns as I looked back up at him, giving a sharp exhale.

“Fuck. Fine. But you tell me every fucking detail. No exceptions. I want text or calls every time you fucking turn around.” I said, choking on my breath, my eyes burning. I pulled open every drawer in the kitchen until I found a pen and paper and scratched my number down, handing it to him, tears still falling uncontrollably.

“I can only do so much, y’know. I’ll do what I can. But I can’t make any fuckin’ promises.” He said, shrugging into his coat and pulling at the heavy metal door. He turned to leave before I spoke up, my tone softening and my expression turning from angry to worried.

“Connor. Please. Be careful. Get the both of you home safe.”

“We always find a way. I’ll keep you updated. Get your shit, get comfortable. He’ll want to see you when we get back. He had this made yesterday.” He said softly, tossing me a key.

I caught it and held it for a moment, staring as it glimmered in the soft light coming through the windows high on the walls.

My stomach knotted and twisted and turned as my thoughts raced, every horrifying possibility gripping at me and sending shockwaves through every last nerve ending. I stood there, trembling, mortified, and alone, not knowing if I would ever see the two of those beautiful human beings again.

 

*****

 

Hours had passed before I heard anything from Connor. I had had time to get dressed, go to my hotel room and pack everything, stop at the liquor store and come back before my phone finally chimed with a new message.

 

+1(617) 907-5558: Done. We’re headed back. Be home in an hour.

 

Relief washed over me and flooded every muscle fiber, the knots in my stomach finally starting to loosen as I poured a glass of wine and sipped at it slowly. Able to breath normally again, I walked down the hall to Murphy’s room, made the bed and started to hang my clothes. A few minutes later, I heard the heavy metal doors open and close, footsteps clomping around loudly from the main room.

“Murphy? Connor? That was a fast hour.” I said, turning into the hallway and making my way to the kitchen. I took a few steps out from the hall when I was suddenly jerked to the right as a massive arm pulled me backward and a warm hand the size of an oven mitt covered my mouth and nose.

“Don’t you fuckin’ scream. You do as I say and you might live. You scream or try anything fuckin’ stupid and I kill you. Got it?” A dark, husky voice growled from behind my ear, the man’s Brooklyn accent was thick and angry. Tears burned at the backs of my eyes as I tried to take deep breaths from behind the pressure of the solid hand pushing against my face. I nodded slowly as he lifted his hand and reached to his side. A second later, the cold metal silencer of a heavy gun was pressed to my temple and the man started to push me forward. Another man, dressed in an ill-fitted black suit emerged from the hall leading to Connor’s room and watched me.

“So. I’m assuming you’re the missus?” The other man said as he walked slowly toward me, his accent matching his pleasant friend standing behind me. I shook my head, swallowing hard at the watermelon in my throat.

“Oh. The maid then?” He asked, taking off his jacket and tossing it onto the couch. I shook my head again, praying that I wouldn’t have to open my mouth and actually speak.

“Well, then who the fuck are you?” He paused as he thought to himself. “Wait. I know. You must be fucking them.” He laughed to himself. “Tell me, one or both?"

He waited a moment, his mouth curling into a hideous, expectant smile before prying with the same question.

I stood there motionless, feeling my face turn to stone as he tried to get under my skin.

"Anyway. Those two Irish fucks have been a real pain in my ass. And I’m going to resolve the issue right here, right now. And you’re going to help me. Are we understood?” He paced around slowly in front of me, speaking emphatically with one of his hands while the other was tucked into his pocket.

“You mind telling me your name? My mother once said that a beautiful woman should be addressed by her name.”

“Did your mother also teach you that holding a gun to a woman's head is form of chivalry?” I spat. The man behind me pressed the gun harder into my head and pulled his arm tighter around my chest.

“You watch your fuckin’ mouth." He growled, rushing up into my face and squeezing hard at my cheeks in one of his hands before backing up again.

"Let’s try this again, only this time I’ll introduce myself and you can return the sentiment… without any smart fuckin’ remarks.” He said, pulling a gun from under his arm and pointing it in my direction. “I’m Nick. My friend here is Antonio.” He stopped pacing and watched me.

“Madison.” I said through my teeth as Antonio tightened his grip around my chest and shoulders. “Just what do you plan on doing here?”

“You know, on a normal night, I wouldn't tell anyone I'm going to kill them because that's when people get fucking annoying... but, you know, to be honest, I don't fucking care tonight. You look like the kind of girl who can handle bad news, so there you have it. They'll walk in here. You'll be dead on the floor. They'll get angry. Maybe lose a little focus. And I'll put a bullet in each of their brains. Sound like a plan?”

My stomach turned and my blood started to boil. I could feel beads of sweat start to form on my forehead.

“Sure it does... but it won't fucking work.” I struggled to say as Antonio's grip moved up to my neck.

"It won't fucking work and you'll be the dead ones on the floor." I hissed. Nick looked up at me and nodded to Antonio. A second later, I felt a hot, sharp crack along with the heavy sound of metal crushing into bone, and everything was gone and I was falling into nothing.

 

*****

 

I don’t know how long I had been out. When I finally came to, I was seated on a dining chair, my head pounded and I felt my wrists and ankles bound together behind me, a gag tied in my mouth and around the back of my head. A sharp, roaring pain clawed at the back of my head as I turned to see a stream of blood running all the way my shoulder. My thoughts were clouded and my sight was fuzzy as I slowly looked around the room, trying to take in my surroundings. I was still at Murphy and Connor’s place. I could still see other barstools off in my peripheral vision as well as the black couch Murphy and I had been on the previous night. Nick and Antonio stood behind me in the kitchen, their voices distant and muffled behind the rushing and roaring of blood pounding in my head.

A few minutes passed and my sight finally started to focus and my hearing started to sharpen. I could feel the top of the bar counter on my shoulder blades and listened to the two men talking behind me, seemingly oblivious to whether or not I had come to as I heard snippets of their conversation about the recent Bruins game and their lost bets. I remained as still as possible and moved my fingers up toward my wrists and felt the smooth fabric tied in a knot. I wiggled my wrists enough to work one of my fingers through and started to gently pull, wondering to myself how these idiots had ever gotten to their positions if they couldn’t properly bind someone to a chair. Another few minutes went by before I finally worked my wrists free from the tie and I waited, trying to remain perfectly still.

“Hey, what the fuck? Nick. We got an escape artist here.” Antonio said, taking my arm into his tight grip and giving it a hard squeeze. “You know,” he continued, “I warned you not to try anything fuckin’ stupid.” He laughed at his own joke.

“Is there a point to breaking my wrist when all you're going to do is kill me anyway? You might as well spare me the fracture.” I said, my head starting to feel dizzy.

"What, are we a doctor now?"

"You don't know who the fuck I am." I said as best I could as he tightened his grip on my wrist.

"Yeah? And I don't fucking care, you stupid little bitch." His hand came to my shoulder and gave it a rough squeeze as well. In another quick movement, I watched as the light shone off of a blade as he bent over and cut the ties around my ankles and knocked me off of the chair and onto my stomach, his knee pressing hard into my back. He pushed his way up to my ear when I felt his knee pull away from me. His hand pulled from beside me, giving me the chance to reach out and push myself up just onto my knees. I kicked my foot up and back toward the gargantuan man on all fours above me, hitting his groin hard with my foot. He gave a loud scream and his voice caught as all of the air was forced from his lungs. I pushed myself up and took the knife from under him as he fell to his side, cupping his groin in his hands and gasping for breath. Before Antonio could get up, I plunged the knife deep into his side, watching his face contort as he looked up at me.

"You should fucking care, because this stupid little bitch knows exactly how to twist this knife and kill you." I growled, twisting the blade with a quick, sharp movement, his screams growing louder and pained as I watched blood begin to spill into a large pool around his abdomen. I heard Nick start toward our commotion and adrenaline flooded through my veins. I grabbed at Antonio’s gun and I pushed myself up to my feet, pointing the gun straight to Nick’s head as he came to a sudden stop.

“Drop it.” I said, holding the gun steady in my hand. I stared at him and watched his face lose color, turning his stupid, condescending look into one of fear for his life. His gun dropped to floor with a heavy thud and I kicked it down the hall behind him.

“Now, tell me why I shouldn’t pull this fucking trigger.” I said. Nick was frozen for a moment before his hand snapped up and struck my cheek hard, knocking me to the ground and sending the gun across the floor. It tried to catch myself before it was too late, but only one wrist was strong enough, the other that Antonio had nearly broken buckling under the force of my weight. I struggled to push myself up again as Nick grabbed at my ankles and pulled me toward him. He turned me over and straddled himself on top of me, wrapping his hands tight around my throat, his face turning to one of pure hatred and fury - one that was hellbent on taking my life. Black webs began to stretch across my vision as I clawed at his thick arms and tried to push my body from under him. Unable to get any air, I struggled to keep my eyes open and my arms and legs became heavy and weak, falling to my sides. With one last tiny rush of adrenaline, I opened my eyes and looked into the eyes of the man who was going to kill me, wishing it could have been different. In a moment that I'd expected to see flashbacks of my life in snapshots, ones of my parents or med school or Kevin or of Daphne and I when we were little, I couldn't help but be surprised at how quickly my mind had gone blank and I only saw one thing: Murphy. I focused on him, refusing to let my one last living thought on this earth be of the terror I felt of dying this way. Murphy was all I ever wanted. I was lucky to have spent my last days with him and his brother. He was the only person I could see, the only thing I could think about, and the one man I had ever truly loved.


	12. Chapter 12

Just as I felt myself take a final gasping breath, a series of sudden metallic pings shot through the air and I felt a weight being lifted. My head fell to the side as I felt a distant thud off to my right, my cheek hitting the cold floor. I couldn’t feel, hear or see any of my immediate surroundings, just the distant muffled sounds of yelling and fuzzy shapes moving quickly around me. 

My arms and legs felt heavy and numb as I tried to move them and pain shot through the back of my head like electricity and traveled slowly through every muscle fiber and nerve ending, amplifying the further it traveled. Everything around me faded to black and I felt myself falling into nothing again, disoriented and lost. 

But as my breathing started to regulate and oxygen poured into my lungs, I finally regained a sense of feeling as I came to. I felt a slap of cold air brushing against my cheeks and I opened my eyes to see flashing red and blue lights reflect off of the faded and aged brick building where Connor and Murphy lived. I felt myself lying heavily on a gurney as the wheels hit the cracks in the concrete and I listened to an EMT rattle off his nonsense to another behind me. I reached my hand over to the EMT and took his wrist softly. Just as I was about to try to speak, I caught sight of Murphy running behind him, his expression heartbreaking as he watched me being loaded into an ambulance. 

“Let me go with her. I have to go.” I heard him shout over the loud engine of the ambulance. Blinded by the harsh fluorescent lighting of the inside cabin, I closed my eyes and squeezed the EMT’s wrist as best I could. The EMT asked him a quiet question before closing one door and motioning his hand before closing the other, letting Murphy board along with me, taking a seat next to my head. 

I felt his hand take mine and a fresh hot wave of tears pressed at the backs of my eyes and poured over my cheeks. I looked over at him and cried at the sight of the heartbroken and worried man sitting next to me. His eyebrow was broken open and bleeding, the beginnings of a black eye growing darker with each passing second. I started to regain my sense of feeling and movement and my entire body started to shake as I sobbed. 

“Ma’am I need you to calm down. You’re going to be alright. But the more upset you become, the worse off you’ll be when we get to the hospital.” The EMT said as he leaned over me, looking into my tear filled eyes. “I know this is scary, but with head trauma, we have to remain calm. Take a slow, deep breath.” Murphy watched as the EMT spoke to me and rested his head on our hands. I could feel his hot tears fall into the spaces between our fingers and watched his chest heave in and out as he sobbed next to me. 

The ambulance raced through the streets and within minutes, I was being pulled into a teal curtained triage room and moved onto a table. Pain stabbed at the back of my head and across my throat where Nick had attempted to squeeze the life from me. I teetered between consciousness and a dark heavy void where I felt and saw and heard nothing, occasionally catching glimpses of nurses and doctors standing over me, holding oxygen masks and stitching equipment above my face. A few short minutes later, I felt a sharp stab in my hand and I slowly felt myself drift to sleep, watching the person in dark teal scrubs standing next to me as they slowly injected an anesthetic into my IV. 

The world around me was black and void of anything for what felt like centuries until everything slowly started to float back into my consciousness. The soft beep of a heart monitor came from just behind me and resonated in my head as a fierce headache started to take it's hold before I opened my eyes and immediately regretted it. The bright orange light of the setting sun was shining directly in through the hospital window and into my eyes, making the threatening headache feel even worse as the seconds ticked by. I lifted my hand to rub at my eye a moment later before tears instantly stung behind my eyes as a sharp, hot pain shot across my face. I winced at the sudden feeling and let the tears fall, wiping them away as carefully as possible. The worsening pain started to throb in hard, sharp bursts inside my skull and I almost felt like throwing up before I noticed the handheld morphine pump that would be my only hope for relief. I reached over and quickly pressed the button on the tip of it's handheld wand, relaxing back and laying my head on my pillow while a calming high coursed through my body and swept the pain away in a few easy seconds. 

The pain quickly drifted away and I looked over to the windowed door separating my room from the hall where I saw Murphy standing outside, coffee in hand and speaking with a doctor in a white lab coat. He nodded as the two spoke, and turned toward my room, looking in. As he realized I was awake, he took a step away from the doctor, gave his arm a slight nudge and rushed in. Within a couple of seconds, Murphy was by my side and leaving over, giving me a tender kiss on the forehead. I looked up at him and smiled, pulling my hand up slowly to hold his cheek. I pointed to my face and gave another small smile. 

“You outta see the other guy.” I joked. Giving a short painful laugh. Murphy smiled, taking my hand in his and taking a seat on the side of my bed. 

“I did. He doesn’t look too great.” Murphy said. He turned toward the doctor. “Can we have a moment?” He asked, quietly. The doctor nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind him. Murphy’s expression changed and he immediately fell apart in front of me. His head fell to my chest and I rested my hand on the back of his head as he cried. We were both alive and here he was, sitting here crying and breaking my heart. 

“Hey. Stop it.” I said. running my fingers through his hair. “I mean it. Look at me.” I said, pulling his face up to look at me, my hand holding his chin. “What’s with the waterworks, here?” I asked. 

“This was my fault.” He said, his fresh hot tears falling onto my hospital gown. 

“No, Murphy. It wasn’t.” 

“Yes. It was. I shouldn’ta gone this morning. If I had been there, those motherfuckers wouldn’t have gotten to you. You wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have almost be-” He stopped himself as he choked on another wave of tears, leaning his head down again as he took a deep breath. 

“I said fucking stop it.” I said, pointing at him like an overbearing school teacher and pulling his face back up to look at me. “Those men waltzed in there and I took them by surprise. Even after they told me not to doing anything fucking stupid, I cracked a wise attitude and that’s why I’m here. So shut the fuck up with this ‘it’s my fault’ bullshit.” Murphy stared at me, his expression stunned. He lifted my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss.

“I’m sorry you had to get caught in this. I wasn’t there with you and maybe if I had been I could’ve sto-”

“Murphy, I said stop it. I’m serious.”

“If he had held onto you another second longer you wou-”

“MURPHY.” I said firmly. “Please.” I softened my tone. “Honey, I’m not angry. I don’t blame you for this. I blame those pieces of shit. You were doing your job when you needed to. I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And you got there right when you needed to. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here.” 

He stared at me another moment before resting his head on my chest again, softly crying. I let him sit there a long time, watching as he struggled to pull himself together, his breaths sharp and forced. I stoked at the hair on the back of his head and savored the tender moment that I didn’t think I’d get just a few hours earlier.

 

*****

 

"Holy shit, doc, you look like hell." Connor blurted after he closed the dark wood door of my recovery room. 

"Yes, thank you, that's exactly what I wanted to hear." I said sarcastically, holding up my middle finger at him when he approached my bed and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I winced and pulled away as he stood straight up and almost all the color drained from his face, his eyes wide and worried. 

"Watch it, brother." Murphy said defensively, holding my hand in his and giving me a gentle squeeze. 

"Sorry-"

"It's okay, I was only trying to get a rise out of him." I joked, giving Murphy a playful wink just before Connor swatted at my leg. 

"You feelin' alright, though?"

"I'll live. Everything from here up feels like it's going to explode at any moment. But trauma does that."

"That fuckhead do anything permanent though?"

"Dude, she's half robot now." Murphy said excitedly, standing up to look at my face. "Docs said they put in a metal plate in her skull." 

"Oh come on, knock it off." I said, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth despite my best efforts to keep a straight face. 

"Hey, I gotta new nickname for ya then. RoboDoc!" Connor shouted, his voice loud enough to reawaken the headache that had been threatening to rear itself back to life for hours. 

"You need to keep it down." I warned, legitimately wincing this time and bringing my hand up to hold across my forehead. "And that's fucking lame, anyway."

"Fuck you, I'm usin' it." He laughed, tucking a cigarette behind his ear. 

"Nah brother, fuck you, she's right. That shit is lame." 

"Fine, whatever. Fuck the both of ya."

"I already did that." I said smoothly, looking over at Murphy when he perched himself on the side of my hospital bed. I slipped my hand up into the back of his shirt and moved it along his spine, biting the inside of my bottom lip as goose bumps moved swiftly across his skin. 

Murphy laughed and leaned down to kiss me, his lips soft and delicious against mine. I couldn't get enough of the taste of him and quickly felt myself falling even harder for him, all the while wondering to myself when the time would come that I knew for sure I could tell him I loved him and stand a chance of hearing it back.


	13. Chapter 13

The following three days in the hospital seemed to drag longer than any I could ever remember. I had been placed under observation to rule out any kind of permanent damage, and fortunately, the team of doctor's that had taken my case hadn't found anything remarkable on the hundreds of tests and imaging they'd run before they finally let me leave the hospital under supervision and house rest. The headaches were fairly common and nearly nauseating for the following days that lead into a couple of weeks after the incident, but it seemed that everything else seemed to return to normal after I'd left the hospital with a wicked black eye and a nice two-inch long laceration stretching along my jaw.

The three of us fell into a comfortable routine as I started to make myself truly at home and Murphy stayed home with me, lounging on the couch and watching whatever happened to be on television. Often times while he fell asleep with his head in my lap and a beer in his hand giving Connor the perfect opportunity to mess with him. I had watched the two of them torture each other countless times over the course of the passing weeks and I could do nothing but love them completely, knowing that I was finally where I belonged and would never look back.

The remaining days of November finally passed and December arrived along with even colder weather and Murphy and I laid lazily on the couch together once again late one evening when Connor finally came home from whatever he'd been up to. He nearly fell through the door as Murphy laid asleep with this hand draped over his head and tucked between my legs, and laughed at him, turning for the kitchen and holding one finger up to his lips to keep me quiet while I carefully watched him step into the kitchen. As quiet as a bull in a china shop, he rummaged through the cabinets until he finally found was he was looking for and pouring a little bit of whiskey into Murphy's open mouth as he snored softly. Murphy coughed himself awake and flew off of the couch after his brother, who laughed his way down to his own room. I sat and watched as the Murphy pounded on Connor's door and flipped it off before he turned back toward me, smiling at him and failing to ignore the need coursing like jet fuel through my veins that Murphy had continually turned down as I'd been in recovery.

Over the days and weeks, I had tried and failed to lure Murphy into bed with me on multiple occasions, even after I promised him that sex was perfectly safe and that he wouldn't hurt me. I'd tried nearly everything I could think of to get him to finally give in and each and every time was just as unsuccessful as the last, leaving both of us hot and bothered without anything to show for it. But finally, after 17 agonizing days that I can't believe I counted, on a cold night in early December as I curled up next to Murphy in bed, he reached over and gave my shoulder a warm rub and ran his hand to the hem of the t-shirt I had pulled on for bed before he slowly lifted it over my head. He leaned his head down and kissed me slowly and rest his hand softly at the back of my head before he pulled away at my slight jump at his touch, leaning in a little closer when I gave him a nod and pulled him back.

“No, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting it.” I whispered, kissing his neck and running my hands down his bare chest. He gently pushed me back to lay on my back and rest my head on his pillow, leaving a trail of wet, hot kisses along my breast and stomach before stopping at my lace panties. He slowly pulled them down, stopping to tease and nip at the tender skin on the insides of my thighs. I opened my legs for him as he kissed at the wet folds between my legs and slowly started to move his tongue along my entrance, stopping to suck and play with the sensitive bud at the top, sending waves of long awaited bliss through every fiber of my body. I gave out a long, satisfied moan as he pushed two of his fingers inside of me, moving them slowly at first. He began to move his hands faster inside of me, quickening the movements of his tongue on my clit as I reached down and tousled his hair.

He pulled away and slowly kissed his way back up to me, nuzzling into my neck before meeting my lips with his and kissing me, his tongue pushing in passionate, deep movements with mine. He hovered over me, taking his weight in one arm as he pulled at his boxers with the other and kicked them to the floor, his erection grazing the inside of my thigh before he took it in his hand and guided himself into me, his eyes never leaving mine.

We moved together in slow, easy movements for a what could have easily been hours, breathing each other’s names and ecstasy laced words as our orgasms arced and flowed together. We lost all sense of time and direction as we tangled ourselves between his soft warm sheets. A final tidal wave sent me into a hot oblivion, erasing all thought and ability to do anything but gasp and cry out Murphy’s name. I quivered into his arms as I moved on top of him, feeling him begin to move faster underneath me. Every last thrust was unbearable in the best, most blissful of ways as he pushed himself deeper inside me before I finally felt him come and call out my name, meeting my lips with long, satisfying kisses.

He pulled himself slowly from inside of me and turned onto his side toward me as I turned to face him, resting my hand on his chest and head under his chin. He leaned his head down and planted a warm kiss on top of my head and I looked up at him, smiling. We laid there for a long while, relishing in the afterglow of what had to have been our longest, most incredible night together.

“You’ve been so good to me.” I said quietly, finally breaking the easy silence between us.

“Hm?”

“You’ve been so good to me.” I said a little louder, still just barely more than a whisper. “I don’t know how to thank you. I can’t find words. But I’m so grateful.”

"You of all people can't think of any wo-"

"Oh shut up.” I said, giving a small laugh. “But really.” I paused and pulled away from him to look him square in the eyes. Tears burned at my eyes as I lifted my hand to his cheek and held his gaze. “Thank you. I can-”

“Shh. You don’t hafta say anything. I don’t want ya to. Least for me, I don't need to hear it to feel it.” He said softly as I watched him, watching me as he smiled and swallowed hard. Tears flooded down my cheeks as he took my face in his hand and wiped them away with his thumb before he spoke again. “You want to say thank you? Then stay. Not just till you find a place. But really, stay. Move in.”

My heart soared so high I thought it might escape me all together and my cheeks burned as a fresh flood of warm tears cascaded down my cheeks. I covered my face in both of my hands and leaned into Murphy’s bare chest, his arms wrapping around my shoulders as I cried the happiest tears in my life. I pulled myself together a moment later and sat up slightly away from him to look up at him once again before I met his lips with mine for another delicious kiss.

“I need to tell you something. Maybe a little bit of a confession, if you will.” I said, trying to control the nervousness in my voice. I watched as his expression changed in the soft light of the dimmed lamp in the corner, his eyes glimmering like they had the first night we were together.

“When was your last confession, my child?” He said, smiling at his own humor.

“This is my first confession. And probably my last. I don't know if I could confess this ever again.” I said, returning his smile.

“What is it?” He asked, real and genuine curiosity pulling at his smile. I sat up slightly and looked him, feeling vulnerable and exposed as he watched me, moving his hand smoothly along one of my thighs. I took a deep breath and tried to swallow away the fluttering nerves tugging at my stomach and he leaned up onto his elbow, running his hand along my arm.

“What?” He said, his brow slightly furrowing. I leaned down and kissed him, letting out an easy sigh before I finally started to speak.

“Murphy. I really like it here. In Boston. In this place with you... and as much as I try to understand what I was doing, I was so incredibly stupid in Chicago. I don’t know what I was doing with my life, I was in a shitty pseudo-relationship, my family and I were distant, and I didn’t really have any friends to speak of... My career was the only thing I loved.. and I even abandoned it to get away from everyone and everything. But most importantly, I was lost. Literally and metaphorically. I didn’t know where I was or where I was going or how to even figure out either of those things. I was everywhere and nowhere... Until you. You stumbled into that diner at two in the morning with your brother and everything changed.” I paused for a moment, watching him slowly smile. “You and Connor saw me there, alone, at that God awful time in the morning and without even hesitation, you both actually gave a shit. No one in my life would have done that. Not then, anyway...” I paused again to swallow at the knot pulling at my throat. Murphy just laid there, smiling his ridiculously handsome smile, my heart melting. “I was lost, and you found me. And I love you for that. I love you for everything you've done for me... I love everything about you.” I said before gave a sharp exhale and a short laugh and waiting for Murphy, blushing and nervous.

Murphy pressed his hand to his eyes and took a short sharp breath as I watched a single tear escape from his under his hand. He pulled me into him and kissed me slowly, moving his lips to my neck before pulling back and looking at me, his eyes fiery and beautiful.

“The way you looked at me that night at McGinty's before you got up on the table?...” He said as he smiled at his teasing and I blushed, waiting nervously for him to continue. “That was it... That one look right there and I down for the count... The way you look in literally everything you wear. Your ass. Your legs. These beautiful blue eyes I get lost in every fuckin' time I look at you. All of you. Every last little tousled hair on your head. The way you look at me. The way you watch and smile at me when you think I don’t see it. How you know when to tell me to shut up. Everything. Every last bit. I knew right when you smiled at me that night I loved you. More'n anything or anyone else.”

I immediately wrapped my arms around him and cried into the curve of his neck, moving my hands slowly across his shoulders and bring one of them up to comb through his hair before moved to kiss him once again. His lips were soft and sweet against mine and goose bumps moved in waves along my skin, every last piece of me in love with the kind of luck I had found with the beautiful Irishman in my arms.

We laid there for another long while before either of us stirred again. I ran my fingers softly across his chest as he breathed slow and easy, his fingers combing softly through my hair.  
“See, I told you I’d prove you wrong. I kept my promise. I’m not going anywhere.” I said as I looked up at him. We both laughed and shared one last kiss before falling into a deep comfortable sleep, our naked bodies tangled together under the sheets.


	14. Chapter 14

The following morning, I woke up in Murphy’s arms and eased my way out of bed before I pulled on some clothes and grabbed my phone, smiling as I looked at him still asleep before walking down the hallway to the kitchen and starting a pot of coffee. I sat down at the bar and held my phone in my hand, willing myself to make the phone call I’d been dreading since the night I hung up on my mother. She needed to know what was going on with me and how I was doing despite the fact that we may not have gotten along throughout my life. But regardless of how much I dreaded making this phone call, I at least owed her an update on where I was and what I was doing with myself. 

My stomach turned at the idea of telling her about my relationship with Murphy, and even more so as I debated telling her about my stint in the hospital those few weeks back. The coffee pot gave a loud groan as it finished it’s brew, snapping my attention back to reality before I got up to pour a cup, added a little splash of milk, and quietly opened the front door. I stepped into the plain hallway outside and shut it behind me taking a long drink of my coffee and taking a long deep breath. I lowered myself to sit on the floor and set my coffee on down next to me, crossing my legs and trying far harder than I should have to force myself to make this phone call. 

Tired of it weight on my conscience, I finally opened my phone and pressed the phone icon, selected my mom’s name on the list and waited. 

“Hello? Katy?” 

“Hi, Mom.” 

“Katy! Oh my god, how are you!?” 

“I’m fine. How're you and dad?” I asked, biting my lip. 

“You know us. Always moving it seems like. Your father just bought a new car and we’ve been out and about. Also looking a new place closer to the city.” She said, her usual air of slight condescension strangely absent.

“You guys are moving?” I asked, trying to postpone the worst part of our conversation as long as possible while also attempting to sound more interested than I was. 

“Well, honey, it's been just the two of us since you went off to college years ago, so we don't really need the house like we used to.”

"I don't think a family of four ever needs eight bedrooms." I added, chewing at the inside of my cheek. 

"When you have live in help, you do."

"Mom, they lived in the pool house out back... and I don't think you've ever worked a day in your life. Why on Earth did you ever need them? It's not like Daphne or I were ever so much to handle that you really needed that many extra sets of hands."

"Katy, raising kids is difficult. Having a three year old and newborn in the same room is chaos no matter what way you spin it. Something you wouldn't understand just yet." 

"I'm not saying I don't understand, it's just your privilege is startling."

"What is the point of this conversation?" She asked, her voice growing louder with offended irritation. "You grew up without want for anything. You're smart, you're successful, you're beautiful..."

"Except we hardly had a relationship outside of you telling me that I was working too hard in all the wrong places."

"What?!"

"Every time I turned around. Every time I took a new class or joined a different club or did extra research, you'd just suggest I do something else that was easier. I didn't join a sorority, that was disappointing. I joined a research team during my fellowship and that was disappointing. I made it into one of the hardest departments to get into and that wasn't enough. Everything you ever told me to do revolved around image or money... and you were never around when I was a kid. You were always out with your friends at the country club all while Sam raised Daphne and I... And don't even pretend like you're clueless. The only reason you ever paid any attention to us is when we did something with ourselves that you never did."

"Katy, I can't believe you."

"I'm not saying you didn't care about us, mom... you just had a different idea of family than pretty much anyone I know."

"I have always love you and your sister-"

"And I'm not saying you don't. What I'm saying was that you were never the most present of parents... you missed out on a lot of who we became. It was like the only time you really tuned in was when we did something important. And even then, it was like there was always something that just wasn't enough."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line and I almost though she had hung up on me until I heard a sniff on the line and immediately felt terrible for letting myself be so candid with hardly any real notice. 

"And here I thought you were going to tell me where you were or what you were up to now..." She finally said her voice heavy with disappointment.

"I'm sorry, mom, I really-"

"No, Katy... you're right... It's just... difficult hearing you weren't the kind of parent you wanted to be."

At a loss for words, I stared straight ahead at the wall and swallowed hard at the tight ball of hurt lodged in my throat, hating myself for ruining whatever day she was looking at.

"It's not too late to become one."

"That remains to be seen... I guess time'll tell." She added, the tone in her voice shifting just enough to slightly lift some of the guilt weighing on my shoulders before she continued. "So, I know you needed your space after our last conversation, but can I at least ask where you are? Daphne told me you were out of town, but that was all she knew... Katy, please. I just want to know that you’re safe and taken care of.” 

“Yes, I'm fine. I know you’ve probably been worried. But I’m actually doing really well, here. I’m healthy, I’m safe, I’m happy...” 

“That great, honey, but where are you? Are you working? Do you have money?” She prodded, her voice growing more and more desperate with every question. 

“Mom, please. Try to keep a level head.” I paused, listening to her take a deep breath. “I’m in Boston-” 

“Boston? Why on ear-”

“I don’t know. I just drove and that’s where I stopped. When I got here, it sounded like a nice place..."

"Well, are you at least working? Do you have money?"

"Not at the moment, no. But I've been talking to Massachusetts General about coming on as a trauma team fellow. And yes, I have plenty of money. The condo sold and I also got Kevin’s life insurance policy last week, so I’m well taken care of.” 

“Are you in a hotel? Where are you staying? What do you do with your time? Do you have friends? Katy, please. These little snippets are killing me.” She asked, nearly begging as I gave a sharp exhale loud enough for her to hear over the phone. 

“No. I'm staying with a couple of brothers I met the first night here... They've really done a lot for me since I got here. Helped me in more ways than I could really tell you and do them justice. But I've been sleeping with one of them... and I'm really starting to like him.” I said quickly before I could change my mind. My mom was stunned speechless, probably for the first time in her life. “Look Mom, they take care of me. Really good care of me. They stayed with me in the hospital last mon-”

“THE HOSPITAL? WHAT ON EARTH? KATY. WHAT HAPPENED?” She interrupted. 

“I took a hard fall and hit the back of my head on a staircase. Knocked myself in the eye socket too.” I lied, more for her own sake than my own. I didn’t care who knew what happened, but I knew she wouldn’t have been able to handle the actual story. “Murphy rode with me in the ambulance and wouldn’t leave my hospital room. He stayed with me every day for over week after I was released. Mom. I’m fine. I’m happy.” I could hear her quietly crying over the phone. 

“Please stop crying, Mom. I don’t mean to hurt you. I just… I love it here.” 

“Katy, I’m not hurt. I’m just trying to wrap my mind around all of this... You have to admit, it’s a lot to take in. Especially so soon after Kevin?” 

“Mom, Kevin and I lied to everyone. Our relationship was over long before he ever put that gun to his head. We just didn’t have the time or energy to tell anyone.” I confessed, dropping my head to my hand. 

“What?” She gasped. 

“We stayed together because we were too busy doing other things. We shared the same space, but our relationship was over. I made him return my ring 3 months ago.” I was pushing it. She was now sobbing into the phone. I let her cry for several minutes before she finally quieted down enough for me to continue. “Mom, look. I’m sorry. But I can’t change any of this. It’s a harsh, bitter thing to swallow, I know. But it’s the hand we’ve been dealt.” 

We stayed on the line for another long silence before she finally spoke, her voice soft and and weak. 

“Are you going to come home for Christmas?” 

“Mom, I don’t know, I don’t think so. Just the thought of going back makes me want to throw up. Chicago is too much for me. I’m sorry, but no.”

“Can your father and I at least come and visit? We would really like to come and see you.” She asked as I gave a defeated sigh and gave in. 

“I guess that could be alright. But wait until after the holidays have passed.” I heard her rustle with something. 

“Booking a flight now would be a nightmare. And, holiday travel is the worst. How about late January? Maybe February You're father and I are going on a cruise around then, but we could come before or after then... could that work for you?” She spouted, returning to her old, excited ways. 

“Let’s just play it by ear, Mom.” I said, giving a small laugh. Murphy pushed the door open next to me and watched as I looked up at him, smiling. “Look, Mom, I have to go. Can I call you after Christmas?” 

“Of course.” 

“Ok, I’ll talk to you in a couple of wee-” 

“Katy,” she interrupted. “I really am thankful that you’re happy. I hope Boston is everything you need it to be. I love you, honey. I just want you to be happy. And I’m proud of you for making the decisions you’ve made to do that.” 

I was stunned. Tears flooded my eyes and poured over my cheeks. 

“I love you, too, Mom. Thank you.” I said, my voice quiet and trembling. 

“I’ll talk to you in a few weeks. Enjoy your holiday with Murphy.” She said lovingly before she hung up. 

I sat for a moment and digested what had just happened. What the fuck happened to my mother? There was almost no yelling, she didn’t spout any disappointed remarks or plead for me to come home. She concerned and curious, but she never questioned my choices. 

“Am I in the fucking Twilight Zone?” I asked out loud, taking a long deep breath and wiping the tears from my cheeks. 

“What?” Murphy asked from the kitchen. I pulled myself up from the floor and walked back inside, stopping behind Murphy and wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against his back. “What was that you said?” He repeated. 

“Nothing.” I said, smiling to myself. “My mom wants to come to Boston. With my dad. And Daphne. Hope you’re prepared.” He gave me a fake worried look and waved it off. 

“Please. When? I’ll blow their minds.” He said, laughing. 

“Of course you will. They’ll be here sometime in January.”

“Should be plenty ‘a time to get ready.” He said, smiling. I pulled my arms tight around him again and stood there with him for long time, listening to the soft rhythm of his heart beat. 

He looked down at me and met my eyes, holding them for a long moment. 

All we could do was stand there and smile foolishly at one another.


	15. Chapter 15

“Murphy, are you fucking serious right now?” I shouted down the hall from our bedroom. He peered back at me from the kitchen as I turned down the hall, his sunglasses perched on top of his head. 

“You’re really about to leave right now. My parents are going to be here in a matter of hours and you’re leaving?” I continued as I made my way toward him and leaned against the corner of the open doorway. 

“Babe, I gotta go. These guys are fuckin’ dangerous. I told you the other day shit was gettin’ bad. You can’t be surprised.” He said, shrugging his shoulders at how ridiculous he thought I was being. “And Connor’s already out there, I gotta get to it ‘fore anything gets outta hand.”

“I swear, if you walk in here covered in blood and riddled with bullet holes like you did last time, I will rip you both to shreds.” 

“That’s why I changed into a black shirt, love. They won’t be able to tell.” He winked. “Oh, don’t get cute with me.” 

“Why do ya care so much what yer parents think anyway? You certainly didn’t when you first got here.” He asked as he shrugged into his black pea coat and tucked a cigarette behind his ear. 

“I thought you wanted to quit?” I asked as I went up to him, pulling the cigarette from his ear. 

“Workin’ on it. Down to one a day.” 

“Because, Murph. As much as I’d like to say I don’t care what they think, I still do. I want them to see how much my life has changed. How much happier I am here. Most of all, with you. I want them to see that.” 

Murphy smiled at me and pulled me into his arms, the smell of his aftershave dancing lightly around my nose. 

“I promise. They’ll be happy with who they see walkin’ through that door later.” 

I gave him a half smile as I melted into his arms, planting a kiss in the curve of his neck. His hands ran down to cup either side of my hips, his thumbs hooking into the running shorts I’d pulled on that morning. 

“You sure you wanna leave, though?” I whispered, running my tongue along the tender skin behind his ear, knowing full well it drove him crazy. He slid his hands into my shorts, discovering that I hadn’t put any panties on and filling his hands with my ass, giving me a warm squeeze. 

“Because I’m not so sure you really wanna leave.” I added, seductively. I pulled away from him and walked toward the hall, catching his eyes on me as I made my way to our bedroom. 

I listened carefully as I stood just inside the doorway, smiling to myself as I heard his heavy footsteps move quickly after me. I stood and waited for mere seconds before he was in front of me, taking my waist in his hands and pushing me to lay down on the soft comforter of the bed I still hadn’t made. He pinned me down by my wrists and leaned down over me, his knees on either side of my hips, and pressed his lips into the curve my neck, nipping and kissing as he traced up and along my jaw. I let out a long breath as one of his hands lifted my shirt, running it along my ribs and started to knead my breast, his thumb rubbing softly at my nipple as it came to attention by his touch. 

Murphy’s lips pressed hard into mine for a quick second before he turned his attention downward, burying his face in my chest, licking and nipping at the sensitive skin of my breast and finding my other nipple. He teased me with his tongue and gently nibbled before suddenly pulling away and looking up at me, his smile beautiful and devious. 

“Sorry, love. Gotta go.” He said matter-of-factly. 

“Fucking seriously?” 

Murphy winked and straightened up, tugging at his coat and running his fingers through his hair. 

“You can be a real asshole, you know.” I grumbled, pulling myself up to lean on my elbows, my shirt still gathered high on my chest. I scooted to the edge of the bed and pulled my shirt back down as he walked up to me and planted a kiss on the top of my head.

“I’ll see you tonight. Shouldn’t take us longer than a couple hours” He said, combing his hand through my hair and turning to leave. I took his hand and stopped him for another second, standing up and pulling him back to me. 

“Please be safe.”

He kissed me and gave me a smile.

“Really. If it gets too dicey, you come home.” 

“Katy, relax. We’ve handled worse.” 

“Murph, you just never know. If you go in there thinkin’ it’ll be a cake walk, they could take you by surprise and I lose the most important thing in my life. Please. Just be careful. Promise me that.” 

Murphy wrapped his arms around me and held me for long moment, leaning down to kiss me again, his tongue slipping between my lips and massaging mine. 

“I promise, Katy.” He finally said, his hand resting along my hip before he turned to go. 

I stood and listened as the heavy door closed and locked, quickly followed by another muffled door as he left the building, hoping and praying that he would return home to me in one piece and without any more black eyes or bullet holes. I turned to make our bed, trying to ignore the growing swell of worry that grew in the pit of my stomach, my thoughts wandering to the night two months past when he’d come home with three bullet holes and a black eye, Connor following closely with two gunshot wounds of his own. 

Neither he or Connor had been very forthcoming with the details, but I knew better than to take their word for what had actually happened. It was job that hadn’t gone as planned; there were more of the “other guys” waiting for them than they had originally thought and barely made it out of whatever old freight house they’d been in alive. When they’d walked through the door, limping and hissing at the searing pain that comes with gunshot wounds, I nearly had a heart attack as they both collapsed onto the couch and pulled off their clothes to let me take a look. 

I’d been more than straightforward with how angry I was that they’d underestimated the men they were up against and probably could have softened my tone with them. But as I pulled out bullet fragments and stitched them up right in our own kitchen, I couldn’t help but focus on the harsh reality of the danger they put themselves in doing what they did. 

The sudden blare of my phone ringing echoed from down the hall and I ran to catch it, hoping it wasn’t my parents just yet and slumping in disappointment when I should have known better. 

“Hi mom.” 

“Katy! Honey we’re here!” 

“What? You’re really early. Did you even stop at your hotel?” 

“No, dear, not yet. We came straight over. We just really wanted to see you. It’s been months and we’re just so excited to meet this Murphy of yours.” 

“Um, so you guys are here… like, at our house?” 

“Yes, dear. We’re outside. I hope we’re in the right place, though. Do you live in a loft? Because this place looks awfully industrial… It doesn’t even look like anyone lives here.” 

“I’ll meet you outside. Hang on.” 

I didn’t even give her time to say anything back before hanging up and retreating to the bedroom to change, pulling on some jeans and an oversized sweater I’d had since med school. I did a walk through the kitchen and great room to make sure everything was in it’s place, locking the gun cabinet tucked behind the bar and turning on the Guinness neon sign hanging from the front to make it as inconspicuous as possible. 

Walking down the hall from our front door to let my parents in, I took several deep breaths as I grew more and more nervous at my family’s arrival, but couldn’t really think of a reason why I was so preoccupied with impressing them. I knew they’d be thankful to see that I had finally found my own happiness, but for some strange reason - perhaps just old habits dying hard - I wanted them to like where I’d chosen to live my life and who to live it with.


	16. Chapter 16

“Jesus fucking Christ.” I gasped at the gust of arctic wind that greeted me as I opened the outer door, pulling my arms closely across my chest.

“That’s hardly the greeting I was looking forward to.” My mom’s voice carried from a few feet away, a big smile spreading across her face.

My parent’s stood just in front of a shiny black Mercedes parked to the right of the door, holding each other with their arms looped together.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize how cold it was. Please, come inside. No need to greet each other in the cold like this.”

“I’m not sure what to think of the neighborhood, honey. It’s awfully…” My dad paused to look around at the the old building that surrounded the small parking lot on three sides.

“I know, Dad. It looks rough, but I’m safe here. The boys would never let anything happen to me.”

“Boys. You mean you live with more than one?” He asked, his expression slightly bewildered.

‘Guys, come inside. It’s freezing out here. I have some coffee brewing. Come on.”

The two of them stepped inside and followed me to the door, rubbing at the chill in their hands as they took in the long, nondescript hallway before following me and easing out of their obvious discomfort.

“Well, this certainly isn’t what I was expecting. This is very nice.” My dad said, nodding his head at the beautiful room around him, taking in the exposed brick walls and old wood beams high above him and running his hand along the soft leather of the couch.

“I never would have guessed.” My mom piped up. “Katy, it’s so wonderful to finally see you. How have you been? Are you working?” She asked, wrapping her arms around me for a warm embrace. My father joined us, pressing his cheek to the top of my head as we stood together in the middle of the room.

“I started work in the ER at Mass General a couple weeks ago. But I’ve been really good.” I answered, a warm smile pulling at my lips and my cheeks blushing. “Where’s Daphne?”

My mother beamed as she watched me, her eyes starting to mist before she looked over at my father and let her hand rest on his arm.

“She couldn’t switch her flight to an earlier one like she’d hoped. Had some appointments that couldn’t be rescheduled. She’ll be in some time late tonight. ” My dad said, checking out the pool table.

My parents took their seats on the couch as I poured some coffee and joined them, our conversation light and casual as we shared the events of the previous 4 months apart, several hours passing easily as late afternoon turned into evening. But as was expected and equally dreaded, the subject of Kevin finally surfaced and it was time to tear open the scar tissue that hadn’t yet fully healed.

“Honey, why couldn’t you just tell us you two were having problems?” My mother asked, her expression more out of concern than of her usual hunger for gossip.

“I don’t know, Mom, it’s hard to explain. And you guys aren't exactly easy to talk to when it comes to those kinds of things.”

“Katy, we aren’t here to judge you on it. I think this move of yours has certainly taught us something in that department.” My father added, leaning back and crossing his legs.

“It’s just…” I paused and thought for a moment, trying to put the right words together. “Everyone expected so much from us. And we just didn’t have that much to offer. It’s like everyone wanted us to be these two beautiful people with beautiful lives and perfect jobs and full bank accounts and a great house and nice cars to have this perfect head-over-heels fairytale romance. And it just wasn’t there. I loved him - and still do - but we didn’t have that kind of relationship.” I explained, almost out of breath as I fidgeted with the coffee mug in my hands, both of my parents watching me intently. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, their eyes never leaving me and remaining totally still.

“I hate him for what he did to himself. I’m so angry for what he’s put everyone through. And I’m angry that I didn’t do anything about it.” I continued, careful of how I phrased everything as I realized I hadn’t told them the full story of his decent into depression and my blatant and willful ignorance of the severity of it. There was another long pause between the three of us before my father leaned forward to set his cup on the coffee table and then to let his hand rest on my knee. I closed my eyes at the tears that were now burning behind my eyes and threatening to fall down my cheeks, hoping that I could keep it together.

“Katy, we understand.” His words were simple and completely unexpected. The very words that I knew I needed to hear, but ones that I never could have imagined coming from him, and far more powerful than I could have expected. “Your mother and I can be oblivious... I think it's been glaringly obvious of that for a long time to everyone but us it seems. But it doesn’t mean we don’t care or worry about you. It saddens me that it took losing you to teach us that we should be more forthright with our love for you and your sister, but here we are. And we’re so proud of you for doing what you had to do to find where you feel happiest.”

I sat there completely frozen and said absolutely nothing. The tears I'd been fighting with finally won me over and I let my head fall into my chest and cried into the cup of coffee I hadn’t taken a drink of, my shoulders shaking and my hands trembling. When I finally looked up, my father took my hand and just smiled at me, saying something more meaningful with that one smile than he could with any words. Something more resonating than he ever had in my life before. For the first time, my parents were being actual parents and I couldn’t quite process anything, struggling to keep myself from falling to pieces at the feeling of acceptance and love that I had never really gotten from them before. I let myself get a grip and gave a long sigh before I smiled at them, reigning in the joy and bewilderment of the moments we had just shared.

“So,” My mom said, breaking the silence. “When do we meet Murphy?” Her voice was now it’s usual level of excitement, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

“Uh, well, he was called into work just before you called. But he should be home anytime.”

“What about this other gentleman that lives here? Who is he?”

“It’s actually his brother, Connor.”

Both of them nodded their heads in unison before the muffled sounds of the outside door boomed from down the hall.

“Speak of the devil.” I said, more to myself than to them. I bolted to my feet and jogged to open the door, Murphy and Connor’s voices echoing as they argued from the hallway.

“I’ll be right back. Please, grab some more coffee or a beer in the fridge. We’ll be in in a minute.” I said, heaving the door open just as Connor’s voice boomed with a few choice obscenities.

“What the hell?” I hissed, closing the door softly behind me. “You didn’t see the damn car outside?”

“What?” He asked, his chest heaving at his obvious frustration.

“My parents are here, Connor.” I said quietly. “You could make a little bit more of an appropriate entrance.”

“Oh, well excuuuuse me.” He retorted, exaggerating as he bowed in front of me and winced, grabbing at his crotch.

“What the hell is going on here? What happened?” I asked, worried and turning to Murphy. He shrugged his shoulders and covered his mouth as he laughed, looking over at his brother.

“Let him tell you.” Murphy said, smiling as he tried to warm up his hands with his breath.

“The plan fuckin’ worked, alright.”

“No. No it didn’t. You and your fuckin’ rope.” Murphy said, laughing again to himself. “He was supposed to come down from some fuckin’ rafters in this indoor shipping dock and surprise these guys.” He paused and watched Connor start to pace. “Well, I guess it sort of worked, but he came down too fast and too close to a stair railing and racked himself in the nuts.”

“You can stop fuckin’ laughin’. The plan fuckin’ worked.”   
I just stood there and kept my arms folded, trying to mask the unbearable need to laugh at the image of Connor making a fool of himself for the sake of looking "badass" as he always strived to do.

“Are you alright?” I asked, biting my tongue.

“My fuckin’ balls hurt.”He winced, adjusting himself.

“Are they bleeding? I can take a look.” I said, stepping toward him and reaching for the buckle of his belt.

“I haven’t even looked.” He said roughly, shoving my hands away. "But leave 'em the fuck alone for now will ya?"

“Are you hard right now? Jesus Connor, let me see. This could be bad...” I said, trying to control the worry laced in my words before I knelt down in front of him and carefully pulled down the tops of his jeans and boxers. Murphy leaned in to look and a shove him away, giving him a look of warning and holding up a finger like some kind of scolding teacher. "Turn around."

"What? Why?"

"Because I said so." I warned, pushing him back a little further as he turned to look away and I turned my attention back to Connor. "When did this happen?"

"Like twenty minutes ago? Right before we left." 

I pulled his pants down a little further to see the beginnings of bruising and swelling on the insides of his thighs and along one side of his balls. His skin was starting to darken in certain splotches before he took a step back and pulled his pants back up. 

"This could definitely be worse... Have you iced it?"

"Nah, not yet."

"You need to... Are you okay otherwise?"

“I’m think so.”

“So what, you’re just mad that Murphy is laughing at you? Is that what all that bullshit was a minute ago?”

“Fuckin’ a, he’s been laughin’ since we fuckin’ left.” He whined, sounding like a six year old who’s brother won’t share his Legos.

“Well, get over it and pull yourself together. That’s fucking hilarious. But really, my parents are here, so try to reign in the language.” I said, giving his arm a playful nudge and pulling the door open. Murphy leaned over and kissed me on the cheek before I could step inside, pulling me in for a long, warm hug.

“Told you I’d be home.” He whispered in my ear.

“Yeah, but in one piece, right? No holes anywhere?”

“One piece.” He smiled, holding the door open and walking in behind me, putting on the charming smile I’d fallen so hard for.


	17. Chapter 17

My parents stood at the kitchen counter with fresh cups of coffee as Connor, Murphy and I walked in, my mother’s face brightening as she turned to greet them. 

“Mom, Dad, this is Connor and Murphy MacManus.” I said, pointing to the two men who stood on either side of me. “Guys, this is Eric and Lynn.” 

“It’s nice to meet the both of you.” My mother smiled, stepping up to Murphy to give him a prim and proper hug as she kissed his cheek and turned to Connor to do the same. My father stood up straight and held out his hand, giving each of them a firm handshake and warm greeting. 

“Great to finally meet the both of you. Sorry we’re late.” Murphy said, his hand running smoothly along my back to hold warmly just above my ass. 

“No apology necessary. What is it that you do?” My father asked, slipping his hands in his pockets as I swallowed hard at the lack of a clue of what Murphy or Connor would come up with.

“We’re contractors for a security company.” Connor said, opening a fresh beer and taking a long sip. I gave a tiny sigh of relief at Connor’s answer, thankful that he had had the foresight to think about this. 

“What kind of security?” My father asked, leaning against the counter. 

“Just depends on the client.” Murphy added. “We do more of the planning and coordinating. Gettin’ enough coverage for public appearances, makin’ sure we got the right equipment. That type ‘a thing.”

“I can see why Katy has insisted that you can keep her safe. No wonder.” My mother said, offering a small smile to me. I stepped over and grabbed a couple of beers for Murphy and I and we headed to the couch, my parents and Connor joining us a moment later. 

“So, when did you two immigrate?” My father started, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Nah, we actually didn’t.” Connor said, moving his hand along the hair on his chin and looking more than a little uncomfortable. 

“Aye, our mom had us just a few days after they got here.” Murphy explained, nodding his head as he took a drink of his beer. “Da was workin’ in some factory when he met our mom back in Ireland. She got knocked up and they came out here right after .” he continued. “The neighborhood we grew up in was full ‘a Irish immigrants. We just grew up around it.” Murphy added, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I crossed my legs and smiled to myself, thankful to finally be in this moment.

“I’m sure it’s nice that you didn’t have to bother with Customs or the immigration process.” My mother offered, setting her cup of coffee on the table in front of her.

“Well, I guess we wouldn’t really know…” Connor returned, shrugging his shoulders. 

“So tell me what kind of security work you guys do.” My dad chimed in, bringing up the only subject he seemed to be comfortable with with others; work. 

“Nothin’ too complicated about it really.” Murphy said simply, moving his thumb softly along the curve of my shoulder. “We get a client call, we get our guys to where ever they need to go, they stand there and keep ‘em safe.”

“Doesn’t sound too exciting, though, does it?” 

“It has it’s days.” Connor said, sitting up. “You got crazies out there all over the place. Sometimes they got more gumption than ya expect.” 

“Hey, isn’t this where those Saints were doing all of those murders those years ago? Did you two ever have to deal with anything about that? Anyone asking for extra security guards to keep those two heathens away?” My mother asked them, looking from Connor to Murphy and then to me. I swallowed hard and could feel myself start to sweat, almost feeling nauseated at just how close and dangerous all of this had suddenly become. 

“Nah, that was ‘fore we got into the business. That was back when we were both just scrapin’ by workin’ in a meat packin’ plant.” Murphy offered, his ability to think on his feet lighting something deep and carnal inside me on fire. 

“I just can’t believe those two animals were able to get away with what they did.” She added, making me even more uncomfortable. Murphy’s arm twitched behind me and I took his hand in mine to give him a gentle squeeze, hoping that he could keep his cool long enough for me to get my parents out of the house. 

“Boston PD’s always had trouble doin’ their job right.” Connor said simply. I looked up at him and gave him a small nod, part of me relieved with his quick answer. 

“Can you imagine the families they’ve ruined doing what they did?” My mother added as my father nodded, watching Connor and Murphy carefully and making me nervous. 

“Not only that, but I’m sure what they did could be considered obstruction of justice.” He said, a strange tick I’d never seen before twitching at the outside corner of his left eye before he continued. “On top of the illegal guns I heard they were using to commit all those murders.”

“I don’t know, ‘least somethin’ was bein’ done about all of it.” Murphy countered as I bit down hard at the nerves I could feel vibrating along Murphy’s skin. 

“If anyone in Chicago ha-“

“Can we… talk about something else?” I interrupted, looking over at my mother and giving her a look that asked her to help me turn the conversation in a different direction.

“Something that doesn’t revolve around two murderers running around town?” She said, adjusting her wine colored blazer and turning her watch over on her wrist. I bit down hard again and tried harder than I wanted to in order to hide my frustration with her words. 

“I’m alright with that.” Murphy returned, bringing one of his legs up to rest his ankle on his knee. 

“I don’t know, I think it’s interesting to talk about. What was your opinion on those two?” My dad pressed, turning into the same persistent asshole I knew he was with the men I introduced him to. 

“Dad…” 

“Me? I personally didn’t give a shit.” Connor answered, interrupting me before I could stop the conversation altogether. 

“Same boat. I ‘member some of those fuckin’ gangsters comin’ in to a bar we were in way back and tryin’ to hand the bartender his ass. Those guys ended up dead the next day ‘cuz ‘a those Saints guys. If ya ask me, they had it comin’.” Murphy said, shrugging his shoulders as I scooted a little closer. 

“Breaking the law to atone for others breaking it isn’t a solution to the problem. Perhaps slumming in a bar that gets mixed in with the likes of gangsters isn’t the greatest kind to be slumming in.” My father argued, the tone in his voice growing stern before I moved to sit at the edge of the couch. 

“Dad, stop. Why do you always have to be such an asshole with the men in my life?”

“I’m not trying to be.”

“Yeah? Well it sure as hell doesn’t seem like it.” I spat just as Murphy reached for my hand and gently held it.

“I was merely pointing ou-“

“I don’t give a SHIT what you were pointing out. You’re being a massive asshole while you do it and I refuse to let you talk to them like that. You barely know them.”

“Katy, would you please calm do-“

“Absolutely not.” I interrupted my mom as she looked up at me like I’d just slapped her in the face as I looked down at my father. “I can’t believe you… walking in here and acting like you actually gave a shit about me and then turning around and treating the men who took me in and took care of me like some kind of lesser life form. I can’t fucking believe you.” 

“Katy, I-“

“No, dad, I think you should go. Both of you.” 

“Katy-“ My mom started with a look of shock before I interrupted. 

“I would really like for you to leave.” I said firmly, pointing to the door as my parents slowly got up to their feet. Connor and Murphy looking up at me carefully, unsure of how to react to the situation they’d just witnessed before I reached over and combed my fingers through Murphy’s hair. I gave him a look of apology and followed my parents to the door and down the hallway where they stopped at the doorway. 

“Honey, we really didn’t mean to offend you or them…” My mother started, looking at me as if she were disappointed in everything I’d ever done, which somehow didn’t seem like much of a stretch. 

“You know, it’s one thing to disagree with someone… but to be totally fucking horrible to them for no reason… on a subject you know nothing about-“

“I know everything I need to know about what happened here. I read the newspa-“

“No, dad, you don’t know everything you need to know. You weren’t here when that happened. They were. So stop acting like you know everything when you don’t.” 

“Why is this such a big deal to you? You weren’t here either.” He asked, giving me a look as if I were somehow being ridiculous. 

“This isn’t about the two that did all of that years ago. This is about how you treat people. And you were awful.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I can’t fucking believe you!” I nearly shouted, anger boiling deep in my gut. 

“I was only having a convers-“

“Are you fucking kidding me?! You came into their home like you owned this place and acted as if they were some kind of shit on the bottom of your shoe. You do this EVERY time I introduce you to someone…” I said, bringing my hand up to hold on my forehead. “I don’t know why I’m so surprised.”

“Just what the hell do you mean by that?”

I snapped my head up to look at him and felt myself grimace at him, my heart racing with rage as I tried to control it with my breathing .

“If I’m going to have to walk you through just how condescending you are to other people, than I am done with this conversation. It’s a waste of fucking time.” I said slowly, my voice dark and angry as I looked over at him. “Now get the fuck out of here.” 

My parents stood there at a disturbed loss for words and stared at me before they finally did as I asked. An angry tear fell down my cheek and I quickly swiped it away, hugging my arms around myself at he disappointments I had as parents. Back behind me, I could hear the sounds of boots walking up behind me before a strong pair of arms wrapped around my waist and a set of lips kissed my shoulder. 

“You really didn’t hafta do that.” Murphy said softly as I brought my hands to hold on his forearms. 

“Yes. I did… he was completely out of line treating you two like that.” 

“You know we deal with pricks like that all the time, love. You don’t hafta get so wound up over it.”

“Baby, yes, I do. He’s done this every time I’ve ever seen him meet someone now… It’s like he’s always got to establish some sick sense of dominance.” 

“Maybe you’re right… but you handed him his ass. You’re better people than him.”

I gave a slight smile as he kissed behind my ear again and I turned my head to look at him, kissing his cheek before I turned around in his arms and hugged my arms around him. 

“I love you.” I finally said, closing my eyes as we pressed our foreheads gently together. 

“And I love you… now can we get some food? I'm fuckin’ starved.” Murphy said, breaking away from me and giving me the same beautifully slanted smile I could never get enough of.

“I need to take a look at him and call the hospital. He’s gonna need an ultrasound.” 

Murphy nodded and the two of us walked back inside to find Connor standing in the kitchen nursing his beer and leaning against the counter.

“Well that was interesting.” He said casually, pulling his cigarette from behind his ear and putting it between his lips. 

“Ugh. Can we just… pretend like that didn’t happen?”

“If that makes you feel better.”

“It doesn’t, but I like deflection and aversion as defense mechanisms.”

“Now listen to you and all your big, fancy words.” He joked, giving me a playful wink before he winced again. 

“I need to look at you.” I said, stepping up to him. “How do they feel now?”

“Still feels like they’re on fire.” He said, wincing as he tugged at his jeans. 

“Ok, well drop ‘em then.” 

“What, right here?” 

“Oh please. It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked. And it’s not like I’ve never seen a pair of balls before.”

“I gotta see this.” Murphy joked, moving to stand behind me as his brother dropped his pants and pulled himself from his boxers. 

“Jesus, Connor.” I said, kneeling in front of him and taking a close look at him. Swollen and turning to painful shades of purple, it even hurt me to look at as Murphy sucked in a hard breath behind me and turned away. 

“Oh fuck. I’m so glad I didn’t go up there.” Murphy said, his fist balled up in front of his mouth as he gawked at his brother.

"Shut the fuck up, would ya?" Connor hissed.

“Murphy, stop. This is serious.” I said, reaching over and lifting his sac, taking a good, closer look. Connor let out a harsh gasp at the pain and I let go of him. “Connor, honey, you need to go get this checked out. You could have torn something in there. I’ll make a couple of calls in a minute. But you need to go.”

“Fuck.” He said simply, pulling his boxers and jeans back up and taking a long sip of beer. “Am I gonna be alright?” 

“Depends. How far did you fall? 

“Didn’t fall until I was only a few feet from the ground.”

“Hm… well, at that rate it’s probably just some swelling going on. But I don’t want to risk it. Put some ice on them and I’ll call up to the hospital. I can get you in to someone tonight.” 

Connor nodded and I filled up a bag of ice while Murphy ordered some food and lounged on the couch. I made a call to work and handed Connor my keys as well as an office to go to before joining Murphy on the couch, sinking into his arms and closing my eyes. The doors closed one after another as Connor left, leaving Murphy and I in a comfortable silence. 

“Is he gonna be alright?” Murphy asked, running his fingers along my arm. 

“I think so. Looks and probably feels worse than it actually is.” 

“Think ya freaked him out when you told him to go tonight.” 

“It’s a precaution. It needs to be checked out regardless.” 

“I feel pretty shitty about laughing now.” 

“You should.” I joked, playfully giving his cheek a nudge. “Try to imagine being in his shoes.” 

“I think I technically am.” He said, stretching his legs out to rest on the coffee table and checking out the black boots he had on. 

“I think he’ll be fine.” I said, smiling at Murphy’s innocent joke. We waited in another comfortable silence for a long while, wrapped up in each others arms. The night was dark through the skylights above, but I could see that snow had slowly started to fall. I closed my eyes and let sleep come to me before I was jostled awake by Murphy's absence next to me and the sudden smell of pizza filling the room. 

Murphy stood in the kitchen, a piece of pizza hanging from his hand as he chewed on a big bite, a bottle of beer in the other. Walking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing the back of his head. 

“You know, you owe me.” I whispered into his ear, standing on my tip toes. 

“Yeah? How’s that?” He asked, his mouth full as he turned his head to look at me, the same devious smile from earlier pulling at his lips. 

“Oh, don’t play dumb with me.” I ran my hands up underneath his shirt and along the smooth skin of his chest and back down to tuck into his jeans. "You know exactly what you did." I said, unbuckling his belt and dropping it to the ground. He turned around slowly, my fingers never leaving the skin along his hips.

"And just what is it you intend on doing about that?" He said, his voice low. 

"Anything I fucking want to." I pulled at the button and unzipped his jeans and lowered myself to my knees in front of him, our eyes never leaving each others. He leaned back on the counter and let me pull at his jeans, the familiar knots of need twisting between my legs as I ran my hand along the outside of his boxers. 

Murphy let out a low groan as I teased him, running my tongue along his growing erection from outside of the soft fabric. He went to reach for the back of my head before I grabbed his wrist.

"I don't think so." I said, standing up in front of him, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. "I didn't appreciate what you did earlier." I turned around and walked away from him, stopping just in front of the long hallway toward our bedroom. I smiled at the sight of him, standing there nearly out of breath with his pants hanging loosely from his hips and the bulge of his erection pressing at the thin fabric of his boxers. I bit hard at my lip and crossed my arms, watching him stand up straight before I slowly walked to our bedroom.


	18. Chapter 18

I tucked myself just inside the doorway, pulled off my sweater and bra and waited for him, listening to the rhythm of his footsteps as he came into our room, his shirt off and hanging limply from his hand. I barely gave him time to look in my direction before taking his face in my hands and pressing my lips against his. His arms fell to wrap around my waist, his fingertips sending chills across my skin as they ran up and down my spine. I tore his hands away and pushed him onto the bed, letting him lie back and watch me climb on top of him before pinning his wrists down and letting my nipples graze along his skin and leaning in to kiss him. 

I pulled away and sat up, locking my eyes with his and running my hands along the smooth skin of his chest as I slowly rolled my hips on top of him, feeling him grow hard and restless beneath me. Murphy ran his hand along the tight denim of my thigh and up to rest on my hip, stirring up the familiar ache he so easily gave me. His fingers pulled at the button of my jeans and he slowly unzipped them, letting out a long sigh before taking my weight in his arms and turning me over. Tugging at my jeans and tossing them to the floor, he turned his attention to the black lace covering the aching folds between my legs, running his fingers along the insides of my thighs before pulling them down to fall to the floor. 

Murphy wasted no time before pushing his fingers inside of me and planting his lips at the top of my entrance, his tongue teasing my clit as I let out a long, satisfied moan. He moved his fingers slowly at first while he sucked and nibbled at my sensitive bud, throwing my senses into overdrive as he sped up and I arched my hips into his mouth. 

“God yes, holy shit." I whined, running my fingers through his dark hair. I pulled at his arm to bring him to meet his lips with mine, his tongue greeting mine with the sweet taste of sex. 

"Fuck me, Murphy." I breathed. "And you better make up for earlier." 

Murphy leaned up and pulled his jeans down and tossed them across the room, quickly followed by his boxers. I reached over to the bedside table and pulled a small plastic package from the drawer and opened it, his expression blank as I pulled him closer to me. 

"What the fuck is that for?" He asked, pointing at the thin black band in my hand. 

"Come here." 

"Nah, what the fuck is that?" 

"I told you. You better make up for earlier. Come here." He took a closer look at what I was holding, his eyes widening. 

"Is that a fuckin' cock ring?" He asked, leaning back on his heels. I nodded and gave him a seductive smile. "Nah. You know I don't need that shit."

"Murphy. I just wanna try it. If you don't like it, we'll take it off." 

"No, it's fuckin' stupid. I don't need that shit." 

"Please? Just once?" I begged, taking him in my hands and slowly working up and down. He let out a long sigh and ran his fingers through the wet folds between my legs. Defeated, he nodded. 

"Fuck. Fine." He said as he reached over and tried to take it from me. Before he could grab hold of it, I pulled back and put it in my mouth, getting up on my knees and wrapping it around him before I took all of him between my lips. 

"Jesus fuckin' Christ." He breathed, tossing my hair to the side as my lips moved up and down along him, teasing his tip with my tongue as I massaged his sac. His breath quickened and I pulled away from him, his hands taking my hips as I laid down. He ran his hands up along my ribs and pressed his throbbing head at my entrance, teasing me as he barely pushed himself inside of me. 

"Goddamn it, Murphy." I laughed, reaching up and pulling his face hard toward mine, our noses and foreheads touching. "I told you to fuck me. I’ve been waiting all day. No more fucking games." I said, completely failing at trying to sound frustrated. A smile stretched across my face and he let out a light laugh, his hands fidgeting with the ring wrapped around his base. 

“This thing…” 

“What?” 

“I don’t know. It’s fuckin’ tight.” 

“Babe, it’s supposed to be. It’s supposed to-”

“I know what the fuck they’re for. I told ya I don’t need this shit. And this is really fuckin’ uncomfortable.” 

“You won’t even try it?” I whined, moving my hips towards him, desperate to feel him move inside of me. 

Without any warning, Murphy thrust into me, a loud gasp escaping from my lungs. 

“FUCK! Finally!” I breathed, arching my back into him. He let out a laugh and pumped harder, one hand thumbing my nipple while the other planted firmly above my shoulder. 

“Is that what you fuckin’ wanted, huh?” He moaned, putting his hand between us and moving in tight circles around my clit. 

“About fuckin’ time. Yes. Oh my god.” I said, trying to catch my breath as the first wave of delicious heat swelled in my chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close, running my tongue along his neck and to the tender spot behind his ear, his breath hot against my neck. He slowed himself down for a few strides before he stopped moving all together, his chest heaving. 

“Babe, I’m sorry, I gotta take this thing off.” He said quietly, still inside of me. He looked up at me and I smiled, rubbing my fingers along the back of his neck and kissing his cheek. 

“Take it off.” I whispered, kissing his ear. “Thank you for trying.” 

He slipped it off and tossed it to the floor, returning to me for a long, deep kiss as he guided himself back to my slick entrance, moving in slow luscious movements. 

“I promise, I’ll make up for earlier on my own.” He said, his voice low and husked. 

“Prove it.” I returned, running my hand down his chest and around to his back. 

Murphy took my hips in his hands and and started to move faster, stretching me as I tightened my walls around him, his breath catching as he called out my name. I arched my hips back into him and he took my waist in his hands, swiftly moving to lie on his back and letting me climb on top of him. I leaned down and kissed him hard, tugging on his lower lip as I pulled away. He twitched underneath me as I rolled my hips and straightened my back, his hand running up along my ribs to take my breast again, tugging lightly at my nipple. 

My hand fell to rub at my clit as I moved on top of him before Murphy took my wrist and yanked my hand away, sitting up and kissing me as his hand held at the back of my neck. 

“That’s my job.” He whispered, kissing and nipping at the curve of my neck as he replaced my fingers with his own. He brought up his knees and started to pump his hips, bouncing me on top of him and sending me closer to the blinding release I so desperately wanted. The air caught in my lungs in quick, sharp breaths as he fucked even harder, hitting the tender patch of nerves buried deep inside of me like he always did. With a few last hard thrusts, a wave of white hot ecstasy crashed through me and I fell into his arms as he continued to move beneath me, his breath coming in short bursts as he clenched his jaw. The velvet of his skin against mine and the feel of him moving deep inside me removed all ability to think as I tossed my head back, my body quivering into his. Helpless, breathless and melting, I couldn’t think or speak or control - I could only feel him beneath me, his skin smooth and electrifying against mine. 

“Oh, fuck!” He breathed, his voice low and desperate. 

“Come for me, Murphy.” Barely able to form a thought, I managed to whisper in his ear, my skin on fire and my chest heaving. Murphy pumped hard underneath me until his muscles grew hard and rigid, his breath leaving him in sharp, hard gusts as he wrapped his arms around me. 

We laid there for a long time, our bodies connected and reeling from the ecstasy we’d created. I ran my hands through his soft dark hair and planted soft, wet kisses along his jaw before finally meeting his lips with mine. Murphy ran his hands along my back, his touch sending electricity across my skin and bringing a burning need back to the tender folds he was still inside of. He slowly started to move beneath me again, growing harder inside of me as he picked up his pace. 

“Oh my god.” I breathed, closing my eyes as Murphy planted hot, wet kisses along my neck. He pulled out of me and got up from beneath me, turning me on my knees in front of him before he positioned himself at my entrance, teasing me with his tip before pushing back into me. He pumped hard behind me, his fingertips pressed into my hips and rough, raspy moans escaping his throat. I arched my back into him as he slid one of his hands between my legs and moved his fingers along my slick bud. 

“Shit, babe, yes.” I breathed, tossing my hair back and looking back at him. He leaned forward and kissed me hard, his other hand running up along my ribs and taking my nipple between his fingers. He pushed deeper behind me, his breath hot and desperate on the back of my neck and his fingers moving wildly between my legs, sending me into another blinding abyss that choked the air from my lungs and turned my into a thoughtless, quivering mess. Murphy’s hips bucked as he grew harder inside of me, his body going rigid against my own before he pulled himself from my soaking core. I turned over as he came to kneel in front of me, welcoming the sweet taste of sex mixed with his salty release into my mouth.

“Fuck, yes, baby. You gonna swallow it for me this time?” He said, his voice low as he tried to catch his breath. I moaned into him, my tongue teasing and pulsing around his tip and my hands holding firm to his hips. 

“Fuckin’ swallow it. I love it when ya swallow it.” He said, pulling himself out of my mouth and leaning down to press his lips along my neck. I swallowed hard for him and smiled as he brought his lips to meet mine. 

“That’s my girl.” He whispered, running his fingers through my hair as we fell back, our arms and legs tangled together on top of our sheets. 

We laid together for a long time, our skin glistening as we caught our breaths and relaxed into one another. I laid my head on his chest as he fell into an easy sleep, his arm draped over my shoulder as mine rested on his stomach. In a peaceful daze, my thoughts wandered from the man laying next to me to what would come next for us. 

I had been in Boston for nearly five months and I’d healed more than I ever thought would be possible. It was hard to imagine living anywhere but here, but even more so, it was difficult to imagine living without Murphy’s bed head and Connor’s jet fuel coffee every morning. Life before them seemed so empty and invaluable, but being in Boston had changed that. Living here had given me a renewed sense of importance, both professionally and emotionally. It wasn’t to say that I didn’t feel valued in Chicago, it was just that Boston seemed so… different. I felt like I had lived more of a life here in five months than I ever had in the first 32 years of my life in Chicago. I was happy here, beyond any words or expressions, I knew I belonged here. I always had. 

But more than anything, I knew I belonged wrapped in the arms of the man I shared my bed with. The one who made the cutest, softest snores of any man I’d ever met, who could never let anything embarrassing go without mentioning, who’s mere touch lit something in me on fire. Who had held me tight when I’d run from the rubble I left in Chicago and tried to rebuild a life someplace new - who had helped build it just by being who he was. 

Murphy stirred in his sleep, letting out an easy sigh as he turned his head to curl in toward mine. I looked up at him and smiled as tears burned at the back of my eyes, pressing my lips against the smooth skin of his chest and sitting up. His arm slowly ran down my back as he opened his eyes and closed them again, resting his hand at the curve of my hip. 

“Connor home yet?” He mumbled, his eyes still closed. 

“No, not yet. I think I might call him in a minute, though.” I said warmly, running my hand along his chest. I leaned down and kissed his cheek before moving to press my lips against his favorite spot behind his ear as he placed his hand at the back of my head and pull my face to his. His lips were soft and warm against mine, letting his tongue slip in to tangle with my own, his breath sweet and hot. 

“That make up for earlier?” He asked, pulling away slightly, his eyes bright and beautiful as he gazed into mine. 

“Mm. Maybe. But there’ll be an opportunity for extra credit later.” I joked, smiling as he kissed along my jaw. 

The sound of both doors opening and closing, one right after the other, echoed from down the hallway. Murphy and I both sat up and looked at one another, meeting each other to kiss one last time before heaving ourselves out of bed. 

“Connor?” I yelled, pulling on a pair of shorts and one of Murphy’s t-shirts. 

“What?” He returned. 

“Everything okay?” I said, slipping on a pair of house shoes and walking down the hall.

Murphy followed close behind me as he pulled up a pair of sweatpants. Connor leaned against the kitchen counter, a large manilla envelope and small stack of papers in his hand. He rubbed at his crotch and handed them to me. 

“See fer yerself.” He said, giving out a long sigh and pulling the cigarette perched behind his ear to dangle from between his lips. I looked over at Murphy and opened the envelope, praying with sincerity for the first time in a very, very long time.


	19. Chapter 19

I have never been the religious type. I can’t think of a single time that I’ve sincerely prayed to or thanked God for anything, even after months of attending Mass with the boys. But on that cold, snowy night in the middle of February, I did both of those things. I looked up at Connor and put my hand on his shoulder, letting out an easy sigh of relief. Connor just took a long drag of his cigarette, rubbing at his temple while the three of us stood in silence. 

“This is good news. There’s no real trauma here.” I said, reading the physician notes and taking a careful look at the ultrasound images in front of me. “What are you so upset about?”

“Because my fuckin’ balls hurt, that’s why.”

“That’s what happens when you do stupid shit, Connor.” Murphy said, sarcastically. “That fuckin’ rope you love so much’ll be the death of ya.” 

“Ya know, it’s not like yer way was much better.” 

“Well at least mine didn’t nearly rip my nuts off.” 

“Guys.” 

“Yeah, well ya certainly don’t have much of an imagination.” Connor’s voice was booming now as irritation pulled at his words. “All you ever wanna do is crouch down and hide in the fuckin’ bushes and sneak in. That shit’s boring. At least my plans always have some kinda action.”

“Oh, you mean like last time when we bust in there in a fuckin’ moving truck that nearly killed not just us, but Rome too? You remember gettin’ stitched up in here? ‘Cause I sure as hell fuckin’ do and it ain’t somethin’ I wanna do again.”

“Oh don’t start with that shit, brother. You know as well as I do we were fucked on that one to start with.”

“GUYS.” 

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?! If I remember right, you were the one sayin’ ‘Oh, we got this. We got this.’ I even tried tellin’ ya we needed to play it safe on that one ‘cause we didn’t know enough about the building, but noooo you fuckin’ insisted on that stupid fuckin’ Trojan horse bullshit and those guys just kept comin’ at us.”

“We got the fuckin’ job done, didn’t we? That plan worked and you fuckin’ know it. That’s what happens when you get creative, Murph. You get things done. Not that stupid boring shit.”

“Well, I’d rather have my balls than a fuckin’ imagination.”

“You wouldn’t know what a fuc-”

“GUYS! Shut. The fuck. Up. Jesus Christ.” I yelled over them, fed up with the argument of who’s plan was better than who’s. “It’s over. All of it. Done. Connor, I’m glad you’re okay, But you need to chill the hell out and take it easy for a while.” 

The boys stopped and looked at me, both of their expressions blank. Murphy shrugged off the argument as well as his shoulders and pulled the refrigerator door open, offering Connor and I a beer before leaning against the doorway. Connor hesitated and gave his brother a dry look, snatching the bottle from Murphy’s hand and letting out a long sigh before popping off the bottle cap and taking a long drink.

“And Murphy, I love you, but you’ve gotta know when to let up. What happened is pretty funny and I get it, and I also get why you’re frustrated, but this could have sterilized him. Or worse. You should be thanking God he’s alright.” I added, softening my tone as I looked over at him, knowing it was impossible for me to stay mad at him. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, but they seemed to have eased out of their tension. 

“Guys, it’s late. And we’ve got that lunch thing tomorrow so let’s call it a night. Murphy, I’ll be back there in a little bit.” I said, turning my attention to Connor and pointing at him. “You, let me take one more look at you then I’m done poking and bugging you about it.” 

“Glad yer alright, brother.” Murphy said, nodding at Connor before he kissed my temple, holding his hand at the small of my back and turning to walk down the hallway. 

I filled a bag with some ice and followed Connor back to his room and waited as he slowly pulled off his clothes. When he took his seat at the foot of his bed, I handed him the bag and kneeled down in front of him, carefully lifting him and leaning in close. 

“Try not ta do too much’a that.” He said, laying on his back. 

“I know, it’s gotta be agony.” 

“Well, yeah, but it’s not just that.” 

“What?” I asked, confused. 

“Yer also really fuckin' hot.” 

I looked up at him, and blushed, knowing he couldn’t see the expression on my face, still holding his penis in my hand. I could feel him twitch beneath my fingertips and couldn’t help but give in to a devious smile at remembering the night a few months ago when he had joined Murphy and I. 

“Stop.” I joked, letting out a light laugh as I pressed gently along the edges of the deepening bruise on his thigh. Connor winced and sucked in a sharp breath, flinching his leg back as I eased away from him. 

“I’m serious. Yer gonna make me fuckin’ hard if you keep at it. And that fuckin' hurts.”

I paused for a moment as he sat up and covered himself with his hands, shooing mine away. 

“It’s bad enough you make me so hard it hurts sometimes, but now you’ve seen my dick twice in one day and just thinkin’ about it… and thinkin' about that night a while back. Shit.” 

He trailed off and I froze there in front of him, blinking at his admission, a sly smile curling at the corner of my mouth again. 

“Well, you certainly know how to make a girl’s heart melt.” 

“Shut up, will ya? I’m serious here.”

I stood in front of him and crossed my arms, curious at his sudden out-of-character coyness. 

“Do you really have that much trouble with me around?” I asked, feeling guilty. 

“No, no, it ain't that.” He said, pulling on his boxers. 

“I mean, if you want to join us, all you have to do is ask. I'll be the last to say no.”

"Nah, it aint that either."

"Then what is it?"

“Nothin’.” He said, slightly defensive as I watched him closely for moment and sitting down next to him. My smile widened as I realized what Connor’s issue was, and even entertained that he could be the jealous type. 

“Are you… jealous of Murphy and I?” I teased, nudging his arm with my elbow. 

“What’s there to be jealous of?” 

“Well, for starters you already think I'm hot, which you've just said. And secondly, we've already fucked, so...” 

Connor scoffed and looked away. 

“Or maybe it's because you haven’t brought a girl home in a while and Murphy always has me?” 

“Fuck you, when’s the last time you paid attention to when I brought someone home?” 

“Last time was like over a month ago. Murphy and I were already in bed when you two came through here like a couple of hungry bears.” 

Connor paused, without knowing how to respond. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled him close, kissing his cheek. 

“I didn’t even get a chance with you when we helped you out that first night. I honestly didn’t know or think Murph would get that far with you.” He said, his voice almost amused that I'd fallen for his brother's game rather than his.

“Aww, you’ve been crushin’ on me this whole time?”

I smiled and looked at him as he fidgeted with his hands. His demeanor had changed from almost shy to contemplative as he sat there, his eyes focused on his fumbling fingers. He said nothing in response, but I continued to watch him. It was difficult to see him want something his brother had that he hadn’t found for himself - even if he didn’t want to admit he wanted it. Whether he just wanted the company or actually wanted someone to live a life with, I wasn’t sure. But the least I could do was offer to help.

“There’s a pretty hot nurse at work. I’ll see if she wants to go out some night and you two can just happen to ‘meet’ or something.” I said, leaning my head on his shoulder, trying to lighten him up.

“How hot we talkin’?” 

“Hot enough to make me wanna do her.” 

“Now that I’d pay to see.” Connor said, shaking his head and looking toward the heavens. 

"I've already been with both of you. So get me drunk enough, and I just might." I joked, blushing and flattered before looked over at him and continued. “You know, I don’t think I say it enough, but I really do love you, Connor. I mean that. And I am in no way shy in saying that you are the greatest friend I can ever remember having.” I said, pulling him close again. “You and Murphy are the two most important people in my life, and if anything ever happened to either of you, I don't know what I’d do. If I worried you earlier, I’m sorry. But I love you… A lot. You're irreplaceable to me, and if I hadn’t taken that precaution and you’d been really hurt, I couldn’t have lived with myself.” 

I kissed his cheek one last time and stood up to go, straightening the too-large shirt that hung loosely on my shoulders. He held onto my hand and looked up at me, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "And, my offer from a minute ago still stands. When you're up it, all you have to do is ask."

I winked at him and kneeled down in front of him, moving my hands smoothly along his thighs. Connor's breath caught as he watched me tease him, his skin growing hot at my touch. I pulled at the waistband of his boxers and took all of him in my hand, kissing along him and smiling when he let out a long, wanting moan. I pulled away from him, knowing I shouldn't take this any further for his sake, and stood up, turning to leave. 

“I'll keep that shit in mind, then." He said, breathless as he tucked himself away.

I gave him a smile and turned toward the hallway, hitting the lights and closing the door softly behind me. The house was quiet and warm as I made my way around and turned off the lights, finally returning to the dim lit room where Murphy lay splayed across our bed, his sweatpants still on and soft snores escaping from him. I climbed up behind his back and leaned over him, burying my face in the soft curve of his neck and kissing his skin, making my way behind his ear. He stirred and reached his arm back to me, his lips meeting mine. I ran my hands along his chest as he turned onto his back, climbing on top to straddle him. 

“You better wake up. I’m not done with you yet.”

 

*****

 

Murphy’s hands moved along the smooth skin of my thighs and up along my sides, slipping his oversized shirt off of my shoulders. He leaned up and took my nipple between his lips, his tongue moving in slow luscious circles as a fresh wave of need took hold of me. I slowly tilted my head back and savored the feel of him growing hard underneath me while his fingers explored the delicate folds still aching from earlier. He pressed them into the tight bud above my entrance and I let out a long, hot breath, burying my face in the curve of his neck. I let my hands fumble with the soft drawstrings of his sweatpants before tugging the waistband down and wrapping my hands around the erection I couldn't wait to feel inside of me. Murphy's lips left my breast and he looked up me, his eyes soft and twinkling in the soft glow from the dim lamp in the corner while his fingers moved in wild circles between my legs.

My breath caught as Murphy pushed his fingers inside of me, a longing moan escaping from my throat as I pressed my lips hard against his, our tongues moving together in slow, delicious waves.

“Pull these off.” He whispered, tugging at the shorts I still had on. My hands left his lap and I got up to stand on the bed over him, pulling slowly at my shorts in front of him. Murphy bit his lip and ran his hands up my legs as I stood uneasily above him, stretching my arms out to balance myself against the wall. He pulled me closer to him and slipped his tongue between my legs and teased my clit. I sucked in a hard gasp of air as he buried his face between my legs, sucking and nibbling at my excited bud and running his fingers between my slick folds. My knees nearly gave as he hit a tender nerve and I let out another moan, desperate to feel him inside of me. I ran my hand through his hair and lowered myself on top of him, letting him guide himself into me. Murphy wrapped his arms around me and ran his hands along my spine, adjusting his hips beneath me while I slowly started to roll mine.

I quickened my pace on top of him, letting his lips trail along my neck and up to nibble at my ear, his hand resting on my hip while his other pinched and pulled at my nipple. A deep knot twisted and turned in my gut as Murphy’s hand fell to my aching bud, pressing hard and moving in quick, generous circles.

Murphy moved his arm around my waist and took my weight, lowering me to lie on my back, my head resting at the edge of the foot of our bed. My legs bent and fell to either side of him as he took the back of my knees in his hands and straightened up. I reached down to run my hand along my slick folds, feeling our tender connection as he slowly started to move again. I reached my other hand to wrap my fingers around the back of his neck, pulling his lips to mine and kissing him, his mouth sweet and warm. Murphy pushed harder into me, earning him a long, passionate moan coming from deep in my throat. I moved my fingers along my unattended bud and kissed him harder before letting him go.

“Shiiiiiit. Babe, I’m gonna come.” I whispered, the familiar wave of heat pulsing from his deep thrusts all the way up into my chest. “Ohhh, fuck yes. Keep going.” I said as he pushed even harder into me. But without warning Murphy froze, still deep inside of me, his chest heaving as he caught his breath.

“Wha- what’s wrong?” I breathed, sounding painfully desperate as the devilish claws of bliss still gripped my core. Murphy just looked down at me, his eyes crystal clear and focused on me. “What?” I pressed, feeling my walls tighten around him.

“Nothin’.” He said simply, leaning down to press his lips into the curve of my neck.

“Then why-”

“‘Cause I know it drives you crazy.” He joked, nipping at my collarbone. I smacked his arm and reached to squeeze at the soft, warm skin of his ass still partially covered by his worn sweatpants.

“You fuckin’ asshole.” I laughed, rolling my hips underneath him. He dipped his head down to wrap his lips around my nipple, tugging at it with his teeth before looking back up at me for another long moment as he twitched inside of me.

“What?” I asked, running my hand along his chest. He eased himself down closer to me, our noses and foreheads touching like they had earlier.

“What, I can’t just look at you? I like lookin’ at ya.”

“Mmm, not when you have me here begging you to keep going.” I said, my voice low and needy. He kissed along my jaw and made his way to nibble at my ear, a sharp breath escaping from me.

“You know I love it when you beg.” He purred, pulling slowly out of me. He sat up and watched me pull my legs together, my knees still bent. “You gonna beg me for it?” He asked, finally pulling his sweatpants off and tossing them to the floor.

“Mmm, nope. I can do this on my own.” I said defiantly, biting my lip. I knew I could never do for myself what Murphy could, but it was always more fun to watch him suffer than to let him know he could do the same to me. “We’ll see how long you can watch me fuck myself before you can’t help but do it for me.”

Murphy leaned over me, my folded legs against his chest as his lips pressed heavily against mine. He pulled away, tugging at my bottom lip.

“Then fuck yourself.” He said, a sly smile pulling across his lips as he leaned back on his heels, wrapping his hand around his girth.

I spread my legs, licked my fingers and slipped them into my aching, wet folds, running along them slowly as I tugged at my nipple with the other. Murphy let out a long moan as I pushed my fingers inside my entrance, moving them in fast, slick movements before bringing them back up to my mouth. I let out a low moan at the sweet taste of sex, sucking on my finger as I pulled it from between my lips and returned my hand to my wet entrance.

“Shit.” Murphy whispered, his eyes hungry as he watched me. He started to stroke himself, his breath hard and heavy. I moved my fingers in and out of myself, playing with my clit and biting at my lip while I watched him move in smooth stokes along himself, his hungry erection growing harder by the second. The white hot claws of ecstasy pulled at my chest as my breath caught and my climax arched, my fingers moving furiously between my legs as I moaned into my shoulder.

“Fuck, girl.” Murphy growled, tearing my hands away and pinning my wrists to the bed. I smiled at his hot, uncontrollable need as he pushed into me, relishing in how easy it was to see him lose control of himself. He leaned down and kissed me hard, his hips pumping with a renewed vigor that took my breath away. He took my hips in his hands and rolled us over, laying on his back and lifting his knees beneath me. I tossed my hair to one side and bent down to press my lips behind his ear, moving to nibble on his lobe as he bucked underneath me.

“Oh my god.” I whispered, the gratifying knots of pleasure twisting between my legs as Murphy hit the delicate spot of nerves buried deep inside of me. “Fuck, yes, babe. Oh my god.” I said louder, my voice desperate and catching in my throat.

“You gonna come for me, huh?” He said, his voice low, slipping his fingers between my legs and pressing into my clit. I choked at the hot waves of need coursing through me, throwing my head back as Murphy took my nipple between his fingers.

Murphy quickened his pace, his muscles growing hard and rigid beneath me. Blinding waves of euphoria swept through me, crashing through every nerve and leaving me weak and at his mercy as I fell into him. He clenched his jaw and fucked harder, gripping hard onto my hips and I closed my eyes, breathing heavily on top of him. I was weightless, floating with no other thought or realization than the heavenly feel of ecstasy vibrating from deep inside of me. Time was meaningless, the world around me nonexistent as the white hot abyss consumed me, choking at the moans and desperate gasps while Murphy moved.

“FUCK, Katy.” Murphy’s voice shook me back to reality, my eyes slowly opening to watch him bite hard at his lip.

“Come for me, Murphy.” I whispered, pressing my lips along his jaw. “Come inside me, babe.” With a couple of final thrusts, Murphy’s body tensed and convulsed beneath me, driving his hips hard into mine. He planted his lips along my chest, working his way up to nip at my jaw and then on to kiss me.

Murphy pulled himself slowly out from underneath me, pulling the covers over our bodies, his skin electrifying against mine as he laid behind me, our breathing still heavy and labored. He tucked his head into the curve of my neck and kissed me softly, running his hand along my ribs before taking my breast and thumbing over my nipple. I turned my head and reached my hand back to run my fingers through his hair and meeting his lips, his mouth soft and sweet against mine. Murphy pulled away from me slightly, his hand resting easily along my chest.

“You drive me crazy.” He said quietly in my ear.

“I know.” I gave him a warm smile, my hand resting along his cheek. “You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Fuckin’ a.”

I just smiled at him, savoring the feel of his lips leaving soft, wet kisses along my neck before pulling away again.

“I love you, babe.” He said, his voice soft. I smiled at him again and turned onto my back, reaching my other hand across and running along his ribs.

“More than anything.” I whispered, pulling him back to me, our lips parting for another hot, delicious kiss. "I want to ask you something, though."

"What's that?"

"You remember that night with Connor, right?"

"Hell yeah, I do."

"And you liked it?"

"Who wouldn't?"

"I just mean... if I wanted to do it again. You'd be alright with that?"

"Fuck yeah, I'd be okay with it. Why?"

"What if it was Connor that did though?"

"Does it matter? As long as it's somethin' you want, I'm fuckin' game. That shit was too hot, babe."

"Because I think he's feeling a bit left out. You've always got me and he's single. Hasn't brought anyone home in a while... and that night was fucking amazing."

"Love, I'm up for it just as long as you are."

"I just don't want you seeing it as some kind of-"

"Babe, I ain't worried about nothin'." Murphy said as he kissed my temple, moving his thumb softly along my arm.

"I love you, Murphy." I whispered, taking his hand in mine. Murphy pulled me closer and kissed me, our tongues moving smoothly together before I turned onto my side to lay my head on his shoulder, our legs tangling together beneath our soft, warm sheets. We laid there in a comfortable silence for a long time, Murphy’s arm draped lazily around my shoulders as I ran my hand slowly along his chest and he relaxed into an easy slumber. I followed him soon after, smiling at the kind of bliss I knew I could only find with him.


	20. Chapter 20

“Hello?” I mumbled into my phone, my face still buried between my pillows. 

“Are you gettin’ up today?” Murphy’s voice asked through the phone. 

“What?” I returned, jerking my head up to find his side of the bed vacant. “What time is it? Where are you?” 

“Down the street.” 

“You mean you woke up before I did for once?” I asked, leaning on my elbow and running my fingers through my hair. 

"Phone rang at like six this morning. I didn't really have a choice." He grumbled into the phone. I could hear the light clinks of metal in the background and frowned. 

"What are you doing?" I asked, knowing he was more than likely not down the street and probably in the basement of the unassuming Catholic church he'd shown me months before. He was either cleaning or loading a gun, I was sure. I bit my lip and leaned back into my pillow, a mix of disappointment and sadness at the kind of risk he put himself into doing what he did. 

"I'm sure you'd rather not know that answer." 

"You had to go out today?" I said, making a point to emphasize the end of my question and the irritation I had with his job and the stupid times he was called away. 

"Ya know, it's not like I can control when these fuckin' guys decide to pull their shit." He said defensively. "And you even said Connor had to take it easy for a while. I was the only other option." 

I sighed into the phone, resigned. 

"I know, I know. When will you be done though? I need to call my mom at some point." I said, dragging myself from the warmth of our bed, still naked from the night before. I stretched and walked over to the dresser, pulling one of the drawers open before something in the window caught my attention. I froze where I stood and covered my bare chest with my arm, swallowing hard at the dark shadowed figure looming in the window. 

"Murph. Get home. Now." I whispered into the phone, my voice trembling and a tight knot twisting in my throat, the fuzzy outline of a gun becoming more focused as the person outside leaned closer, attempting to see through the frosted window. 

"What the fuck? What's wrong?" His voice grew worried and slightly stern, I could hear his breathing become heavy through the phone. 

"There's a..." I swallowed hard again. "Gun. Outside. He's watching me." I could barely speak, struggling to breath as I slowly backed away toward the wall. I slid down to tuck myself into a ball, folding my legs in front of me and wrapping my free arm around my knees. 

"What?!" Murphy shouted into the phone. The figure leaned in closer and cupped his hands around his eyes to attempt to peer inside and a terrified whimper escaped my throat. Goosebumps coursed across my skin, and my hands started to shake hard enough for my phone to tumble out of my hand. 

"KATY!" I could hear Murphy yell from the phone on the floor. My hands trembled as I reached for the edge of the dresser, struggling to find enough strength to pull myself to my feet. 

I gave up trying to stand and instead crawled on my hands and knees to reach for the shorts and shirt still laying on the floor, pulling them on with surprising speed despite my shaking hands. 

"KATY! PICK UP THE FUCKIN' PHONE. TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" Murphy voice was a mix of anger and terror now as I returned to the corner and picked up the phone, folding my legs into my chest once again. 

"Please. Just get home." I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to focus on what could be done, too terrified to look over and see the person trying to break into my home. Instead, I could hear him struggle with the lock and hinges of the old window, the metal of his gun tapping on the glass as he worked. 

"Get out of the room, get a gun and find Connor. I'm leaving. I'm coming for you." Murphy said quickly, his tone urgent and scared. I swallowed hard and forced myself to my feet, moving slowly toward the door.

"Okay?" He asked, now desperate. 

"Okay." I whispered, closing the bedroom door behind me and running down the hallway. I rounded the corner into the kitchen and ran straight to the nondescript cabinet full of guns behind the bar. I felt like a fish out of water trying to learn a new language, remembering there being at least six types of guns I'd never used before, all of which different than the one I'd stashed in my desk in Chicago as I continued to fumble with the lock. 

"What the hell are you doin'?" Connor asked, his voice still deep and gritty with sleep. He took the lock from my clumsy hands and worked in the combination with quick efficiency, watching me as I fumbled with the phone against my cheek. 

"There's someone trying to get into our room!" I said as quietly as possible, praying that whoever it was hadn't been successful yet. 

"WHAT?!" Connor's voice boomed. 

"Tell him to shut the fuck up and get a gun!" Murphy hissed over the phone, a car door slamming shut in the background. 

"Keep your fucking voice down and get a gun!" I whispered, taking the first gun I saw and tucking myself into the corner of the bar and out of sight of the hallway. 

"First, that's mine. Second, this one'll be easier to handle." Connor said, kneeling down and trading guns with me. "It's loaded. Don't point it unless you got a clear shot. I got the safety for ya, so be fuckin' careful."

"I've used a gun before." I said, my voice flat. 

"What?" Connor asked, shock painted across his face. 

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Ha, yeah. It is."

"Fuck you, no it's not."

"Yeah, babe, it is. You're not exactly gunslingin' material." Murphy chimed in over the phone. "And from the way you panicked, it's pretty obvious you ain't used to 'em."

"Hey, fuck you, too. I don't deal with guns on a daily basis, so excuse me for being slightly panicked with I saw someone out our fucking window when I was still NAKED."

"Love, you lost it. Admit it." Murphy was right, but knowing it was better to deflect than to admit it, I sighed and changed the subject altogether. 

"Are you on your way?" 

"Couple minutes. If that... And I'd rather you be panicked and find a place to stay hidden than run around out in the open and risk your life." The sound of glass shattering and falling across the floor echoed from our bedroom, quickly followed by the loud clomping of boots hitting the hardwood in slow, rhythmic steps. 

"Murphy, hurry!" I whispered into the phone.

"I'm almost there. Stay low and out of sight as much as you can!" 

"Okay."

"Now hang up."

"I love you." 

"I love you, too. I'll see you in a minute." 

I took a deep breath and ended the call, slipping the phone into the pocket of my shorts and moving toward the bar, leaning against the shelves and wrapping my arms around my legs. Connor's voice boomed from down the hall and a woman's voice echoed along with it. I couldn't make out her words as her voice was just quiet enough to get lost in the open space of our home, despite straining my neck to hear as much as possible. 

Another window shattered from the other side of the building, the footsteps of multiple people quickly following just like the moment before, moving fast through the hallway from Connor's room. Beads of sweat started to form along my forehead, the panic and adrenaline pushing my heart beat to roar in my ears. Trying to keep calm, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, bracing myself to peer around the end of the bar counter, hoping to stay out of sight. Before I could barely move, the front door swung open and Murphy flew into the room, his thick black jacket hanging loosely from one shoulder. 

"Stay fuckin' still, motherfuckers." He yelled, looking around the room and pointing his two guns at the three men standing next to the pool table. I stayed as still as I could, my breath labored and panicked while I watched Murphy do exactly what I never wanted to watch him do - his job. The same female voice I'd heard Connor arguing with a moment before grew closer, her words slurred and nearly incomprehensible as they entered the room. 

"Ya think I don't know who the fuck yer with?" Connor asked, his tone annoyed as he walked her to the group of men Murphy had wrangled. 

"I don' know what your talkin' about." The woman said slowly, as if she had to hand pick each word before piecing together the sentence. Before anyone had the chance to say anything else, the sound of gunfire shot through the air and footsteps scattered and scuffed along the floor. I pushed myself closer to the wall under the gun cabinet and pulled my legs up closer into my chest, trying to ignore the sudden burning cramp in my side. Various pieces of furniture toppled over and the harsh sounds of fists striking cheekbones along with guns skating across the floor filled the room, chaos reigning over the situation the boys had figured they could control. Connor's voice boomed over everything, his words careful and defiant as Murphy joined him in reciting their morbidly beautiful family prayer. The room came to a deafening silence as time seemed to stand still, not a single movement or sound other than the last declaration of a means to an end - just a few simple Latin words. 

"In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti."

The metallic ping of gunshots pierced the silence and I pulled my knees closer to my chest, wincing at the white hot pain under my ribs. 

"Fuck, that fuckin' broad bolted!" Connor said a moment later.

"Whatta ya mean she fuckin' bolted?" Murphy's voice agitated as I heard him kick a chair out of his way. 

"I mean she ain't here, dipshit. She musta snuck out when these fucks made their move."

"ARE YOU FUCKIN' SERIOUS?" 

"It's not like we weren't a little fuckin' busy, brother." 

"Jesus Christ, so what're we gonna do now, then?" 

"You think I know? That bitch is fuckin' nuts as it is. Who knows if SHE even knows what she was doi-"

"Wait, where the fuck is Katy? Is she alright?" Murphy interrupted. I looked up, wincing as I moved to stand before a sudden movement caught my eye from the open end of the bar. Crawling slowly toward the wall away from the two men that would kill him regardless, the stranger looked over at me, his expression a mix of surprise, desperation and terror as I held up my gun and pointed it at his head.

"Wrong hiding place." I said slowly. His eyes grew wide a second later and the soft release of the trigger caught in my hand, ending the life of a man I'm sure would never have hesitated to end mine if given the chance. 

"KATY!" Murphy shouted from somewhere across the room. Furniture toppled across the floor and I pulled myself to my feet, setting the gun on the bar. Murphy grabbed my arm with a firm hold and pulled me around the end of the bar and into his arms, holding me tight and pressing his lips into mine. I sucked in a sharp breath at the pressure from his embrace, nearly collapsing as my pulse started to roar in my ears. 

"You alright?" He asked, panicked as he held tight onto my arms. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." I said, leaning into the intense and deepening pain that felt like a knife being twisted in my side.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I ju-"

"No yer not, yer fuckin' bleeding." Murphy tugged at the hem of my shirt, gently moving my arm out of the way. 

"Shit." I said under my breath, looking down at my blood soaked shirt and the angry, perfectly circular wound with deep red blood oozing down my side. 

"Jesus, Katy." Connor said, leaning over the bar and lifting my arm up to get a closer look.

Murphy knelt down in from of me and gently wiped at the blood slowly running down along my hip. I winced and pulled away quickly, pushing hard on my side to keep from losing any more blood. 

"We needa get you to the hosp-"

"Guys." 

"Seriously, babe, that's fuckin' dee-"

"Guys, I just killed someone." 

"Turn around, lemme see if it wen-" Connor said, grabbing my wrist and trying to turn me around.

"Did you hear what I just said?!" I hissed at Connor, wincing as I broke from his tight grip.

"Yeah, and you did it 'cause you had to. Now we gotta g-" 

"Murphy, I just fucking killed someone!"

"I KNOW." Murphy said, throwing his arm in the direction of the dead man behind him. Frustrated, he ran his hand through his hair and looked back up at me. His demeanor softened as he watched me, tears steaming down my face as the reality of my actions came crashing down over me. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me, kissing at the tender spot behind my ear. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered, running his hand along my back. "I'm sorry it came to this. That you were dragged into this. That you had to do anything." 

We stood there for what seemed like an hour, swaying together as quiet tears slowly fell to land on the thick lapel of his coat. I'd killed people before. Making a wrong call or not being able to get to someone before it was too late was just part of being a doctor - especially one who dealt with traumas on a regular basis. Losing people was just a reality that had to be accepted. But I'd never intentionally done anything to kill anyone, and this was a whole new kind of guilt to live with. 

"It's different for ya, I know." Murphy said softly. I nodded and he pulled away slightly, his expression understanding and gentle. 

"All of 'em. All these people. Hurt others. They kill. Steal. Deal drugs. I know you save people fer a livin' 'an I know this goes against everything you've ever worked for... But gettin' this one piece 'a shit, you've just saved that many more people." 

"These guys go against everything you stand for. Against the word of God Himself. Ya shouldn't feel guilty fer what you did. You should feel good fer sendin' him right where he belongs. To pay fer his sins." 

"Boys, I know you mean well, but that's really not helping." 

"Then I don't know what 'ta tell ya. You shouldn't feel bad for it." 

"Only thing you can do now is accept it, love. It's done... Can we get you taken care of, now? You look like shit."

I shook my head and swallowed at the tight knot in my throat, my side still roaring with pain. I'd never had to deal with the consequences of their jobs, and now there were a million questions racing through my head as I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. 

"What's gonna happen with them? I've never seen you guys wash a fucking dish let alone clean up after a dead person..."

"Real fuckin' funny." Connor smirked, lighting a cigarette. "Don't worry about them. They'll be gone before you get back."

"We really need to get you to the hospital, yer losin' a lotta blood."

Murphy was right, I could feel my body temperature drop and the color slowly drain from my skin, my hands starting to tremble. I looked down at my blood soaked shirt for a moment before I noticed a slowly expanding pool of blood at my feet, a smooth and deep red line snaking it’s way down my leg. 

"What the hell am I gonna tell them happened to me? You forget I work with these people - and they aren't idiots, they're gonna know this is a fucking gunshot wound." 

"You won't have to tell 'em anything. We ain't goin' to Mass General. We got a place we go to." 

"What the hell kind of hospital takes a patient without knowing what happened?" 

"Does it fuckin' matter right now? Look at you. Yer gonna pass out any second." Connor said, his voice and mannerisms defensive and impatient. 

"Of course it matters, Connor. Jesus. I don't want some fucking moron who got their MD on the internet digging around in my internal organs, dumbass." 

"Babe, it's not that kinda place. It's legit, I promise. The Church pays them to treat us no questions asked. No paperwork. No police." 

The pain stabbed again and I winced, feeling the world tilt around me and leaning into Murphy. He held tight to my shoulders and slowly moved me out of the corner and around the counter, nearly carrying me into our bedroom to help me change. 

"Murph, hon, I th-" I paused, trying to keep myself from toppling over, nearly unable to get the words out.

"Wh- what's wrong?" He asked, his expression panicked as he helped me out of my shirt and into a new one. His voice sounded distant and the room started to fade into a fuzzy grey nothing, chills sweeping through me as I fell onto the corner of our bed. 

"Katy." I could barely hear him now, the sight of his hand snapping in front of my eyes the only thing I could barely focus on. Murphy leaned down to look closely at me, his hand settling along my jaw and I tried to stay with him. 

"Jus' call an ambul-... I'm gonna need a-"

"KATY!"

Murphy's face faded away and everything else right along with him as I felt myself become weightless. No pain, no worry, no guilt. Absolutely nothing.


	21. Chapter 21

Distance.

Everything I heard sounded like it was a million miles away. Like something calling from the end of a tunnel that you can never reach the end of. But slowly, everything seemed to start to come into focus, my sense of consciousness recovering as blood slowly dripped into my IV. My senses finally started to sharpen and I could hear Murphy's voice, low and concerned as he again spoke with the doctor just inside of my hospital room doorway. The room around me slowly came into focus as I opened my eyes, the rhythmic sound of my heart monitor beeping just behind me.

I could hear the muffled sound of my ringtone coming from where Murphy stood and turned my head, watching as he answered it and leaned his shoulder against the wall. He spoke quietly in the corner of the room, still unaware that I had finally woken. I strained to hear him over the pulse of the monitor over my shoulder, but his stance and the snippets of reassuring words that I could catch indicated he was more than likely consoling my mother.

"Babe, tell her I'll be fine." I said, my voice cracking and barely audible. Murphy jerked his head to look at me over his shoulder, his expression changing from somber to ecstatic in a record millisecond. He ran over to my bed and leaned over me, pressing his lips to my cheek and forehead.

"Holy shit." He whispered. I could tell he was relieved, but something else lingered in his demeanor, something I hadn't really seen in him before. Not just worry, I'd seen that before. This was something different. This was heartbreak.

"Love, we almost lost you." He said, squeezing my hand with tears welling his eyes.

"What?" I asked, confused. He paused, swallowing hard and squeezing his eyes shut, bringing his hand to press into the corners of his eyes. A tear fell from under his hands and he looked back up to me, his expression more heartbreaking than anything I could have ever seen.

"You collapsed at home from that gunshot. Doc's say you lost nearly half yer blood before you got here."

"Are you fucking serious?" I croaked, truly not believing the words coming out of his mouth.

"Guess the bullet nicked an artery in your liver or whatever the fuck. Then they had to go dig around fer the pieces in there."

"It... it didn't even look that bad."

"Well, it fuckin' was." Murphy's voice was frustrated at first, likely because of my prolonging from getting medical attention. He looked back up at me, his expression softening as he ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. "They said it was all internal. You flatlined twice in surgery."

"Jesus Christ, did th-"

"They got all of 'em, but you fuckin' died. Twice. And I-" Murphy choked on his words, nearly collapsing in on himself.

"Honey, stop." I interrupted, reaching out to run my fingers through his hair and hold his cheek. I pulled him to me and kissed his temple, letting him fall into me and wincing at the pressure on the bandaged wound.

"Shit, sorry."He jerked himself up off of my bedside and backed away from me.

"No, it's fine. Look." I said, lifting up my blanket and revealing the bright white bandages wrapped tightly around me. "It fucking hurts, but it's fine."  
Murphy walked around to the other side and sat down, removing the chance of hurting me again. I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his presence and feeling the familiar glow of affection sweep over me. Despite the circumstances, I couldn't have imagined a greater moment than this one. Nothing could ever make me happier or feel more complete than holding him here, knowing he wanted and needed my arms around him just as much as I wanted and needed his.

"Katy." Murphy whispered.

"Hm?"

"I think maybe..." Murphy paused, taking a deep breath and swallowing hard. "I can't let you get hurt like this anymore..."

All of the air left my lungs in a quick, panicked breath. Murphy leaned up and held my jaw in his hand, tears welling heavily in his eyes as he watched me. I couldn't watch his heart break in front of me, the heaviness at what I could feel him about to do written all of over his face.

"Murphy, what the fuck?" I asked, my voice growing panicked as I shook my head. My heart nearly stopped and a deep sickening knot twisted and gnarled in the pit of my stomach.

"Babe, look at all 'a this!" He said, desperate to make his point before I broke apart and shattered in front of him - which we both knew he could never handle. Murphy hadn't even said a word, he didn't have to. I could tell where his head was just from the panic in his voice and the heartbreak in his eyes.

"Look at what, Murph? Me laying in bed with you?"

"No. No, this. And this. And whatever the fuck that is. This fucking room. You died twice down there because 'a me-"

"You shut the fuck up. Right now. This is NOT your fault." I interrupted as he pointed and swung his arms at different monitors and IV lines surrounding me.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me? That was probably one of MY bullets they dug outta you!"

"Murphy, stop! I have NEVER blamed you for any of this! How could you possibly think I could do that? And why would I all of a sudden start now? Murphy, I love you - and I don't care about anythi-"

"But I do, Katy. I care what happens. Every fuckin' time we get any of this shit started, you wanna know what I think about first? YOU. I can't put you in any of this shit any more."

"What the hell are you getting at?" I asked, regardless of already knowing his answer.

"You've been here, what, four months? You've been in the fuckin' hospital TWICE already. And why? Because of shit I'm responsible for."

He paused for a moment and I struggled to keep myself together, trying and failing to keep my hands from trembling. Everything in the room started to fade away, dissipating into an ugly, sickening void. Murphy stood and watched me from the edge of the bed, his eyes puffy and red with tears standing in thick droplets ready to fall at any second. He took another deep breath, poised to say something before he rubbed his face in his hands and looked back over at me.

"I just think..."

"No..." I whispered, too quietly for him to hear. My throat constricted on itself, stealing my ability to breathe.

"I just think we needa cool it. I think you ought to be outta the house fo-." Murphy said, his voice barely audible.

"Murphy -" I interrupted again, shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut.

"Let me-"

"Murph, I don't want-"

"Babe, stop."

"Don't you fucking call me that." I hissed, instantly angry, my blood boiling. "You can't pull this kind of bullshit on me and call me that."

"Katy, I'm not sa-"

"No, you fucking asshole, you listen to me." My chest started heaving and I could barely keep my voice down. The rancid burn of desperation coursed through my veins, forcing me to move to lean up toward him. "Let me make one thing REALLY damn clear. I am not, and have never been some helpless fucking child who needed to be taken care of. Sure, I needed someone when Kevin died, but I could have handled it on my own. And you helped - in more ways than I can count and I love and appreciate you for that. But I don't need you making any kind of decisions for me that I am more than perfectly capable of making myself. And that includes whether or not I can fucking handle living with you and the consequences of what you do."

"All I wanna do is keep you safe, Katy. How else am I gonna do that, huh? Don't you fuckin' get it?"

"Don't I fucking get what, Murphy? That you're breaking up with me because you feel guilty?"

"I never said I wanted to fuckin' end this, Katy."

"It certainly felt like you did." I snapped, wincing at my sudden movement.

"Did those words ever come out of my mouth? Did you even let me finish fuckin' talking?" Murphy retorted, his voice becoming softer as he stepped closer.

"Well, no."

"Because that's not what I want."

"Then why all of that... bullshit?"

"Babe, all I wanna do is keep you safe. But I feel like the only way I can do that is if we keep you someplace other than home."

"No. Absolutely not."

Murphy took his place at my hip again, his fingers lacing between mine.

"Why's it so hard for you to do this?" He asked easily, his voice soft and wanting as he leaned in close and kissed at the curve of my neck.

"Because I need to protect you, too.”

 

***

 

"I don't know what she'd do without you around." My mother said with irritation pulling at her words. "I guess you're just always in the right place at the right time."

I turned to give her a look of caution, watching her carefully and hoping she wouldn't give me a reason to kick her out of the room.

"How could you have lost so much blood from a- what was it?" She continued.

"An appendectomy. It's rare, but it happens." I added with a stern tone, knowing it wasn't true for any case I'd ever heard of and comforted in knowing that she'd never know the difference. "It's also why I've been stuck here for three days... Where's Dad?" Murphy's hand gave me a warm squeeze, his fingers laced with mine as he lounged in an ugly green chair next to the hospital bed, taking a long drink from the can of Pepsi in his other hand. 

"He got some phone call right before we came up here and had to step away, he's got some business associate out here."

"I'm starting to think Boston has it out for you." Daphne joked from where she stood just inside the door, stepping forward and taking a seat on the opposite side of my bed before holding her hand on the top of mine. 

I gave a weak laugh and stole the can out of Murphy's hand, taking a long swallow myself and handing it back to him. Murphy watched me carefully, more than likely chiding himself for his mistaken responsibility for what had happened. I combed my fingers through his dark hair that was in desperate need of a trim and smiled at him, letting my hand rest along the smooth curve of his neck. A soft knock struck the door and my nurse made a quiet entrance, opening the room's curtain and introducing herself to my mother. 

"Sorry Dr. Madison, but I'm going to have to ask your family to step away for a little bit." She said, turning her attention to my IV. 

"Oh, that's fine, dear. I think I'll go find her father anyway." My mother said, her fake enthusiasm nauseating before she turned toward me. "Our flight leaves tomorrow morning. I can cancel it if you'd like me to."

"No. Don't miss it on my account." 

"You are more important than the Bahamas, Katy..." 

"No, go on your trip." I said as she gave me an pained, uneasy look. 

"Are you absolutely sure?" She asked, taking a step toward my hospital bed.

"Positive. I'll be fine. Go." I said simply, trying to control the irritation in my voice. 

"Katy-"

"Mom, really. It's fine."

"I can't go after what happened yesterday... not until we at least talk about-"

"There isn't anything left for me to say."

"You're really just going to leave it at that?" She asked, her arms crossed over her body. 

"Unless I hear a genuine apology from the both of you, then yes. I will."

"Katy... I..."

"I'm not the one you two owe an apology... Please just go." 

My mother stood there and watched me carefully, her hair perfectly in place and her dress suit impeccably dry cleaned while I wondered how I could have possibly been related to her. 

"If you want, we can discuss it after your trip." I said, annoyed and resigned. She nodded softly and waved to Daphne as she turned to leave, the clicks of her her heels on the tile floor fading into the nothing. Daphne looked over at me with a look of confusion and I shook my head at her, shoeing her away along with with Murphy to stand outside the door while my nurse changed my bandages and IVs. 

She left the room a few minutes later and Daphne returned to my bedside along with Murphy a step behind, her expression cautious and knowing. 

"What?" I asked, annoyed. 

"You realize you can't fool me like you can our parents, right?" She said, crossing her arms and stretching her legs in front of herself to cross her ankles. 

"What are you talking about?" I asked as she raised an eyebrow at me. 

"You bled out during an appendectomy? Your bandages are even close to your appendix. I may not be a medical doctor like you are, but I know where my appendix is and it's not   
under your fucking ribcage." She said, her tone burning with a knowing air of accusation. 

"Fuck." Murphy breathed, under his breath. 

"Now what?" I asked him, trying to deflect. Murphy put his hands at his hips and looked over at Daphne and back at me, motioning toward her. 

"Ya might as well tell her. She already fuckin' knows yer lyin'."

"Jesus, what happened?" Daphne asked, turning more toward me, now more concerned than anything. 

"God damn it." I said under my breath. "You have to promise me you won't say a single fucking word to mom or dad." I hissed. 

"I think I proved I could keep a secret after you split and moved out here. Now, what happened?" Daphne's voice grew a little louder, curiosity and concern pulling her closer to me. 

"Well you obviously know this isn't just from surgery." I started, lightly running my hand along the smooth cloth gown over my bandages. 

"Obviously..."

I gave out a long sigh and looked over at Murphy. He tipped his head in understanding and rubbed his chin, stepping back over to sit next to me and hold my hand. 

"This is a bullet wound." I said simply, the deep, red wound itself starting to burn and ache at the just the mention of it.

"Wh-" Daphne tried to ask, her face contorting into a mix of shock and confusion. 

"Our house was broken into. Everyone had guns and bullets went flying. One got me right here. I collapsed in our bedroom when Murph tried to help me change."

"Holy shit, Katy..."

"And then I killed someone." My voice was weak, shame and unease and every other kind of disgusting feeling briefly mixing into some kind of sick, rancid mess in my head. 

"WHAT?" 

"He had a gun, I had a gun. He wouldn't have hesitated if I hadn't have killed him first." 

Daphne pulled herself onto her feet and took several steps away, her mouth slack jawed and her eyes wide as she tried to process. 

"Katy... how could..." 

"Daphne, listen. Trust me, it's the last thing I could ever imagine myself doing and I hate myself for it, but it's done now. I can't change anything." I said, quickly becoming defensive of what I'd done, somehow feeling the need to strike out any kind of judgment she was holding over me.

"Did you call the police? Jesus Christ, Katy. What the hell are you gonna do?" 

"Everything's taken care of." Murphy answered for me. "Connor made sure of it." 

"Just what does that mean, exactly?" 

"Means we don't hafta worry about anything." He said simply. 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, HERE?" Daphne's tone had grown short and flustered, her cheeks flushed red like they always did when she was angry. 

"Keep your fucking voice down."

"She told you exactly that happened." Murphy answered honestly. But while the truth was that our home was broken into, I could still see the wheels in her head turning and trying to make any kind of sense to it with the feeling that we were hiding something. I hated that she picked up on everything, that no answer was ever really enough for her until she knew for a fact she had all of the information. 

"Daphne, the police are handling everything. The guys that did this were felons with records and warrants out. There aren't any charges on us for that very reason, there's nothing left for us to do. Everything is taken care of." I finally offered, lying and hoping it'd be enough. Of course it wasn't. 

"I haven't seen a single cop here. That's what doesn't make any sense. I jus-"

"Well then I don't know what to tell you. That's what happened." 

"Whatever." She scoffed, annoyed and angry. She turned and shoved Murphy's shoulder, pulling his attention from the television. "And you promised me you'd take care of her."

"What the hell do you think I'm tryin' to do?" 

"She's been shot, Murphy! And she was just in the hospital three months ago with a fractured fucking skull!" 

"Ya think I don't know that?!"

"Daphne, stop!" I snapped, jerking myself upright and instantly regretting it. 

"Would you be careful?" Murphy said quietly, guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders as he sat on the edge of my bed. 

"This is NOT his fault!" I continued, pulling myself to sit in the middle of my bed and resting my hands on his shoulders. "So stop acting like it is. He's always the first one with me.   
He's never left my bedside for a single minute. He'd do anything to keep me safe." 

"How can you be so calm about this?" 

"Because I know when I'm with him, I'm okay." I squeezed and rubbed at his shoulders, feeling his muscles tense and relax as he leaned into the pressure of my fingertips. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed behind his ear, wincing at myself for moving faster and further than I knew I should and turning my attention back to Daphne who still stood with her hands at her hips. 

"Look, I know you're just trying to look out for me and everything and I'm not mad at that. I'm really glad you're here. But everything is gonna be fine. They've taken such good care of me so far, I'm not worried."

"Are you... alright?" She asked, giving up on the subject and moving on to another.

"Oh don't start thi-"

"Katy, it matters."

"Why do you always have to play the therapist card with me?"

"I'm asking you because I care about you. Jesus." 

I gave a long sigh, resigned, and leaned forward to rest my cheek against Murphy's shoulder. Daphne stepped closer and sat down, her hands folded in her lap. 

"I'm okay, I think." I finally answered. Murphy strained to look back at me, a slight smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "I hate it, but I don't... regret it." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah..." I sat and thought to myself a moment. "I mean, I panicked when I actually did it, but I don't think I'd have been so lucky if I hadn't." 

"I'd 'a killed him before anything like that coulda happened, love." Murphy finally piped in, turning and kissing me softly on the cheek. 

"Wow..." Daphne mused, bewildered.

"What?" 

"The devotion. It's a little... intimidating." She said, her expression slightly taken aback. 

"Intimidating." I whispered into Murphy's ear, a smile pulling at the corner of my lips. 

"You guys are... wow." 

"Oh shut up." 

Daphne stood and picked up her purse, shrugging it over her shoulder and taking a step toward me as she thought through her words.

"Now what was with that with mom? What the hell happened?"

"Dad's an asshole, that's what."

"So it's her fault?"

"No. What is her fault was her unwillingness to tell him he was wrong."

"Wrong about what?"

"About how he treats people. And she just let's him do it."

"Dad has always been that way. What was the big surprise this time?"

"Well, I'd kind of hoped it might have been a little different since I'd come out here. Apparently that was naive of me."

"Katy, I tried having that conversation before I married Mark. It won't work and you won't win."

"I refuse to accept that."

"You think that's going to miraculously change that?"

"No, I don't. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let him treat the man I love like a piece of garbage." 

"You're in for a fight I don't think you're prepared for."

"Yeah? Well, I left my ability to give a fuck back in Chicago." 

"I noticed." Daphne said, an uneasy amusement to her words before she stepped up to me and leaned in for a hug. "Call if you need anything." She added softly, running her hand smoothly along my back before turning to leave. "And don't go around committing any other felonies." She joked, pulling the door open. 

"Can't make any promises." I returned, giving her a sly smile as she shook her head and disappeared. 

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Katy." Murphy snapped, jerking himself away from me. 

"What?"

"Yer fuckin' family hates you being here."

"In the hospital? Yeah."

"You know that ain't it. They hate you here with me."

"Don't you dare bring up that bullshit again." I warned, feeling my blood pressure rise. 

"No, I'm fuckin' serious about this now."

"So am I. And I'm not leaving." 

"Look, all I'm sayin' is take a few weeks off, go somewhere. Vacation or whatever ya wanna call it. Let me get this shit straightened out so I won't be so fuckin' on edge." 

"Murphy, I said 'no' and I meant it. I'm an adult, I don't need you baby-proofing my life for me."

"Babe, all I wanna do is get some people outta the way. They know where we live. And if anything happens to you and I can't get to you..." Murphy pleaded, sitting at the edge of the   
bed next to me. 

"Stop." I said softly, lacing my fingers with his. "I know you think this is stupid of me... I don't disagree with you."

"Then wh-"

"Because that same instinct you have to protect me, I have to protect you. I don't want to be around that shit just as much you don't want me to be. But the idea that you would have to go home without me there to see that you're okay hurts more than this thing ever could."

"I just... I don't want this to happen to you anymore and I feel like shit." 

Watching Murphy try to carry this kind of guilt on his shoulders was nearly earth shattering. I pulled him in close and he laid down next to me, resting his head on my chest while his feet hung off of the end of the bed. I combed my fingers through his dark hair and kissed the top of his head, my heart open and melting for the man with too much heart for his own good. 

"As long as you're here with me, I'll be okay. Come hell or high water or a thousand bullets, I'll be okay." I said softly, lacing my fingers in between his. Murphy looked up at me and settled himself in my arms and I held him close, resting my cheek on the top of his head. He remained silent for a what seemed like hours, lost in his own head and slowly moving his thumb along the thin fabric of my hospital gown. 

"How'd I luck out like this?" He mumbled a while later, his voice slightly muffled. 

I smiled to myself, knowing that I was the one who was really, truly lucky.


	22. Chapter 22

"I don't know why I work in hospitals... God, I hate them. I almost started ripping my hair out." I grumbled, slumping into the passenger side of my car. 

"Well it's not like yer usually stuck in the same room for days at a time, love." 

"Yeah, well slap me if I ever have the idea to switch departments." 

"Who ever said I wouldn't do that anyway?" He said, a wicked smile spreading across his face as he turned the key in the ignition.

"Stop." I laughed, the sting of it sharp in my side and I pressed my hand into my bandages.

"What? Yer ass is the perfect kind to." 

"Yeah? Well so's yours, I'll just return the sentiment." I joked, moving my hand smoothly along his denim covered thigh and between his legs. I moved my hand outside the crotch of his jeans and rubbed slowly on top of his quickly hardening shaft, stirring an aching need deep in my core. I bit my lip and he looked over at me, his eyes wanting and lustful. 

"Whatta ya say we get outta here?" I purred, knowing he could barely contain himself as he watched me cross my legs slowly. 

"Sure yer up for that?"

"Since when have I ever not been?" I said smoothly. "If memory serves me right, last time I came out of the hospital you were the one who turned ME down. Dick." 

Murphy bit hard at his lip and adjusted himself in his seat. I relished in the delicious power I had over him and slipped my hand inside the waistband of his jeans, twirling my fingers in the small patch of hair hidden by his clothes. 

"Jesus fuckin' Christ." He breathed, fumbling with his belt. The sound of his zipper cut through the car's silence and I leaned in to kiss along his neck. I took a look in either direction around the car, relieved to see no one in sight and reaching shamelessly for the top of his jeans to pull them down. 

Our breaths grew quick and desperate and I climbed into his lap, pressing my lips heavily against his. His hands ran slowly up along my thighs and onto my waist, pulling me closer into him. 

"Shit, be careful." I breathed, wincing into the sudden sharp pang in my side. 

"Fuck, no, we can't do this." He said, pulling away. 

"Yes, Murph, yes. Please." I begged, kissing him hard. 

"I can't do this if I'm gonna fuckin' hurt you." 

"Mm, I don't care. I just wanna fuck you." I could barely speak, my words escaping in harsh, raspy breaths as I pulled hard at his shirt. Murphy slipped out of it and I tossed it to the other seat, our lips barely leaving one another's. He ran his hands carefully up along my ribs and took my breasts, kneading and tugging on my painfully ready nipples. 

I pulled my shirt off and tossed it into a pile with his and combed my fingers through his hair, sucking in a quick breath when he wrapped his lips around my nipple. He teased me with his tongue and sucked hard, moaning into me and letting his hands venture between my legs. 

"Fuck, I love when you do that." I moaned into his ear. Murphy reached between the door and the seat, dropping the seat back and lounging us back. I moved my hips and Murphy pulled at the same pair of shorts I'd been shot and brought to the hospital in, and I watched him as he threw them to the side, my eyes instantly locked on the blood stain along the waistband. 

"You okay?" He said, his voice weak. 

"What? Yeah." I broke away from the blood and met Murphy's gaze, his expression a strange mix of worry and arousal. 

"I'm sorry. Didn't get a chance to bring other clothes." 

"No, no. It's... it's good to see it, actually." I said, unsure of why it was oddly comforting to see. 

"It is?" 

"I have no idea why, but yeah..."

Murphy moved his hand along my thigh slowly, watching me carefully. 

"But you wanna know what's also good to see?" I asked, running my hands along his bare chest and up to comb through his dark hair. 

"Mm, what's that?" 

"You without your clothes on." I purred into his ear, tugging on his lobe lightly. 

"That right?" He teased.

"Mm, yes."

"What else?" Murphy asked, moving his hand between my legs and finding my excited bundle of nerves. I met his gaze and kissed him, tugging on his lip and breathing into the delicious pressure of his fingers teasing my clit and testing my entrance. I leaned back up and looked down between my legs, sucking in a breath between my teeth at the sight of him moving between us. 

"Mm, your fingers fucking me is also nice." I offered, my voice low and begging. I moved my hips slowly on top of him, loving the feel of him growing harder underneath me with each slow movement. I settled myself back and took him in my hand, working him slowly and earning myself a gratifying moan from deep in his belly. I kissed him behind his ear and ran my tongue slowly along his ear, my other hand resting at the curve of his neck. 

"I want you to fuck me, Murphy. I need you to." I breathed, letting his hand replace mine to line himself up at my aching, ready entrance. 

No more than a millisecond passed before he pushed his hips into mine, every inch of him filling me to completion. 

"Fuck, babe." Murphy's voice was delicious in my ear. "Fuckin' tight and ready." 

"Always for you." I breathed, rolling my hips on top of him and he started to pump slowly beneath me. His breath left him in low growls as we moved, his hands running along the smooth skin of my thighs and his fingers finding my tight, excited bud. 

I straightened myself up and let my hands rest along his stomach, loving the feeling of him moving hard and fast beneath me. Murphy's eyes stayed with mine, watching me as the early waves of my orgasm started to sweep through me. My breath quickened and Murphy leaned up against me, wrapping his arms carefully around my waist. Without missing a single beat, he flipped me onto my back and loomed over me, pressing his lips into the hollow of my collarbone and picking up a quicker pace. 

"Fuck." He breathed, thumbing over one of my nipples as I tightened my walls around him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and locked my ankles together, quickly losing any semblance of composure as he fucked me harder. My breath left me in quick, desperate gasps and I kissed along his shoulder, the force and movement of his body against mine sending sharp spurts of pain searing into the wound in my side. The mix of pain and pleasure was strangely intoxicating and I grabbed hard at his sides, pressing my nails into his skin. I reached my arm between us and rubbed at my clit, heat rushing up through my chest. Murphy slowed down as my volume grew louder before he came to a complete stop, still buried deep inside of me. 

"What the hell?" I said, trying to catch my breath. Murphy took my hand from between us and sucked on my fingers. He pulled himself slowly from inside of me and pressed his lips against mine. I pulled away from him and gave a weak smile, running my still wet fingers through his hair and resting them at the back of his neck. 

"Mind telling me why you stopped?" I whispered into his ear. 

"I could tell it was hurtin' ya." He said softly, kissing along my jaw. His skin was like electricity against mine and it killed me that he thought he should stop. 

"No, it's not, keep going." I begged, pulling him closer to me and wrapping my hand around his solid erection twitching against the inside of my thigh. 

"You can't see the look on yer face. I can." He insisted, his breath slightly catching as I stroked him. I stopped suddenly at his base and gave him a slight but firm squeeze, holding him tightly in place. 

"Does it look like I fucking care?" I asked, giving him a wicked smile and biting at his lower lip. "Because I just want you to make me come. So do it." 

"The fuck are you gonna do if I don't, huh?" 

"I'll do it myself... and then you'll fuck me anyway 'cause I know you can't watch it without losing your fucking mind." I said, an air of condescension dripping from my words. I pinched his side and he pushed hard into me, his throbbing head making delicious contact with the hungry patch of nerves buried deep inside of me. 

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, I hate how you do that shit." He husked, biting at my ear lobe. 

"I know, but you also fucking love it." I whispered, a light laugh escaping from me. 

"Fuck you." He returned, still pumping hard and fast into me. He kissed along my neck and met my lips with his. 

"Yes, fuck me." I moaned back, tugging lightly at his soft, dark hair. 

Murphy moved with a renewed vigor, each thrust sending me deeper into an ecstasy I knew I could only find with him. With each and every move he made, a desperate, wanting moan escaped from me. Heat coursed through every vein as a final, overwhelming flood of pure bliss washed over me, stealing the breath from my lungs and my ability to speak. Barely able to make a sound, I pulled hard at Murphy's neck and pushed my lips against his, our tongues moving in delicious waves together. 

Already drowning in the tidal wave of my own abyss, I forced myself to tighten around him as he continued to buck his hips against mine, nearly crying at just how fucking good it was to feel him moving inside of me. Murphy's body flexed and twitched against mine, his muscles hard and contracting as he thrust into me one hard, last time. 

"God, I fuckin' love you, Katy." He said, his voice strained and choked in my ear. He slowly moved in smooth waves on top of me, riding the dwindling waves of his release, kissing me deeply like he always did. 

"I love you, too." I returned, pulling my lips away from his. He pulled himself slowly out of me and ran his tip along my wet folds. I reached between us and pushed my fingers into my soaking walls, biting my lip as I returned them to my mouth and sucked on the delicious taste of our orgasms. Murphy kissed me again and laced his fingers with mine, pulling me up and shifting our bodies to change places. 

"Make me a promise, alright?" He started, his hands falling to the curves of my hips. 

"What's that?" I asked, Murphy reaching over and handing me my shirt from the pile in the passenger seat. He helped me slip it on and pulled me close, hugging me against his bare chest. 

"If yer gonna stick around despite the fact I don't want ya to with all 'a this shit, you stay close to me 'an Connor... and you learn 'ta shoot a fuckin' gun."

"I know how to shoot a gun, Murphy." I said, playfully offended. 

"Yeah, well I'll be the judge 'a that." Murphy smiled, kissing me. "Now get offa me."

I laughed and moved back over to the passenger side of the car, slid back into my blood stained shorts and watched as Murphy tucked himself back into his jeans. He started the car and I looked over at him, nervous at the question I was about to ask. I didn't really want the answer, but knew it needed to be asked for the plain and simple fact that from the moment Murphy had told me about his job, I was in this. I was involved, even as much as I didn't want to be, for the sheer reason that I knew what he and Connor did. But at this point, I was now more so than I ever was before. I'd been tied up, beaten, shot at and hospitalized. I'd fixed the wounds of his work in our kitchen and massaged away the burdens of it in bed at night - but now, I'd actually killed someone. With a gun in my own hands by my own choice and conviction, I had killed someone. No matter which way I went about the subject, I was involved in Connor and Murphy's work. 

"Murphy?" I started, my nerves on fire and my stomach flipping at the potential of his answer. 

"Hm?" Murphy looked over at me as he put the car in gear. 

"Am I... in this with you?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, in this with you and Connor? And Romeo? Am I a part of this now?"

I couldn't tell how I felt about what his answers might be. I couldn't seem to make up my mind if I was okay with being in it, or if I'd be disappointed to find out that I wasn't. That what happened to me and what I'd done was just an accident that was par for the course with my relationship. 

"Guess so, love. Don't want ya to be. But seems like it's the hand we've been dealt."

"So you go from wanting me outta here to having me be a part of it?"

"Katy it's not like I want it this way. But if you refuse to get outta town and give me some time to get these people outta the way, then you've kinda tied my fuckin' hands." 

I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment as I sat and thought about the idea, tossing it around my brain and wondering how hard it would be for me to have to do what he did. 

"Don't get pissy. I was just trying to see where your thoughts were." 

"Yeah, well if you won't go, then I gotta make the best of it."

Murphy navigated the car through the streets of Boston with the kind of ease that he could have done so in his sleep and I took a slow, deep breath. I looked back over at him and gave an easy smile, somehow knowing that even in any circumstance, I would be okay - so long as I was with him. I reached over and laid my hand on his as it sat on the gear shift, giving him a warm squeeze and watched him another moment before I finally spoke. 

"Murphy..." I said, quietly, "I trust you with my life. No questions. Wherever you go, I go. And if that means I have to do something - anything - to protect you, or Connor, or anything we have, then so be it." 

A slight smile pulled at the corners of his mouth and our fingers laced together, his holding warmly onto mine. 

"Aye, well let's try an' avoid that fer as long as possible."


	23. Chapter 23

"Where do you think yer goin'?" Murphy mumbled into his pillow, his hand trailing down my back, patting my now vacant side of the bed. 

"Work." I groaned, reluctantly pulling myself from the warmth of our sheets. Murphy spread out across our bed in playful protest of my absence and watched as I pulled some clothes out of the dresser. 

"What? Didn't the doc say you shouldn't go back for another two weeks?"

"Murph. I'm a doctor, too. I'm doing fine. Everything feels great." 

"Yeah, but aren't there like... rules and shit that say you can't treat yourself though?" 

"There are. That's precisely why I'm not writing my own prescriptions, doing my own procedures..." 

"Aye, ya don't hafta be a shit. I just don't want you overdoin' it." 

"Well, thank you for your concern, but I'm perfectly fine." I said, smiling at him and bending down to kiss his forehead. Murphy took my hand and pulled me back onto the bed, moving my hips to straddle him. 

"Sure you wanna go?" He said smoothly, his hands moving along my ribs pulling me down to kiss him. 

"No sense in missing work when I don't have to. I'm going stir crazy around here."

"So ya don't wanna hang around here with me, then?"

"Now, why would I wanna do that?" I purred, moving to kiss along his neck, goosebumps creeping across my skin. 

"Ugh, stop bein' fuckin' gross." Connor's voice took both of us by surprise as he walked into our room, my phone in his hand. "Here. You left it on the counter. It was so fuckin' loud I heard it from my room."

"Fuck off, Connor, you're the one who let yourself in here. Thanks for knocking, by the way." I groaned, turning to look at him and taking my phone. The door stood just barely open, shining a dim light on his tall naked form as he stood and ran his hand through his messy hair. 

"Especially when I think your dick could have done it for you, Jesus." I laughed, noticing the hearty, early morning erection that plagued him just as much as it did his brother. Connor waved me off and I turned my attention to my phone, checking my messages while my other hand massaged along the smooth skin of Murphy's chest. 

"Nah, I don't think that's mornin' wood, love. I don't think the swelling's gone. His cock ain't that big." Murphy teased, laughing. 

"Shut the fuck up, Murph." Connor growled, turning to leave. 

"Hey, is it feeling better though?" I asked, turning toward him and forgetting that I had yet put a bra or shirt on. I waved my hand to bring him toward me, looking down at his crotch as he stepped closer. 

"Still sore when I pick up anything heavy, but otherwise, yeah." 

"Good. Now go away." I smiled, shoeing him away and turning my attention back to the naked man underneath me who couldn't keep his hands to himself if his life depended on it. Connor made his exit and Murphy's hands pulled at the drawstrings of my scrubs, biting his lip as he tried coaxing me back into bed with him. 

"Seriously, babe, I need to go." I said, interrupted by Murphy's lips overpowering mine. I sat straight up and he let his hands rest in the curve of my hips while contorting his face into one of heartbreak that I damn near believed. "Stop that. You've got work to do today, too, you know. You've put off fixing that damned window for too long." 

"I told ya I'm havin' somebody come in ta fix it." 

"Yeah? Who's that?"

"Some friend a' Rome's." 

"See, you don't even know the chump's name. Fuckin' liar." I teased, pulling myself back onto my feet and leaning over him from where I stood. "It also really bothers me that it's still not fixed, and those people still know where we live."

"I know, love. I swear we're tryin'. But they got really fuckin' smart all of a sudden and we haven't heard so much as a drug deal goin' on with 'em since. We don't even know where to look."

"Yeah, well, the sooner you take care of that problem, the better." I said before I kissed him again. I looked back over at the window with nothing but a piece of particle board to protect us screwed to the window frame and gave an uneasy sigh. Murphy pulled himself from our bed and came up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and kissing at the curve of my neck. 

"I'm sorry, Katy. I promise. I will kill every last one of them if it's the last thing I fuckin' do." 

I chewed at my lip and dropped my cheek to rest along his arm wrapped across me, wondering what had happened to the woman who ran from her life in Chicago because she felt bad about what she hadn't done? It had been one thing for me to accept the idea that I was in a relationship with one of the Saints - but at what point had I crossed over and accepted that I could even encourage it? The difference of where I'd started and how far I'd come sent an odd shockwave of strength and unease down my spine. 

"I know you're uneasy about everything. But don't be. Don't forget, these people have done far worse things than you ever could." 

It was strange that he could almost read exactly what was on my mind like that. But knowing that he could always sense just the right thing to say at just the right time was the reassurance I needed to keep myself from shutting down. Not that I had any clue what I'd do if I did, but hearing that what I'd quietly agreed to be a part of was necessary in the bigger picture was exactly what I needed to hear. 

"I love you, Murphy." I whispered, rubbing my hands along his muscular arms. Murphy kissed at my neck and I turned around in his arms, taking my time and kissing him slow and deep. 

"Stay." He said, almost begging with his forehead pressed against mine. "Stay with me."

"I've already called in and taken the shift. And I'm going crazy bein' all cooped up in this house, I need outta here."

"Guess I'll take ya, then." 

"You don't have to. Stay and sleep." 

"Nah, I want to. And I could use some fuckin' coffee." 

"Yeah, well no bitching later when I call you to come pick me up. None of that 'oh I'm too tired, love, call a cab' bullshit."

"We'll see how I'm feelin' about that later." He returned. I smirked and kissed him, holding my arms around his waist before pulling myself away from him. 

"Well then get some clothes on. Nude driving is frowned upon."

Murphy placed a playful kiss into the side of my neck and turned to get dressed, throwing on his old sweatpants and a faded green shirt from Dublin. He followed close behind me as I heaved my bag over my shoulder and let myself out, taking his hand in mine as he tried to pull at the waistband of my scrub bottoms. We groaned at the cold gust of air that greeted us when we opened the outer door and Murphy pulled me into this chest, wrapping his arms around me from behind. 

"Sure you don't wanna stay home? It's fuckin' cold out here and you won't have me to look at." Murphy purred in my ear as we awkwardly walked up to my car that still had a partial blanket of leftover snow. 

"What makes you think I wanna look at you all day, huh?" I teased, pulling myself away from him and taking a handful of snow and rearing it back to throw at him. 

"Don't you fuckin' start!" He yelled, laughing and taking a handful himself. Before another second could pass, the ice cold burn of snow hit the top of my head and cascaded down my shoulders, accompanied by the light giggle of the man who would soon regret it. Murphy quickly ducked behind the opposite side of the car, the sound of his shoes slipping and scraping the pavement loud and obvious. 

"Fucker!" I yelled back, darting around the back of the car with a handful of snow to see his back toward me. I jumped up and shoved the snow down the back collar of his coat and into his shirt, laughing at the loud yelps as he tried and failed to get the tightly packed snow out of his clothes. 

"Little shit." He laughed as I slid off of his back. He turned quickly and took my waist in his hands and pressed me against the car door before he pinned my wrists above my head and dove into the warm curve of my neck. 

"God, I hate it when you do that." I breathed, pushing his chest away from mine. 

"Hate it when I do what?"

"Make it impossible for me to leave." 

Murphy paused where he was and looked up at me, a wicked smile stretching from cheek to cheek before he pressed his lips hard against mine. It didn't matter that we were standing in a frozen wind tunnel when Murphy kissed me the way he did. Every last piece of the world around us seemed to disappear when he took me in his arms like that, my senses completely overpowered by every little thing he did. 

"Then don't." He said softly, pulling me into him again and wrapping me in his arms. 

From day one, there hadn't been a single question in my mind that he was who I was always meant to be with- even if I questioned who I'd become in the time since, I never once doubted I was supposed be with him. The electricity that passed between us every time his skin touched mine was what made it so hard to be away from him for any amount of time, even if we were just across the room. But regardless of how much I loved the feel of being in his company, the feeling that I somehow needed to atone what I'd done by healing people instead of killing them forced me to gently push him away and kiss his cheek. 

"Where were you when I answered the phone and took the shift, huh?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper when I opened the passenger side door. "Come on, let me get this day over with and I'll make up for missin' you later." Murphy gave me a warm pinch on my hip and smiled, closing the door behind me and starting the car a moment later. 

Just like every other early morning drive to Massachusetts General, the streets of Boston were nearly deserted as Murphy and I made our way downtown, Murphy's hand holding warmly to my thigh. Murphy pulled the car into the hospital parking garage and into my assigned place, something in his demeanor shifting as we sat there in silence. 

"You really that upset I'm going back to work?" I asked, taking his hand in mine. 

"It ain't just that..." He returned quietly, looking over at me from the corner of his eyes. 

"What is it, then?"

Murphy looked down into his lap before he looked back over at me, chewing on his lip in the kind of contemplation that took me back to that day in the hospital when I really thought he was trying to end what he had. 

"For God's sake, Murphy, what's wrong?" 

"I dunno, I gotta bad feelin' about today, that's all." 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" 

"I just... I dunno. I don't think you should go in there." 

"Babe, I don't have much of a choice now..." 

"'Course ya do. They don't own you."

"They kind of do. I signed a contract." 

"Yeah, well ain't that what medical leave is for?" 

"Murphy, I'm fi-"

"Would ya stop? You only been home two weeks outta the four yer supposed to. I know you feel fine, but what if I don't? What if I still need time with you 'cause I came way too fuckin' close to losin' you? 'Cause I had to watch you nearly bleed to death and all I could do was stand there and pray that you wouldn't?"

"Mur-"

"No. I can't let you go in there. I can't..." 

Tears stung at the backs of my eyes as Murphy struggled to keep himself together. He reached his hand up and pressed them into his eyes, tears falling onto the lapel of his coat when he dropped his head and took a deep, shaky breath. I leaned over the console and pulled him to me, holding the warm curve of his neck and kissing his cheek.

"It's too soon for me." He added, his voice muffled into my neck. 

"Why didn't you just say that earlier, huh?" 

"I dunno. I know you're too stubborn for your own good. And I didn't wanna seem like I was tryin' to say you didn't know what you could handle." 

"You should have just told me." I said easily, pulling back slightly to look at him. Tears sat in thick droplets just below his eyes before falling silently down his cheek when he blinked. "Let's go home."

Murphy nodded and sat back in his seat, turning the keys and bringing the car back to life. Traffic had quickly backed up in the streets downtown as he navigated us back toward home, holding my hand while I called in and turned over my shift. 

Pulling us back into the hidden parking area of our home in South Boston, Murphy cut the engine and sat back, taking a deep breath and turning toward me. 

"I don't want ya thinkin' I don't want ya workin'. I know you gotta be independent an' everything... and I want ya to be. But not now. Gimme another couple days."

Truth be told, I hadn't even bothered to think about how he was dealing with any of this. That very fact brought burning tears to my eyes while I sat there and watched him, guilt tearing at every nerve.

"That was just too close a call for me, love." He said simply. 

"Let's go inside then." I smiled, giving his hand a warm squeeze. 

We welcomed the warmth of the living room as the heavy door closed behind us and I dropped my bags behind the couch. Murphy guided me across the room and down the hallway to our bedroom and closed the door softly behind us. I took a seat at the foot of our bed and kicked off my shoes as he plopped down next to me, his hands folding between his legs and his fingers fidgeting the way they always did when he had too much on his mind. 

"How are you doing?" I asked simply, resting my hand on top of his thigh. 

"Huh?" 

"I haven't asked you once how you were feeling after all of this. And I feel like a piece of shit girlfriend." 

"I'm not the one that got a shot to the liver." 

"That doesn't matter. Tell me what you're thinking. How you're feeling." I turned toward him and stretched my leg across his lap, leaning forward to rest my chin on his shoulder and holding his arm in both of mine. 

"I just... I dunno I feel like shit 'cause of what happened to you. I shoulda been here. If I'd have been here, maybe you wouldn't hav-..." He paused for a moment, unable to actually say out loud what he still felt was his fault before pushing himself to continue. "And then when you got to the hospital you wouldn't respond to anyone or anything... they said your blood pressure bottomed out and you hardly had a pulse. I fuckin' swear I almost passed ou-" Murphy stopped and swallowed hard, squeezing his eyes shut. I pulled him close and wrapped my arms around him, my throat closing in on itself as I felt him start to cry. 

"Murphy..."

"I just fuckin' sank down to the ground right there outside that room. You were in there and I knew it was because of me and I couldn't do a fuckin' thing about it... and then they came out there and had all these fuckin' papers for me to sign and all I wanted to do was ask you 'cause I didn't know what the hell I was doing and I couldn't because you woul-" 

"Murphy, honey, stop this." I whispered, pulling myself up and sitting in his lap. I lifted my hand and stroked the back of his head, combing my fingers gently through his hair. 

"You wouldn't wake up. And then in surgery your fuckin' heart stopped. They said it took 'em several minutes to get it started again and then they were worried you'd have permanent damage. And then it happened again and they had to stop everything... I couldn't fuckin' take it. I could feel myself die right along with you." 

The flood gates behind my eyes opened and I could no longer hold back, tears streaming down my cheeks as I held tight to the heartbroken man I could never have enough of. Murphy nearly collapsed in my arms and laid his head on my shoulder, his shoulders shaking as he quietly lost himself in the kind of sadness I wasn't sure I could save him from. 

Time floated by swiftly as we sat there holding one another, both of our hearts painfully open and raw. After a while I pulled myself back to look at Murphy, holding his cheek in my hand. I ran my hand down along his neck and let it rest on his chest, giving him a small, easy smile. 

"I love you." I said quietly, pulling his face to mine and letting our foreheads press against each others. 

"More than anything." He returned, our lips finally meeting. 

Murphy's jaw rocked against mine for what could have been decades and it still wouldn't be long enough. Our hands grabbed at each other, each of us tugging and pulling at the other's clothes until we fell backward into the bed, naked and wanting. 

"I need you." I whispered, running my hand along his ribs and around his back to hold onto his hip. "Please." 

Murphy moved his hand along my stomach and down between my legs, his fingers finding the wet, eager folds tingling at his touch. I spread my legs for him and he moved down between them, kissing along my chest and stomach before he paused at my hip, looking up at me and smiling wickedly while my breath quickened. 

"Don't do this to me. Please, don't do this." I begged, smiling and running my hands down my thighs and up onto his shoulders. 

"Tell me what you want." He said, his voice low as he brought his lips to mine, his fingers pressing into my tight, excited bud. 

"Just you." Murphy smiled and kissed me hard, pulling himself between my legs and lining himself up before filling me completely. 

It took no time at all for us to find our rhythm, our breathing quickly becoming labored and quiet, wanting words slipping from between our lips. Like every other time before, our bodies moved so naturally together that time seemed to be meaningless, floating hopelessly by as we lost ourselves in one another. 

Murphy took my hands in his and laced our fingers together, leaning down into the curve of my neck and kissing along my skin while I broke one my hands free to move along his ribs. He moaned into me and straightened himself above me, taking my hips in his hands and picking up his pace before moving one of his hands to press his thumb into my clit. 

Like every time before, Murphy's touch was like a shockwave along my skin, lighting something in me on fire and rendering me nearly incapable of breathing. Every inch of him brought me closer and closer to a kind of ethereal bliss that I could never expect, no matter how often he brought me to it. It hardly took a single look or touch from him to render me completely weak and inexplicably taken, wanting of nothing but just his very presence, the feel of his breath on my skin, his hands moving easily along my body, of all of him moving swiftly inside of me. 

"Where'd you go, huh?" Murphy whispered, leaning in close and wrapping his arms around me. He slowed to a smooth, easy pace and I focused myself back on him, taking his face in my hands and smiling. 

"I never left, I promise." 

"Good." He said, his voice low in my ear before he flipped the both of us over, lying on his back and settling his hands into the curve of my hips. 

I sat up and ran my hands lazily down his chest and started to move my hips on top of him, moving in slow, agonizing rolls, knowing it would drive him crazy. Murphy bit his lip as he tightened his grip and pulled his legs up behind me, moving his own hips in unison with mine. 

"Holy shit, babe..." Murphy whispered, pulling me down into him and nipping at my collar bone. I tightened myself around him and we moaned into one another, our bodies glistening against one another. Bringing his lips to mine, I kissed him hard and pulled away, tugging on his lip just as he started to buck his hips harder and faster into mine. 

"God, Murphy, don't you fucking stop." I breathed, bringing one of my hands between us and pressing my fingers into my clit. Murphy brought himself up and wrapped his arms around my waist before he pulled himself out of me and stood at the side of the bed. 

"Get over here." He said, his voice hungry and wicked as he reached for my ankle. I met him at the edge of the bed and stood in front of him, taking either side of his face in my hands and kissing him again. Murphy's hands fell to rest on my hips before one of them ventured between my legs, finding my clit and moving in quick, delicious circles. He teased me with his fingertips, pushing them just inside my aching lips as I moved my hips into his, desperate to feel him moving inside of me again. 

Murphy turned me around kissed at the back of my neck, his hands falling down along my hips before taking my breast in one, and bringing his throbbing tip to my entrance with the other. I brought my knee up to rest on the bed in front of me and bent over slightly, biting my lip at the feel of his fingers tugging at my nipple. Murphy leaned in close and kissed behind my ear, his breath hot along my skin and sending goosebumps over my entire body. 

"I love you." He whispered from between his teeth, every inch of him filling me. "I love you so fucking much."

"Then fuck me, Murphy." I returned, nearly out of breath and reaching my hand back behind me to run my fingers through his hair. "I need to feel you come. So fucking bad." 

His lips pressed against the curve of my neck and he dropped his hands to my hips, taking every ounce of control he had and fucking me harder than he had in a while. I could barely catch my breath as Murphy pumped hard behind me, every last thrust deeper than the last. 

"Holy shit, don't stop..." I struggled to say, my words nearly cut off as the claws of my orgasm gripped tightly at my throat. "Jesus, Murph- I... Holy shit, I'm gonna come!" 

With hardly another second passing, the swift and easy waves of release rolled over me, stealing my ability to make a sound or even breathe while Murphy kept pushing harder behind me. My body tingled and pulsed with unbearably addictive release and I could barely think let alone hold myself up while Murphy continued to move inside of me, his tip pressing into my deep and sensitive g-spot. I fell into our rumpled sheets and Murphy pulled himself from my soaking core, letting me turn around to face him as I laid back down on my back. 

I spread my legs for him again and he pushed me further into our bed, bringing himself between my legs and filling me again. 

"God, you're so fucking good. You better do this fast, I don't know how much more I can take." I breathed into his ear, the feel of him moving inside of me too much for me to handle with any semblance of control. Murphy kissed me hard and I tightened myself around him, harsh and desperate moans escaping from both of us before his thrusts slowed and his body tensed against mine. 

"I fuckin' love it when you do that.." He said, breathless, after collapsing into me. I could feel him twitch inside of me as we laid there, both of us trying to get enough air in our lungs and control in our spent muscles to pick ourselves up. 

We laid there in silence for what felt like hours, our bodies tangled with one another's as we tried to catch our breath. I wrapped my arms around Murphy's neck and kissed him, massaging his scalp and wondering to myself what I would ever do if I couldn't live in moments like these with him. 

"I'm sorry, Murphy." I said quietly. He looked up at me, his brow furrowed in slight confusion.

"What?" 

"That I didn't ask you before. If you were okay. How you were doing. I'm so sorry." My throat started to close on itself and tears burned behind my eyes, even when Murphy kissed my cheek and gave me a warm smile in his attempt to soothe my guilt. 

"You don't have anythin' to be sorry about. Just glad I could change your mind."

I gave an easy smile at him and kissed him back, thankful to be in his arms rather than a pair of scrubs. 

"I am, too. This was way more fun than sick people." 

Murphy laughed easily and slowly picked himself up, leaning over me on all fours and diving in to kiss me playfully. He got up and off of the bed and pulled his pants on, offering his hand to me before I joined him in getting dressed. 

Murphy pulled me into his arms and wrapped them around me, burying his face in the curve of my neck and slowly breathing in the scent of my hair. We stood there for a few moments before he finally pulled away from me, his hands taking gentle hold of my waist. 

"Guess since we're up we should eat." I said easily, combing my fingers through his hair. 

"Guess so." Murphy returned, kissing my cheek. I went to take a step toward the door before he stopped me, holding his hand firmly at my waist and pulling me into his body.

"I never been more sure of anybody in my life, Katy." He said softly, his demeanor shifting in front of me. 

"What?"

Murphy tightened his arms around me and leaned in close, pressing his forehead against mine. I held my arms up and laid my hands on his chest, the tenseness of his muscles being more than enough to make my knees weak. 

"You." He said simply. The look on his face melted my heart and flushed my cheeks with the kind of affection that was hard to handle. It wasn't the first time I'd seen him look at me like that, but this time seemed to resonate more than any other. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah... and I been thinkin'..." He added, swaying our bodies slowly from side to side. 

"That's dangero-"

"Shut the fuck up." He laughed, giving me another playful kiss. "No, but I been thinkin' maybe we could..."

"Maybe we could what? Huh? Run far far away from home and hope our parents don't catch us?"

"Nah, somethin' way worse." 

"And what's that?" 

"Thinkin' we oughta change that last name of yours."


	24. Chapter 24

"Mornin'." Connor croaked, lounging shirtless on the bullet ridden couch with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and a cream filled donut in the other.

"You bring any a' those for us?" Murphy asked, his fingers laced with mine.

"Nope."

"That was sweet of you." I returned, a foolish grin painted across my face having nothing to do with my own joke and everything to do with the mindless excitement racing through my   
veins.

"The fuck is up with you?" Connor asked as he heaved himself from the couch and took a seat in the barstool closest to me.

"What?" I asked, rearing my head back in an attempt to look genuinely confused. I fidgeted with a coffee mug and waited while Murphy poured himself some coffee, visibly impatient.

"That fuckin' smile you got."

"I can't smile?" I swallowed hard and tried to recover from it, letting out a light laugh.

"Ain't what I said." Connor stared at me a long moment, playfully trying to figure me out. "You only do that when yer up to somthin'."

"What would I be up to?" I could tell I was overplaying it but at this point it was a lost cause. Connor knew something was up and there was no convincing him otherwise.

"I don't fuckin' know, you tell me."

"Brother, ease up a bit, would ya? Jesus Christ." Murphy chimed in, his tone amused and annoyed.

I laughed and pinched at his side when he came up to me and wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me close. I took in his natural scent and smiled to myself, looking over at Connor and laughing as he shook his head.

"I'm just happy, Connor." I said simply, the smile on my face spreading from ear to ear before I looked back at Murphy, running my hand smoothly along his shirtless back.

"I got a feelin' that ain't all." Connor joked, raising his eyebrow at me and pulling himself from his barstool. Neither Murphy or I said anything as we watched him walk toward his room and disappear, Murphy turning to kiss behind my ear.

"He'll find out sooner or later." He whispered. I laughed into his neck and took a step back, squeezing his ass before slumping into the couch and turning on the television.

It was never difficult for the two of us to lose hours of our time with one another, and it tended to happen more often than not when we didn't have anything of real importance going on. I lost track of time with him no matter what we were doing, somehow always too taken with him to pay attention to whatever actually required my attention. Like we'd done for who knew how many days in a row, Murphy and I laid together, our limbs lazily tangled and draped across the couch before a loud knock shook us both to attention.

"Jesus Christ..." Murphy growled, heaving himself from my arms and heading toward the door. The hinges screeched into the open space before Connor and Murphy's partner Romeo appeared in the doorway, sunglasses still perched on his nose.

"Hey man, you get my text earlier?" He said, inviting himself inside.

"No, ain't looked at my phone today."

"Boss man wants to see us."

"The fuck for?" Murphy said, rubbing his face and closing the door behind him. Connor entered the room and leaned against the bar, a long yawn escaping him.

"Wouldn't close that, he's comin' in." Romeo added as he pulled off his sunglasses. He turned toward my direction and nodded, smiling at me. "Hey, beautiful."

"Hi." I said simply, giving him a lazy wave and pulling myself from the couch.

"How you doin'? You look good." Romeo said, openly winking at me in front of Murphy before Murphy's fist knocked his arm with a soft thud when he laughed.

"So far so good. Still sore when I move a certain way or do certain things, but otherwise it's really good." I answered, walking up to him and giving him a warm hug. In the six weeks I'd been home, Romeo had stopped by a handful of times, but no longer than a few minutes at a time, mostly to talk to Connor behind closed doors.

"Still ain't stopped 'em doin' those certain things." Connor joked, grabbing for the last of the coffee.

"Shut up." Murphy chimed in, pulling me close and kissing my temple just as the door opened behind us.

"Way to fuckin' knock." Connor huffed at the older gentlemen walking through the door, his dark grey suit jacket breezing behind him.

"This must be her, huh?" The stranger said, reaching for the coffee mug in Connor's hand.

"Uh, what?" I asked, feeling my cheeks flush hot and bright when all four men looked over at me.

"Smeck, this is Katy. Babe, this is Paul Smecker." Murphy said easily, rubbing at the curve of his neck. "He's the brains behind all this." He continued, motioning his other hand toward Paul.

"Shit, this is him?" I said, embarrassed and fidgeting as I pulled myself together. "Oh my god. It's good to finally meet you."

"Pleasure's mine. This guy's done a good job keeping you to himself." Paul said smoothly, a sly smile crossing his face.

"Guess so." I laughed uneasily, looking from the flamboyant man on my right to the tired and ridiculously cute one on my left. Murphy had mentioned Paul from time to time over the previous months, but anytime the two of us were in the same place, we always seemed to miss each other by mere minutes.

"Do you wa-"

"I don't have a whole lot of time, so I'm just gonna get right to it." Paul interrupted easily, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"You got anything on the ones that did this? Haven't seen or heard anything since-" Connor asked, carefully cutting his sentence short with regards to the shooting that happened right in   
this room.

"Yes and no. Regarding the girl that broke in back there, no one seems to know who she actually is. I'm hearin' she might have a record, but she's using aliases that only give us dead ends.   
So who the fuck knows."

"A real winner, I'm sure." Murphy said, half joking.

"Gets better. She's in with a bunch of shitheads tryin' to start a drug ring. All of 'em have records and warrants out. A couple we know ran in circles with 'em are in the Hoag and gladly   
talkin' after they got sold out. From what we know, the main guy Cyrus doesn't just sell his stash."

"Dippin' into his own product?" Connor asked, although already knowing the answer. Paul nodded and ran his hand through his hair and sat down at the counter, rubbing at his chin for a moment before continuing.

"Kline and Ferguson found a couple of his lackeys and followed 'em to some old shitty warehouse way south of here. Sat on it a few days and asked around. Guess they keep squatting in whatever building suits 'em at the time. But this place was stacked with guns and any kinda dru-"

"Which of those dumbshits thought that was a good idea? Goin' in some place like that without a plan or any back up? At least without one of us there?" Connor interrupted, clearly   
frustrated.

"Boys, look, that's not the issue here. The problem we have now is that these guys are unpredictable and we won't really know where they're coming from. You mix a group of already   
unstable individuals with a boat load of every kind of drug you can think of and a dozen guns each with enough stupidity to try to organize some shitty drug ring, the outcome is fuckin' chaos. They've got almost nothin' to lose."

"'Cept all those drugs and guns and money..."

"To be honest, I don't think they'd care about the last two."

"So what's the deal with comin' here, then?"

"I think they got that girl doin' all their dirty work. Those guys from a few weeks ago when you got hurt, they were in on that set up, too. That's why they came here the next day. Anyway, they aren't doin' all the heavy lifting. She's helping. And if that's the case, she's the one we have to really keep an eye on-"

"How do you suppose we do that when they ain't shown their faces in weeks? Haven't seen any kind of deals, heard anything underground or even so much as anybody seein' 'em buy eggs at the fuckin' grocery store..." Murphy asked, irritated.

"So what's you're point here?" Romeo stepped in, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Katy, did you see anyone's face?"

"Well, yeah... sort of? Just the one guy that tried to hide out behind the bar where I was. I never saw that girl's face, though. Didn't really hear much of her voice either, although I could tell she was on something, she was slurring her words from what I could hear..."

"But you didn't see her face?"

"No, I didn't."

"Hopefully, these two seeing her will be enough." Paul added, pulling a pair of sunglasses from his blazer pocket.

"So what, we're just waiting then?" Murphy asked, his hand falling to the small of my back.

"We got nothing else. For the kind of idiots we're dealing with, these guys are tough to figure out."

"Are those two the only two you've sent out to follow 'em?" Connor asked, checking his phone.

"So far, yeah. I can't put too many others on it, we're spread pretty thin lately if you haven't fuckin' noticed." Paul snapped, giving Murphy a less than pleased look.

"Fuck you, Smecker, I can't jus' leave her here after that bullshit."

Paul sighed heavily and rubbed his face, turning to look at the bullet ridden couch before looking back at the three of them.

"You know I'm right, Murph."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, he is." I said simply. Murphy snapped his head to look at me, taking a step back. "Murphy, he is. I know you want to be here, but if you're needed, you need to go."

"I am not fuckin' going." Murphy said defiantly, dropping his eyes to the floor a moment later as the hurt in his heart caught up with him. "Not yet."

Paul took a step to the side and looked down to the floor himself, seemingly understanding how much Murphy needed to spend another few days with me. But something else weighed heavily on his shoulders as he chewed on his bottom lip and looked back up again.

"You have to." I said before Paul could.

"What?" Murphy asked, taken by surprise.

"You have to go." Murphy stared at me, his face turning to a sickening mix of anger and disgust before my eyes. "Honey, think about it. You're not doing anything when you're here... and you could be doing something about all of this." I said, desperation starting to pull at my words.

"But I told yo-"

"Murphy, I know... I know you want to be here..." I paused for second to take his hands in mine and pull him to me, catching his gaze with mine. "But what you NEED to do is your job. The sooner you find out who this is, the sooner everyone here is safe."

Murphy said nothing and instead just shook his head, disappointed yet understanding. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, kissing behind his ear before I whispered in his ear.

"Murphy, I love you. But you need to."

"I need to be here... I need you." Murphy whispered back, moving to press his forehead against mine.

"I know. And I'll be right here, waiting."

Murphy watched me for a long minute before he pulled me tighter into his arms, kissing the curve of my neck and nodding slowly. The shrill ring of Paul's phone cut through the silence and he stepped away, turning his back toward us as he answered it in hushed tones. A few minutes later he turned back toward us and looked from one person to the next.

"Alright." Murphy finally conceded.

"Boys, meet at the church first thing in the morning. Ferguson just called and said he's got somethin'. He'll bring everything in tomorrow." Paul said quietly, pulling a pair of sunglasses from the inside pocket of his blazer.

"Thanks." Connor said, speaking for both Murphy and I.

Paul said nothing but instead just nodded his head slowly, sliding his sunglasses on and offering his hand to me before he turned to leave.

"It was good to finally meet you. He talks about you incessantly." He said easily as he faced the door, giving me a small nod and a warm smile.

Paul was gone a moment later, quickly followed by the dull thud of the doors closing behind him. Romeo paced a few steps just as Murphy pulled himself to stand up straight, one of his arms still wrapped around my shoulders.

"What are you thinkin'?" He asked out loud to no one in particular.

"Think we got a bunch shit stains thinkin' they can get away with anything."

"Well, they're wrong." I said, taking all three men by surprise.

"Ya think?" Connor added, his sarcasm annoying.

"Shut up, Connor... Until now, I've tried to stay as neutral as possible with all of this. Now when I actually come around, you're giving me shit?"

"Would you expect otherwise?" He joked, wincing at the swallow of cold coffee and turning to look at Romeo and Murphy. "How you thinkin' we outta handle this one?"

"Can't say for sure, man. We don't really know much of anything..." Romeo answered, shrugging his shoulders.

"Think we outta meet with Ferguson first and see what he's got. Once we get that shit in order tomorr-"

"I think we should go now." I blurted, surprised at myself for having the courage to do or even say anything.

"What?" Connor asked, his face the kind of surprised you'd see in a cartoon.

"Smecker just said that guy had someth-"

"Doesn't matter. What the fuck do you mean, 'WE'?" Murphy added, his tone almost angry. "You're goin' nowhere near-"

"I think I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions, Murphy. We've gone over this."

"I don't want you gettin' yourself in this more than you already are."

"Yeah, well I didn't fucking ask you, now did I?"

"Why wou-"

"It would be nice to know what's going on. To at least have an idea of what to expect to see walking through that door when you get home." I said, my voice almost pleading to make my case. I didn't just want to go to satiate my own curiosity. I wanted go so that I could at least prepare myself for the worst.

"Gotta admit, Murph, it's kind of a good idea." Romeo said from behind him.

"Did I fuckin' ask you?"

"No, but she's right, man. What if she's got an idea we don't think of? Or what if she can do somethin' we can't?"

"Like what, huh?"

"Does it matter? The point here is that maybe I have something more to offer than just a warm bed at night, Murphy."

"You know for a damn fact that ain't how I look at it, Katy."

"You even told me in the car on the way home from the hospital that I was in this. That I was a part of what you're doing, however smal-"

"First of all, I didn't say that. I said it MIGHT be the hand we've been dealt if shit hits the fan. Regardless, I don't want you fuckin' out there, babe. I can't-"

"I'm not saying I have to go with you to where ever the hell you go when THAT time comes. What I'm saying is that I need to be just as up to snuff with the information you have as you are. But, if I need to help, then I will."

"I gotta side with her, brother. If she's gonna stick around, she needs to know what to expect. And shit, maybe she can help with the plan."

"Fuck." Murphy said under his breath, bringing his hand to his forehead and rubbing at his temples. "Absolutely fuckin' not."

"Murphy, this could work. And I was a pretty good shot when I trained for my permit in Chicago."

"I just don't fuckin' like this." He said, his voice airing on the side of desperate as he started to pace back and forth like some kind of stressed out caged animal. "If somethin' happens, if they get to you, I don't know what the fuck they're capable of..."

"Murph, I get i-"

"No, apparently ya don't. I've told ya time and time again that I don't want you in this shit any more than you have to be and I don't wanna fuckin' say it again. You ain't goin' anywhere."

"Don't you take that fucking tone with me, Murphy, or I swear to God I'll punch you in the throat. Why are you all of a sudden changing your mind now? You were alright with this earlier and now you're not? What the hell happened? Is it because they agree with me?"

"Damn it, Katy, no. I never said I was okay with any 'a this. I said if worse comes to worst then maybe, but no. Absolutely not."

"Murphy, I can help! So why won't let me!?" I said, nearly yelling as my chest heaved while I watched him.

"BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING LOSE YOU." Murphy yelled in return, taking my arms in his hands and nearly shaking me, his eyes looking hard into mine. Romeo and Connor stood a few steps back in the kitchen, dumbfounded and wide eyed at what they were witnessing. "I can't..." He continued after a long pause, his voice small and defeated.

"You won't, Murphy." I said softly, never letting my eyes lose his. "Let me come with you to just HEAR what the guy found. Let me listen That's all I want. I want to know what's going on and I'll stay hidden. If shit gets real, then maybe I can help somehow, but until that happens, I promise, I'll stay out of it."  
I waited a long moment before Murphy backed away from me, the silence around us growing thick and heavy as he thought to himself. He'd turned away and brought his hand to rub at his temples, making it hard to gauge his reaction before I placed my hands on his arms and hugged him from the back, looking up at him from over his shoulder.

"That's all your gonna do, alright?" He finally conceded, turning his head to look back at me.

"That's all I'm gonna do." I said quietly, rubbing my hands along his sides. Murphy turned around to face me, still clearly frustrated with my decision.

"Murphy, this is important, so listen closely." I said, my tone a little more firm than I'd intended. "I understand that you don't like this. I understand that you don't want anything like what happened before to happen again, but you've gotta know that I'm not some fragile litt-"

"Katy-"

"No, listen to me." I paused, feeling an odd sense of misunderstanding between us that I'd never felt before. "You have to understand that I'm a hell of a lot stronger than you seem to think."

"That ain't it at all."

"Yeah, well it sure as shit feels like it. I WANT to do this, Murphy. You remember the day I woke up? When you said you wanted me out of here for a while to get everything cleared up? What did I tell you?"

Murphy moved his gaze away from me, his face turning to a bright red as he held back the kind of tears that were difficult to see come from him. The kind that came with a feeling of guilt that's hard to move on from, from one I knew he still couldn't get over after everything that had happened weeks before.

"Look at me, Murphy. What did I tell you?" I said gently, holding his cheek.

"You told me you had to protect me, too. But-"

"Ok." I interrupted, moving my hand to rest on his chest. "Then why do we keep going in circles about this? I tell you every time it comes up, I don't WANT to be in this, but I WANT to help you. Murphy, I LOVE you. More than anything else in my life. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up, and you're the last thing that crosses my mind before I fall asleep. And every time I wake up and you aren't next to me or you get called out of the blue to go out someplace, do you know how I feel? Have you ever really asked? Because it's like I'm paralyzed... I don't know where you are, I don't who you're dealing with or what they're capable of, I don't know what you're doing and that's all I can think about. There's so much uncertainty and then you mix all of that with the reality of what you do, I can't deal with not knowing any more. I can't... I can't let you go out there anymore without at least knowing what to expect. I just can't."

I took a moment to gather myself, knowing I was visibly upset now as tears sat in pools in my eyes, threatening to fall with even the slightest movement. Murphy bit at his lower lip for a moment before quickly wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into him and burying his face in the warm curve of my neck. He didn't have to say anything now as we stood there together, the silence between us strong enough for me to know he was with me now - whether he wanted to be or not.

I looked over at Connor and Romeo, who both still stood quietly against the counter, watching carefully as I pulled away from Murphy, giving them a cautious smile.

"Guess we'll get goin' then." Connor said, almost to himself, turning toward his bedroom. Romeo stepped out of the kitchen and took Murphy's shoulder in his hand, giving him a knowing squeeze and a gentle smile.

"Whipped." He laughed, plopping himself into the couch.

I gave a silent laugh and pinched Murphy's side, smiling at him before heading toward our bedroom to change, not sure what to expect the moment I walked into whatever kind of meeting I was about to be a part of.


	25. Chapter 25

"So that's it then? They're just masquerading like they know what the hell they're doing?" I asked, looking up at Connor and Murphy's colleague Ferguson. Connor sat across the old table in the basement of the church, smoke twisting in ribbons up from the cigarette dangling in his mouth as he listened closely. Murphy pulled his chair closer toward me and brought his arm behind my back, resting it along the back of my chair and absently moving his thumb along my arm. Romeo and Paul sat off to another end of the table and looked through a pile of papers scattered in front of them as Ferguson stood and watched us all make sense of everything.

"Exactly. This guy Cyrus got all of these guys together and gave 'em a few guns. Told 'em to steal everything they could find and kill who they took it from. Body count is in the dozens by now. And we're talkin' major kingpins in the area. This guy's got his hands on everything. Meth. Heroine. Cocaine. Any kind of pill you think of. All of it. And he's got that girl doing some of his dirty work, too. Only thing is we're not quite sure who she is, but we've heard the name Anna on multiple occasions."

"Do we know where they're stayin' or are they stayin' close to that warehouse?... Where is it anyway?" Murphy asked, leaning forward. 

"Kline followed 'em to a place way out south in the warehouse district where it looks like some of 'em stay part of the time. Place used to be run by a fabric importer but it's been empty for almost a decade. Anyway, Kline somehow got in there and they've got shipping containers full of shit down there. I mean, everything. We're talkin' kilos upon kilos, man." 

"Think there's a way to get in there?" Romeo asked from across the table. 

"There is, it just won't be easy. He said they've got people at every door that goes inside the place. You'll have to find another way unless you wanna go in guns blazin' - which I don't really recommend." 

"So what do you think is the best way to get in there to get what needs to be done, done?" I asked, afraid to even know the answer.

"Honestly? I think we outta wait. Kline's got a way in and I think we should wait until the time's right."

"When do you think that'll be?" Connor asked, reaching for the stack of photographs in front of him. 

"Few days? Maybe a week."

"If this shit has to go down on Saint Patty's Day, I'm gonna be real, real fuckin' happy about it." Murphy said, his words dripping in sarcasm. 

I looked over at Murphy and he took my hand, giving me a warm squeeze and wrapping his arm around my shoulders again. He kissed my temple and I crossed my legs under the table, racking my brain on just how these men were going to get this situation taken care of. I'd never once thought about what kind of planning they had to do in order to do what they did, and to be honest, at that point I wasn't so sure I wanted to a part of it anymore. But the idea that Murphy and Connor's lives would be threatened when the time came gave me a renewed sense of purpose and I thought even harder. 

"One of those shipping containers has to be empty. Or at the very least have room in there for you to get some cover." I said, more thinking out loud than trying to contribute.

"Think that'll be one of the only ways we get close enough to that Cyrus guy." Ferguson said, taking a seat at the end of the table to my right. "The guy watches his back. Way paranoid."

"You said Kline had a way in there, right?"

"That's what he said. He's been down there more than I have the last couple days."

"Maybe have him survey around in there. See where you can get in there without being seen and when that guy comes in you can take him out. Quick, quiet, simple, done." I suggested, hoping keeping it simple would keep the threat of injury to a minimum. 

"That could work, but it's a little boring, don't you think?" Connor chimed in, crossing his leg to rest his ankle on his knee and leaning back in his seat. 

"Isn't that exactly the kind of thing that got you racked in the nuts last time?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Don't fuckin' do this shit again, brother." Murphy said, shaking his head. 

"I just think it shouldn't be the typical bust-outta-something-guns-blazin' kinda thing you always go for. We gotta take the man by surprise. Make it interesting." Connor suggested, snapping his fingers in quick succession. 

"The bill I got for your damn stunt last time was interesting enough, Connor." I complained, regardless of happily paying for it for the peace of mind in knowing that he was okay. 

"No one ever said you had to fuckin' pay for that, Katy. I told you the church would pay it if you'd just give 'em the fuckin' bill."

"That's not what I meant, Connor. My point is that your actions have consequences that can directly impact you and your safety. Sometimes it's better to air on the side of caution than to show your ass all the time." 

"She's right, Connor. If you'd have just gone with me last time, none 'a that shit woulda happened. I ain't tryin' to reopen that can a' worms, but shit. She's a doctor, she outta know that some of the bullshit you come up with can kill us if we ain't careful." 

"So what's your idea then?" Connor asked, rolling his eyes. 

"Keep it quiet and simple. Just like she said." Murphy offered, holding his hand at the curve of my neck. 

"There's a second floor to the building isn't there?" Paul finally said, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. 

"There's actually four." Ferguson answered, checking his phone that had buzzed on the table.

"Get Kline to get him up there. Arrange some kind of deal or something and get him up to one of the upper floors. If you get him upstairs, you've got two ways of getting the job done." I offered, cutting in on Paul's train of thought.

Connor and Murphy both looked at me, slightly bewildered before Murphy caught onto where I was taking it and nodding his head, Connor still lost at the context. 

"Windows, dumbass. If all else fails, we throw him out a window." Murphy chimed in, leaning forward to rest his arms on the table. 

"This has to be done this week." Ferguson said suddenly, looking up from his phone and showing the screen in everyone's direction. "Kline just said there's some big truck coming in from Mexico that this guy is planning on bringing in. I guess it'll be here Thursday."

"Fuck." Murphy said under his breath, dropping his head nearly into his lap.

"What?" I asked, moving my hand to run along his back. 

"Thursday is fuckin' Saint Patty's Day." He said, disappointed. I leaned over and kissed him, taking his hand and lacing our fingers together, amused at his disappointment.

"I have to work that day, too. We can just go to McGinty's after." I said, trying to reassure him. "I'll make it worth it." I whispered into his ear, earning myself a devious smile as he looked up at me. 

"I guess Thursday's the plan then." Connor said, his metal folding chair screeching across the floor as he stood up and pulled on his coat. 

"Three days and this'll be over, babe." Murphy said quietly to me, standing up and offering me his hand. 

"Think you'll be okay with me going back to work, then?" 

"Guess I'll have to be." 

"As soon as all of this blows over, why don't we go ahead and do what you suggested this morning." I smiled, pulling him close to me and holding my arms around his waist. 

"What, you don't wanna plan anything?"

"Do you want me to?"

"What the fuck are you guys talkin' about?" Connor asked, looking genuinely confused as he watched us. 

Murphy looked down at me and pulled me close and I looked over at Connor, shy for the first time in I couldn't even remember how long. 

"What do you think we're talking about?" I asked, feeling my cheeks blush as I smiled like a fool.

"Brother did you... Holy shit are you guys...?" Connor asked after he thought for a moment, a look of surprise painted across his face. Neither Murphy or I said anything while we stood there, both of us getting too much enjoyment out of watching him piece our words together. 

"We gettin' a doctor in the family?" He finally offered, a smile spreading across his face. 

"That we are." Murphy answered proudly, squeezing me playfully until I groaned and gave him a hard pinch in his side. 

Connor said nothing and instead came around the table and hugged us both, his stubble biting into my face as he kissed my cheek. 

"Congratufuckin' lations." He said easily, stealing me from Murphy's arms and wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders.

"Thank you, Connor." I said, kissing him on his cheek. 

Smecker and Ferguson both offered their own words of congratulations and the three of us made our way back to my car, loaded ourselves in and headed back home, an excited buzz vibrating between us. But while I couldn't describe the kind of happiness I was feeling about what would come for Murphy and I, I couldn't help but feel the heaviness of our circumstances and the uncertainty that came with it. 

"You sure you wanna go back to work on Saint Patty's Day?" Murphy asked, steering the car easily toward home, his fingers laced with mine. 

"I have to go back some time." 

"Yeah, but..." 

"Honey, listen to me. You'll have me until then. I promise, I'll spend every second with you if you want. But I've got to get back to work."

"Ain't like we need the money."

"That's not why I do it, Murphy. I do it because I enjoy it. And I work with some really great people. Plus. I need to lay some ground work with that nurse Brooke I was telling you about for Connor. She and I've gotten pretty close at work, so I think she'll go for a night out." I said, winking at Connor over my shoulder. 

"What? Casanova can't get himself a girl?"

"Shut the fuck up, Murph." Connor laughed. 

"No, Murph, I've had my eye on this girl for him for awhile. She's so fucking beautiful, it's ridiculous. And smart. She's got a good sense of humor..."

"Sounds like yer crushin' a little bit too, love."

"What if I am, huh?"

"Shit would be hotter than hell itself." Murphy laughed as I winked at him. 

"I'll tell you what else is hotter than hell itself."

"What's that?" Both of them asked in unison. I laughed and smiled at each of them, a wicked smile pulling at the corner of my mouth.

"What I'm about to do to both of you."


	26. Chapter 26

"Take your fucking clothes off. Both of you." I said smoothly as the heavy door closed loudly behind us and we pulled off our coats. 

"Jesus, Katy." Murphy growled, slipping off his shirt and coming up behind me, his hands grabbing and pulling at any article of my clothing his hands could take hold of. Connor watched as I shoved him back and toward the couch, stepping out of his jeans. 

"No, sit down." I returned, biting at my lip while I watched Murphy slid his jeans down and abandon them in the middle of the floor. "You, too." 

I smiled at both of them sitting there watching me, their eyes wanting and full of sin while I slowly pulled off my clothes. Just the idea of them brought a fierce need to my core and seeing them sitting and waiting for me made it damn near impossible to tease them. I bit hard at my lip and pulled Murphy from his spot on the couch, kissing his hard for a moment and turning him around. Murphy sat down on the ottoman and I turned my attention to his brother, full well knowing it drive him up the wall to watch me pay more attention to Connor than to him. 

"You can handle this right? Everything feels okay?" I whispered in Connor's ear, taking my place in his lap. Connor nodded and brought his hands into the curves of my hips, his chest flushed and bright red. "As long as you're sure."

"Oh I'm fuckin' sure of it." He breathed, watching as I gave him a wicked smile and slid off of him and onto my knees. Murphy's hand moved smoothly across my back and held on to my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze. A low groan escaped his throat as I wrapped my lips around Connor's cock and moaned into him, my skin tingling at the feel of Murphy's hand on the back of my neck. Connor watched me closely, his voice gritty and caught in his throat as I moved my tongue in delicious twists around his tip, stroking my hand along with my lips and moaning into him. 

Murphy grabbed my hips and brought them up to stand as I stayed bent over Connor's lap, moving his hand between my legs and running his fingers between my already soaking and ready folds. Connor brought his hand up to hold at the back of my head, his breath escaping him in short bursts and the muscles of his stomach flexing underneath my hand. I dipped my head lower and gagged on him, the sound coming from my throat driving both of them wild as Murphy pressed his thick trip to my entrance and thrust hard into me and Connor tightened his grip on his handful of my hair. 

"Fuck, that's good, babe." Murphy growled, bringing his leg up on the edge of the couch to my right and taking my nipple between his fingers. I tightened myself around him and arched my back, moaning again as he brought his hand between my legs and moved in tight circles around my clit. 

I looked back up at Connor, stroking him smoothly in my hand and kissing along all of his delicious erection. He bit his lower lip and I again wrapped my lips around him, reaching for his hand and bringing it to my breast before he teased and pulled my nipple. Murphy fucked hard behind me, his voice leaving him short grunts before he suddenly backed away from me and turned me around. He held his hands on my hips and pulled my body into his, kissing me hard and backing me up into Connor's lap. 

"Fuckin' ready?" Murphy breathed into our kiss. I smiled and brought my hands to either side of his neck, looking at him and biting my lip. 

"When am I never ready?" I teased as Connor's hands held onto my waist before one of them left my skin only to quickly press into my ass. I brought both of my feet onto the couch on either side of him and Connor held me up, inserting his fingers into my tight entrance before I lowered myself closer to him. 

"Mm, come on, do it." I breathed, turning my head to look back at him. Connor winked at me and I brought my hand to my mouth, giving my fingers a generous coating and reached for his tip, making sure to get him good and wet before he slowly pushed himself inside of me. 

Murphy sat back down on the ottoman in front of me and watched as his brother eased his way into my ass, biting hard on his lip and moving his hands smoothly along my thighs. I looked down at him and started to move in Connor's lap, weak moans escaping from my throat. He leaned in to me and between my legs, his tongue finding my clit and working in tight, quick circles, sucking and nibbling gently while his fingers tested my slick entrance. 

Connor held me easily in his lap as I moved up and down along him, every inch of his cock stretching and filling me to the point that I could hardly contain myself, feeling the first wave of bliss sweep across my skin. 

"God damn, Mur-" I choked, taking a fist full of his hair and looking down at him. I reached for the back of his neck and pulled him up level to me, kissing along his jaw and locking my eyes with his. "Fuck me, babe." I breathed, biting his lower lip. Murphy kissed me hard and straightened up in front of me, lining himself up at my soaking entrance and teasing me with his throbbing tip. 

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, look at that." Murphy said in nearly a growl, watching as he slowly eased into me. I looked down to see our connection and moved my hand along my wet folds, pressing my fingers into my clit just as Murphy started to move in unison with his grunting brother beneath me. 

"Holy shi-" Connor breathed, bringing one of his hands up to my breast and tugging at my nipple. 

"Oh my god..." I moaned, my voice trailing into nothing but a whimper while the two of them fucked me.

"Always so fuckin' tight." Murphy moaned as he kissed me, replacing my fingers with his own. 

Murphy teased and pressed into my clit while his brother kissed along my spine and tugged on my nipple, goosebumps moving in waves across my skin. Murphy dipped his face into the curve of my neck and kissed me, every last nerve ending I had tingling and on fire at the feel of both of them kissing along my skin. 

"Holy fuck, you gu- I can't hold I-" I stammered, choking on my words when both of them bucked harder into me, slamming their hips in unison into mine and throwing my senses into a tailspin as a wave of fluid gushed from my core. 

"Damn, girl, I fuckin' feel that." Connor huffed, his breath caught in his chest as I felt him grow hard and rigid beneath me.

"God, Katy, look at that, babe." Murphy said in a breathy whisper, looking down between us at his thighs covered in my slick fluid. 

"Murph, move!" Connor said, his voice tight in his throat as he squeezed his hands on my hips before pulling out and letting me fall into the smooth cushions of the couch. "Fuck! Open that beautiful fuckin' mouth." 

Connor came up to my shoulder and stroked himself quickly, desperate to give me the release that was turning his muscles into to hard knots under my fingertips. He moaned hard as his head fell back, his hot fluid landing in this droplets across my chest, biting down hard as continued to move along himself, struggling to catch his breath. 

"Holy shit, Katy..." Connor breathed, collapsing into the couch next to me. I bit my lip at him just before Murphy wrapped his arms around me, a soft grunt making it's way out of my throat as he swiftly moved to sit on the couch and nestled my hips in his lap. 

"Jesus, babe." Murphy moaned into my shoulder, moving his lips in smooth waves across my skin as he kissed and nipped. I tightened myself around him, moving myself up and down in his lap and hissing at the feel of him growing harder in his lap. "You are so fuckin' beautiful." 

"Mm, you're not bad either." I teased, bringing my arms around his neck and kissing behind his ear. Hardly a second passed after I kissed him and Murphy slammed his hips into mine, his throbbing tip making delicious contact with my begging and aching G-spot buried deep inside of me. I looked over at Connor who sat leaning in the corner of the couch, smoothly stroking himself as he watched us teeter on the edges of our orgasm. 

"Come here." I breathed, reaching for Connor before he brought himself up onto his knees next to us. I came to a stop in Murphy's lap and kissed him, pulling myself off of him and turned around. His hands held onto my waist and I lowered myself back into his lap, holding onto one of his arms and pulling Connor between my legs with the other. "Fuck my clit, Connor." I breathed as Murphy started to move underneath me, holding me in place. 

A deep groan escaped him as he watched at me open my legs and his tongue easily found my begging clit, twirling around it playfully and stealing my breath away from me. A weak whimper escaped from me and I held onto Murphy's hands holding onto my waist, my volume growing louder as both boys worked me into the kind of mind numbing release I could hardly handle. Murphy squeezed hard at my waist and kissed along my spine, driving waves of goosebumps across my skin. His body grew rigid beneath me and his voice caught in his throat, desperate moans and grunts escaping from him as he fucked me harder. Connor's mouth sucked at my clit and a hard wave of bliss rocketed through me, hot fluid gushing from my core and stealing my ability to make a single sound. I struggled to take a breath and felt myself go limp in Murphy's lap, all of him still buried deep inside of me while he pulsated inside my soaking, aching walls. I could feel him come hard and he nibbled at my shoulder again, moving his mouth along my skin and pulling himself from my core and letting me fall to lay down on the couch. 

I smiled as I watched Connor wipe his mouth and Murphy moved his hand along the smooth skin of my thigh, massaging into my muscles and sending even more goosebumps coursing over me. Connor stood up and pulled on his pants, giving me a wicked smirk before he bent over and kissed my cheek and walking over to the kitchen. The refrigerator door opened and closed, quickly followed by the snap of a beer bottle being opened, a comfortable silence falling between the three of us. Murphy took my hand and brought me into his arms, his chest still glistening when he pulled me closer. He kissed my temple and I wrapped my arms around him, savoring in the feel of his skin against mine. 

We sat there for a while as we relaxed into one another, regaining our strength while we held one another. Connor had disappeared into his room to do only God knew what, leaving Murphy and I as we laid naked on the couch, our limbs tangled with one another's. Finally, I pulled myself from his arms and stood up, feeling my stomach start to twist and turn on itself. The earth seemed to shift beneath my feet and I quickly left the room, ran down the hallway and into Murphy and I's bathroom just before I lost whatever my stomach was having trouble agreeing with. 

Bent over the toilet, I struggled as my stomach turned in knots, forcing it's contents to rip through my throat, my heart beat pulsing in my temples. 

"Babe, you alright?" Murphy asked, standing and leaning against the open door frame of our bathroom.

"Yeah, I just... all of a sudden."

"You been feelin' alright today? You seemed okay before..."

"No, I felt fine all morning. It just hit me."

"You been lookin' a little different the last couple days, too. You sure you been okay?" 

"Murph, I've felt fine. Until now, anyway... What do you mean I've looked different?" I asked into the toilet bowl, worry pulling at my insides and twisting into another urge to throw up again.

"I don't know, you just have. Nothin' major or anything. Like maybe you got back from vacation or some shit. Different in a good way, love." 

I snapped my head and looked directly at the back of the toilet, my nerves on edge as I thought and tried to remember when my last period was. I swallowed hard and thought back to the previous month, sorting through all of the days of recovery before a slight wave of relief washed over me with the memory of getting irritated with it the day after coming home from the hospital. But it had also been a month since then, and it's not like Murphy and I made much of an effort in practicing safe sex. 

"You gonna be alright?"

"Yeah, I think it's just some food poisoning." I lied, too cautious to get the idea of pregnancy stuck in his head. At least not before I knew for sure. 

"That breakfast burrito thing you had this morning looked fuckin' disgusting. I bet you anything it was that."

"That's the only thing that I've eaten recently... so you're probably right. And that thing was delicious by the way. Totally worth it."

"Whatever you say. Want me to go get anything?"

"Just some ginger ale, if you would. That always seems to help." 

Murphy stepped over to me and kissed the top of my head, holding his hand at the curve of my neck before he turned to go, stopping when I took his hand and held him in place. 

"I love you, Murphy." I said quietly, my voice weak. "More than anything."

"I know, love." He said simply, smiling at me.

"I don't think I say it enough." 

My face flushed with heat and I gave him a small smile, wondering if having a baby now would be right. It was hard to imagine putting a child at risk with where things were around us now, but who's to say that wouldn't change? Murphy had always come through with his word of keeping me as safe as possible and had never once left my side when I needed him, and I knew he would do exactly that if we had any children. His instinct to protect what he loved was too strong - it was obvious the moment I met him. Even from day one, I knew that what I had with him would last. That we would eventually be married and hopefully have a family... but I never imagined it would be this soon. 

"You sure there ain't anything else you want?" 

"Just for you to get back soon."

Murphy leaned down to kiss my cheek and slipped out of the bathroom a second later, leaving me alone on the bathroom floor to contemplate the very real possibility of having a baby. I had always wanted to have a family, but the person I was in Chicago was not a woman who could have handled that. Especially with how horribly everything with Kevin had ended. But when I left and started a new life here in Boston, suddenly the idea of having a family became a possibility. But the question of timing was the major concern. I knew I could be ready whenever the time that I got pregnant came. I guess for women it's a little different. But what about for Murphy? Would he be able to adjust to that idea of becoming a father just as I could adjust to becoming a mother? Would it be too soon for him? Would he be ready for this after only a few months of something serious with me?

Did he even want a family?

We had spent so much of our time completely consumed with being with one another, we hadn't even discussed the topic of having children. I couldn't wait to be married to him, and the prospect of carrying his child only added to that excitement. But with everything being the mess it was with his work, I couldn't help but worry that maybe he would be too afraid to bring such a precious little person into this world. Underneath all of that, though, was the fear of losing him. I knew, in the pit of my nauseated stomach, that if I ever lost him, I would lose myself right along with him.

My stomach finally settled enough and I picked myself up off of the floor, brushed my teeth and walked into the bedroom. I grabbed the heavy blanket on top of our bed and dragged it into the living room, lounging back in the corner of the couch and opening my laptop. 

"You okay?" Connor asked, plopping down on the end of the couch and resting his arm along the back. 

"Stomach bug. Feel like shit all of a sudden."

"Bet you it was that nasty ass burrito you got this morning on the way to the church."

"What's with you and Murph both bein' on my ass about the burrito?"

"You chose a burrito over a donut. That shit's tantamount to blasphemy in our book."

"Well, it sounded good." 

"And now you're payin' for it." 

"Whatever. 

"Where's Murph?"

"Went to get me some ginger ale." 

"You got him fuckin' whipped, Doc." 

"He can't just be a good person?"

"Murph? Ha."

"Shut the fuck up, you and I both know that's bullshit." I laughed, pulling my laptop out of my bag on the floor next to me. 

"So who's this chick you're friends with?"

"Brooke?"

"Yeah."

"She's a nurse I work with in the ER all the time. Fucking flawlessly beautiful. I mean, woah, Connor."

Connor smiled and leaned his hip against the couch, watching as I opened my laptop and continued. 

"Green eyes and long, pretty reddish brown hair. Every time I see her, I think how good you two would look together."

"Damn, Murph was right. Maybe you've got a bit of a crush, too." Connor laughed, moving to sit on the back of the couch. 

"I don't know who wouldn't. But she's also super smart. Probably one of the best trauma nurses I've worked with in... I don't even know. A long time."

"That ain't intimidatin'." 

"No no, she's not the in-your-face 'I'm smarter than you' type. She's just... with it. She gets it. Whatever it is, she gets it." 

"Fuck. Sign me up."

"Oh trust me. I'll put you at the top of the list if I can." I smiled, looking up at him. 

Connor winked and stood up straight, leaving me in my spot on the couch as I browsed aimlessly for a new couch online. But as was the usual story, my thoughts quickly found their way to Murphy and I could hardly concentrate, only wanting to feel him close to me. Maybe it was the possibility of carrying his child that made it even more real, but I couldn't help but feel an even deeper sense of true, uninhibited, disgustingly sweet love for him. He was crass and had a filthy mouth that I couldn't get enough of, took jokes too far and never let anyone live anything remotely embarrassing down. But he was mine and every last bit of him was perfect to me. No matter where life could take me, I knew that as long as he was with me, I would happy and whole. And even without knowing if I truly was pregnant, I couldn't help but be in love with the idea, that maybe we had already started a family.


	27. Chapter 27

The days following the meeting with Paul and Ferguson were oddly quiet. Like the calm before the storm that I knew they would be walking into, Connor and Murphy stayed close to home and kept themselves low key. And just as I had suspected would happen, my stomach responded to any slight change in smell, nausea creeping up at it's own discretion at the most inopportune moments. 

"That fuckin' burrito musta done a number on you, babe." Murphy finally said as we got ready for bed the night before Saint Patrick's Day. 

"Yeah, no shit." I said, my words reverberating in the toilet bowl before I flushed it, walking over to brush my teeth. 

"You sure there ain't somethin' else goin' on we need to be worryin' about?" 

"Sometimes, it just takes time to get through your system. If it's not better in the morning, I'll get something at work. I'm in the ER tomorrow." 

"That the best idea? Workin' around a bunch a sick people when you're sick?"

"I don't think it's anything I can give someone, honey. I feel fine otherwise. No fever, no cough or anything else. You and Connor aren't sick. It's probably just a virus." I lied as he walked up to the open doorway and leaned against it, shirtless and his face painted in worry. "Really, Murphy. I feel fine." 

"If you're sure."

"Positive." I smiled, walking up to him and kissing his cheek, praying that the test I hadn't yet taken would come out that way. "Come on. I think that bed is calling our names." I whispered in his ear before kissing just behind it, chills moving up my spine as he moved his hand along my hip. Murphy leaned into the curve of my neck and kissed along my skin, his lips leaving me wanting nothing but to feel him inside of me. 

Murphy helped me slip off my shirt and pulled me into his arms, letting me wrap my legs around him as he moved toward the bed and laid me down. He loomed over me, kissing my neck and down along my collar bone, slipping his fingers under my bra and helping me out of it. Without losing a single beat, Murphy was out of his shirt and held himself above me, his hand moving up my side and taking my breast, tugging and teasing my nipple between his fingers. I bit my lip at the agonizing mix of pain and need as he kneaded my breast, dipping his head to kiss my cheek before he looked up at me. 

"Shit, am I hurting you?"

"What? No."

"Fuckin' looks like it."

"No, of course you aren't." I said, a smile pulling at my lips as I strained to kiss him. 

"You been actin' all kinds a weird the last few days." 

"Murphy, stop worrying. I'll be just fine." I said as convincingly as I could, holding my hand along his neck and pulling him toward me. "Now, get down here and give me all of you."

"Whatever my girl wants, my girl fuckin' gets." He said, giving me a wicked smile. 

"That's more like it." I laughed as his lips pressed against mine, his hand moving smoothly down my stomach and between my legs. I moved just enough for him to pull my shorts off and watched him toss them to the floor, spreading my legs to him and biting my lip. His tongue found my clit immediately, sucking and teasing and stealing my breath from me as I moved my fingers through his hair. Murphy brought his fingers down to my slick folds, tracing them along my begging entrance before finally pushing them slowly inside of me. I moaned into the feel of him, looking down at him sucking my clit, his voice leaving him in short, quiet moans of his own before he looked up and smiled at me. He pulled his fingers from inside of me and brought them to my lips to let me suck on them, the sweet taste of myself only making me want him more. 

"Take those fucking pants off." I breathed, reaching for the soft drawstring of his old plaid pajama pants. 

"Nah, I think I'll tease you a bit."

"Fuck you, Murphy." I breathed again, my chest flushing bright as heat swept through every inch of me. My nipples stood at attention and Murphy dipped his head to take one of them in his mouth, moving his tongue in heavenly circles around it. I moved my hands along his lean arms and up to his shoulders, taking fistfuls of his hair as my skin buzzed with electricity. He brought one of his hands back between my legs and pushed his fingers inside of me, moving them in and out of me in agonizingly slow, delicious pumps.

"Goddamn it, babe, please..." I begged, pulling his face to mine, feeling myself coat his hand in my warm fluid just before he pulled his fingers away from me. 

"Hungry tonight, huh?" 

"You have no fucking idea." 

Murphy groaned and dove in to kiss my neck, nipping along my skin and working his way up to kiss me hard, biting my lower lip playfully as he pulled away. I pushed him off of me and pinned him down on the bed, holding the firm muscles of his arms before swiftly moving them along his chest and down to his hips. I kissed the skin just above the waistband of his pants, feeling his cock twitch underneath the soft fabric while he watched me, a wicked smile pulling at either side of my lips when I slipped my fingers inside the elastic band of his pants. Slowly, I pulled them down, just enough to see the soft patch of hair at his base, kissing along his hip the more I moved his pants out of the way. 

"Holy shit, Katy-" Murphy breathed, reaching for his pants and pulling them off. 

"Can't take a dose of your own medicine, huh?" I teased, moving up to kiss him. 

Murphy grabbed for my waist and pulled me on top of him, hugging my body close to his, one of his hands holding firmly on my ass before he turned us over and moved his tip along my soaking core. 

"Jesus, you're so fuckin' wet for me tonight, babe." Murphy said, he voice low in his throat as he slowly pushed all the way inside of me. 

"And it's all yours." I whispered, bringing my knees up as far as they could go on either side of him. 

"You bet your beautiful fuckin' ass it is." 

Without a second's hesitation, Murphy thrust hard into me, every inch of him perfect and already driving me closer to the edge he never failed to throw me off of. My skin grew hot against his, a thin layer of sweat quickly forming and glistening on my skin as I arched my body into his, hungry for him to fuck me harder. Murphy kissed and nipped along my shoulder as he pumped his hips into mine, the sounds of our bodies making contact filling the space of our room. I moved my hands up to hold on either of his cheeks, looked into his eyes as the first wave of my release swept through me, the cool, beautiful blue I was looking into like an ocean I would happily drown in. 

"You're so fuckin' beautiful, love." Murphy breathed, pressing his forehead to mine. 

"Mm, so are you." I returned, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. 

Murphy lowered himself closer into my body and turned us over slowly, holding me close to him as he brought his knees up behind me. I hissed at the feel of him buried even deeper inside of me, kissing the side of his neck and to the hollow of his collarbone. I sat sat up and rolled my hips on top of his, my voice leaving me in soft whimpers as my clit rubbed against him, his hands easily moving along my thighs and into the curve of my hips. Murphy started to move in rhythm underneath me, taking our pace in his control and bouncing me on top of him. He reached one of his hands up to my breast and gently tugged on my nipple, biting his bottom lip and never letting his eyes look away from mine. 

"God, I love you so fucking much." I breathed as Murphy sat up and kissed me. 

Murphy didn't have to say anything in response, the feel of his hands moving smoothly across my back was enough to know that I was his. He kissed down my neck and found the hollow of my collarbone as he hugged my body tight to his and pulled out of me, swiftly turning me around and laying me on my side in front of him. He lifted my leg and quickly filled me again, kissing along my shoulder and up toward my cheek. I turned to kiss him back and laced my fingers with his, his arm nestling easily under my neck while his other hand held warmly along my hip. 

Our breaths were heavy as we moved together, losing ourselves in the heavenly feel of the other. Murphy's kiss was sweet, his tongue slipping between my lips and moving in gentle waves with mine while his voice caught in short, weak moans in his throat. I tightened myself around him and felt my skin flush bright red, inching closer to my release with every move he made inside of me. I could feel his body start to tense against mine and Murphy started to thrust harder behind me, grabbing harder at my waist and squeezing my hand with his other. 

"Fuck, Katy-"

"Make me feel it, babe."

"Holy shit, love, keep doing' that." Murphy choked as I tightened myself even more around him, losing myself in the feel of him fucking me harder. 

"Oh my go- fuck, Murph!" I called out as the world disappeared around me, my body quivering into his. Murphy tugged on my nipple and kissed hard into my neck, every last inch of my skin tingling and hot, my orgasm gushing between my legs and slicking our movements. He moaned hard into my neck and slammed his hips into mine, our breaths catching in our throats as we came together. 

Murphy moved his hand down my side and between my legs, easily finding my clit and moving in tight circles. I whimpered and felt myself come even harder, grabbing hard for any part of him I could grab hold of. 

"I love you, babe." He breathed into my skin as he slowly pulled himself out of my pulsing, sensitive core. I leaned back to lie on my back and took his cheek in my hand, moving my thumb smoothly back and forth, loving every part of who we were in moments like this. Completely one and whole with one another. 

"Murphy?" I said quietly after a while, holding my hand along his chest. 

"Hm?"

"Will you promise me something?" 

"What's that, love?" 

"Promise me you'll never leave me." 

"What?"

I leaned up and looked him straight in his devastatingly beautiful eyes, the scared woman I never liked to be creeping in and taking hold of my composure, tears stinging behind my eyes. 

"Don't ever leave me. Please." I said, my voice weak. 

"Why would I ever do that, love?" 

"I don't mean walking away. I mean... I can't lose you. I really can't." 

Murphy looked at me, his eyes cautious and worried as he tried to gauge where my thoughts were. 

"Somethin's up and you're gonna tell me right now." 

"I'm just... I'm worried about tomorrow. You and Connor doing all of this to take out that guy tomorrow scares the absolute shit out of me. I can't lose you." 

Murphy watched me for another long moment before he pulled me into his arms, hugging me against his warm skin, still slightly damp with sweat. 

"You know I won't let anything like that happen."

"Just promise me."

"I promise." Murphy said, his words comforting just before he kissed the top of my head. 

I couldn't know the outcome of what tomorrow would be, there were far too many hands at play. And with me going into work to make sure I was as far from it as possible didn't seem to calm my nerves as much one would expect. If anything, the fact that I couldn't control anything in the situation let alone actually be there to witness what would go on was only making me even more nervous the closer the day became. But Murphy didn't seem to be nearly as nervous as I was. In a way, he almost seemed to be glad it was almost here. Likely because he would finally be able to get back at the people that had nearly ripped me away from him. But on another front, I knew it was because he truly believed that he was responsible for removing the bad people from the world.

I wrapped arms around him and nuzzled myself into the crook of his neck, feeling myself relax as my thoughts slowly drifted away while Murphy slipped into an easy slumber. I moved my hand along his side slowly, memorizing for the millionth time the feel of his skin on my fingertips and smiling at just how incredibly lucky I was to have someone as perfect as he was for me. Even with the fear of what might happen on the following day, I couldn't help but to let my thoughts wander to the possibility of our family, hoping and praying that he would be just as as happy and excited as I would be.


	28. Chapter 28

"What the hell're you doin'?" Murphy mumbled from the bed, his face buried in his pillow. 

"Long shift today, babe." I said from the bathroom, feeling nauseous as I brushed my teeth. 

"It's fuckin' three in the mornin', Katy." Murphy groaned as he pulled his heavy limbs from the bed when I walked out of the bathroom in nothing but a bra. "But damn, love." 

"What?"

"You look fuckin' amazing, that's what." 

I blushed hard and Murphy reached for my hand, pulling me into his lap before letting his hands move smoothly along the skin of my thighs. 

"You always look good enough to eat, but shit. If it's some kinda new lotion or some shit you been usin', you needa keep usin' it." 

"You really think I look good right now?"

"You ALWAYS look good." 

I laughed and kissed his cheek, wrapping one of my arms around him and holding him close. 

"Well, you always look good, too." 

Murphy kissed me hard, bringing his hands up along my sides and sweeping my body off of his to lay down, the feel of him almost too tempting for me to resist before I took his hands in mine and stopped him. 

"Mm, babe, not now. I really need to get ready."

"Aw, come on, babe, just a taste."

"Mm, as much as I would love to, I have a really long day ahead of me..." 

"All the more reason to wake you up a bit." 

"I'm sure you can make it until tonight. I promise I'll make it up to you." I said smoothly, holding my hands on both of his cheeks and kissing him, feeling his erection graze along the inside of my thigh and making it even harder to say no. 

Murphy groaned and pulled away from me, biting his lip as he picked himself up and leaned back on the backs of his feet. I watched him for a second and couldn't bring myself to say no anymore, my chest flushing bright red as I grabbed for him, bringing him directly on top of me and kissing him hard. 

"Fuck it. Do it fast." I laughed, Murphy wasting no time in filling me completely and taking my breath away. 

"Knew you couldn't resist for long." He grunted, pumping his hips hard and fast into mine. He brought his lips to mine and took one of my nipples between his fingers, tugging playfully before taking my whole breast in his hand and moving along my skin. He let go and moved his hand between my legs, teasing his fingers on my clit and moving in wild circles. I moaned into his movement, holding the backs of my knees so that he could fuck me even deeper. 

"Oh holy shit, babe-" I breathed when Murphy hit the deep spot that made me come undone every time. "Fuck, I'm so close, come on." 

"That fuckin' quick, huh?" 

"Yeah, that fucking quick, come on Murphy." 

"You want me to come, huh? That what you fuckin' want?" 

I could hardly handle him with his voice that deep and low in his throat, and the look on his face as he watched his cock move smoothly in and out of me threw my thoughts into a tailspin. 

"Goddamn, Katy, fuckin' look at that."

"Holy shi-" I choked, my slick fluid coating our thighs as I came hard. "Murph!"

I let go of my legs and pulled him down to kiss me, breathing heavy and hard as his tongue slipped between my lips and the world dissolved around us, everything fading into a heavenly abyss that stole my ability to think or make a sound. 

"Keep that up, babe, fuckin' keep it up." Murphy moaned in my ear as I struggled to tighten my walls around him, my voice leaving my throat in weak whimpers as my warm fluid poured out of me. 

"Come inside me, Murphy. Give me all of it." I moaned into his ear, his muscles growing tight against my body as he bucked his hips hard into mine. 

"Shit, here I- fuck, babe I'm com-" Murphy choked, collapsing on top of me after slamming his hips into mine one last time. 

"Good god, Murph." I whispered, kissing behind his ear as he caught his breath on top of me. 

"Glad you changed your mind, love." He breathed, as he moved to look at me, giving me a warm smile. 

"Yeah, me too. Now get off of me." I joked, pinching his side just before he pulled himself out of me and rolled onto his back. I picked myself up and bent down over him, kissing along his jaw and up to his lips. "So, tonight. Let's place bets on if I can get Connor laid... and not by me." 

"Twenty bucks says you don't."

"Double that if I do." 

"You're on." 

"I love you, baby." I said sweetly, kissing the tip of his nose. "But I'm about to kick your ass at this bet."

I quickly got off of him and busied myself with pulling on a pair of underwear and scrubs, catching glimpses of Murphy watching me easily from his place on our bed, leaning back on his elbows with his legs hanging down off of the bed. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and grabbed my bag from the floor next to the door, turning to look at him. 

"I'll see you tonight." I said smoothly, my hand holding the door handle. 

"You bet your ass you will." He said smugly, picking himself up and sauntering toward me, his hand finding my ass and giving me a warm squeeze. "Have a good day at work thinkin' about me."

"I'm sure I will after that." I said, nodding my head at the messy sheets of our bed. "Be careful today, alright?" 

"Babe, I promise. We got it. I really believe that." 

"Text me updates if you can, then." I said, knowing I looked cautious and uneasy about what he and Connor would be taking care of. 

Murphy pulled me into his arms and wrapped them around me, his breath warm against my skin before he kissed the curve of my neck. I let my arms wrap around him and hugged him, giving him a warm kiss before pulling myself from his arms and turning to leave, grabbing my jacket from the back of the couch. 

"Love you, babe." Murphy said, a cute smile curling at one side of his mouth.

I kept walking and gave him a playful wink, kissing in his direction as I pulled open the heavy door and let myself out of the building. The air was crisp and cold as I walked toward my car and I pulled my jacket tight around me, quickly opening the door and turning on the car engine. I turned out onto the street and made my way downtown, hoping that whatever situation Murphy and Connor walked into was something they could dutifully take care of and do so without a hitch.

 

*****

 

"Oh my god, the prodigal daughter returns!" One of the charge nurses named Jennifer from the emergency room called out from her computer at the nurses station. 

"Don't tell me you honestly think I could survive without this place." I joked, pulling the key to my office out of my bag as I stepped up to the high counter of the station. 

"No, but we barely could without you. You should have seen the guy we had last week." Jennifer said, looking back at her computer, her eyes widening. 

"How bad was it?"

"Guy fell face first into one of those glass recycling bins they've got around the city."

"How the hell did he manage to do that? The tops are closed."

"The guy swore up and down he wasn't high on anything, but the tox report showed he had meth in his system. Quinn was guessing he climbed up there and lost his footing and just, fell in." Jennifer shook her head, laughing quietly at the thought of watching someone fall into a dumpster.

"Wow. Sorry I missed it." I joked, shaking my head right along with her.

"Yeah, interesting day to say the least."

"So, where've you been? You just fell off the face of the earth?" Another physician, Dr. Caplan asked from another computer across the nurses station as he turned to wave at me. 

"That's exactly it." I said sarcastically before turning back to Jennifer. "Brooke is coming in today, right?" 

"Yeah, looks like the ER will have it's dynamic duo back in action today."

"What's her schedule like this weekend?" 

"What, are you finally asking her out on a date?" Dr. Caplan joked, picking himself up from his computer and grabbing a stack of file folders.

"Ha. Maybe." I winked. "Is she doing a twelve today? Eight to eight?"

"Yep." 

I turned my attention back to Dr. Caplan as he walked with me down toward my office, briefing me on the patients in each room waiting to be seen or waiting for admission. As much as I liked him as a doctor, I couldn't help but feel nauseated at the light hint of his aftershave, turning my stomach into sickening knots, bile burning at the back of my throat. Caplan left my office and I took my place at my desk, fighting the overwhelming urge to throw up all over my desk before I pulled myself together and headed back to the floor.

 

*****

 

"Good morning, partner in crime." I said cheerfully, feeling the exact opposite as my stomach continued to roll when I saw her walk through the automatic doors of the ambulance bay. 

"Wow, you're actually back this time." She said, smiling at me. Her auburn hair was long and straight, some of her bangs tucked behind her ear and her bright green eyes hard to look away from.

"Yeah, couldn't stay away." I said, smiling back, knowing she would be perfect for Connor. 

"How've you been? People were talking about you off and on wondering where you've been." 

"Pretty bad car accident." I lied, hoping she couldn't tell. 

"Really?" 

"Piece of debris went right through me. Lost all kinds of blood, so it took me a while to get back to a hundred percent." 

"Holy shit. Well, I'm glad you're alright." 

"Much better." I smiled. "And it's good to be back. Even for just the day."

"Oh, you're off this weekend?"

"Yeah, I'll be back Monday." 

"They must really like us together, then." Brooke laughed, setting her bags next to her chair and getting herself settled. 

"Jennifer was just calling us the Dynamic Duo."

"The damn truth." Brooke smiled, looping her stethoscope around her neck and offering her hand to me for a high five. "I'm glad you're back."

The following hours seemed to fly by and the patients came and went, the usual cases of abdominal pain and uninsured sore throats clogging up patient rooms like they always did. I checked my phone every couple of hours looking for any kind of update from Murphy, hoping he'd at least let me know when they were leaving or when everything was done. 

Brooke and I worked together like a well oiled machine, responding to two level two trauma patients before lunch and a myriad of other high-risk cases before I finally heard my phone go off in my pocket just after 7:30 that evening.

 

Murph: Heads up. Ferguson overheard the ambulance is coming your way.   
Reply: Seriously?   
Murph: Like I wanted them to go there, sorry love  
Reply: I'll get it done as fast as I can. What happened?  
Murph: Fell out the window like you said he might. Shot him up a bit  
Reply: Sounds like fun.   
Murph: He won't make it. Least I seriously doubt it. All kinds a glass in his throat and shit  
Reply: I'll have to see, but likely not  
Murph: Connor is going to stop by and ride with you. He left a few minutes ago  
Reply: Ok, I'll see you at the bar, love you  
Murph: More than anything

 

I rubbed my hands together in my lap as I reviewed another admission chart, waiting for the overhead call announcing the incoming trauma, feeling my stomach twist and turn in sickening knots like it had in random waves throughout the day. Wishing I could make it stop, I took a swig of someone's Pepto just as Brooke plopped down in the chair next to me. 

"Cafeteria chorizo burrito biting back?"

"With a vengeance." I said, making a mental note to stay away from any Mexican foods for a while. "Go ahead and submit 17 for admit and get him to the cath lab. Rough shape."

"Got it." Brooke said, typing with impressive speed. "No one eats the Mexican food here. You're a brave soul." 

"It sounded so good though..." I joked just before the red trauma phone rang and the charge nurse jogged to the counter and answered it. "You ever think about going for a charge position? You'd be one hell of a charge nurse." 

"I've thought about it, yeah."

"You should go for it. I mean it." I said, smiling at her just before the overhead pager system dinged. 

"LEVEL ONE IN BOUND TO BAY FOUR. ETA FOUR MINUTES. TRAUMA TEAM TO BAY FOUR. DR. MADISON ATTENDING. DR. MADISON ATTENDING."

"Seriously?" Brooke complained, heaving herself from her chair and cracking her knuckles. 

"It's not a proper day around here if you don't have a good ol' trauma come in twenty minutes before your shift is up." I joked, feeling guilty that I knew exactly who was responsible. 

"Should have known the day was far to easy than to go home on time." She said, her words dripping in sarcasm. 

The both of us walked over to the bay assigned to the trauma team and waited, scrubbing up and getting the room prepared for whatever Connor and Murphy had done. I wasn't prepared to save a life because I knew that Murphy's call would be right, that what they had done could not be fixed. But somehow I had to pretend like it could, shouting directions for the team just before the ambulance doors burst open and the familiar shouts of EMTs and other nursing staff filled the halls. 

The man I saw laying in front of me was hardly alive as it was. Blood poured from countless wounds across his chest, shards of glass and bullet holes dotting his skin just as Murphy had warned me about.

"Jesus Christ, this kid got a bit of everything. Multiple gunshot and puncture wounds to the chest, glass shards protruding from the skin, impact trauma to the back of the head-" Brooke said as if she were reading from a text book before she was cut off by the shrill sound of the heart monitor beeping. With gloves on, I slowly pulled one of three foot long shards of glass from the patient's chest and carefully searched the laceration for any smaller pieces before I reached for a pair of hemostats and suture wire.

"Shit, this guy isn't gonna-" I looked up as Brooke pressed her fingers to the man's throat and watched as she counted silently in her head, shaking her head as she reached for another long piece of glass lodged into his throat. 

"That piece is in his carotid, isn't it..." I said more to myself than anything, knowing the moment Brooke looked up from his neck that this man was gone. 

"Call it!" Brooke yelled, pulling her hands off the patient when the heart monitor's shrill sound filled the room. 

I covered the remaining piece of glass in the patient's chest with a blue cloth and stepped away, not surprised in the slightest that this kid hadn't pulled through. Connor and Murphy had done a number on him anyway, but of course the fall out of the window hadn't helped. If the the bullet and glass wounds hadn't have killed him, the trauma from the fall certainly would have. To be perfectly honest, it was surprising he hadn't died on the ambulance ride to the hospital. 

"Time of death. 7:42pm. Someone find his family. I want to talk to them myself." I said, trying to make sure my voice was as gentle as possible for having just lost a patient. "Brooke," I said, catching her attention as I looked down at the body again. "Do we have any details on the accident?" 

"EMT said it was some kind of accident in the warehouse district. Guy backed out of a window and fell almost twenty feet. Multiple gunshot wounds to the arms and lower abdomen." She answered while I continued to look at the body in front of us, wondering if all of this was truly over, worried that it wasn't. Worried that all of this had been too easy, that it was just the tip of the iceberg. 

"You okay?" She asked as I walked over and scrubbed my arms and hands. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Get a report from the EMTs for me if you could? I want to see their notes… assuming they took any.” I said, brushing off the worry weighing down on my shoulders. She handed me a folded stack of papers from her pocket and we stepped toward the door as she told me one of the regular EMTs had brought the patient in, feeling myself relieved that the EMT Quinn was always dependable for taking notes on his patients. 

“They actually left it this time. Quinn brought him in.”

"Quinn. He’s my favorite. If I weren’t practically married already, I’d marry him." I said with a light laugh while we walked toward the nurse's station. 

"Would that really stop you?" Brooke joked.

"No. Probably not. He's got such a good butt." I said, thinking only of Murphy, knowing he was literally the only person I had eyes for. "Just don't tell that to Murphy. It'll be our secret." 

"It's safe with me." 

Brooke took her seat at the nurse's station and started typing while I leaned on the counter, watching her, knowing my window of opportunity to invite her out was about to open, praying she'd climb through it. 

"It's almost eight, right? I'm ready for this fucking week to be over with." I complained, realizing I had no room to complain on the job front being that it was my first day back from having a month off only to be followed by another three days off.

"Five 'till... Just enough time for you to finish this report." Brook said mockingly while she signed off on a chart and handed it to me. I gave her a playful look of annoyance and took it from her, wishing my job could be as easy as seeing a patient and walking away without any paperwork. 

"My favorite part of the day." I said, my words sarcastic before I switched gears, recognizing the wide open opportunity to finally ask her to come celebrate St, Patrick's day. "You doin' anything tonight?" I continued as casually as possible.

“Nah, I’ll probably grab a beer and binge on Netflix to be totally honest.” She answered, a nervous laugh escaping from her.

“Come out with me. It’s St. Patrick’s Day. I’m going out with the boys and you should join us. It’ll be nice not being the only woman at the bar for once.”

“Shit, it is St. Patrick’s Day, isn’t it?”

“So you’re coming?” I asked, giving her a look of hope and smiling big, crossing my fingers.

“Mm, I guess so. I’m assuming you mean Murphy and Connor?”

“Always.”

“They’re brothers, right?”

“Mhm, twins actually.”

“Is that weird for you? That they look the same? I mean, you said you guys all live together, didn't you?”

“No, they aren’t identical. Although, it does get a little weird when Connor walks around the house naked.” I laughed, shaking my head at Connor doing exactly that just this morning as I walked out the door. I reached over the counter and stole one of the suckers from the bucket of candy used for the kids we saw come through the ER and leaned against the counter again. 

“So he lives with you guys and walks around your house naked?”

“Mm, it’s more like I live with them. But yes. Anyway, if anyone asks, you saw me leave already. Jackson and Mills have been here since six, so to anyone who comes in, I’m gone.” 

I gave Brooke a wink and ran down the hall before anyone else could catch my attention, feeling proud of myself for getting her to go and equally excited for Connor to finally get to meet her, hoping the sparks would fly so he could finally get something I had a feeling he'd been looking for for far longer than I'm sure he would ever admit.


	29. Chapter 29

“Dr. Madison, Connor’s here.” Brooke's voice called into the dim light of my office just after her soft knock on my door and she opened it only enough to stick her head in, pointing her thumb behind her.

“Yeah, let him in. And cut the ‘Dr. Madison’ crap. It’s Katy.”

Brooke opened up the door and Connor followed her inside, giving me the kind of look one would expect from an excited teenager. She turned to leave and Connor gave me an odd look, stepping briefly toward the door before I spoke up.

“Hey, wait. You want to ride with us?” I asked before she could step out of sight.

“No, I’ve got a change of clothes in the car. I can meet you there. Where are you going?”

“Yer comin’?” Connor asked her, smiling. Brooke gave him a blank stare and I knew right then that I'd been right all along, thankful I'd done well in selecting the right girl for him.

“Yes, she’s coming with us.” I answered, Brook visibly relaxed when I spoke for her. “You know South Boston at all?”

“Uh, no. Not really. I live in Bay Village. But what bar?”

“McGinty’s. Little old Irish pub.” Connor offered stepping toward her “I can ride with ya if ya want. So you don’t get lost.”

“Dude.” I warned, knowing he was coming off too strong.

“It’s fine. But I think I can manage. I’ll see you guys there.” She laughed, walking out into the hall and turning to leave. She was gone a split second later and Connor stared out the door after her.

“We certainly will.” Connor said without any regard for the fact that his voice was loud enough to carry into the hall for her to easily hear.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” I said, giving him a hard slap in the shoulder, earning me a hearty laugh. "You think you could maybe play it cool with this one?"

"What're ya talkin' about?"

"Oh please, you sound so desperate, I'm embarrassed for you."

"Katy, you're the only girl I've fucked in months. You can't say you ain't surprised I'm jumpin' at the chance to get a girl who doesn't belong to someone else."

"Yeah, well, don't try so hard. She's pretty chill, just as a person. You don't have to throw yourself at her for her to notice you."

Connor looked back out toward the hallway and then back at me, his face glowing with excitement like I hadn't seen in him before.

"She's a knock out, Doc, well done on this one." He laughed, raising his hand before I met it with a hearty high five. "You ready? Think it's time we get the fuck outta here."

"Alright, alright, keep your damn pants on." I laughed, bending down over my laptop and saving my work before slipping it back into my bag. I grabbed a roll of antacids I'd been hiding in my pocket throughout the day and slipped them into my coat pocket, hoping I wouldn't need them for Murphy to catch me with later.

I quickly slipped out of my scrubs and pulled on a skirt and thick green sweater, letting it fall off of one of my shoulders before I grabbed my bags before Connor and I stepped into the hallway and I locked my office door behind me, feeling my stomach twinge again at the smell of food trays being rolled into the emergency department for patients. We were out of the building and in my car just a few moments later, heading toward the bar where the challenge of getting away with staying sober would be the true test. I knew the boys would certainly notice if I only ordered water or soda, especially given my ability to give them both a run for their money in the drinking department.

"You guys did a real number on that guy."

"What?"

"Murphy texted me and told me about that guy through the window."

"Well, you know we never half ass anything."

"I'm surprised he made it as long as he did. Injuries like that should have killed him on impact when he fell from the window."

"Stubborn son of a bitch, I suppose."

"Are you two okay?"

"Right as rain, doc. Pieces a' shit were clueless as could be that we'd be there. Took all of 'em in there out."

"Then how did an ambulance call go out?"

"One of 'em wasn't necessarily invited to the party's my guess. He called 911 before we even saw him come in. Just barged right in there. He caught Murph's eye and he took him out." Connor explained, pointing between his eyes. "Got him right there."

"Jesus... well I'm glad you guys are okay." I said, relieved that as far as I could see, he was untouched.

"Always are."

"Bullshit." I scoffed, giving him a side glance as I pulled out of the parking garage and turned south, heading toward McGinty's.

I pulled into the parking lot of the bar a little while later, hoping Brooke would make it alright into an area she'd said she didn't know. Connor heaved himself out of the car and immediately lit a cigarette, leaning against the side of the building.

"Can I ask you something? In total confidence?"

"What's that?"

"You have to promise me you won't say anything to Murphy." I warned, giving him a serious look. My stomach twisted as my nerves got the better of me. I had to know if Murphy would want kids, but some deep part of me was too chicken shit to ask him myself. And as I'd been driving with Connor in the car, I'd wondered if Connor might know, thinking that if anyone else would know, it would be him.

"What?"

"Does Murphy like..." I paused, taking a deep breath.

"C'mon, get on with it."

"Kids?"

"What?"

"Do you know if he likes kids?"

Connor stood and stared at me for a long moment, trying to read where my thoughts were. He looked down at my stomach and stood up straight, finally looking back up at me with a sly smile creeping across his face.

"Think you might be askin' that a bit late."

"Why do you say that?"

"'Cause you got a mini MacManus in there, don't ya."

"No, but... I just... think about it a lot, you know?"

"No. No, I don't know."

"Oh what ever... but you see why I would, though, right?" I asked, the unease of not knowing how Murphy could react still tugging at my nerves. "...I'm marrying him. Soon, I'm su-"

"Yeah, I see why." He interrupted, taking a deep exhale of his cigarette.

"Connor, that man is the love of my life... I want nothing more than to make him happy. But... I really hope that comes with a family."

"Think I'm the wrong brother to be tellin' ya that."

I looked at the ground and swallowed hard, regretting even bringing up the subject. I looked back toward the street as sleek dark grey Chevy SUV pulled into the parking lot with Brooke behind the wheel.

"Hey." Connor said, taking my shoulder in his hand and pulling my attention to him. "To answer yer question, yes. He does."

A slow smile pulled at my lips and I looked up at him, a warm wave of relief sweeping over me as Brooke walked up to where we stood by the bar door.

"Never been down here before?" Connor asked as both of us noticed the slightly uneasy expression on her face.

“Once. For a funeral like fifteen years ago. Otherwise, no.” She said, looking around the parking lot.

The sudden feel of a hand at the small of my back took me by slight surprise as Murphy came up behind me, lighting a cigarette of his own and kissing me before I waved away the smoke pouring out of his nostrils.

"I thought you were trying to quit?"

"Chill, would ya?" He said lightly, kissing my neck. "First one in over a week. And it’s St. Patty’s Day. Gimme one holiday, alright?"

I couldn't help but melt into him, a fiery need burning bright and hot between my legs as I kissed him, biting my lip when I pulled away from him and turned him to look at Brooke.

"Brooke, this is Murphy. Murph, this is Brooke. She's a good friend of mine from work."

“Good to finally meet ya.” Murphy said, offering his hand to her before she took it.

“Likewise. She talks about you all the time.”

“All terrible things, I’m sure.” He added, looking over at me, giving me a cute smile.

“Awful.”

Connor led Brooke into the bar and Murph and I followed closely, taking our usual corner booth while Connor ordered us a round of drinks. He returned a moment later with a tray full of beer and whiskey and I nearly threw up at just the sight of it, heaving myself from the booth and swallowing hard trying to cover the dry heave while I stood. Murphy took my hand in his and stopped me just before I could step away.

"Where ya goin'?" H asked smoothly, looking up at me with his beautiful blue eyes.

"Not feelin' the whiskey tonight. I need somethin' that'll kick me in the teeth after the week I've had... Who knows. I might even get reckless and take a stranger home." I said, teasing him as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"God, I hope so." I heard him say after I turned around and made my way to the bar.

"Hey, love, Connor already grabbed your drinks." The pretty brunette bartender turned owner Reese said as I leaned against the bar. Her accent was thick and Bostonian, a striking contrast to her uncle who had left her the bar after he'd passed a couple months back.

"I know..." I said quietly, waving her closer toward me. "I've been sick a lot lately, so I'm not gonna drink tonight. Mind doing me as solid and making it look like I am though?"

"Sick? You look amazing."

"So I've heard from both Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb."

"Somethin' else goin' on?"

"No, I just-"

"Shit, are you pregnant?" Reese said before she leaned in close. "'Cause the same thing happened to my cousin Sam when she got knocked up. Felt like shit but she looked like she coulda been in a magazine."

"Shh, Reese, shut up... I don't know, I might be... I haven't said anything to Murph yet.. Just... keep your mouth shut for now." I said, glancing back at the man I loved across the bar as he leaned down over the table on his elbows, exchanging words with his brother while I stood there disappointed that Reese had picked me apart so quickly.

"Yeah, well it makes a lotta sense."

"I really don't know yet. There's some shit going on right now with the boys, so... I could be late just because I'm worried..."

"You alright?"

"Me? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. But... You know them."

"Nothin' is ever over with them." Reese said, half joking and rolling her eyes.

"Exactly."

"Alright, babe, well if you are, congratulations." Reese added, nodding and winking at me as she handed me a clear tumbler of sprite with a lime and cherry floating inside before I thanked her and turned around.

I rejoined Murphy, Connor and Brooke at the table where we lost hours of time, bullshitting and teasing one another before Connor pulled Brooke away from the table for a game of pool.

"Feelin' okay?" Murphy asked when we were finally alone.

"Better than that." I said, intentionally slurring my words and sloppily falling into him.

"See, there's this girl I been watchin' tonight and she looks fuckin' good."

"Yeah?"

"And you outta see the ass on this girl. I mean..." Murphy said smoothly, pulling me close and into his lap, pushing the table back behind me. He held his hands on my ass and gave me a warm squeeze, his breath heavy with the smell of whiskey and cigarettes as his lips moved along my neck, leaving wet, sloppy kisses before he met my lips.

"What's she got that I don't?"

"Well, actually, I hate to break it to ya, but I happen to be in love with this girl."

"Too bad for me, then, huh?"

"Yeah, too fuckin' bad." He laughed into my neck before he kissed me hard, moving his hands along my sides and up into my sweater.

"I love you." I breathed, feeling my nipples get hard as he moved his hands down along my thighs, one of them slipping up my skirt and into my panties.

"Mm, I love you, babe." He returned, his fingers finding my clit and pressing into delicious circles, taking my breath away.

"Shit, Murph. Fucking in public?" I teased, slowly rolling my hips on top of him, biting my lip at the feel of his hard cock beneath me. "I could get in to that."

"Fuckin' hope so." Murphy said, his voice low as his fingers pushed inside of me. I hissed at the feel of him and reached between us to unbuckle his belt as quietly as possible, unzipping his pants and taking all of him in my hand and slowly stroking him. Murphy let a moan escape from his throat.

"Twenty bucks we get caught." I said smoothly as Murphy pulled his fingers from inside of me and quickly moved his hips to fill me completely.

"Double that we don't." Murphy breathed into my ear as I started roll my hips on top of him. "And no fuckin' tricks to get me to lose, neither."

"Where's the fun in that, huh?" I said into his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. Murphy brought his hand between us and moved in circles around my clit again, stealing my breath away. Murphy took a deep breath and let it out slowly, his other hand holding at the curve of my neck and pulling me in to kiss him again, moving his hips beneath mine to thrust deep inside of me.

"Shit, Murphy.." I begged, the feel of his fingers already working me closer and closer to orgasm.

"Just like that, babe, fuck." Murphy said, his voice deep and gritty in my ear as I tightened myself around him.

Murphy adjusted his hips beneath me and brought his hand from my neck to hold tight to my hip, his breath catching in his lungs as I turned around to see if anyone was on to us. Patrons whooped and hollered at one another as they leaned sloppily along the long old wood bar and others gathered around other tables along the other side of room, far too busy with their ridiculous amounts of beer and whiskey and games of darts than to pay attention to the fact that I was fucking my boyfriend in the far corner booth. Brooke and Connor stole wanting glances from one another and sloppily played a pathetic game of pool before I finally turned back to look at Murphy, his eyes closed and weakly biting his lip.

"Looks like you might win this bet." I whispered in his ear, moving harder on top of him, feeling my skin flush hot as he pressed even harder into my clit and slid his other hand up along my side to take my nipple between his fingers. My breath caught in my lungs and I struggled to keep myself in control of my volume, holding my hands onto either side of Murphy's neck and moaned into him, kissing behind his ear.

"Fuck, I'm close, ba-" Murphy said between from his teeth, his voice harsh.

"Come with me." I breathed as Murphy fucked harder beneath me. He moaned into my shoulder and slammed his hips into mine one last time, my release rocketing up through my body as I came hard on top of him. I collapsed into his arms and kissed along his neck, leaving hot, wet kisses along his skin before I pressed my lips to his. I broke away from him but kept my forehead leaned against his, loving the feel of his hands moving along my side underneath my sweater.

"Christ, babe, that shit was hot." Murphy finally said quietly, bringing one of his hands to hold along my jaw as he kissed me again.

"Guess I owe you, now." I said, pulling away from him and sitting up in his lap, still feeling him twitch inside of my soaking core.

"Bet your fuckin' ass you do." He joked, giving the inside of my thigh a warm pinch.

"Think you can stay outta trouble long enough for me to see another man about his dick?" I teased, kissing his cheek as my stomach started to roll in knots again.

"Ooooh, you know I can't promise that." Murphy said, his words running into one another as he gave me a cute smile.

"Fair enough." I laughed, lifting myself from his lap and straightening my clothes. I backed up in the booth and leaned over his lap, sucking along all of him and tasting the sweet mix of our come briefly before I tucked him back into his pants. I helped him zip up his jeans and he fixed his buckle before he pinched my ass and watched me climb out of our booth.

I walked across the bar and caught wind of someone's glass of something involving Jager and nearly threw up instantly, the sickening smell of black licorice too much for me to handle amid the cigarette smoke in the air and splashes of beer on nearly every table top surface. I quickly burst into the bathroom and knelt over the toilet, the few contents of my stomach tearing up through my throat and making my eyes water.

The bathroom door swung open just as I dry heaved one last time and I looked behind me, recognizing Brooke's shoes before I grabbed a handful of toilet paper.

"You okay in there? Do you need me?" Brooke asked, her voice sloppy and drunk.

"No, I'm fine. I think that's all I got." I said, flushing the toilet and pulling myself together.

"Sure?" She asked, leaning heavily against the wall as I wiped my mouth and tossed the wad of paper in the trashcan.

"Yeah, I'm good now."

"How many did you even have? Lightweight." Brooke joked, slipping past me and into the stall, plopping down as she underestimated the distance between her ass and the toilet seat. I smiled wide and laughed to myself before I quickly rinsed the taste of vomit from my mouth, wiping my lips with a fresh paper towel before the toilet flushed again.

"Trust me, I'm no lightweight."

"Apparently not."

“I can drink those two under the table if I’m so inclined. But no, I’m not really sure what’s going on. I feel alright, but I get nauseated so easily.” I said after she came out of the stall, confident she wouldn't say anything and waiting for her to join me at the sink.

"Are you pregnant?" Brooke said loudly before I covered her mouth.

"Not to my knowledge... But, on to more important matters..." I answered, a warm wave washing over me at the likelihood that I was carrying Murphy's child before I switched my focus to Brooke and Connor, hoping that I could lead their evening in the right direction. "Connor."

She gave me a blank stare and visibly blushed and I instantly knew it was done. My sights on Brooke being Connor's type had been on point all along, and I fought the smile pulling at either corner of my mouth.

"Yeah?" She asked, trying to remain oblivious.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Don't play this fucking game with me." I teased, giving her a sly, knowing smile before she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the bathroom counter.

“Uh, well… he’s pretty nice. And good looking.” Brooke finally offered as nonchalantly as possible.

“Well, he couldn’t shut up about you on the way here.”

“What? Why?” I had to hand it to her, the girl played oblivious well. What she didn't know was that it was far to difficult to bullshit a bullshitter. Not that I considered myself one, but it wasn't all that difficult to know she was smitten.

“I don’t mean to get weird or anything, but fuck. Look at yourself.” I said, standing and looking her up and down. I couldn't help but admire the way she looked. Her hair was a beautiful vibrant auburn that had to be natural with her enchanting emerald green eyes and smooth, naturally tan skin she couldn't have gotten from her obviously Irish heritage. I caught myself on the verge of gawking and shook myself from looking at her when she spoke up a second later.

“Stop.”

“Seriously. He’s in to you.” I continued, genuinely wanting her to see what I had always seen in Connor; a man who had too much heart to know what to do with, so ready to love someone. “Look. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t do anything here. All I’m saying is this: he’s in to you. And what Connor wants, Connor does everything he can to get.”

Brooke gave me a shy smile and I finished washing my hands, gave her a wink and left the bathroom, feeling accomplished and confident that what I saw between them could really turn into something. I crossed the bar again and returned to our booth, Connor and Murphy laughing together and making my heart melt.

"She in there?" Connor asked, heaving himself from the booth and rubbing his hands together. I said nothing but instead gave him a wink and he was gone a second later, leaving Murphy and I to ourselves once again.

"How the fuck do I know you just rigged the shit out of our bet?"

"I did no such thing." I joked sliding into the booth and right up next to Murphy, his arm wrapping around my neck and squeezing me into his body. I crossed my leg over his and his other hand held on my knee as he kissed my cheek, the smell of whiskey and beer on his breath a little more than I'd bargained for. I turned away and swallowed away the urge to throw up, wishing for nothing more than to go home and curl up in bed.

"You did do such a thing, I know you too well, babe." He said, his words slurred together, pressing his forehead to mine.

"Think what you want." I smiled, nestling myself into his body.

"I can tell you been worryin' a lot lately." Murphy said softly and I turned to look up at him, holding his hand in mine. "I don't want ya doin' that."

"Murph, I can't help that. When you're out there doing what you do? And now-" I said, catching myself just in time before I said anything else.

"Now what?" He asked, sobering up a little bit.

"I just mean... now that this is supposedly over- what comes next? Is it back to normal? Does this ever stop?"

I could tell I was taking this further than I should have given the number of shots and pints he'd had throughout the evening, but now I couldn't stop myself. The claws of worry and the instinct to protect the family I was holding both in my arms and the possible one I was carrying inside of me had taken firm hold of my thoughts and I couldn't break free. Tears stung at the backs of my eyes and I turned my head to bury my face into Murphy's shoulder, taking a deep breath and attempting to get myself together.

"Katy, look at me." Murphy said gently before I obliged. "I ain't lettin' shit happen anymore."

Murphy looked at me with a real sense of purpose painted across his face, his eyes searching me for the comfort he was trying so hard to give. A part of me felt it, but a bigger part of me couldn't help but feel his words were premature. I couldn't fight the feeling that what he and Connor had thought they had finished had only been the beginning. It was that very same worry that tore me to shreds for fear of losing everything that mattered to me.

"Hey." He said, lifting my chin so that I had to look at him. "I fuckin' swear to you, baby."

I conceded and nodded my head and Murphy kissed me softly, his breath strong with the smell of whiskey and Guinness. I choked back the need to throw up and scooted back out of the booth, Murphy's hand stopping me before I could take a step.

"You about ready to go?" He asked, his eyes glassy and red and a gently smile pulling at his lips.

"Let me pee first." I gave him a small smile and turned away, feeling his eyes on my ass the entire time.

Walking up to the door of the bathroom, I heard the distinctive sound of someone's wanting moans and I pounded on the door, reveling in how right I'd been all along.

"You alright in there?" I shouted, a bigger smile spreading across my face. All sound of movement stopped behind the door and I waited to hear anything back.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Brooke said, her voice muffled from behind the door.

“You sure? You’ve been in there a while.” I called out, biting my bottom lip and fighting back a laugh.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, well, unlock the damn door, I need to pee.”

I waited another moment and listened to the soft sounds of them putting themselves together and knocked again, feeling a flutter of excitement at the prospect of giving someone else shit for getting caught instead of it being myself. The door finally opened a moment later and Brooke took a step back, her skin flushed and bright red.

“Well.” I said, pretending to be surprised. Brooke turned around and looked herself over in the mirror, fixing her make up.

“Katy, I’m gonna head home, I think.” Brooke finally said.

“What? Why?” I asked, pretending to be disappointed.

“Because I’ve been up since 4 this morning.”

“Oh whatever.”

“Seriously, I’m fuckin’ exhausted.”

I chewed on my bottom lip and turned to look at Connor, confident I'd done all I needed to so that she would leave with him. Connor looked at me and gave me an innocent smile, his eyes twinkling and bloodshot.

“What?” He asked, leaning against the wall while he waited for me to say something. I didn't offer anything, but just smirked at him. “Say what you want.” He added, a sly smile pulling at his lips.

“I got nothin’.” I said, looking at Brooke and then back to Connor. “But I’ll pretend to be surprised when we walk in on you two in the living room.”

“What?” Brooke asked, looking completely lost.

“Nothin’. I’ll explain later.” Connor answered for me. Brooke turned back toward me and gave in to a long, drawn out yawn that made her eyes water.

“Really, though. Katy, I need sleep. I really do think I need to get home.”

“Somehow, I doubt you’ll be getting much of that tonight.” I said, teasing both of them

“Shut the fuck up.” Brooke laughed, rolling her eyes and leaving the room.

I stood in front of Connor for a second before he relaxed and pulled me into a big hug, his arms wrapping tight around me before he pinched my ass.

"Hey now, you've got your own girl's ass you can pinch."

"That was for bustin' in here right as I had my fuckin' dick inside her, you asshole."

"Oooh, so you didn't like being interrupted, huh?" I teased, backing into the stall and sitting down to use the toilet.

"Shut the fuck up. You like that shit and you know it." Connor joked, pulling a cigarette out of his back pocket and lighting it.

"Connor stop." I warned, flushing the toilet and stepping out of the stall. "Please."

"You gotta be shittin' me, doc. You think I can't figure out what's goin' on witcha?" Connor said walking up behind me and watching me through the reflection of the mirror. He leaned forward against the counter and looked directly at me, concern painted across his face. "Are you really?

I looked up at him conflicted, not sure exactly what to tell him. He took my arms in his hands and held me tight, waiting for me to answer and staring me down, searching my eyes for any kind of tell. I wanted to wait. I wanted to be sure. But most of all, I wanted Murphy to know first.

"Connor..."

"Christ. You haven't told Murph, have you? That's why you were askin' me earlie-“

"Connor, I don't know, okay? I want to be sure before I tell him anything. I could be late for multiple rea-"

"He ask you anything yet?"

"He noticed I looked different..."

"Yeah, well you fuckin' do, doc. Your tits are bigger. Your skin looks different. Your hair looks different..."

"Connor, please. Keep this to yourself. I've tried so hard to keep this quiet so far, let me just find out for sure."

"Yeah well, ya need to do it fast."

"Why are you being such a hardass about this?" I asked, taking a step back and turning toward the door.

"'Cause I know this changes everything."

"How?"

"It just does, alright? Murph was already 'fraid enough to lose you before, ya think this'll make that argument any easier for ya?"

I swallowed hard and looked away from him, biting hard at my lip and choking back the fear of how Murphy would react. I couldn't hang on to the romantic idea that he would just be okay with this. I could hope, but I couldn't expect it. I could want him to smile and be happy about it, but I couldn't go on expecting that to actually happen. That dream was completely unrealistic. If any of this would work, if I could get him on board with being okay with a baby, I had to be smart about it.

"Connor, I understand this isn't what we need right now. And I know that this raises some unexpected challenges for us. But don't think for one second that I'm putting this off because I don't want him to know. I'm putting this off because I'm terrified to lose him."

"Katy, he ain't the kind to walk away from this. But the sooner you tell him, the better. I ain't keepin' this to myself for long." Connor stood and watched me for a long moment, clearly understanding that I was struggling. "Hey. I ain't tryin' to scare ya. I just think this is the kinda thing he's gonna need time to digest and prepare for."

"I know..." I conceded, pulling the door open. "Go get your girl. I'm sure she hasn't left yet."

I returned to our booth and smiled when Murphy slid out from his place and draped his arm sloppily over my shoulder. I watched Connor slip out the door and looked back at Murphy, blissfully drunk and cute as ever. And even though a part of me feared that Murphy wouldn't react favorably to the idea of a baby, I couldn't help but know, deep in my heart that he would love and protect this child with everything he had, and that thought alone made it a hell of a lot easier to accept what I was about to do.


	30. Chapter 30

"Where the hell'd Connor disappear to?" Murphy asked, his words slurring together as I turned the car toward the twenty four hour drug store down the road.

"He went home with Clark. You didn't know they were boner buddies?" I joked, holding my hand on top of Murphy's when he held his on my thigh.

"I ain't surprised at that." He laughed, leaning over the console and holding his head against my arm. "Guess you didn't win that fuckin' bet after all."

"Shut the fuck up." I joked, laughing and turning into the parking lot.

"The fuck we doin' here, babe?" Murphy asked, sitting up and moving his other hand through his hair.

"Just need to pick up a few things." I answered easily right after turning the car off.

"Make it quick, 'cause I dunno how much longer I can wait to get you home and fuck you sideways."

I gave him a cute smile and left him in the car, quickly making my way into the store. I made a straight shot to the family planning aisle and carefully read the boxes for each brand of test before I chose the one that looked the best and swallowed hard at the nerves fluttering in my stomach.

Murphy was passed out in the passenger seat when I returned to the car and I laughed to myself, making sure to hide the bag in my purse. I turned the car out of the parking lot and headed home, my entire body tingling and excited at the moment I would finally find out for sure if I would be making the man laying passed out next to me a father.

 

***

 

"Babe." I said, shaking Murphy awake after turning the car off. "Come on, let's get your drunk ass inside."

"Fuckin' look at you, baby." He mumbled, struggling to open his heavy eyelids. "I'm so fuckin' lucky to have you."

I blushed and grabbed my purse before I rounded the car and opened his car door and helped him out. He was nearly dead weight in my arms and he continued to mumble about how beautiful I was, sloppily holding onto my body while trying and failing to help me open each door into our home.

Once I finally got him inside, I struggled to get him down the hallway and into our bedroom, his lips and hands pressing heavily into various parts of my body before I finally got him to fall into bed. I helped him pull off his shirt and pants and he almost immediately passed out again, giving me the chance to take this test and finally know for sure what our future held.

I stripped down to nothing but my panties, left my clothes abandoned on the bedroom floor and pulled on one of Murphy's old t-shirts. The shoulder of it nearly hung off of my shoulder and I walked into the bathroom, holding my hands on my stomach and staring at myself in the mirror, wondering what it would be like to carry a baby. I couldn't imagine what I'd look like pregnant, and a small part of me worried if my body would ever be the same. I looked down at the the pregnancy test sitting on the counter, willing myself to pick it up and pee on it.

It took me what felt like hours to finally find the courage to take the test, even after trying everything from running the sink to thinking about waterfalls to get myself to get the job done. But at long last, I worked up enough guts to finally do it and set the small white stick on the counter, my thoughts moving so fast I could hardly hang on to one of them long enough to know which way was up. I stayed there sitting on the toilet and waited, giving the the test more than enough time to tell me before I could bring myself to pick it up and read it's fateful answer.

 

***

 

"Jesus fuckin' Christ..." Murphy mumbled as he heaved himself from bed and made his way to the bathroom.

"Bad decisions have consequences, babe." I said as I sat up in bed and leaned back on the headboard and winced at the sound of Murphy throwing up in the next room. "There's vitamin water and ibuprofen on the counter."

"Thanks, love."

I bit hard on my lower lip and moved to the edge of our bed, giving in to a long yawn while I checked my phone. I sent a few text messages to Brooke to see if she'd made it home alright and stood up, stretching before I slowly walked toward the bathroom. Murphy knelt lazily in front of the toilet, leaning this head on his arm. I knelt down behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my cheek on his tattooed back and slowly moving my hand over his stomach, hoping that maybe my touch would ease his nausea.

"You get it all out?" I asked quietly, moving to look at him from over his shoulder.

"I don't know, babe." Murphy said, a light laugh escaping from him. "I really fuckin' hope so though."

"You were pretty lit, I'm surprised you're even conscious right now."

"Now, what kinda Irishman would I be if I couldn't handle my fuckin' liquor, huh?"

"I don't know. And apparently you don't either." I laughed, moving to sit next to the toilet and looking at him.

"That's fucked up." Murphy playfully complained, winking at me and letting his head fall back to rest on his arm."You're so fuckin' good to me, babe." Murphy said quietly after a long pause. "What'd I do to deserve you?"

"You were you, that's what." I answered, leaning in close and kissing his forehead. I reached over and grabbed the bottle of water and handed it to him, watching him take a few ibuprofen and wash them back.

"I love you." Murphy said, holding my cheek in one hand while the other held my hand.

"More than anything." I smiled, choking back the knot in the back of my throat, tears burning behind my eyes and pooling on my eyelashes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said, trying to get a grip. "Absolutely nothing."

"Then wh-"

"Murphy, I need to tell you something." I said carefully, a tear slipping down my cheek.

Murphy perked his head up to look at me, waiting for me to continue.

"But before I do, I need you to promise me something."

"Anything, babe."

"You remember the other day when I made you promise that you'll never leave, right?"

"'Course I do." He answered, his expression growing more and more worried the longer I stalled. "What's all this ab-"

"Baby, I'm pregnant."

I couldn't hold it any longer. It had been hard enough to keep it to myself over night while he laid passed out next to me in bed, let alone keeping the tears of pure elation to a volume that wouldn't wake the dead or my sleeping boyfriend. I'd thought about possibly easing into it by asking him if he ever wanted a family, when he would if he did, or if he even liked kids. But the longer I thought about it and the more my thoughts and worries raced through my head as I tried and failed to sleep, the more it made sense to just get on with it and tell him fast. No frills. No sugar coating. Just God's honest truth with one positive test result telling us we would be parents.

"Are you shittin' me?" He asked, not giving anything away with the blank expression on his face.

"No, I'm not shitting you." I said quietly, reaching over and opening the drawer next to me and pulling out the test that told him he had fathered our child.

"Holy shit..." Murphy breathed, his eyes growing a little bit wider when he read the little digital screen that read a single fateful word.

'PREGNANT'

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, falling back and lying on the floor, his hand rubbing both of his eyes while the other held loosely onto the test. I sobbed silently, leaning back against the cabinet and pulling my knees into my chest while I tried to accept that maybe this wasn't what he wanted to hear. Tears poured down my cheeks and onto my thighs, my heart breaking more than it should have given the fact that Connor had warned me that this would change everything. I should have prepared myself for this. I should have seen it coming. But there was no going back now and it was the hand that I'd been dealt. I looked back over at Murphy lying on the floor staring straight up at the ceiling and I felt even worse with no idea of how to make any of this easier for either of us.

"Holy fuckin' shit." Murphy said again before he sat up and stared at the glass shower wall. He snapped his head to look at me and stood up, tossing the test stick onto the counter right after I buried my face in my arms and sobbed even harder.

"HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT BABE!" He said loudly, his tone full of excitement. I jerked my head to look up at him, fresh tears still falling silently down my face. "Why're you fuckin' cryin', love? We're havin' a baby and you're fuckin' cryin'?"

"But-"

"But what?"

"I thou-"

"This is the best- come 'ere." He said, tears falling down his cheeks when he reached for my hand and brought me into his arms. "Holy shit, Katy..." He breathed into my neck, hugging me tight.

"You're not... upset?" I asked, my voice shaky and weak.

"What? Why would I be upset?"

"I don't know, I guess I thought you might not be ready for this." I explained cautiously, holding my hands on either side of him before bringing one to hold on my stomach.

"Katy, I’m scared shitless. But I ain’t upset. The minute I saw you in that piece 'a shit diner I knew you'd be the one I'd have babies with. I been ready ever since."

“There’s one more thing…” 

“There’s two in there?!” 

“Oh god, honey, it’s way too soon to know that. But…” I started, hating myself for ever bringing up the subject of children with Connor. I should have waited. I should have talked to Murphy first. And I hoped more than anything he wouldn’t be angry with me for what I’d done. 

“Come on, get on with it.” 

“Earlier last night… before you got to the bar… I mean I’d been thinking about the idea of a baby for days. And you and I never talked about having any. So I didn’t know how to even bring it up with you… I didn’t even think it through before I-“ 

“Katy, come on. Spit it out.” 

“I asked Connor if you liked kids.” 

“What?” 

“I asked him if he knew if you liked kids… and he caught on… I tried-“ 

“Did he know before you told me? That you were carryin’ my baby?” 

“No… I hadn’t taken the test when I asked him. I couldn’t do that to you.” 

“But he knew.” 

“Baby, I tried to get him off the idea that I could be…” 

“Yeah, well you went to him first.” 

“And I know I shouldn’t have!” I said loudly, my voice shaking and desperate for him to understand how fucking horrible it felt to have done this to him. “Murphy I was scared. You have to understand that…” 

“The fuck would you have to be scared about?” He asked, his face turning a light shade of red with irritation. 

“That it would scare you off. Or that you would push me away… to send me off someplace under the guise of ‘protecting me’ for me to never know what going on… Or that you didn’t even want a family with me.” 

“What the fuck could I have said to make you afraid of talkin’ to me?” 

“I don’t know, maybe after I woke up in the hospital and you wanted to send me off so that I wouldn’t be in the way?” 

“You know for a fuckin’ FACT that ain’t what I was tryin’ to do!” 

“But how could I have expected any different? This is a BABY, Murphy. The last time we talked about anything this important, you wanted me to leave. I can’t do this without you… so I had to ask him if this is even something you WANT.” 

“‘Course it is, baby.” Murphy said, his tone softening as tears slipped down my cheeks. 

“I was afraid of the answer… so I had to know what to expect. And now I feel like shit because I hurt you.” I struggled to say through my tears. “I should have gone to you first. I’m so sorry-“ 

“Just… Katy look at me.” He said softly as he brought his hand under my chin and lifting my face to look at him. “Just come to me first. No matter what it is. We gotta be in this thing together. Pisses me off you thought you couldn’t talk ta me about this, but I gotta get past that… ‘an I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t. You an’ me, babe. And this little baby. Most important things in my life now. I gotta lot ‘a work to do to be the da this baby deserves. The husband you deserve. But you bet yer ass I’m gonna fuckin’ try to be.” 

I choked on another wave of tears and wrapped my arms tight around his neck, crying the hardest I'd ever cried in the best possible way. Murphy moved to lift me from the floor and carried me back into our bedroom and laid me down, holding himself over me while I tried to reign in some control over myself. I held my hands over my face until Murphy took them in his and pulled me to sit up. He moved to kneel down on his knees in front of me and smiled up at me, still holding my hands warmly in both of his.

"Katy, I mean it... I know... I'm rough around the edges. I got shitty language and I get sloppy drunk more often than I should. But I promise you. From here on out, bein a Da to this baby and a husband to you is gonna be my first priority." He said, his eyes red and bloodshot as he fought back more tears.

Murphy reached over to the bedside table and pulled open the drawer, handing me a small black leather box. My stomach flipped and my throat tightened on itself, knowing exactly what he was about to do.

"We already covered this the other day, but now is better for this." Murphy said, holding his hands on top of both of my knees and nodding toward the box for me to open it.

My lower lip started to tremble and I shook my head, at a complete loss for words at the flood of pure, uninhibited joy rushing through me.

"Katy." Murphy struggled to say, his voice tight in his throat when he turned the box in my hand and opened it. "Babe, will you marry me?"

I threw myself into his arms and collapsed into him, my arms draped around his neck while I kissed him. I didn't even look at the ring sitting in that box, it wasn't something I needed for this moment because it wasn't the jewelry that mattered. All that mattered was Murphy and the life we'd created.

"Yes." I finally answered, pulling myself back only enough to sit in his lap.

Murphy took the smooth leather box from me and I finally looked down at the ring I would wear until the day I took my last breath, even more tears slipping down my cheeks at just how impossibly beautiful it was.

"Jesus, Murphy." I breathed, looking closer and giving into my girlish instinct to gawk at the ring he had slipped onto my finger.

Of all the ways you could describe Murphy, a man of extravagant taste was not one of them. He was a man of simple needs who paid no attention to wanting things of exorbitant value to bring himself a sense of worth. It was one of the countless things that I loved about him - no matter what, his family would always be more important to him than any material thing. But one look at the ring he'd just given me and I couldn't help but be surprised at his choice. It's center diamond must have been two carats with the tiniest hint of a beautiful yellow and square cut, surrounded on all sides by smaller white diamonds and a vintage style band. The band was intricate and lined with more diamonds and had the shine of platinum that I was breathless just looking at.

"Is it alright?"

"You're perfect."

Murphy wrapped his arms around me and eased me back to lay down, bringing his body between my legs and looming over me. Our lips moved smoothly together and Murphy reached into my panties, his fingers finding my clit before he quickly pushed them inside of me.

"Make love to me, Murphy." I breathed into our kiss, looking up at him.

Needing no other instruction, Murphy buried himself deep inside of me and started to thrust his hips, kissing and nipping along my cheek and down my neck.

"I love you, Katy." He said, his voice low and his breath hot on my skin. He moved faster inside of me with the kind of urgency that nearly took my breath away. I grabbed for his ass and gave him a tight squeeze, bringing my other hand between us to press into my clit, my skin immediately flushing bright red in my chest.

"God, baby..." I breathed, feeling myself already on the edge of coming. He fucked even harder, his breath huffing in my ear and sweat beading on his forehead, falling in slow lines down the side of his face. "Shit, Mur-"

"So soon, love?"

"Fuck, yes-" I said, my jaw clenched and my voice strained in my throat.

Not even a second later, my body quivered with a ferocious wave of bliss, gripping every inch of Murphy's cock as he hit my G-spot time and time again.

"Shit, baby, look at yo-"

Murphy's words were cut off by the sound of his ringtone blaring loudly from the pocket of his jeans across the room and he dropped his head, irritated at the interruption.

"Fuck them." He groaned, pulling out of me and grabbing my hands and helping me stand up. "They can wait. Get up there." He said, pointing at the messy sheets of our bed. His hands grabbed for my hips and he guided me in front of him, bringing my knees up onto the edge and bending me over.

He wasted no time in thrusting back inside of me, a weak whimper escaping from my throat when he buried himself deep, his tip hitting my G-spot yet again. Weak and already spent, I collapsed into the bed and moaned hard into our sheets, coming all over Murphy's thighs. I could feel come drip down the backs and insides of my thighs and I reached back for Murphy's hand, my ability to make any sound completely stolen from me.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Katy-" Murphy breathed, bending over me and holding onto one of my shoulders. He grunted behind me and I could feel him come hard inside of me, his muscles hard and taught against my body when he collapsed on top of me. "Shit, babe, I'm sorry." He said, his voice weak as he pulled out of me and rolled onto his back, trying to catch his breath.

"Sorry for what?"

"Fallin' on you. Gotta be careful."

I laughed and leaned onto my elbow, reaching over to hold my hand on his cheek so I could look at him.

"Honey, I'm not any more fragile than I was before. You won't hurt this kid, I promise."

"Yeah, well I ain't touchin' you when you get bigger. Don't want our kid's first sight bein' my cock playin' hide 'n seek."

I rolled onto my back and laughed even harder, covering my face with my hands before I got up on my knees and leaned over him.

"Murphy, for one, you know as much as I do how hard it is for you to say 'no' to me. I doubt you'll be able to even when I'm eight or nine months along. And two, even with as big as you are, this kid won't see it. In the zero chance that they do, they won't remember. And three, sex is good for pregnancy. By then, I’ll be so done with being pregnant, it’ll be hard to keep me off of you.”

Murphy pulled my face to his and kissed me, both of us giving into a fit of laughter before his phone rang again.

"Fuck." He groaned, looking at the alarm clock. "Who the fuck calls someone this early on the day after St Patty's?"

"Not everyone celebrates as hard as you do, babe." I teased, getting up and pulling on some clothes.

"Shut the fuck up." He laughed, winking at me just before he answered the phone. "Yeah?"

"Way to say 'good morning', dick." I mumbled, giving him a sly smile as I walked out of the room.

I busied myself with making a pot of coffee and catching myself purposefully catching random glimpses of the breathtaking ring on my finger. Murphy started to shout down the hallway and I peaked my head to look down the hallway, his tone growing angrier by the second the longer the call went on.

"FUCKIN' CHRIST." Murphy yelled as he stomped out of our room and down the hall, shrugging into his coat.

"What happened?"

"It ain't what happened yet." He growled. "It's what's about to."

"What?"

"I'm gonna shove my fist up someone's fuckin' ass, that's what. Dipshits can't follow any instructions, so I gotta go get Connor and go take care of this."

"Take care of what?" I asked, my unease quickly turning to frustration and turning my stomach upside down. "I thought all of this shit was over?"

Murphy gave a heavy sigh and rubbed at his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut at the growing pit of anger stirring in his belly.

"Murphy, come the fuck on..." I pressed, not in any mood for games.

"One of Ferguson's ground crews found another group 'a those shitbags workin' with Cyrus right after the hit yesterday. One of ours took one of theirs and got some intel on the situation and Cyrus ain't the one callin' the shots. Some other guy is above all of 'em."

"Did they get a name?"

"Nah, no name. Yet anyway."

"Alright, so what's the problem now?"

"Connor and I told that crew to leave that shithole as it was until we knew more about everything. Well, they didn't, so now it's soundin' like they're held up in there without any kinda back up.”

"Oh god damn..."

"Get some actual clothes on, babe. I'll drop you off at Brooke's and I'll take Connor. We'll get you ladies later."

"Alright, well, give me two minutes." I said, chewing on my bottom lip and moving to step past him, his arm catching me at my waist.

"When do you think you wanna tell people?"

"I think I want to wait a couple of days. Let it sink in first." I smiled, leaning back over to kiss his cheek.

"Aye, good plan. I like keepin' secrets." Murphy winked, pinching my ass as I swatted at him and walked back toward our bedroom to get dressed.

We were out the door and in the car in mere minutes, Murphy tucking his guns into his shoulder holders and Connor's into the deep pockets of his coat while he drove toward Bay Village, following the address that Connor had sent to him. I could tell Murphy was pissed and I wished I could ease his frustration, instead choosing to hold onto his hand in an attempt to keep him grounded.

"I'm gonna call a doctor for an appointment later on today." I said easily, giving Murphy's hand a slight squeeze.

"To go in today? That's quick."

"No, they probably won't be able to get me in for a few days."

"Aye, well let me know when you're goin'. I wanna be there."

"Oh, you'll be there."

Murphy laughed and pulled his hand from mine, reaching over and placing it on my stomach, moving his thumb slowly back and forth. I held his hand on top of his, completely consumed and nearly overwhelmed with how much I truly loved everything about him. I could barely come to terms with how happy he was to find out about all of this and I couldn't wait for us to become what I knew we were meant to be from the moment we met.

"I can't wait to give you shit when you get all big and stuff." Murphy joked.

"Shut up. Keep in mind, you have to live with my mood swings and bitching about the heat over the summer, so just remember that."

"Guess we'll both make each other's lives a livin' hell, huh?" He winked at me and I gave his shoulder a playful swat.

I rolled my eyes at him and he pulled into a parking space on the street in front of Brooke's car, putting the car in park and took gentle hold of his arm, turning him to look at me. The front door to the house just past Murphy's shoulder opened and Connor and Brooke appeared just inside before I finally spoke.

"You be careful."

"When are we not?"

"Seriously?" I asked, giving him a look of annoyance.

"I promise. Hopefully it's just a quick in-out kinda deal. Unlike me."

"Murphy."

"It's true and you fuckin' know it." Murphy said, full of pride. I laughed and reached over and gave his side a playful pinch.

"It sure is." I said smoothly.

My heart melted at his smile and I got out of the car, waving toward Brooke who I saw standing just behind Connor, Murphy calling me back toward the car with the window opening.

"Aye, let Connor tell her about everything, alright."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I'll be as casually vague as I can."

"Good. Love you, babe."

"More than anything." I said, leaning in and kissing him before I turned around and walked up the stairs into the last bit of their goodbyes.

"I'll call you as soon as we're done. We'll grab pizza or somethin'. Alright?"

"Until then, you're all mine." I said, giving Brooke a wink after Connor kissed her cheek. Connor left us and the boys were gone a moment later, leaving me with Brooke until who knew when to worry about the both of them.


	31. Chapter 31

"So?" I asked, sitting down at the bar in Brooke's kitchen, watching as she poured us each a cub of coffee before she took a seat on the barstool next to me. She blushed hard and kept her eyes on the rich, steaming liquid while she slowly stirred it, a smile tugging at her lips the longer I waited before I finally nudged her shoulder and laughed. "Brooke!"

"What?"

"Don't even." I smiled, taking a long sip of coffee. 

"Uh... well, yeah, I slept with him. He's really... really good at it." She said, her face bright red. 

"Was that so hard?" 

Brooke gave a small laugh and looked over at me before her smiled got even wider as she realized she couldn't fool me. 

“What do they do?” She finally asked after a long pause. 

“Bug the shit out of each other.” 

“They’re brothers. That’s a given. But what do they do?” 

“Annoy the crap out of me.” I teased, racking my brain for a sufficient enough answer. “It’s hard to explain… They’re kind of like security, but not really.. I don’t know. It’s really something Connor ought to explain to you instead.” 

“Do they get called out like that all the time?” 

“Mm, fairly frequently. They’re the higher ups, so they mainly organize everything. But sometimes they get called in when something goes wrong. But. Like I said. It’s really something you’re better off letting Connor or Murphy explain it to you.” I added, hoping it was believable as I tried to remember what Connor had told my parents a few weeks before.

“He was pretty pissed off when he got that call this morning.” 

“Connor’s funny like that. He’s got pretty high expectations of the people he has working under him. To be fair though, Murphy wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine getting that call either. Apparently whatever the project was was pretty straight forward.” 

“So they always work together, then?” 

“Pretty much. They’re a team. They work best that way.” 

“Do you worry a lot? The look on his face scared the shi-” 

“Brooke. Stop. Relax. They’re used to it. They’ll be fine. They can handle themselves.” I said, trying my best to keep from giving away the fact that yes, I did worry a lot. I couldn't let her see that I was worried right at that moment in particular, not knowing what the boys would have to do while they were out there. And I especially couldn't get ahead of myself given the fact that I was now in the precious and fragile early weeks of pregnancy. I watched Brooke carefully as she thought to herself chewing on her lip, regaining my own inner composure before changing the subject. “Man, he must’ve done a number on you. You’re all kinds ‘a bent outta shape.” 

“No, I just hate not knowing what’s going on. My dad did the same thing when my mom got sick. When I asked him where she was he just said she was on a business trip… and then she was dead three days later. I really hate not knowing.” 

“Wow… I’m so sorry,” I said, a heavy sense of sorrow weighing on my shoulders for her before I continued. “But, I can tell you this. Connor and Murph are more than capable of handling themselves and whatever they’ve got to deal with… You hungry?” 

“I cou-” Brooke started to say before the sounds of four loud bangs came from the front door. “Jesus fucking Christ.” 

Brooke picked herself up from her seat and stepped into the hallway, looking down at the front door before I stood up myself and walked over behind her

“You expecting company?” I asked, peering around over her shoulder at the front door. 

“No I…” 

Before Brooke could finish her sentence, I pushed past her and walked up to the door, looking through the small brass peep hole, nearly gasping at the sight on the other side of the door. “Jesus. You know any junkies? Because this girl is a damn mess.” I said, looking back at her before looking back outside. Brooke walked up to the door and stood for a brief moment, her   
skin losing some of it's color before she finally had the guts to look outside, almost like she was expecting someone. 

“Holy shit.” She whispered, the rest of the color in her face draining away when she took a step back and slid down the wall, holding her arms around her knees as she started to shake.

“Woah, what the hell? Who is that? Are you alright?” I asked, feeling myself start to panic as I knelt down to look at her. She swallowed hard and looked straight ahead, whatever fears or memories in her head all encompassing as she struggled to keep herself together. Tears pooled in her eyes and fell in thick droplets down her cheeks. It was strange to see her as she was right then, the weakness in her demeanor a drastic and frightening contrast to the strong and capable woman I knew her to be at work. Whoever it was waiting on the outside of her door had clearly had an impact on who she was and I immediately hated the mystery woman for whatever it was she had done to bring a woman I considered a close, if not best, friend to a crumbled pile of hurt.

“BROOKE.” I finally said firmly, snapping my fingers to shake her out of her head. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” She said unconvincingly, wiping the tears from her own cheeks. 

“You don’t look fine. Who is that?” I asked, softening my tone and taking her trembling hands in mine to try and give her some form of comfort. She swallowed hard again at whatever heartbreak sat just below the surface, finally looking at me before she worked up enough strength to speak. 

“My sister.” She said, her voice small and defeated. I could feel myself visibly let go of some of the worry weighing on my shoulders, hoping there was something I could do to help her with whatever strife existed in the past with her family. 

“Are you serious? Wow. ” I asked, trying to keep the situation as trivial as possible, knowing it likely wouldn't matter now. “Do you want me to tell her to leave and come back later?” 

“No. I don’t want her to come back. I don’t want her to be here at all. I haven’t seen her in like ten years.”

“Wh-“

“It’s a long, complicated story.” She answered, raising a red flag. 

“Well, do you want me to tell her to leave?” 

“No… no, I need to deal with her myself.” 

“Are you sure? Because you look like shit.” I said, smiling and trying to lighten her up a bit. But when Brooke hesitated, it was clear I would have to make the decision for her. Whatever kind of past she had with the frail and obvious drug abusing woman outside had to be dealt with. If she had any chance of making something work with Connor - which I knew could and would be difficult on multiple occasions - she needed to grow a pair and deal with fucked up situations any time they presented themselves to her. 

“Where’d they go?” The woman demanded right after I opened the door, her skin pale and thin like paper. 

“Excuse me?” I asked, rearing my head back at the woman’s audacity to cop such an attitude with me for reasons completely unbeknownst to me. 

“Those two guys. Where’d they go? I saw ‘em leave here.” 

“And just who the fuck are you?” I sneered, bringing one of my hands to hold my hip. 

“That ain’t important, bitch.” She growled just before the barrel of a gun suddenly appeared in front of my chest, the soft metal click of it’s safety stealing my breath and forcing me to swallow hard. 

“Now. Fuckin’ answer me.” The woman added, her finger holding just in front of the trigger. I could feel my face lose all color just as Brooke’s had only moments before and refused to look away from the woman threatening my life, fierce anger and fear mixing together in nauseating knots at the danger she posed to not only myself, but to the life of my child. 

“Anna.” Brooke finally said, stepping closer and pushing me just enough to get me out out of the way so that she could take up half of the doorway. “What are you doing?” 

“Fuck.” The woman muttered under her breath, taking a small step back and dropping her hand and holding the gun to her side. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“I fucking live here, Anna. You mind telling me what you’re doing on my doorstep with a fucking gun?” 

Anna swallowed hard and fought back tears as she stepped back, obviously taken aback by the sister she hadn’t expected to be involved with the men she was looking for. 

“This is fucked up.” She said, shaking her head and pointing her finger directly at my chest, her expression morphing from sadness to anger. “This is fucked up, and you know it.”

At a complete loss, I visibly reared my head back in confusion and sneered at her, clueless at what she could possibly be talking about given that I’d never seen her before. 

“What the hell are you talking about? Who are y-“ I started just as she disappeared, right as a startling and frightening thought came to mind at the mention of her name from just days before. Ferguson had mentioned her name as the woman running around with the group that had broken into her home, the same one that nearly killed me. 

“YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE, KATY? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” Brooke shouted, slamming the door behind us before we ran down the steps to look down the street, shaking me back to reality. 

“You think I know?!”

“She sure as shit seemed to know you!” 

“Brooke, I swear I’ve never seen her in my fucking life!” I yelled back, not totally lying, even if she’d been in my house. 

“Then how the fuck did she know who you were?”

“I don't know! I swear. I have never seen her before.” I said, hoping this lie wouldn’t come back and bite me in the ass later on. I couldn’t have known the two of them were related because I truly hadn’t had any clue what Anna looked like. I’d only barely heard her voice and it hadn’t even been the same as what I’d heard today… who could even be truly sure it was the same woman who’d broken into my home? 

But even I couldn’t convince myself of that split second of doubt before I moved on and accepted it, knowing there was only one thing we could do right then and there. 

“I need to call Murphy. I don’t know what’s going on, but he needs to know about this.” I said, pulling out my phone and watching as Brooke nearly collapsed against a tree, waiting for Murphy to answer. 

“Hey where are you?”

“Just talked to the crew here and I guess no one thought to tell us they were the ones controllin’ the situation. They just needed the okay to get everything over with.” Murphy answered with mild irritation in his voice.

“That was it? Seriously?”

“Seriously. And I’m fuckin’ pissed ‘cause this morning was important.” He growled. 

“I guess it’s better than the alternative. But you need to get Connor over here right now Murph.” I said, purposefully not acknowledging his reference to this morning, despite the internal swell of affection that nearly immediately consumed me. 

“Alright, well I just have to wait on Connor’s slow fuckin’ ass. Why, what happened?”

“I don’t know, but some junkie just held a gun to my fucking chest.”

“Jesus Christ. Yer okay, though, right?! Brooke ask anything yet?”

“No, why?”

“Just makin’ sure, I dunno how Connor’s gonna wanna tell her anything.” 

“Well, it’s kind of something she needs to hear from him, so no.” 

“If this motherfucker’s gonna take all day I’m leavin’ soon. But yer just gonna have to wait for the time being.”

“Whatever, just get back over here.”

“You don’t hafta be a shit over it, Jesus.” Murphy laughed slightly, partly defensive with my short replies.

I bit my lip and fought apologizing out loud, fearing that I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut about anything I knew in front of Brooke. 

“Alright.” I said, trying to sound cute over the phone. 

“Alright, he’s finally out the door anyway. Be there in twenty.” 

“Love you.”

“Love you, babe.” 

I hung up the phone and thought for long moment, pacing slowly as guilt started to weigh on my shoulders for nearly every part of the conversation I’d just had before I pulled my phone out again to send Murphy a text that I wish I could have told him over the phone.

 

MESSAGE TO: MURPHY:   
I didn’t mean to sound so shitty. I’m okay. Shaken, but okay. Trying not to scare the shit out of Brooke before she hears the whole thing. See you soon. Love you.   
MURPHY: i get it, love. good to have some damage control. love you too

 

“Alright, let’s go inside. They’ll be back in like… twenty minutes. We’ll go back to our place.” I said, tucking my phone away and waiting for Brooke to pick herself up and head up the steps into her house. 

“Am I going to get some sort of explanation for all of this? Because this is fucking me up.” She asked, stepping toward the steps. 

“Brooke. I’m sorry. I really am.” I offered, wishing I could change everything that had happened. Seeing her sister the way she’d been clearly hit her hard and it I couldn’t help but want to know more. 

“Can you pleas just tell me what’s going on?” She urged, stopping at the bottom of her stoop and holding firmly onto the handrail. 

“I want to. Trust me. But honestly, I don’t know. I can’t even tell you if the boys do or not, Murphy didn’t tell me anything.” I said, even more guilt weighing heavily on my conscience. She looked at me with the kind of look that broke my heart, her own needing encouragement that I wasn’t totally confident I could give. Brooke walked back inside and I followed her into the house to sit at her kitchen bar. “Brooke, whatever is going on here, they will do whatever it takes to figure it out and keep you safe. Those two, no matter how stupid and wild they can be, are good at what they do. They take it serious and take really good care of me.” 

“So you’ve never seen her before?” She asked after taking a moment to think. 

“Never.”

“And you don’t know why she was here?”

“If I did, I would have told you. She had a gun… I don’t mess around with that shit.” I said, my conscience screaming at my for lying to her. I could tell Brooke was watching me and tried to control the expression on my face, wishing it were easier to swallow away the fear of having the life myself and my child threatened before I swallowed hard and continued. “I hate to bring it up, but what’s the story with you and- what was her name?” 

“Anna.”

“What happened?”

“She’s just always had issues.”

“You and I both know better than to take that as the full story. Ten years? You’ve gotta give me something here.”

Brooke looked down at her lap and I waited patiently for her to answer me, hating that I had to see her so defeated. She gave a long sigh and fidgeted with her hands in her lap, slowly turning to look over at her cold cup of coffee before she finally looked up at me with tears glassing over her eyes. 

“When our parents died, she just… disappeared, basically. I can barely remember a time when she wasn’t on some kind of substance. She’s much older than I am, so she was out on her own when they died. I went to live with our aunt and she just… left. She’d drop in every once in a while when she wanted something. Every time she looked worse than the last… Eventually, she stopped coming around all together. I saw her at a diner when I turned 21, but she was too strung out to notice me and I haven’t seen or heard from her since. I honestly believed she was dead… believing that was better than any other alternative.”

The both of us sat in absolute silence and I could hardly absorb everything Brooke had just told me. It was difficult to imagine a woman as strong and capable as Brooke was to have to grow up in such a broken family and I found myself immediately angry that she’d been subjected to the kind of disappointment and abandonment at the hands of her sister. Of a woman who should have been there as a guiding light and means of support rather than one who would continually break her heart. 

“I’m really sorry about your sister.” I finally said, watching her as she sat there defeated with my arm around her shoulders.

“It’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s nothing anyone can change now. This is who she is.” 

“I mean what she did to you. What she’s done to herself. I’m sorry.”

“Mm. Well, like I said. She is who she is. And she’s done what she’s done. I’m not sorry… I’m not anything.” 

I gave her a look of mild confusion and backed away a little bit from her, keeping my eyes locked on her while I tried to put together why this had become such a big deal so quickly if it didn’t mean as much to her as it had seemed. 

“If you’re not sorry… then wh-“

“Then why am I so upset?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m upset because she abandoned me. And I hated her for a long time for that… But more than that, she abandoned them. Seeing her is just a reminder of how little she cared about them… and how awful it was for me to have to deal with losing them alone. They loved her and she couldn’t even show up to their services. I’m not upset for me. I’m pissed off because of what she did to them.”

“Did… shit, did she kill them?” I asked, feeling tears burn at the backs of my eyes and fighting the urge to cry. 

“No. No, of course not. Our mom died of the flu and our dad was hit by drunk driver six months later. No, what she did was worse. She didn’t even give a shit.”

Brooke sat there and didn’t move a muscle while my heart broke for her, wishing there were something I could do to take this kind of hurt off of her shoulders. 

“And, underneath it? Underneath everything? I’m pissed off because it hurt when she never showed up. As much as I hate to admit it, it hurts knowing that she chose whatever life she’s living over her family. Over our parents. Over me. I loved her… Our parents were gone. I was twelve and she just left. How could she just… leave? Leave and make me deal with that on my own? I loved her. I always did… And part of me still does. I hate seeing what she’s turned into. I fucking hate it so much… that’s why I spent so many years telling myself she was dead. It was easier that way. I knew better, but it was easier. And now that she’s here? That she knows where I live? Nothing good will come of it. Nothing. Not for her, not for me. And seeing her will just be a reminder of everything she’s done. Every time she came begging for money. Every time she stole something for drug money. Everything.”

It took me a moment to digest everything and I nearly cried as I watched Brooke struggle to keep it together, her sense of resolve heartbreakingly strong for everything she’d been through. 

“I’m so sorry.” I finally said, my voice hardly more than a whisper. 

“Thank you.”

A split second later, a loud knock echoed from down the front door and Brooke slid off of her barstool to walk down the hallway and open the door. 

“Are you alright?” Connor’s voice asked a moment later before I stepped around the corner and into Murphy’s arms. 

“You okay?” Murphy whispered after he kissed me, holding his hands along my sides and kissing my cheek.

“I’m fine. Thank you for getting here fast.” I said softly, kissing him back and holding my hand on his cheek. 

“Feelin’ okay?” He asked before I nodded to answer his question and kissed him again, my stomach fluttering as I sat back down at the bar. 

“So what happened?” Murphy asked, looking over at Brooke and back to me. 

“This woman showed up on the doorstep… maybe twenty minutes after you left and asked where you went. I asked her who she was and she pointed a gun at me.” 

“She have a scar on her cheek? Looks like a ‘J’?” Connor asked, helping himself to the pot of coffee across the kitchen and return back to Brooke’s side to lean against the counter. 

“Yes.” She said plainly before the Connor and Murphy both perked their heads up to look at her. 

“She say anything?” Murphy asked, stepping in front of me and sitting down on my lap, wiggling his hips just to fuck with me. I gave him a playful slap and ran my hand smoothly down his side to rest on his crotch, feeling his cock twitch under my hand. 

“Just that ‘this is fucked up and you know it.’… that was it.” I said, looking over at Connor and resting my chin on Murphy’s shoulder. 

“She say her name at all? Sounds like it was Anna.” Connor said, looking over at his brother and I. 

“Yeah, it was her.” Brooke answered, looking as if she might throw up at any second. “She’s my sister.” 

“Shit… wasn’t expectin’ ta hear that one.” Murphy said. “Somethin’ else, that one.” 

“What do you mean?” She asked, a look of sad desperation painted on her face as if she didn’t necessarily want to know, but needed to. “Please. Just tell me.”

I bit my bottom lip and hated having to watch her go through this. I knew what Murphy or Connor were about to tell her and my heart ached for her. I’d known and worked with her for a couple of months and I couldn’t imagine a woman as strong and smart as she was having to grow up with having been dealt such a shitty hand in life. But, considering all she’d had to endure to get herself where she was in her life, if I could imagine anyone being able to handle what the boys were about to tell her, it would be Brooke.


	32. Chapter 32

Brooke stood and waited for Connor or Murphy to finally speak up and it was damn near impossible to watch her without tearing up. Her need to understand what was going on too strong and overpowering over her fear of it. I could see she was terrified to know what her sister had done and what she was capable of doing for the drug problems she'd told she had always had, but her determination to know it regardless was commendable and I couldn't help but sit in awe of her integrity. 

“She’s mixed up with a bad group ‘a some hardcore shitheads. They toss her around like a fuckin’ rag doll ‘cause she’ll do pretty much anything they want her to.” Connor finally answered, looking over at Brooke with a careful expression. 

“You mean like… she sells it?” She asked, her face giving away nothing.

“Nah, she don’t deal.” 

“I mean, she’s a prostitute.” 

“Oh. Well… yeah.” 

I could hardly watch as Brooke covered her face with both hands and nearly collapse in on herself, her heart open and raw and breaking right there in front of the three of us who had no idea that what we’d been dealing with could suddenly be even closer to us. I cared about Brooke. Over the previous months, we’d become close and I would even consider her a best friend. Someone I could confide in and joke around with, much like I could with Connor. And seeing her broken in front of me was a painful pill to swallow before Connor finally broke the silence. 

“You okay?” Connor asked quietly, reaching for her hand. 

“I’m fine. I thought she was dead. At least she’s alive, I guess” She said sadly, shrugging her shoulders. Connor gave her an odd look of confusion and squeezed her hand just as Murphy took mine. 

“Can you tell me what’s going on? I need to know what’s going on.” 

“Come on.” Connor said purposefully, pulling her with him toward the door. “We need to get outta here. If that chick know’s where you live, she’s gonna stick around. Let’s get to our place and settle in. I’ll explain everything. I promise.” 

Murphy looked back at me and I patted his thigh before he hopped down off of my lap, my thighs more than thankful for the relief when he took my hand and headed for the front door. Connor and Brooke stayed behind for a moment as she let her dog outside and Murphy and I made out way out to the car and stopped at the sidewalk, holding each other’s hand before Murphy pulled me into his body and buried his face in the curve of my neck. 

“We gotta be careful, love.” He said quietly into my skin, moving his hands to hold either side of my waist. 

“I know, Murph. We will be.”

“Anything else happens to you… or the baby, I don’t know if I could-“

“Baby, stop.” I said softly, backing away only enough to hold my hands on his arms. “Don’t.” 

“Katy, we can’t just keep goin’ like everything’ll just be all fuckin’ sunshine ’n rainbows ‘cause yer pregnant. Shit don’t work that way.”

“I know that, Murphy, I’m not blind… but can we at least enjoy it for a day? Before we have to be constantly reminded about just how dangerous our lives are?”

Murphy watched me for a moment as I fought the overwhelming tide of worry pull at my emotions, tears burning behind my eyes as I desperately tried not to let them fall. He pulled me back into his arms and hugged me tight, moving one of his hands smoothly along my back and the other combing through my hair. 

“I’m sorry.” He finally said, his voice low and sad.

“We can do this, Murphy.” I returned, turning to press my forehead to his cheek as a tear slipped down my own. “We can… we will.” 

“Babe, I know we can… It’s just-“

“Murphy, no. Not today… Please… We have plenty of time to figure this out. Plenty of time to worry about it. I just want…” I swallowed hard at the mix of fear and joy swirling in deep in my stomach and wished I could control it, more tears falling down my cheeks before Murphy wiped them away with both of his thumbs, holding my face in his hands. “I just want to marry you. And have this baby… However we have to do that. But lets have one day where we don't worry about it.” I said softly before leaning into his chest and moving my hands to hold onto his sides. 

Murphy stayed quiet and wrapped his arms around me, resting his cheek on the top of my head until the sound of a door closing came from over my shoulder and he   
pulled away. I turned around just as Connor and Brooke stepped down her front stairs and walked toward where we stood next to my car. 

“You ladies hungry?” Murphy asked, looking from me to Connor and Brooke and back. I gave him a small sneer and shook my head only enough for him to see as my stomach rolled in sickening knots. 

“I don’t know that I could eat anything after this morning.” Brooke said as she opened the back door and climbed in just before Connor followed her. I gave a slight sigh of relief and Murphy winked at me, giving my side a soft pinch and kissing my cheek as I stepped around the front of the car and got in. The engine rumbled smoothly to life a moment later and Murphy turned us back toward home, the quiet between everyone in car a strange mix of tranquil and unease that seemed to only make the nausea rolling in my stomach even harder to ignore until we finally pulled into the hidden parking lot of the old abandoned factory we called home. 

“Uh, where are we?” Brooke asked, a look of confusion painted on her face as she looked up at the plain, old brick building walls around us when Murphy cut off the engine. 

“Don’t worry, I thought the same thing when I first saw this place.” 

“Do you live here?” She continued, following Murphy and I toward the plain metal door and walking in behind us. 

“We do.” I said cooly, giving her a smile as Murphy led us down the long hallway. Connor stayed close behind her and locked the doors behind us as we made our way back into the living room and Murphy took my hand, pulling me gently with him to sit on the couch before Connor and Brooke did the same. 

“I never would have thought…” She started, looking around the impressive open room and the incredible job the boys had done in making it the living space it now was. 

“They did a good job with it.” I said, crossing my legs and leaning back into Murphy’s body when he brought his arm to drape around my neck. 

“But why here? Why South Boston? I mean… it’s not the safest area in town…”

“South Boston’s been our home almost all our lives. We know it here and we know the people. Never thought about leavin’.” Connor said, leaning back and bringing his hand to hold on her knee. 

A silence fell between the four of us and Brooke looked at Murphy and I and then over to Connor, the look on her ace full of the need to understand. To understand how we made this work, how anything that had happened this morning related to who we were and how we lived our lives. She watched each of us carefully while she held her hands uneasily in her lap, absently fumbling with her fingers before she looked down into her lap. I looked over at Connor and gave him a small nod, hoping he’d take the hint that it was time to explain who the man she was sitting next to and his brother really were. 

“Brooke, I’m sorry about this morning.” He started, his eyes never leaving her despite the fact that hers were glued to her hands in her lap. “And I’m sorry that your sister did what she did to you and Katy.” 

“Please… just tell me what’s going on.” She said, finally looking up at him, visibly uncomfortable. 

“You from Boston?” Murphy asked as I reached for his hand and held it, tangling our fingers together. 

“Yeah, up north.”

“So you’ve heard about The Saints?”

“The guys that killed all those mob bosses and put in prison a couple years ago?” She asked, giving him an odd look. 

“Yeah, well they ain’t in prison anymore.” Connor said, taking her hand in his.

“What?” 

There was another long pause between the four of us and Brooke’s eyebrows came together as she thought to herself. 

“How would you kn-“

“Because they’re sitting in this room with us.” I interrupted, surprised it had taken more than the subtle hint for her to put together the pieces. 

“Excuse me?” She asked, yanking her hand away from Connor’s as the color drained from her face and shock started to set in.

“Are you okay?” I finally asked, breaking the silence between us after giving her a few moments.

“I… don’t know… I mean- how long have you known?” She asked, looking up from her lap at me. 

“Almost the whole time I’ve been here.” I answered, Murphy bringing his arm tighter around my shoulders and kissing my temple. 

“And you’re… okay with this?” She continued, her brow furrowed in what looked like a mix of surprise and question. 

“No… no, I’m not.” I said simply, looking over a Murphy and over to Connor. “Look. It’s not just as simple as being okay with something, Brooke.” I added, watching as she folded her legs beneath herself and continued to think. “Brooke. Think about it. The people these two target are horrible people who do terrible things. Murderers. Rapists. Child Molesters… Drug dealers. It’s not just a matter of being okay with it. It’s a matter of recognizing which kind of bad thing is better for everyone than the other.” 

Brooke sat there and stared at me with a blank look on her face and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the situation that we had put her in. Watching her try to accept what Connor and Murphy were, and myself by association, was difficult to watch and I nearly apologized before I finally spoke again. 

“What they do is important. People don’t like to admit it, but it is… I don’t like that they’re the ones who started it. And I certainly don’ like knowing they could be ripped from my life at any moment by some piece of shit fool with a gun. But I know that what they do matters. I’ve seen it for myself. People don’t like to think that The Saints protect them by doing what they do, but it’s a plain fact of the matter that they do. They may not directly protect someone, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t. They take dangerous people off the streets and put them where they belong. In the ground… I hate it. I really do. But I understand it. And I understand that it’s necessary.”

“What do you mean you’ve seen it yourself?” She asked, never looking away from me. 

“I mean I’ve been in the middle of it. More than once. I would be dead if they hadn’t been here, each time, doing exactly what they do.”

"Somehow I don’t see you being mixed up with drug dealers or rapists…” 

“She doesn’t. But it was our fault that she got thrown into it.” Murphy answered for me, taking my hand after I looked down into my lap. 

“Murph. How many times do we need to go over this? Neither of those incidences were your fault. So stop it.” I warned, looking over at him and struggling to keep the expression on my face under control. The look on Murphy’s face would have brought me to my knees with heartbreak if I had been standing and I immediately swallowed away the irritation, instead looking directly at his sickeningly beautiful eyes and falling even harder for him. 

“Guys, can we get back to the actual point, please?” Brooke interrupted before either Murphy or I could say anything else to one another, Murphy instead getting himself   
back on topic. 

“Anyway, these wannabe mafiosos came stormin' in here thinkin' they had the jump on us. She was here waitin' fer us to get home and they jumped her instead. Tied her up. Bashed her in the head a few times before we came blastin' through the door… An’ that was just the first time.” He explained, his voice quiet and hurt as he recounted his guilt. 

“Oh my god.” Brooke said, covering her mouth. 

"She lost a lotta blood that night. Took us forever to get it cleaned up 'cause we didn't come home until we knew she was okay.” Connor added, looking over at Brooke. 

"What on earth did they do to you?” Brooke asked, looking back over at me. “What happened?”

"Very minor compound depressed skull fracture. One of the guys hit me hard with the butt of a gun. Fracture was small, but the cut was bad enough that I needed nine staples. The other one nearly choked the life out of me before Murphy and Connor got here, but that was after he gave me a black eye and this wicked scar on my jaw.” I said, almost impressed at the list of injuries I’d sustained.

“And that was just the first time? What was the other?”

“A story for another time.” I added softly before Murphy pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple, both of us too consumed in each other than to pay attention to the heavy silence around us as Brooke sat with Connor. 

“Okay.” She finally said, looking over at Murphy and I and then to Connor. “Okay, but here’s where I’m stuck… Where the hell does Anna get involved here? Why would she be looking for you?”

“Like we said earlier, the group she’s mixed up with is nothin’ but a bunch ‘a pieces ‘a shit. Junkies, thieves, wannabe thugs.” Connor said after he kissed the back of her hand. 

“All they want is drugs, money and pussy.” Murphy said, my eyes immediately growing wide with irritated surprise. 

“Jesus, Murphy. Be a little less fucking insensitive.” I complained, nudging his arm. 

“That how they see things, babe. They don’t value shit like we do.” He said, slightly rearing his head back in defense. 

“Anyway, point is. Lease what I get is she’s like a pet to them. She goes around and does some ‘a their dirty work and they give her drugs an’ shit for it. Anytime I see here, she’s fucked.” Connor said, his eyes never leaving Brooke’s. 

“It’s no surprise. Anytime I’ve ever seen her, even when I was little, she was on something. Started with weed. Moved on to pills and then to other things and it got worse from there.” She said, my heart breaking for her. 

“Well, we tagged one of her frequent flyers last nigh. I’ve seen her with him a lot anyway… enough to make me think she mighta liked him fer more than what he had in his pockets or between his legs. She musta followed us to yer place after. And here we are.” Connor added, lighting a cigarette with his arm resting on the back of the couch. 

“So what do you do from here?” She asked. 

“Ain’t done with them yet. But I guess we’ll just hafta deal with her when and if that time comes ‘cause I’m sure she’ll turn up at some point. She ain’t done anything to deserve it, b-“

“Murphy!” I shouted, angry and surprised he could even hint at the suggestion that he or Connor would have to add Anna’s name to the list of people they’d ended in the name of their mission from God. 

“No, Katy. It’s okay. I get it.” Brook said before I snapped my head to look at her. “I get it.” 

“You sure about that?” Connor asked, my mouth still hanging slightly open. 

“I don’t like it, but I get it.”

“You mind elaborating?” Connor said, leaning forward. 

“Con-“ I started, trying to keep this line of thought from going any further, hating the idea of Brooke having to lose even more family, regardless if Anna wasn’t worthy of being considered a part of it. 

“No, Katy, it’s fine.” She said, her shoulders sinking. “I went a long time believing she was gone. So I guess it wouldn’t be so hard for me to come to terms with it now. Especially if she’s put herself in the situation she’s in.” Brooke explained, taking a deep breath while Connor, Murphy and I listened intently before she continued. “Our parents died when I was twelve. She’s nearly a decade older than I am, so she was already out of the house… and before that, she’d always had problems with drugs like I said earlier. She came and went over the next few years and then she just stopped coming around. She abandoned her family like it was nothing. Abandoned me. The only other person who knew what it was like to have them as parents. To feel what it was like when they said ‘I love you’… She was gone like they meant nothing. Like I meant nothing. And now… now that’s what she is. Nothing.”

No one spoke for a long time and Murphy held his arm tight around my shoulders, holding his lips pressed to my temple and giving my hand a warm squeeze. Connor had pulled Brooke into his arms and I couldn’t help but be happy that he seemed to have found someone, for however long it might last. And while I was excited to see the heartwarming beginning of something I knew could be great between them, a small part of me felt a twinge of jealousy, knowing that from here on out, it wouldn't be so easy to lure him into a steamy threesome with Murphy. 

But none of that could matter now. Murphy and I were going to be parents and there had to be some semblance of maturity, but most importantly, we had to tread carefully in the coming months to ensure that the family we’d created would be safe. It wasn’t just the safety of Murphy, Connor, Brooke or myself that I could be worried about, now it was the livelihood a child who had no choice in what his father did for a living and consequential danger it put them in. 

“I’m really hungry.” Brooke said after a while, pulling herself from Connor’s arms and standing up. Murphy perked his head up and I nearly laughed at him, knowing exactly what he was going to say. 

“I could go fer some fuckin’ pizza.” He said cheerfully, quickly getting to his feet and yanking me with with him. 

“You and pizza, I swear.” I said, taking his hand and stepping around the end of the couch with him. “We’ll be in the car.” 

Brooke and Connor stayed behind and I followed Murphy outside to wait at the car, an uneasy smile pulling at the corner of my mouth when he pulled me into a long, warm hug. 

“Think you can handle pizza?” He whispered before he kissed me softly behind my my ear. 

“We’ll see.” I answered, moving my hand smoothly up and down his back. Murphy moved to press his forehead to mine and brought his hand to hold my stomach, slowly moving his thumb along the soft fabric of my sweater. 

“How far do you think you are?” Murphy asked, bringing his other arm to drape over my shoulders. 

“I don’t really know, babe… I was thinking about it the other day and I can’t even remember when I had my last period.”

“Yer stomach’s hard now even though you ain’t showin’ anything. That mean anything?”

“Honey, I’m not an obstetrician. But honestly, I could be as far as two or three months along. With what happened last month, I really can’t remember. Unless you can?”

“Shit, babe, I don’t fuckin’ know… like… January? I think? I don’t really pay that close attention to it.” 

“Your guess is better than mine.” I said with a small smile, bringing my hand to hold on top of his, feeling even more connected to him now than I ever had before. 

“We gotta get shit movin’ if I’m gonna make an honest woman outta you.” 

“Maybe we should just go do it then?” 

“What, like at the courthouse or somethin’?” “Mm, yeah. Something quick. Simple.”

“You sure? We can do whatever you want.” 

“I'm sure.” I smiled, squeezing his hand still on my stomach. “I just want to be married to you.”

Murphy moved his hand around my hip and pulled me back into his body, hugging me tight and pressing his lips just behind my ear. I held my hand along his side and brought the other up to his cheek before I pulled away from him, unable to ignore the growing worry about what our future held. 

“Murphy…?”

“Yeah?”

“We need to talk about what happens when I have this baby.” 

Murphy’s shoulder slumped a little bit and I could see the warmth of excitement start to drain from his face while guilt weighed heavily on my shoulders, hating myself for even letting the idea sitting at the back of my mind start to take shape. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… your job is dangerous. And now it’s not just you or me or Connor that could be hurt. You gave me a hard enough time last month about staying after what happened. But what are we going to do when this baby comes? I refuse to leave and do this on my ow-“

“Katy, stop.”

“Murphy, no, I’m worried abou-“

The sound of the door cut off my sentence and Murphy and I both turned to watch Connor and Brooke walk toward the car. I turned back toward him and and bit hard at the inside of my cheek to fight the burn of tears threatening to pool in my eyes and tried to pull myself together before I stepped toward the passenger side door. Murphy’s hand caught my arm before I could get into the car and he leaned in close, pressing his lips just behind my ear. 

“We’ll figure this out, love. I promise.”


	33. Chapter 33

The sounds of McGinty’s were no different than they ever were. Glasses clinked together amid the shouts and hollers of the regular patrons that I could probably name in my sleep as Murphy sat with his arm draped over my shoulders across from Connor and Brooke. I’d lost count of how many rounds had come around to the table as Brooke and Connor lost themselves in the evening and in one another while Murphy paced himself for the first time in a long while. 

“You two are awfully fuckin’ quiet tonight.” Connor said loudly, his words slurring together into his fresh pint of beer. 

“You're loud enough for the four of us.” I joked, giving him a wink as Murphy laughed and kissed my cheek, working his way down along my neck and shoulder. 

“Hey fuck you.” Connor laughed, pulling Brooke into his lap. “Just tryin’ ta livin’ up the party.”

“Don’t be a dick.” Brooke laughed into Connor’s cheek, looking across at us before she wrapped her arm around Connor’s shoulders and pressed her forehead to Connor’s temple. 

“Maybe it’s been a long fucking day and some of us need sleep?” I said with more attitude than I’d intended, smiling at him to try and compensate for myself. 

“She’s right.” Brooke whispered in Connor’s ear, sucking on his earlobe. “It’d also be nice to fuck you sideways.” She added, thinking that neither Murphy or I could hear her until we both laughed. 

“You said that about as quiet as a megaphone.” Murphy joked, moving his hand down my back and bringing it to hold on my thigh.

Brooke immediately blushed and Connor finished his beer in one long drink before all of us pulled ourselves from the booth and turned toward the door. Brooke and Connor nearly tumbled out to the parking lot and giggled their way to the car while Murphy and I laughed at their expense, our hands holding warmly to one another. The four of us each piled into the car and Murphy turned us back toward home, holding his hand on mine the entire way while Connor and Brooke nearly undressed each other in the back seat. 

“I think they might eat each other.” I said softly as Murphy put the car in park. He gave me a wink and laughed quietly before he turned to get out of the car. Brooke and Connor poured out of the back before I let myself out and shook my head in amusement at them, making my way back up to the door when Connor shouted after us. 

“Unlock the fuckin’ door, Murph!”

“Whatta ya think I’m doin’? Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” Murphy yelled back, amused and annoyed as he shook his head and unlocked the door. “Ain’t like he didn’t get laid the other day.” He joked, bringing his arm around my shoulders and kissing my temple while we walked down the hallway. 

“Shit, babe, I forgot my phone.” I said as I stopped in my tracks and gave his ass a pinch before I turned back toward the door. 

“You just wanna spy on ‘em, don’t fuckin’ lie.” Murphy quipped as he leaned against the door frame. 

“Do not!” I laughed, giving him a wink and opening the door to see the two of them still all over the other. “Jesus, you guys.” I teased, walking up to the passenger door   
and opening it to look through the console and grab my phone before returning to the door inside. Brooke’s face was bright red and she bit her lip as she blushed before I walked back inside and found Murphy checking his phone just beside the kitchen counter. 

Facing the hallway toward our room, I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist to hug him, pressing my cheek to his shoulder and tucking my fingers into the top of his jeans. Murphy stepped forward and pulled me into our bedroom, closing the door behind us and watching me sit down at the foot of our bed. 

“You are so fuckin’ beautiful.” Murphy said, his voice quiet as he smiled at me. 

“So are you.” I smiled back, urging him to come to me with my finger and giving him a devious smile. He stepped slowly toward me and leaned down to press his lips to mine while his hands reached down to pull the hem of my sweater up and over my head before he dropped it to the floor and unclasped my bra. His shirt was off a second later while our lips moved desperately with one another’s, our hands grabbing helplessly at the rest of our clothes and tearing them off of each other before we fell back into bed. Murphy moved to lay me on my back and stood up at the foot of the bed above me, his eyes devouring every inch of my body and making me blush harder than I had in a while. 

“Fuck, Katy. I swear.” He growled, stroking his cock in front of me and driving my mind into a tailspin with need. 

“Come on, baby.” I breathed, moving my hands down my stomach and between my legs, spreading myself open for him and biting my lower lip as he slowly got down on his knees and started to kiss along my thigh. 

Murphy brought one of his hands to run smoothly along my other thigh before he brushed my hands away and replaced my fingers with his own, sinking them deep inside my soaking entrance. His breath left him in wanting moans into my skin the closer he moved toward my clit and I nearly came immediately, my hot juices coating his fingers as he slowly moved them inside of me.

But before we could move any further, the soft sounds of voices floated into our room from the living room and Murphy and I both froze to listen carefully. He looked up at me and smiled mischievously before he stood up and grabbed my hand to help me to my feet. 

“You know, that nurse out there you found for him is hot stuff.” 

“Uh, I’m standing right here.” I griped, crossing my arms and pretending to be offended. 

“Nothin’ like you babe. Gimme a little fuckin’ credit. Look at you.”

“Nice save.” I winked, stepping up to him and wrapping my hand around his cock. 

“Point was, maybe we oughta give ‘em some shit.”

Smiling shamelessly, I pulled on one of Murphy’s t-shirts from the basket of laundry I had yet to put away while he stepped into a pair of sweatpants and handed me some of his boxers. He opened the door and stretched his arms as we walked back out to the large room where the heavy moans and breathless words were coming from, not surprised in the slightest to see Connor’s back as he moved on top of Brooke. 

“JESUS CHRIST, YOU TWO ARE FUCKIN’ LOUD.” Murphy said loudly, turning toward the kitchen. I stifled a laugh and watched as Connor suddenly stopped moving, a smile tugging at the corner’s of my mouth.

“Shut up.” Connor said, turning to look at the both of us. 

“There’s people tryin’ to sleep around here.” I quipped, walking up behind Murphy and moving my hand down his back to give his ass a warm squeeze. 

“Shut the fuck up, it ain’t like yer the quietest. And it ain’t like you two haven’t fucked out in the open, either.” He added, amused annoyance tainting his words. 

“That means I get to see her naked too, right?” Murphy said with a laugh when he stepped over to grab a beer from the refrigerator. I winked at him and punched his shoulder while Connor turned his attention back to Brooke. “What? You’ve seen Connor naked. He’s seen you naked. Feel like I’m gettin’ the shit end ‘a the fuckin’ deal.” He added, leaning in close to kiss my cheek and moving his hand up my spine. 

“Oh, give me a break, Murph.” I said, giving him a playful smirk. 

“Fuck you both, she’s all mine.” Connor said quietly, leaning over Brooke. 

“That ain’t fuckin’ fair.” Murphy teased again as I stepped closer and leaned over the back of the couch to see Brooke naked and blushing. 

“We’ve all seen each other naked at one point or another. Maybe it’s a kind of right of passage.” I teased, giving her a wink and standing back up again just as Connor pulled her up against his body. 

“Get the fuck outta here, will ya?” Connor complained, waving his hand at the both of us to shoo us away. 

“Surprised you even remember how to use that thing.” Murphy laughed, draping his arm around my shoulders. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Connor added before we turned around and walked back to our own room and shut the door. 

Murphy immediately grabbed for his stolen shirt and pulled it off of me before he grabbed hard for my waist and turned me around. His lips found mine in a hard, desperate kiss and the both of us fell back into bed while Murphy pulled off the pair of his boxers I was wearing. His lips broke from mine and he swept me off of my feet before tossing me playfully into bed to watch me almost shudder with anticipation for him. A deep, hard groan came from deep in his belly while he watched me move my hands down my thighs to move my fingers along my aching, wet lips and Murphy could hardly stand it before he shoved his sweatpants down and kicked them off. He was on top of me a split second later and kissed his way along the inside of my thigh, immediately finding my clit with his tongue to tease me senseless. 

“Oh my g-“ I breathed, rolling my hips into his mouth just as he pushed his fingers into my soaking pussy. 

“Shit, Katy, you’re fuckin’ hungry for it tonight, huh?” Murphy mused, licking up every drop of my juices before he picked himself up and moved to loom over me. 

“Mm, I could fuck you every day and I’d still starve for it.” I said smoothly, holding my hands on either side of his waist. 

“Every day, huh?” He joked, bringing one of his hands to hold the back of my knee and slowly pushing every inch of his cock inside my tight, wanting core. 

“You heard me.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” 

“Mmmm, good.” I smiled into his lips as he kissed me. 

Murphy wasted no time as he quickly built up his speed, pumping hard into me as he found his delicious rhythm. His voice was rough and deep in my ear and I could hardly stand it, feeling myself already edging dangerously close to my release with each movement of his hips. I moved one of my hands between us to feel our delicious connection and pressed into my clit, moaning hard into the skin of Murphy’s neck just before he leaned up to look at me. 

“You like the feel ‘a that?” Murphy asked, his voice weak and breathy as he brought his forehead to press gently against mine and slowed himself down. 

“What do you think?” I said smoothly, biting my bottom lip and kissing him just before he pulled my hand away and replaced it with his own. 

“I think you’re the best fucking woman on this planet.” 

“Don’t get all cute with me.” I teased, running my hands up his sides to hold the smooth curves of his neck and spreading my legs even more for him. 

“Can’t do that. I’m always cute.”

“Mm, I know.”

Murphy gave a soft laugh and kissed me hard again, bringing both of his arms to rest on either side of my shoulders and started to pump harder and deeper inside of me. I wrapped my arms around him and my voice escaped from me in breathy, weak moans the faster he started to move, his tip hitting my G-spot and stealing my ability to think. 

“Holy shit, baby-“ I breathed, sweeping my fingers through his hair and kissing his cheek. Murphy’s voice left him in quick, raspy breaths in the same rhythm of his hips as I tightened my walls around him, the muscles of his back growing harder with each deep thrust. 

“Get up.” He said in a near growl, pulling out of me and stepping back to stand at the side of the bed. I leaned up on my elbows to look him up and down, hardly able to stand how beautiful he was to me and wanting nothing but to feel and taste every last inch of him. Murphy bit his bottom lip as I slowly got up and turned around, leaning down on my hands and knees in front of him and watching him reach from my hips. 

“God damn, you’ve got the best ass of ‘em all.” Murphy breathed, stepping closer and pressing his tip to the slick lips of my pussy. 

“You’ve got the best everything, baby.” I returned, hissing softly as he slowly filled ever inch I could give him. “Mm, especially your fucking cock.” 

“I know you fuckin’ like it.” He said in a near growl, moving one of his hands up along my spine. 

“No, baby, I fucking love it.” 

Murphy’s voice left him in a low, gritty moan and he immediately fucked hard behind me, every inch of him stretching my walls around him and throwing my thoughts to the wayside. Heat rushed through my veins and flushed the skin of my chest and up into my cheeks as I took my nipple between my fingers to tease myself and tightened myself around him. 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ-“ He groaned, holding his hands tight to my hips and bucking his hips even faster into mine. 

“Come on, baby…” I begged, looking back at him and biting my lower lip at the sight of a bead of sweat slowly dripping down the side of his face. “God, your’e so hot when you’re all sweaty.” I mused just before he quickly pulled out of me and gave my ass a playful slap. I turned just enough to lay on my hip and looked up at him just as he quickly leaned in and kissed me hard. 

“You ready to fuckin’ ride me?”

“Mm, I’m ready to feel you come inside me.” 

With a low, gentle growl, Murphy swiftly picked himself up and threw himself into bed, laying his head on his pillow and watching me slowly crawl toward him and climb on top of his lap. He took my hands in his and watched as I lowered myself down to tease his cock and leaned back, taking my hand from his to press his tip into my clit. His breath left him in short, quick gasps and I watched writhe beneath me as I moved my clit up and down along the length of him, hardly able to stand it myself as my warm, slick juices dripped from my pussy and coated him. 

“Come on, babe, don’t fuckin’ tease me like this.” Murphy begged, bringing his free hand to hold on my thigh. 

I leaned forward and finally buried him deep inside of me, holding my hands on top of his when he moved them to hold on both of my knees. 

“Oh my go-“ I choked as I bounced myself on his lap. Beads of sweat slowly formed on my forehead as I breathed and whimpered on top of the love of my life, his eyes focused solely on my the faster I moved on top of him and lost myself in the ecstasy of our bodies moving together. Murphy moved his hand smoothly along the skin of my thigh and pressed his thumb into my clit to drive me further into oblivion, waves of goose bumps sweeping over my body as I shuddered and collapsed into him. 

Weak and trembling, I struggled to breathe as I planted soft, wet kissed along Murphy’s jaw and neck, moaning into the feel of him pumping his hips beneath me. His hands were like electricity along my skin and his lips trailed along my shoulder the harder he thrust inside of me, his own voice leaving him in short grunts until neither of us could take it. 

“Holy shit, Katy-“ He moaned, holding his hands on my hips and bringing one of them back to give my ass a hard, delicious slap.

“Come on, baby.” I whimpered, leaning up to look at him and pressing my lips to his. “I wanna feel it.”

“God, you’re so fuckin’ beau- SHIT!” Murphy struggled to say as I used every ounce of strength I had left to tighten myself around him. 

“God, Murph!”

“FUCK!” He cried out, his muscles growing hard and taught beneath me just as he slammed his hips into mine and came hard inside of me. I slowly moved my hands along his skin and combed my fingers through his sweat damp hair as Murphy pressed his lips hard to mine, his kiss delicious and slow while the both of us caught our breath and savored the dwindling waves of our orgasms. 

“I love you, honey.” I said softly, breaking from his kiss and keeping my forehead pressed gently to his before I sat up straight on top of him. 

“Love ‘a my life, babe.” He returned, moving his hands along my thighs. 

I blushed on top of him and Murphy sat up to kiss me again before he swiftly took my weight in his arms to lay be down on my back and pull out of me. 

“You want somethin’ to drink?” He asked as he held himself above me and kissed along my neck. 

“Mm, some water would be nice.” 

“I’ll be right back.” 

Murphy finally pressed his lips to mine before he picked himself and slipped on his sweatpants and left the room. I fell back into our pillows and swept my hair out of my face as I took a slow deep breath and finally sat up. I stretched my arms up and gave in to a long, tire yawn before I looked at the pile of clothes on the floor ahead of me, the barrels of Murphy’s heavy black guns sticking out of his shoulder holsters and pointing toward the ceiling. I crossed my legs and leaned forward to rest my elbow on my knee, the looming worry of the danger in our life all too obvious as I sat there and stared at the tools of Murphy’s job. I swallowed hard at the idea of anything in my life being put in jeopardy and rubbed my hand over my face, wondering what on earth Murphy and I were going to do to keep our child safe as tears started to pool in my eyes.

The sound of Murphy’s footsteps grew closer and he stopped in the doorway to watch me as I wiped at the tears in my eyes, trying and falling to will away the deep pit of unease swirling in my gut.

“I don’t want ya to be scared about us havin’ this baby.” Murphy said softly, leaning against the closed door. I looked up at him and couldn’t control the look of worry painted on my face before he walked up to me slowly, getting down on his knees in front of me and holding his arms around my hips. 

“Murphy, I can’t help it.” I returned, bringing my hand to hold along his cheek and looking down at him. “I love you more than life itself, but… bringing a baby into our life after everything that’s happened… with what’s STILL going on… Scares the shit-“

“Katy, you gotta trust me on this.” Murphy interrupted, pulling me even closer. 

“Honey, I DO trust you. I just don’t trust the people you’re after. Look at what they’ve done already? And now? Now we have so much more to lose.” 

“I won't let anything else happen to you. I fuckin’ promise.”

“But how many times have you promised that before? They always find us-“ Tears poured down my cheeks and I closed my eyes, wishing I could make everything surrounding us disappear. All I wanted was for us to be safe and happy. To live with our family worry free from the shit of the earth that Murphy and Connor dealt with on a daily basis. But part of me knew that as long as Murphy was involved in ridding Boston of it’s criminal underbelly, we would always be targets for violence. There would always be an incredible level of risk no matter what we could do. 

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, his blue eyes bright and glassy with tears. 

“I don’t know, Murphy… I really don’t.” 

“Babe, we can’t dance around this shit. You and me… we gotta be in this thing together.” He said, bringing his hand to hold on my stomach and kissing the back of his palm. 

“I can’t ask you to stop…” I said in hardly more than a whisper, a tear slipping down my cheek. “What you do is important. I know that. And I know that it gives you purpose… But we can’t ignore how dangerous we both know this is… having this baby means we have to make difficult decisions.”

“Connor and I can step back again… we only started gettin’ back in on everything after you got hurt back in November. But I can’t let anyone hurt you again. I really ca-“ Murphy struggled with his words as he choked on a wave of emotion in his throat, dropping his head in my lap and letting go of the tears that he’d tried so hard to control. “And now that we got a baby comin’…”

“Murphy, honey…”

“We gotta stop.” He said, resting his cheek on the top of my thigh while I combed my fingers through his hair. 

“Is that something you’re totally okay with?” I asked after a long pause. “Because I can’t in good conscience let you do that unless it’s what you really want…” 

“Don’t look like we got any better choices.” Murphy said as he looked up at me. 

“If we need to, we can find better choices…”

“None of ‘em would promise I could keep you an’ this perfect little baby safe ‘less we stop…”

Watching him struggle with his guilt weighed heavily on my heart as I looked down at him and cried, wishing there was a better way to promise our family’s safety without tearing him away from his life’s purpose. 

“Baby, how do you think we can make this work?” I asked, scooting closer to the edge of the bed as he straightened up a little bit. “I don’t want you leaving behind what that gives you purpose… but we HAVE to figure out how to handle this and keep those people away from us.”

“Katy, ya just said we’d have to make hard choices… If leavin’ this bullshit means I can keep you and our kid safe, then so be it. I’m gonna do whatever it takes.” 

“I don’t want you to resent me or the baby if-“

“No. I could never resent you for somethin’ I do if it means I get to hold you. If it means I can hold this kid…”

I leaned down to hold my forehead against his and closed my eyes, still unsure about everything he’d said he was willing to sacrifice. I couldn’t shake the relief that at least the option was available, but a part of me still didn’t want to let him leave behind such a large piece of who he was as a man. Because regardless of how dangerous I knew it was, for not only him but for us, I was in constant awe that he and Connor had taken such a monumental responsibility and truly owned it.

“I don’t want ya to be scared about us havin’ this baby.” Murphy repeated, bringing his hand up to hold along the back of my neck. “‘Cause whatever happens, it’s gonna be you ‘an me raisin’ ‘em together. I’m gonna do whatever I gotta do to make sure ‘a that.” 

I wrapped my arms around him as he picked himself up in front of me and pulled me into the warm sheets of our bed to hold me close. The skin of his chest was warm against my back and he wrapped his arm around my waist, lacing his fingers with mine as he kissed behind my ear and down along my shoulder. 

“Katy, I love you…” He said softly in my ear and moved his hand down to hold warmly on my stomach. “‘An I love our baby.”

“We love you, too, honey.” I whispered, turning to kiss him and feeling a flutter in my stomach before the both of us settled into bed and closed our eyes


End file.
